I know, I know; I basically abandoned this story for a while, but it is back and on full swing now. February is the busiest month of the year for me, so I really didn't have a chance to write, but here is the next chapter of this story. I am sorry for not updating in like forever; I know how much I hate when writers just abandon stories without finishing them, and even though this story is nowhere near being complete, I still am upset that I didn't update in so long. Without further ado, here's the next chapter. :)
Three weeks later
I smile as I walk into my office today. I don't know why, I just do; maybe because I'm happy. When was the last time I was actually happy? A long time ago, for sure.
These past three weeks have been good to me. I had adjusted to living in my loft and living alone. I hadn't really spoken to Quinn since that day that she told me that she knew what happened between us; I was still in charge of treating her broken ribs, so I saw her every now and then, but I never said anything other than what I should say. Quinn didn't seem to mind, and that bothered me at first, but I later realized that it didn't matter anymore, things weren't going to change. I had lost hope.
She was holding her stomach the last time I saw her, absentmindedly as I wrote down her condition on my clipboard but nevertheless, it did put a lump in my throat, but like every other emotion, I dusted that one under the rug. What did confuse me was that she still didn't seem to have her memory back; if she did, she wouldn't be acting so cold towards me…well, I don't think she would.
It had been three weeks; she was supposed to have her memory back. I was slightly skeptical, I had made sure that I checked her MRIs and brain trauma reports, but found nothing wrong. Actually nothing was changing; at first I was dead set in finding out what the hell was going on, but as time went one, like everything else, I let it go. There had to be a time when you let go; when you moved on, and it was about time I had. Quinn certainly had.
I smile as I feel my phone buzz in my pocket; I already know who it is. It was a text from Ashley. I sit down in my chair and read it, a smile still on my face. After that one drunken night, we both admitted that we shouldn't have done what we did and, I don't really know how it happened, but we became really good friends. Odd, I know; but turns out Ashley's really easy to talk to, she's great, really. I like being around her, she always has this happy personality to her and that is really what I needed then; and what I need now. We became best friends faster than I expected; I just always found myself around her, and when I wasn't, I wanted to be. She didn't know about Quinn yet, I know I should tell her by now, but I just felt…I don't know…embarrassed? Scared of her reaction? Probably. I was going to tell her sometime…I just didn't know when yet.
It wasn't until two nights ago that I finally made a move. We were at my loft, watching a movie when I asked her if she wanted to go out with me Friday night. I had been meaning to ask her for a long time; but I just didn't have the guts to do it. At first our relationship started out totally platonic, but as time went on, I found myself noticing little things that I didn't notice before. Like the way she would lean her head against my arm when we were watching a movie, or the way she played with her hair when she was nervous, or even the way she would smile at me whenever she saw me. I was mesmerized by it all, every time she touched me, I felt sparks going down my spine. It sounds gay, I know. But after a week of just not doing anything about my obvious feelings, I knew it was time I took initiative. Part of the reason that I didn't do anything about it at first was because it didn't feel right moving on from Quinn so fast. It made me question my love for her; don't get me wrong, I love Quinn, but I can't keep pining over her, I think that's why I finally made a move, because I needed to move on.
It happened on Wednesday, it was her turn to pick the movie, since I made her watch Avatar, for the first time I might add, last time. We were watching some cheesy, romantic comedy that I was completely tuning out on. I was just watching Ashley, who was watching the movie intently; and then out of nowhere I just asked her, I wasn't scared or nervous or anything, I was confident. When I asked her she just looked at me for a while before a small smile crept on her face and she nodded. "Yes," she had said. Things were working out well for once.
Well today was Friday. 'I can't wait for our date tonight. x' Was what the text said; I quickly replied a 'me too' before Sally knocked on the door and entered. I look up from my phone and smile at her; I was doing a lot of smiling at people lately.
"Morning sir," Sally says walking, the always present clipboard in her hands.
"Good morning," I reply, "what's the agenda for today?" Sally was not only my nurse, but she also played the role of a personal assistant.
"First, you have to diagnose Quinn Fabray sir," Sally says reading off the clipboard, "Dr. Michaels has said that she could be released from the hospital, but you need to make sure her ribs are healed before she can leave."
