Nicolae examined the ad for the Nargle Detector (for only 5 extra galleons they'd even throw in a genuine photograph of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack!) before deciding that the offer was probably crap. He crinkled the paper and tossed it into the garbage.
Then he sat down at his desk with his back to the window, his fingers steepled beneath his chin. Whenever he sat like this, he liked to imagine himself a Bond villain, calculating his next step on the road to world domination. (Nicolae rarely got to do any calculating. Most of what was going to happen had already been foretold, and it was not easy plotting evil schemes around that.) He liked to imagine that one day the Enemy would burst through the door and he would say, "Ah, come in Mr. Christ. I have been expecting you," and he would press a button and a trap door would open beneath the Enemy's feet and he would plummet to his death. Nicolae had no such trap door, but maybe he should have one installed, just in case.
Or maybe Nicolae wouldn't kill the Enemy right away but capture him and chain him to a table where a giant pendulum would swing back and forth over his head, slowly descending, ready to chop him in half. And then the Enemy would say, "Do you expect me to talk?" and Nicolae would say, "No, Mr. Christ, I expect you to die."
Whenever he told his Master about these ideas, Lucifer told him to stop being an idiot, that the Enemy wasn't going to come bursting in through the office door. He had already outlined in that book of his that he was going to show up at the Valley of Megiddo in exactly seven years, and Nicolae had sure as hell better be ready to meet him there.
"Well, what if he arrives early?" Nicolae had argued.
"He's not going to arrive early," Lucifer had said.
"How do you know?"
"Because he always tells the truth."
"Does that not mean he is telling the truth about winning the battle at Megiddo too?"
Lucifer had told him to stop asking stupid questions or he'd find someone else to rule the world. And Nicolae had wanted more than anything to rule the world, so he'd shut up.
Nicolae blinked. He had been so caught up in his supervillanous plans that he had not noticed the appearance of a man in a black cloak in the middle of the room. Nicolae recognized the man immediately. The intruder was tall and skeletal with a pale white face and a nose that was conspicuously absent. The same face had appeared countless times on the cover of the "Daily Prophet."
Well, there was only one thing to do.
Nicolae steepled his fingers together beneath his chin. "Come in, Mr. Voldemort," he said. "I have been expecting you."
A/N - This chapter was going to be much longer, but I really liked that ending, so I tacked the rest onto Chapter 4. For Slacktivites, I actually wrote this part back before the discussion about Nicolae's intercom remote control (where commenters hypothesized that it was really a remote for a trap door since no one would have a remote for their intercom). I lolled a little bit at that conversation. In fact, in the next chapter I added a scene where Nicolae uses his intercom remote (alas it's just an intercom remote).
Also there will be spaghetti!