Chapter 16: Sarmoti Moves In Part 3
They eventually got the zebra to their home. And his parent's where chatting him up while eating...stuffed mushrooms...and Larry was about to "strike" with his claws out and mock roaring.
"Hey buddy." The zebra said dumbly. "You look tense." He said in a calm voice after
"Yeah." Larry said getting out of his game face. "I got this thing my wife wants me to do." He sat down next to the zebra.
"Well this is just great. How am I supposed to compete with Girls Gone Wild when I got lions serving their prey stuffed mushrooms?" Snack demanded after Larry said he couldn't kill the zebra cause he was "adorable" and "His hooves are magic" after being given a massage of sorts on his back. "Tell ya what, you need a zebra rug, and I gotta get a crazy, Hindu elephant off my ass. You help me, I'll help you."
"You can get an authentic zebra rug?" Kate asked skeptically.
"Yeah I'll jack one from Wayne Newton he's got like seven of 'em." The gopher waved it off as if it where no big deal. "FREAK." He made a face and started to leave. "I'll be back in an hour. But you owe me."
"Problem solved." Harry said eagerly. For once grateful that Larry and Snack where best friends.
"Unless my dad comes home early." Kate reminded the human boy.
"Well let's hope for the best then."
"And my family was constantly migrating so it was tough to make friends." Kevin was saying as he tapped the floor with his hooves. "During recess I got stuck playing with the hippos. And don't get me started on dodgeball. What kind of sick bastard came up with that?"
"We should have killed him." Harry groaned as he rubbed the temples on his head. The zebra was a nut job. Larry groaned in agreement.
"Come on boys, I'll give ya a tour of my new place." Sarmoti's voice came from the
"Booyah!" The voices of the Snout Brothers came along with the old lion's.
"Here he comes." Kate whispered quietly as she hurried back to the couch with Larry who wrapped an foreleg around her shoulder. "Just lie still." She hissed to Kevin who acted like he was a zebra. rug.
"Eugh, cat hair." Kevin said in a disgusted tone as Sarmoti opened the door.
"Hey dad." Kate greeted her father casually as Harry sat a few feet away from the couple reading a Criminal Minds novel.
"Hey Pumpkin." Sarmoti replied. "You know the Snout Brothers." He pointed to the mostly twins except for their fur colored boars with huge tusks. "We had a few beers after the game."
"How many beers did you have?" The older twin asked.
"Seventeen beers." The younger said proudly.
"Eighteen beers. Gay." The older twin declared. He jumped on the younger's back as he started doing push ups fast.
"Dad, its getting late and-"
"Sweetheart, not so much with the talking?" Sarmoti suggested as he moved over to Kevin.
Harry glared lightly at the old lion's back from the top of his book.
"You wanted to see him boys, well here he is. My trophy kill." He motioned down to Kevin who layed his ears back while Sarmoti wasn't looking.
"Awesome!" The brothers replied before the younger reached up and the older started punching his stomach. Though he didn't harm him in anyway. Because they abuse steroids.
"Did you miss me Brown Eyes?" Sarmoti asked as pet Kevin's back and his back right leg started moving up and down in happiness.
"Sarmoti!" Larry interrupted to distract him. Sarmoti looked over at Larry with a glare. "I love you." He said off handedly. The old lion looked at him weirdly and
"Hey, wait a second, this thing is dusty." The elderly lion said. "Boys, my cane." The older handed Sarmoti his cane and he smacked it against Kevin's back and Kevin shouted in pain.
Harry kicked the table with his bare foot and cried out in pain to cover for Kevin. "Hehe, sorry, kicked the table accidentally." He smiled sheepishly.
Sarmoti looked at the human strangely too. Then hit Kevin again and again he cried out in pain.
"OW!" Harry shouted again. The table moved visibly. "Hehe, stupid table." He chuckled quietly.
Giving the kid another look, Sarmoti stretched. "Well, its getting late, I'm gonna hit the sack."
"All right Sarmoti good game!" The older brother said.
"Yeah, good game!" The younger agreed.
"Oh that reminds me." The old lion said. "I gotta put my winnings in my poker winnings in my lucky safe. A place no one will ever look." He pulled Kevin's hind quarters up by the tail. "Fire in the hole." He aimed the bag of money.
"Okay, bank's closed." Kevin shot at Sarmoti as he got up.
"What the hell's going on here?" Sarmoti demanded to Larry who looked guilty.
"Mom?" Hunter said as came in rubbing his eyes sleepily. Then he saw Kevin where the rug used to be. He gasped. "ZOMBIE ZEBRA!" He shouted. "He will judge us for our sins! We're all unclean!" He ran for his life and ended up like Harry did that night with his cone attached to the wall.
Larry sat back with a groan as Kevin started to leave. Then Sierra came in. "What's this zebra head doing in the trash?" She asked as she brought up the zebra rug's head.
Everyone did their share of screaming. And Harry, Kevin, Sarmoti, Kate and Larry ended up under the couch as it turned over. With Harry groaning in pain next to Sarmoti as Kevin had kicked him in the head accidentally.
Kevin perked up. "Your gonna laugh, but I think the money ended up there anyway."
"Dad, this is hard to explain."
"Save it Kate. I know Larry ruined the rug. The kid probably helped too. Larry's always resented me and my smoldering virility. Which women find rugged yet sensitive. But not in a fruity way." He added. "And the kid's probably still mad that I tore through his Grisham novel last week by accident."
"No dad, it wasn't Larry, or Harry, it was me."
"Look dad, I love you so much...but since you moved in, I've been wanting to strangle you."
"Is it the hairballs?" Sarmoti asked.
"Its not the hairballs." Kate answered.
"Cause I can hurl them up outside.'
"Forget the hairballs." Kate said. "Its...nap time. Its the loud rat pack music, its butting in with the kids. Dad I wanna be a good daughter I do. But your driving me crazy!"
Behind Kate, the older Snout brother was on the younger's back on their nightly run. "Pump it, pump it, pump it." He kept saying as he ran past the lioness down the block.
Sarmoti merely smiled. and laughed heartily.
"What's so funny?" Kate asked.
"Your just like your mother." Sarmoti smiled fondly at the memory. "The sweetest woman in the world but when she got mad, watch out!"
"I don't even remember." Kate said sadly.
"Oh yeah, one time I told her she wasn't dusting right. I had to pee through a garden hose for a month. She knew when to put me in my place Kate" The elderly lion said calmly. "I loved that about her."
"So we're okay?
"Unless your giving out "happy endings" get outta my way." Sarmoti pushed Larry aside as he went back inside.
Harry dove behind the bench Kate and Sarmoti where on as Sigfried and Roy came up to the house. "Hello kitties." Roy said. "We just dropped by to check out ze new living arrangements. Is ze old man busting your stones?" Roy asked. "Huh?" He elbowed Sarmoti's cheek in jest.
"Remember zis kitties. Dad is in your house now, and he must play by your rules." Sigfried told the two lions while Harry daren't move behind the bench.
"And rule number one is Party, Hardy." Roy said eagerly. "Yah!"
"Roy, enough talking." Sigfried said. "I vant to shake it like a Polaroid picture." Sigfried said as the blonde german man pressed play on a boom box on his shoulder and music started playing music.
"Look out Sarmoti, you beautiful aging beast!" Roy called in the house. "Crazy Youth is in the house! Come on!" He said before putting on a fedora. The two germans danced into the house and Harry felt it safe to pop his head up as the two started "Partying" Shaking his head as Kate and Larry looked at each other oddly.
End of Sarmoti Moves In
To Be Continued...
Review Review Review!
Dean the Cuddly Fox.