"They seemed fairly well last time," I say sipping my coffee, taking the x-ray copy that Sally hands me, and studying it.
"You're going to have to do one more x-ray to make sure they're fully healed," Sally says leaving the clipboard on my desk, I nod and she walks out, as I study the previous x-ray. I stand up and walk towards the neurological department and into room 387. I enter without knocking and am presented with a sight that I didn't expect to see.
There is Quinn sitting up in the bed, and beside her is none other than Braden Michaels, saying something that is making Quinn burst into a fit of giggles. They're both smiling, holding hands, all gooey-eyed towards each other; it all makes me sick. They both look up on my intrusion and Braden glares at me, while Quinn looks down, cheeks red.
"Oh, I…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt…" damn this is awkward. What the hell is Braden Michaels doing here? And why the hell do he and Quinn seem so…close.
"No, its fine," Quinn says looking up at me for a moment before looking away again.
"I just need to get the x-rays of your ribs to make sure their fully healed before you're allowed to be released," I say to Quinn, completely ignoring Braden's presence.
Quinn nods and looks up at Braden who is still glaring at me. I look at him too and then he looks down at Quinn and kisses her hand, "I'll be back in a few minutes," he says before smiling at her, and kissing her forehead. I just watch them; Quinn gives a small smile and Braden walks over to the door, which I'm standing by. He smirks at my confused expression before walking out the door and closing it.
I watch him leave and look over at Quinn. When the hell did this happen? Quinn's looking down at her hands like they're the most interesting pair of hands in the world.
A million thoughts are going through my head. Is that why she hasn't acted any differently? She might already have her memory back, but she doesn't care because she's into Braden now? That dick? When? How? Why?
I shake my head inadvertently, and walk towards Quinn. It was not my place anymore to worry about stuff like that; I had a date with a girl that I really liked tonight, I wasn't going to let old feelings ruin that. Quinn looks up as I walk towards her; she's probably expecting me to say something to her about Braden, but I'm not going to. I'm not even going to think about saying anything about that. We both need to forget about this, it was in the past and the last time we tried to rekindle past loves, we only ended up getting hurt.
"So, Quinn, I'm just going to ask you to walk with me to the x-ray room so we can get in your x-rays," I say basically looking down at my clipboard the whole time, even though there was nothing on there.
"Okay," Quinn says standing up gingerly. She was in her sky-blue hospital gown, with her hair pinned back in a low pony tail.
"You okay?" I ask as he cautiously takes a few steps towards the door. She hadn't walked since the accident; I can only imagine what's going through her head right now.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Quinn says holding onto the railing on the bed to steady herself.
"If you need I can go get a wheelchair; you don't need to walk," I suggest, but Quinn just shakes her like the head.
"No, it's alright," she says looking down, "I should be able to walk on my own by now, it's not like the accident affected my legs or anything."
"Quinn you're pregnant, you shouldn't be walking if you don't feel like you can. You can fall and seriously hurt yourself and your baby," I say before realizing what I was saying. Quinn looks at me and I immediately know what she was thinking about. I had said "your baby," it was 'our baby.' Talking about her being pregnant and showing concern about her and the baby was not the ideal way of moving on and not showing any emotion.
We don't say anything for a while. What the hell are we doing? We're grown adults, not teenagers. It shouldn't be this awkward and weird talking about this. I mean what were we going to do when the baby came into this world? There was so much that we need to talk about, but right now was just not the time.
"So…do you want me to get that wheelchair?" I finally ask.
Quinn doesn't look up but she nods, "I think it would be best."
I make her sit down on the bed before going to get a wheelchair for her; I find her in the same position as I left her when I come back. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, fingers interlaced on her lap, head down looking down at the floor. If I could only know what she was thinking about right now.
"Ready?" I ask rolling the wheelchair over to her. Quinn stands up and nods. I have her sit on the chair and I wheel her over to the x-ray room. We don't say anything on our way; I want to say something, anything, but I just don't know what to say.
Once we're in the x-ray room, I help Quinn up and have her sit on the x-ray table; from the outside, most people will just see a doctor and his patient, but that fact that we were both avoiding each others eyes and trying to keep our faces free of all emotion, showed something else. Something more…or less.
