3Our Second chance By Vincent Noble Valentine
chapter 1
Loss isn't something I've ever gotten used to. Honestly I don't think I ever will get the hang of that uneasy feeling, especially when it hurts so much and constantly reminds you nearly day in and day out that no matter how much you want to change that situation so badly...sometimes it can just never be. Sometimes we try to hide it behind a smile and say 'I'm ok' and get on with our lives the best we can. But no matter what masks we put up and how we try to hide it, people can always tell because it's clear as day, the hurt and the pain that physically isn't there but it's written all over your face. The sadness and regret hidden behind the fake smiles we show.
Sometimes, just sometimes I think my friends and family genuinely want to help, to somehow ease the pain and try to help in anyway they can, even by just being there or offering to listen. But then again there's the days when I can't take it anymore and just want to be left the fuck alone.
I'm sure I'd like to think they could help, that whatever they could say would ease the pain, the thoughts of it all and my memories of him. But it doesn't help at all, because it's the memories that hurt the most and people can't help you when the person you care about the most doesn't answer back when their...dead.
My name is Akira Hayami and 2 months ago someone I cared about very much passed away. To me he was everything in a guy I always wanted but never could admit it, at least not openly. He was someone I trusted, respected, admired and yes someone I loved very much, someone I never got the chance to tell how I felt because I was too scared of being rejected or that he didn't feel the same as I did.
And now...I guess I'll never really get the chance to tell him how I feel. I could go to him, tell him how I feel, to say 'I love you' but i'll never hear those words said back to me because he...he's dead. I'll never get to see him laugh or cry or go silent and bashful when I get angry and shout at him because he should be talking with me instead of standing there all timid like. It really really pissed me off when he did that...
Kite...
The news came like a bolt of lightening, a complete shock to my system. At first the news didn't register, I remember at the time my body just went numb completely and I felt cold, like someone just punched me so hard in the gut that I couldn't breathe. Then my body started to shake uncontrolably that I couldn't stop it. And then before I knew I even realized it, my face was streaming with tears. Silent tears at first and then more and more until I couldn't control them either as I collapsed on a heap on the school floor, crying and whailing like a wounded animal or banshee who's moans could earily be heard in the distance if people were walking through a ghost town. It's that kind of sadness everyone hears and feels that it sends shivers down your spine and deep down affects us all as well. That deep sense of loss and regret...
And yes, it hurts. It hurts more then being beaten up or stomped on. It hurts far more then anything I could ever imagine. Like something invisible stabbing at my heart repeatedly, sucking the very life out of me, leaving me feeling colder and weathered to the harsh realities of the world.
It was hard then, to come to terms with the news. But...then it got much worse at the funeral. Everyone that knew kite online and offline came to pay their respects, the sad news hit everyone just as hard as it did me. Yasuhiko, Orca was Kite's best friend was in a worse state then I was. He took the news as hard as I did perhaps more as they both treated each other like brothers, like family. The two were rarely inseparable and were often playing soccer in the fields or as a team in the game that brought us all together, 'The World'
Natsume and Mistral were there also, holding each other as they cried openly. A large part of me wanted to join them but I just couldn't, I was just numb standing there staring at the open casket, looking at his face, my own tears pouring out freely, not a sound or whimper from shell of my body.
Helba, Lios, Balmung and Wiseman stood further back from the rest of us. All four of them looking on and silently paying their respects in their own way. I don't know if any of them had any tears to shed on the loss of someone we called our leader. Perhaps in their own ways they already did in the comfort of their own homes. But I knew, like the rest of us as they stood there stone faced, the sadness was washing all over them.
Time passed, I don't know how much as I was lost in my thoughts, my misery as I stood rooted to the spot, still staring at his face. One by one they all came forward to say a few silent words, flowers were laid, some even put a few notes that they couldn't openly say in the casket and then one by one as they approached, they too silently left until I was the only one standing there.
I didn't register that it was raining hard then, water dripping from my hair to my face, mixing in with my tears. Rain so hard that it soaked me and the clothes I wore to the bone. It didn't matter, nothing did. Not anymore...
Shakily I approached Kite, my eyes never leaving his face. Wet fingers tracing his features before I leaned down and kissed his cold lips softly, my tears flowing even harder as I whispered the words that I knew I would never hear him say back and then watched as the casket was closed and he was lowered to the earth to finally rest.
Since that day, it felt as if life got harder on all of us. It's tragic when someone passes away, especially when it's someone you know or care about. But at the sametime as sad it is or sounds it brings everyone closer together far more then ever before.
Some days it's easier to cope with, on others it isn't. We all keep in contact on a near daily basis, as the days roll into weeks, then the weeks into months. But the pain is still there, still fresh in our hearts and minds. I heard alot of news going round since then that some of the dot hackers no longer can bare to play 'The World'. It's just too hard for some of them, I know how they feel. Sometimes just staring at the screen of that game brings all the pain and misery back and our memories of him.
It's just too surreal y'know? Kite our leader of the dot hackers who's known as a legendary player and tales of his and our exploits will no longer continue. But even though he's gone, he's still a hero. He saved the lost ones, Kazu and 'the world' itself in game and out of it. I don't know about Aura though, Wiseman or Helba haven't told me if they've passed on the news to her, it's hard to say if she even knows what's happened in the real world. But deep down I think she knows, Kite was her knight. He did everything he could to save her as well and there's no doubt in my mind that there was some sort of connection between them.
Perhaps it was the bracelet? Or maybe it was on some other level or bond they shared? But I do wonder: Can Aura feel sadness like we do? Does the ultimate A.I care or feel the same sadness we do? Does she want Kite to come back as much as all of us do, even though that's impossible? Can she even cry?
I know I have...
That was until one day, rumours were starting to surface about 'The World'. Rumours about corrupted data and black spots being sighted in various areas within the game, not only that but it was being reported that once again people were unexplainably falling into coma's from playing 'The World' r:2.
The bizarre thing is though, all that news wasn't the kicker. A few players were posting about sightings of a certain player appearing and dissappearing in random areas and what shocked me to the core the most was the player they were talking about, was Kite.
Author's notes: Hi all, I'm back from after a very long hiatus with a brand new .hack/ fic^_^. Just to clarify this IS a Kite/blackrose fic but I wanted to try something new and go with a new direction. I've had a few ideas for this fic for sometime so I thought it was about time I got off my ass and see if I can still write a good fanfic. I'll apologise right off the bat and say sorry if the opening chapter was rather angsty and sad, but I've never written a romance fic with something tragic in a story before, but I wanted to convey the feelings of loss and regret that sadly I very recently had to deal with myself.
Anywho I hope you all enjoy the 1st chapter and I'll be updating in about a week. So feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think^_^
Signed Vincent Noble Valentine.