3So I've had the basic plot of a story going around in my head. Now, I'm trying to figure out if I should with this, figuring I have several other story ideas running through my head also. The poem is about Erik and I wanted to put it in since it's would be kind of a theme song to the whole story. (And I know the poem is depressing, but don't worry the whole story wouldn't be-lot's of fluff would be included.) So please read this story and the poem and give me some feedback, do you think i should continue, what can it be improved?
So anyway, this takes place near to the end of the story so you might not get some things, but please just go along!
Tell me if you think i should continue!
Eric's Requiem
As light turns to dark I hear my spirit calling
Speaking of my past with silent words
Calling to the days when I still had mind and body
Even music has abandoned and slowly drifts away
I feel torn and twisted, lost in a world of regret
Darkness was once a friend, now it is destruction
A labyrinth of rose petals sweet and undying
While I once tried to be a phantom, now I really am
My angel has been lost; I am no one without her
The heart I thought was stone has now shattered
I can still see her smile and my mind wanders off to heaven
She treasured the gifts that I gave her
I weep for the voice which inspired my song
The swan that gave the raven a will to live
The end is soon I can see it coming
The light shall overcome my dark
I finally have hope, a hope of forgiveness,
But still, I weep for the voice that is long gone
I shuddered at the sight of the fire shooting out of the Opera House windows in bursts of bright flame. Even Carlotta had not expected. I felt the man tighten his hold on me as we walked away from the once grand entrance into the night. There was the gypsy caravan parked in front of the building and I cried out as I saw the name on the front wagon: MERIKANO. Merikano, hadn't Eric once mentioned that name? Oh god, had Raoul found the same caravan!
The gypsy led me to the one wagon, a rickety old cart with bars around the edge. And inside, standing on dirty hay tied to the wall was the last person I wanted to see chained up. I found the strength to break free of my capturer and flung myself at the bars of the cage.
"Eric!" He looked up at me and his face paled even more than it already was. He did not have his mask anymore, and I felt my chest clench up at the sight of my elegant, distinguished Angel looking so torn and haggard. The man grabbed my arms as another one opened the cage door. I was pushed inside, and for once I didn't resist. I knew it was bad for us both to be imprisoned; I'd be no help to Eric locked up. But still, I wanted to hold him and kiss him after not seeing him for days.
I hugged him as well as I could while he was tied to the bars. He kissed me, though I could see the hesitation in his eyes.
"I swear to you, none of what Raoul said was true," I whispered. He nodded in understanding and I took a moment to look at him. He was still in his Don Juan costume, though it was torn and dirty. Not that much different from my own dress. He had been like this for three whole days? It made my imprisonment with Meg in my dressing room seem like nothing. He signaled for me to turn around and I did. Standing in front of the cart was a richly dressed man.
"The Lover's reunite. How sweet," he said. Eric pulled against the ropes holding him and I tried to take one of his hands, to comfort him. Instead he clenched his fists.
"You dare treat a lady this way?" His voice was powerful and full of hatred. Wonderful. The old Eric was showing. "How dare you lock up this woman like an animal, how dare you inflict her pain!"
"She chose this when she declined the Vicomte's offer. But, my lady you can change your mind anytime. I'm sure the Vicomte will still take…"
"SHE HAS NEVER KNOWN A CAGE." Eric roared. "SHE HAS NEVER KNOWN IMPRISONMENT. YOU FOUL CREATURE, WOULD YOU REALLY CONDEMN HER, MERIKANO?" The gypsy put his hands on the bars and sneered.
"You call me a foul creature? You? You are about as foul as it gets. What spell have you placed upon her, what enchantments do you hold her in? In my opinion she needs more of an insane asylum then a pretty Vicomte's mansion."
"So that's where you are taking us, to Raoul's home?" I whispered.
"Yes, my lady. You should see the estate you are to be mistress of before your wedding. Maybe it will change your mind your mind about the Vicomte."
"My wedding?" I asked in horror.
"So he is going to force her to marry him." said Eric. "And what is to become of me?" Merikano played with the lock.
"Ah, you see that is the part I'm not too happy about. You are the wedding gift. If she says I do and everything goes fine, you are to be set free. If she says no, you die. So as you can see there is nothing in this for me except for the Vicomte's money, and they possible idea of faking your death." He spoke so nonchalantly, like imprisoning people was something he did every day.
"So anyway, I trust you two will have a lot to talk about, and Christine-that is your name isn't it? You should decide how much you really love this monster."
"HE'S NOT A MONSTER." I shouted.
"Has he ever told what he did in Persia?" My face paled, had he even mentioned ever being in Persia?
"No, I see Eric hasn't. So you too will really have a lot to talk about. We should be at the estate by tomorrow night." He left and I turned back to Eric and started pelting him with kisses between words. There was nothing in the world anyone could say that would make me think he was a monster.
"I'm-so-sorry.-you haven't-been-like this-for all three-days?- You have?- Oh Eric!-How could Raoul do this-it's all my fault." I had started to cry and I quickly wiped away my tears; ashamed of them.
"Christine, please don't cry. I've been through worse."
"Ugh! I feel like a spoiled brat. All this time I've been locked up in my dressing room with Meg thinking you hated me. And that's why you weren't coming. And now I find out that you've been locked up in this cage all alone and even still you're comforting me and defending me. Oh Eric, you must hate me so much!" Eric smiled grimly and answered,
"I suppose I should hate you shouldn't I? You are the reason I'm in this mess. You're the reason my home is destroyed and my life's work is probably in ashes. But, then I think of that night, when we sat on the roof of the Opera House and kissed. No one had ever kissed me before. I have never felt any love for anyone before, but now my love for you is overpowering."
I know, i know lot's of fluff and unexplained things. But I shall start writing this, if you push the little review button! Please five me constructive feedback! And tell me if you like the poem!
thanks!