"So, have you been feeling any chest pain lately?" I ask as I set up the x-ray for Quinn, who was lying down on the table.
Quinn shakes her head, "not of late, there's the occasional hitch here and there but nothing more," Quinn says looking at the ceiling, "it might be those new pain killers."
I don't stop what I'm doing, but ask her what she means for the pure sake of not having to endure the silence, "new painkillers?" I ask and Quinn nods.
"Well, not really new, Bra- Dr. Michaels gave them to me about three weeks ago," Quinn says. Dr. Michaels, ofcourse.
"If they seem to be helping than maybe you should ask him for them in pills once you're released," I suggest looking over at Quinn, she just nods and doesn't change the direction of her eyes, for fear that they might meet mine. I'm getting tired of this…this awkwardness; why does she have to make it like this. It's just irritating, having to always be awkward around her, having to endure the silence and the tension. It's getting really annoying.
Sighing, I walk over to the table in which Quinn is lying on. "Quinn look at me," I say, or rather demand, my tone is stern and final.
She winces at my tone, and reluctantly looks at me, meeting my eyes for the first time since I walked in on her and Braden. "Yes?" she asks trying not to look away.
I sigh again and grab a chair before sitting down in it, beside the table. "Listen Quinn, it doesn't have to be like this," I say as she slowly sits up, biting her lip and turning away from me.
"Can we please not talk about this here?" she pleads, clearly uncomfortable.
"No, we need to talk about this Quinn, we need to figure things out," I say crossing my arms, not falling for her tricks, "you need to look at me, it doesn't have to be this awkward. We're not teenagers anymore; we don't have to act like this. We can still be friends, if you want to…or not, but it doesn't have to be like this."
"You said that I would understand once I remembered everything," Quinn said offhandedly, looking at me.
"Yes?" I say confusedly.
"I still don't remember," her voice comes out small, almost in a whisper, "everything's just as cloudy as before."
I really don't know what to say to that. How is this possible? It's been three weeks! Her recovery time was supposed to be about 1 to 2 weeks. "You'll remember," I say, I don't know who I'm talking to, myself or to her.
"What if I don't?" Quinn asks and for the first time I see emotion showing in her face, and in her voice. She's scared.
"Then you don't," I say; I want to tell her that she's being crazy because she will remember, but I'm not so sure myself. "You'll have new memories Quinn, it's not like you forgot everything."
"But I don't remember how our baby was conceived," she says, not holding anything back. I gulp; maybe it was just better leaving things awkward.
"I'm sure that won't matter," I say and Quinn looks offended when I do.
"You mean you don't want me to remember what we had, as you say it?" she asks furrowing her eyebrows at me in confusion and anger.
"Would all of that really matter?" I ask, I don't think it would. Not after what I walked into a few minutes ago.
"Of course it would matter!" Quinn says furious now, "it would affect the way I look at the father of my child!"
"Really?" I say challengingly, "after what I saw with you and 'Dr. Michaels,' I wouldn't think it would." I know it's low, and that I really shouldn't be using that since I had already slept with another girl, but I can't help it.
"That's none of your business," Quinn says stubbornly and I hold back a mocking laugh.
"Of course it isn't," I say chuckling humorlessly as Quinn narrows her eyes at me. "I'm not asking you to love me, or anything, I'm just asking you to be a little civil because in about 6 months we'll have to be at least friendly with one another," I gesture to her stomach.
Quinn doesn't say anything to that, so I just stand up and walk over to the x-ray machine and finish setting it up. When I'm done, Quinn is back lying down. I take the needed x-rays and wheel Quinn back to her room. We don't speak again, until she's sitting on her bed back in her room, and I'm about to leave.
"I'll get word back to you, on the results," I say finally before exiting the room.
Turns out Quinn's ribs were perfectly healed and she could be released. I didn't go to see her off; I knew Braden would make sure she went out nicely. I went home earlier than usual that day; most of the day I had totally forgotten about my date with Ashley, but you can't not remember things forever. Thankfully I wasn't running late or anything so I could go home, take a shower, and take my time getting dressed and making sure that I look presentable for tonight.
I will admit, the morning was not pleasant; but nevertheless, I wasn't going to let the past dictate the future. Fixing my collar, I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath; I wanted to look good for tonight. I asses myself in the mirror; not bad, if I do say so myself. I smile at my reflection and grab my car keys, making sure I have my wallet, I walk out the door. Here goes nothing…
I get to the restaurant first; I'm early actually, but that just gives me more time to prepare myself. We had planned to meet at Spago, which was one of our favorite restaurants, at 7 and at 7 o'clock sharp, came in Ashley Carter.
I was already sitting at our table, going through my phone when I felt someone standing beside the table. "This seat taken?" Ashley asks with a smile. I quickly look up and once again am mesmerized by her beauty. She's wearing a soft pink strapless dress; her long hair was coating her bare shoulders in soft curls; she looked perfect.
I quickly stand up and shake my head, "only for you," I say answering her previous question, before pulling out her chair for her. Ashley smiles at me and takes the seat; I go over and sit across from her.
"You look beautiful," I tell her, and Ashley smiles.
"Thank you," she says, "you look good too."
I smile, all that time getting ready paid off, "thanks." The waiter comes and gives us our menus and after not at all a long time, since we both know this restaurant so well, we finish ordering and are waiting for the waiter to come back with our food.
"So, how was work?" Ashley asks taking a drink from her water.
I recall what happened with Quinn that morning and look at Ashley; I really need to tell her, but should I do it now? I don't want to ruin our date; but I don't want to keep it from her any longer than I need to. Sighing, I reach across the table and take her hand.
"I need to tell you something Ashley," I say looking into her deep brown eyes. Ashley nods at me to go on and I take a deep breathe before telling her my fate, "I'm about to become a father."
The silence in unbearable; its not even silence, there are other people laughing, talking, moving in the restaurant, but the silence is between us. Ashley just looks at me for a while, before pulling her hand back and looking away.
"And you just chose to tell me this, now?" she asks, "three weeks later?"
"I'm sorry," I say honestly, "I just didn't want to unload on you or anything, but now I just think you have the right to know." I wouldn't blame her if she ran out of here.
"Are you married?" she asks offhandedly.
"What? No. Ofcourse not," I say, taken aback by her question.
"Maybe you should explain this to me Sam," she says crossing her arms and waiting for me to talk.
I sigh, "her name is Quinn, and she's about 3 months along," I start, I'm not going to go into cruciating detail about what happened, I don't need to, "we were never really together, it just happened one day and we're not really friends now, let alone anything else. She's found someone else, and," I look Ashley in the eyes, "I'd like to think that I have too."
Ashley doesn't say anything for a while. "I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to do this anymore," I say.
Being back home was great. Home sweet home; there was nothing like it. I'm sitting down in a chair on my balcony, watching the city go by with their way. It's about 7:30 right now, and nightfall is just about here. It's really nice out today, there's a warm breeze and it's not that hot out.
It was weird at first to be back here, but I'm bound to get used to it. It's different from the way I remember it; the couch and the TV are in the opposite sides than I remember it, and the sheets on my bed are foreign. Everything is different, and that doesn't feel so great.
Santana and Brittany said that they could stay with me if I wanted, so did Braden, but I told them it was fine. I just needed to be on my own for a while. Santana and Brittany were hesitant, but they did eventually leave. Braden left with telling me that if I needed anything at all, I should call him, and he told me to make sure I took those pills he gave me for my chest pain.
Looking back, I realized that I didn't even know how Braden and I got to where we are now. I don't really know if we're dating or not. We had just gotten really…close over the past three weeks. It started off slow, we were just eating lunch together and stuff, and then just like that one day we became more. I know, not a really good explanation, but I can't even really explain it to myself. Sometimes I feel like I just need someone new, you know; someone to move on from all this craziness.
I liked having Braden's company; he's a really nice guy once you get to know him. I can't help but smile around him, he makes me happy and that's really all I can ask for at this point. The possibility of anything more is out of the picture right now. I'm pregnant with another man's baby; who would want to deal with that.
That, said another man didn't seem to want any part of my anymore, so that takes him out of the picture too. He didn't even seem to care whether or not I remembered what happened between us, he didn't even want to try to make me remember or anything. Maybe he's found someone else, he's seemed happier than usual for the past few days. Well, good for him. I'm happy for him. I am, he deserves to be happy. I don't care if he's with someone else…
Who am I kidding, of course I do.
I had been pretty hard on him when I told him what Santana and Brittany told me, I knew that. But looking back, I had forgiven him for what he had or hadn't done as soon as he walked out the door that day. I wasn't going to hold this against Sam, he was a good guy, and I believe that. Yes, I still loved him, maybe in spite of everything, or maybe because of everything.
I walk into my bedroom; it's neat and organized just like most of the apartment. I go over and sit on my bed, putting a hand on my slightly bloated stomach. In about six months, my stomach would go back to flat and hopefully, I'd be holding a happy, healthy baby. Sam had said that we needed to talk about what we were going to do after the baby arrived.
I have no doubt in my mind that he wanted to be part of the baby's life. I wanted him to be part of the baby's life; but how would everyone else fit into this. How would Braden fit into this? Truth is I didn't know…
Maybe it would be best if I stayed single; I didn't want to burden anyone else with what I have, and honestly I didn't anyone else to burden me. I didn't want to have to deal with the drama that comes from a relationship; and I knew there was going to be drama for sure if I decided to pursue my…whatever it was that Braden and I had. Things were still in the early stages, but I know that if I ever wanted to stay drama and emotional turmoil free, I needed to stop things before they got too far.
"So she was your first love?" Ashley asks, as we walked further into the park.
"Yeah," I say, squeezing her hand tighter in mine, "my first everything, really."
Ashley nods, understanding and looks on down the walkway. I look over at her; I still can't believe she didn't get out as soon as she could. She just told me that she wanted to know more about what had happened, and soon I found myself completely opening up to her; telling her everything. Then, we found ourselves walking into an empty park that I had never seen before.
"And your ex-wife Mallory, are you still in contact with her?" Ashley asks catching me staring at her; she gives a small smile that I return.
"No," I say looking forward, "we don't really talk anymore."
"And Quinn, do you still love her?" Ashley asks after awhile, looking forward.
I look over at her, she's biting her lip and looking on; I really don't know what I should stay. Yes, I still love Quinn; I don't think I'll ever stop loving her. Heck, there is no way that I'll be able to stop being in love with her for a while.
"No," I say squeezing Ashley's hand, that I was holding and turning her face to look at me. She looks at me with those soft pretty eyes, "I wouldn't be doing this if I still did." Another lie, but I didn't really care anymore. I lean forward and kiss Ashley; it just seemed like the right thing to do, I wanted to do it and I did it.
I turned my body and held her there by the back of her head, and put another arm around her waist; Ashley didn't do anything at first, but soon enough she snaked her hand up to hold me by the neck, and kissed me back.
After many moments of me getting lost in the feeling of her soft, sensual lips, we pulled away.
"I've wanted to do that for a while now," I say, not trying to be cheesy or anything, but that was just the first thing that came to my mind after we broke apart.
Ashley smiles and pulls my face back to hers again, we both smile against each other lips as we deepen the kiss.
Yeah, this date was going pretty well if you ask me…
The next morning, I wake up around 9, feeling odd not to be in a hospital room, but nevertheless, I get up and make breakfast; if you count half-burnt pancakes with bitter maple syrup, making breakfast. As soon as I finished eating, I hear a knocking at the door.
Finishing washing my plate, I wipe my hands on a towel before answering the door to find a smiling Braden Michaels waiting on the other side.
"I hope I didn't wake you up or anything," Braden says smiling at me. I gulp; I had thought about what I was going to last night; but never did I expect that I would have to carry out my decision as soon as now.
"Uh, no you didn't wake me," I say forcing a smile onto my face. I really did liked Braden, he was the first decent guy that I had been with in a long time… well, first decent guy that I remembered; ending whatever was going on wasn't going to be easy, "would you like to come in?"
Braden smiles and I immediately know that he's getting the wrong idea. He nods and I open the door further and step aside, letting him in. This is the second time he's been in my home; the first was when he came with me, Santana and Brittany yesterday. He walks past the foyer, into the living room. I follow him and sigh; this wasn't going to fun.
I mention for him to sit down and he does; I sit beside him on the couch, and look at him.
"Quinn? Is everything okay?" he asks with concern, "have you been taking those painkillers I gave you?"
I look at him questioningly, "yes," where did that come from? "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason," Braden says quickly, "something's bothering you. Tell me."
I sigh for what seems like the 5th time since he came here. "Braden, I can't do this anymore," I say looking down at my hands, not wanting to look at him. I never had to do this before; never had to break up with someone at no fault of their own.
He doesn't say anything for a while; and I can't take the silence anymore. I look up at him; he's looking forward, not looking at me.
"Please say something," I plead, I don't want this to be harder than it needs to be.
"What do you want me to say?" Braden says finally looking at me.
"I don't know," I say quietly, looking down again.
"Why, Quinn?" he asks, looking at me.
"I'm having another man's baby Braden," I say sharper than I meant to, "we can't be together with this hanging over our heads."
"And why is that?" Braden counters, "I don't know about you, but I really like you Quinn. I know that Sam hurt you, but I'm not like that. Just give me a shot."
I should've expected this; but I just didn't know what I should say. "Braden this isn't about Sam, or anyone else, I just don't feel right being with someone else while I am the way I am," I say, trying to make him understand, which is hard because I don't even understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. I just have this feeling…
"Quinn, please just give me a chance," he sits up and takes my hands, "please let me change your mind. Take as long as you need but don't deny your heart."
I had nothing to say to that. Was he right? Was I denying my heart? I honestly didn't know what I was doing right now. I had no idea what was right and what was wrong anymore. I felt like laughing and crying at the same time; what the hell was going on with me? How did I get to where I am right now? At this moment I really couldn't figure anything out. I needed answers and I knew just who could give them to me.
I groan, as the annoying doorbell wakes me up. Ashley giggles and slowly sits up. I groan again and throw my arm around her waist, pulling her back down on the bed.
"Sam! Someone's at the door," Ashley says in my ear laughing.
"It's probably just some kid trying to sell something, or some church group thing," I say sleepily, still not opening my eyes, "who would be up this early."
"Sam, it's almost 10:30," Ashley says, a smile in her voice.
I moan; and finally sit up, and rub my eyes with my hands. "Fine, I'll go shoo whoever it is away, because obviously you're too sleepy to do so," I say playfully to Ashley.
Ashley laughs, "That I am," she says getting on her knees and coming over to kiss me, pulling at my bottom lip and before I can take it any further, she pulls away; the person kept ringing the bell. "Looks like whoever it is, is getting impatient, better go!" she pushes me off the bed and I groan again.
"You tease," I say pulling on my boxers and my jeans from yesterday, not bothering with fixing my hair or putting on a shirt. I walk out the door and head down the stairs and answer the door without bothering to see who it was.
When I see Quinn Fabray standing at my doorstep; I am shocked to say the least. Quinn gives a small smile when she sees me and then her eyes go down my half-naked form. I immediately feel my cheeks and chest reddening.
"Uh…hi," I say really wishing that I had just spent that extra two seconds to put on a shirt; oh, well, it's nothing she hasn't seen before.
"Hi," Quinn says, looking slightly uncomfortable to be here with me in my half-naked state, "can I come in?"
I run a hand through my sex hair; this was not good, not good at all. "Uh…I don't think that's such a good idea," I say as nicely as I could; it's not that I didn't want to see her; I just had a woman in my bed at this particular time.
Quinn looks at me questioningly but before she could ask why, I hear a voice call me from the stairs "Sam? Who is it?" Ashley asks coming to stand beside me; she and Quinn could come face to face with one another. Well, wasn't this awkward; I look at Ashley who just has the white bed sheet wrapped around her naked body. I want to hit my head against a brick; this was not going to end well.
I realize that both girls are looking at me, waiting for a proper introduction maybe. Ashley looks genuinely curious, and Quinn just looks…betrayed. Not that she has any right to feel or look that way. Wasn't she the one all gooey-eyes towards Michaels now?
"Uh…well, Ashley, this, this is Quinn," I tell Ashley, whose eyes get wide with realization, "and Quinn, this is, uh, my…this is Ashley."
Quinn puts an obviously forced smile on her face and looks at Ashley, Ashley doesn't smile, she just looks uncomfortable being here.
"Uh…I'll just leave you two alone, um…"Ashley looks at me and descends further into the house and upstairs.
I sigh and step outside the threshold, and close the door behind me; the cool morning air hits my torso, making me shiver slightly. I knew that I had a ton of explaining to do. "Listen Quinn…" I start but Quinn just shakes her head.
"I shouldn't have come here," she says, I don't know if she's even talking to me. She's looking down, the emotion is clear on her face; but what emotion it is, is hard to read.
"No, Quinn," I say, even though I don't have much support to back up my claim, "I just wasn't expecting anyone, but your welcome to come anytime you want." Well, didn't that just sound like a totally dick move. Oh yeah, you're welcome anytime you want even though it'll be super awkward since my girlfriend and I are almost naked and not at all apt to have visitors.
Quinn reluctantly nodded, even though I knew she didn't believe a word that I said. "I guess, I'll be leaving now," Quinn says looking up and giving a smile that was almost as forced as the one she game Ashley.
"What- no, Quinn," I grab her wrist as she walks away, "you must've come here for something, you can still tell me, its okay." She looks at me like I'm crazy. Obviously it wasn't okay… I don't blame her for not wanting to be here right now, I mean, I wanted to kill Michaels when I saw how close they had gotten.
"Obviously not, since you have someone waiting for you back in there," Quinn says sharply, gesturing towards the loft.
I'm taken aback by her comment; but my surprise soon mixes with anger, "oh, come on Quinn, don't give me that bull," I say crossing my arms across my chest, "if you can move on, then why can't I?"
"By move on, do you mean sleep with someone else the day after you see me talking with another man?" Quinn questions back, just as angry. I had actually first slept with Ashley three weeks earlier than her suspected time, but I wasn't going to tell her that.
"You didn't even wait for me to move on Quinn, you just went after Braden fucking Michaels as soon as you found out that our relationship hadn't been all rainbows and butterflies," I snap and Quinn's eyes are flashing with anger.
"I didn't sleep with him you jerk!" she says shoving me back so that I hit the door. I am so glad that my nearest person lives a while away, and that I have sound proof walls, because we were basically shouting at each other as the ocean waves were crashing in the back ground.
"It wouldn't have taken long," I say and Quinn gives me a look, and if looks could kill, I would've been already in my grave right now.
"Yes, I would have! As soon as I got home, I decided to break things off with him because I wanted to make this," she jesters the space between us, "whatever it is we had, work. But apparently all of those words you said about loving me were just words, because it didn't take you long at all to forget about me." Quinn has tears in her eyes, by this point.
"Didn't take long?" I ask furious right now, "I saw you Quinn, and I knew there was no way that things would be the same between us; I knew it was over, you told me it was! Forget you huh? You are in every thought that I have! You didn't seem to care about my feelings three weeks ago when you were telling me to leave you alone."
"I didn't mean that," Quinn says quietly, looking down.
"Oh, that's rich Quinn," I say laughing humorlessly, "you made it pretty clear that you wanted nothing to do with me with those cold looks and stares you would give me whenever I came to check on you."
"So, just because I gave you a few cold stares, you go off having sex with the first woman you see?" she asks, full on crying now. Yep, she basically said what I had done right there, but I wasn't going to let her win this one so easily; although her tears made me feel a sting in my heart.
"I couldn't pine over you forever Quinn," I say calmly.
"Do you want any part of this baby's life?" Quinn asks quietly, tears streaming down her face.
I fell like she just slapped me in the face, "ofcourse I do," I say, wanting, despite of how we had just gone at each other, to go and comfort her.
"I would've thought you wouldn't want something like this burdening you now that you've clearly moved on," Quinn says leaning against the back wall, "I would've though you wouldn't want it anymore since you clearly don't love me anymore."
Did she honestly think that it was that easy to stop loving her? "How do you I don't love you?" I say quietly, inadvertently walking closer to her.
"The girl that showed up with a sheet wrapped around her, proved that Sam," Quinn says crossing her arms across her chest.
"I needed someone to help me stop loving you Quinn," I say crossing my arms too; "I couldn't do it alone." I step closer to her, "even then it would take me years to forget you. I never stopped loving you after high school until I got married 6 years later."
Quinn didn't say anything; we just continued to stare at each other for a while before she finally sighed. "I never stopped loving you either," she finally says, looking down, "even before everything happened between us; I can still remember loving you."
Oh, how badly I want to reach out and take her in my arms, but I stood frozen in my spot. "Quinn…I don't know what to say."
"Neither do I," she whispers, loud enough so that I can hear.
"You don't need to break things off with Braden you know," I sigh. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I know the reason she broke things off with him was because she felt guilty, because she thought that she owed it to me to try things with me; and as much I want to, I can't let her do this. She doesn't owe me anything; what we had is gone, and if she doesn't get her memory back, I don't think we'll ever get it back. She deserves to be happy; and if she's happy, so am I, even if she's with Michaels. He'll make her happy, a lot more that I can. We can only end in heartbreak; I don't want her to go through that again. Yeah, I know, I'm so noble.
Quinn looks at me questioningly, "what do you mean?"
"You don't owe me anything Quinn; it's okay to move on, it's okay to be happy with someone else."
"But what are we going to do about the baby?" Quinn asks, putting a hand on her stomach.
I reluctantly put a hand over hers, on her stomach, "we'll make it work; things can rapidly change in the next 6 months, but whatever it is Quinn, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you and the baby."
Quinn nods, "thank you," she says quietly.
I give a small, sad smile; it really felt like it was ending now. There was a tiny spark in my heart before that I thought that Quinn and I might end up together; but right now it felt like that spark was being stomped on. Maybe this was for the best; for both of us…maybe we just weren't meant to be.
"I probably should go now," Quinn says, I really don't want her to go, but maybe she needed to.
"You don't have to," I say a little too quickly, although I'm not afraid of her reaction of what she'll think; we're past that now. "You could come in for breakfast, Ashley…uh, she knows about us and all, and she's really nice and stuff…"
Quinn gives a small smile, but shakes her head, "that's okay Sam, thank you though," she says wiping away her stray tears. "I have a lot of things I need to do."
"Bye Quinn," it felt a lot more than just a 'see you later.'
The tears started as soon as I got in my car. That was as long as I could hold them in; I knew they were coming as soon as I turned away and started walking away. They didn't stop even when I got home.
I was happy for him; I really was. If he was happy than so was I. Happy just never had felt this sad. He had told me that I didn't need to break things off with Braden; but I felt like I did. Not for him; but for me. I didn't want to be in a relationship right now…what I was doing is for the best.
Did I really think that he would pine over me forever? Everyone needs to move on, and Sam definitely had. I wasn't going to force him to not live his life; I wanted him to be happy. And maybe, just maybe I could find happiness on the way.
As I go up the elevator to my apartment; I'm as confused as ever. If Sam could find happiness with someone else; then maybe I shouldn't be so rigid…maybe I should open up a little and give Braden a chance.
I had told him that I just needed some time to figure out what I was going to do, when he was in my apartment earlier this morning. He had left right after that; telling me to take as long as I needed, that he would wait for me.
I step out of the elevator, and walk down the hall; surprised to see one Braden Williams, standing in front of my door; flowers in hand.
I smile as I walk closer to him. Maybe, just maybe this could work.
"…Quinn, hey" he says as he sees me walking towards him.
"Hey," I say smiling, "what're you doing here?"
"I, I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I just want you to be happy; you don't have to be with me or anything, but I just wanted to tell you that I'll be there for you," he stammers, obviously nervous. I smile wider…maybe I could be happy after all.
Okay, so how do you feel about Braden now? He's still going to the bad guy here; there's more to him that meets the eye. Now, don't any of you for 1 second think that Sam and Quinn aren't going to end up together in this story; there is no way I would have them end up alone or with other people. They'll end up together.
Tell me what you think. Love it? Hate it? Let me know.