Here is the final chapter!
Firestar is about to arrive at Fourtrees for the meeting with Tigerstar. What on earth could possibly happen?
Firestar had arrived at Fourtrees with some Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar. He was with Tallstar and some WindClan cats. They were waiting for Tigerstar and TigerClan to arrive.
They did. Tigerstar entered in a similar way as he had done at the gathering – he bounded up to the great rock like he was the best thing in the world.
"Greetings, cats of less skill then I!" Tigerstar boomed, "I am Tigerstar, leader of TigerClan!"
"We know," Firestar muttered as Tigerstar launched into a dance routine. Everyone's ears fell out again. This time most cats didn't bother to pick them back up again.
"Well then? Have you made up your minds?" Tigerstar demanded after finishing.
"We both made up our minds at the last gathering," Tallstar growled.
"Firestar? The offer about learning to dance is still up," Tigerstar meowed.
"I don't need to learn to dance from you anymore," Firestar meowed smugly, "Santa Claw is giving me a present that can teach me to dance." He beamed at Mudclaw, who had come with Tallstar. Tigerstar laughed.
"Santa Claws? You still believe in Santa Claws? You're more pathetic than I realised," Tigerstar meowed in amusement. Firestar bristled at him.
"Santa Claws is real!" Firestar growled, "And now you're not going to get any presents because you said something mean about him. Non-believer!"
Tigerstar shook his head, "Nope, Santa Claws is real. I worked that out when my mentor said that he wasn't real, but he still got the same amount of presents as he normally did," he meowed.
Firestar gaped at him. "Santa… he isn't real?" he whimpered.
Firestar cried like the Niagara Falls. He sobbed so much there was a risk of floods.
Firestar stopped crying and realised that a ghost cat was talking to him. He didn't recognise the cat.
"I'm Oakheart," he growled, "After Bluestar told me the horrifying truth I decided to show her up by making you look like a more awesome leader. Santa Claws is real. Tigerstar's mentor only got presents because he stole them from other cats."
"Thornclaw would never do something like that!" Tigerstar growled, but he looked doubtful.
"He would and he did," Oakheart growled.
"Oh, that's good. I was really worried for a moment," Firestar meowed brightly.
Oakheart smiled at Firestar. "Now you go and be awesome." He was about to vanish but he leaned to Tallstar and whispered something that no one else could hear. "Santa Claws isn't actually real, but make sure Firestar keeps believing he is." Oakheart then vanished.
"Well then…" Tigerstar meowed after a long stretch of silence, "Meet BloodClan."
BloodClan revealed itself to everyone. Firestar started jumping up and down like an excited kit.
"Ooh, ooh, kittypets!" Firestar cheered, "Hi friends! I was once a kittypet too!"
"Those aren't kittypets," Tallstar meowed gravely.
"They are if I say they are," Firestar retorted, "Now shut up."
"Meet Scourge, leader of BloodClan," Tigerstar indicated to where Scourge was standing with his tail.
Tallstar frowned. "Where is he? There's no one there."
"Too scared to show, was he?" Firestar teased.
"I'm down here, mousebrains!" Scourge growled.
Firestar and Tallstar both looked down and realised that Scourge was only the height of a blade of grass.
"Oh… hi. What does 'Scourge' mean?" Firestar asked.
"Hm… I've always wondered that," Scourge admitted, "I think it either means 'epic' or 'awesome'."
"Does it mean 'small'?" Tigerstar suggested.
Scourge turned to Tigerstar with a look of fury on his face. "How DARE you insult the great Scourge! You will pay!"
"And how do you plan to do that? You're tiny," Tiger laughed.
"Um… have you not noticed how big BloodClan is?" Tallstar meowed.
"I don't need that bunch of foolish mousebrains to punish someone," Scourge growled, "I can do it perfectly by myself. And how can I do that, you ask? Being small has its advantages. Watch and learn. SCOURGE CLONES ATTACK!"
Suddenly, hundreds of tiny cats appeared that looked just like Scourge. They attacked Tiger simultaneously, and killed him.
Firestar suddenly burst out laughing. He collapsed on the ground in a fit of giggles, unable to control himself.
"Why are you laughing?" Scourge asked in confusion.
Firestar managed to gain control of himself and got to his feet. "It's just that I never expected anything like that! It was so awesome! I hate that mousebrain!" Firestar meowed gleefully.
"Me too!" Scourge replied, "High-paw!"
Firestar and Scourge high-pawed, and it almost caused Scourge to be squished. Scourge then turned to the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar.
"Hey, I just noticed someone amongst the ranks of your clan that was meant to be killed off a while ago. Can I kill him?" Scourge asked.
"Sure, I'd love to see that again!" Firestar meowed enthusiastically.
Scourge turned to Stonefur. "SCOURGE CLONES ATTACK!" he roared and his clones killed Stonefur.
"Wow, awesome," Firestar meowed.
Firestar and Scourge high-pawed again. Scourge then looked serious.
"You have three to move out of the forest or my Scourge clones will kill you all," he growled.
"You can have it," Firestar meowed.
"I- what?" Scourge blinked in confusion.
"You can have the forest. We don't want it," Firestar repeated.
"Really? Wow, I'm chuffed. I managed to get an entire forest without a massive battle where everyone is supposed to die yet actually only a couple of cats die," Scourge meowed cheerfully.
Oakheart appeared next to Firestar. "Hey, what happened to being awesome?" he asked in disappointment.
"Sorry, but Scourge and his clones are way more awesome than me, as hard as it is to believe," Firestar replied. He padded away from the great rock.
"Will you be taking the stick with you?" Scourge asked.
Firestar stopped suddenly. He slowly turned to face Scourge with a look of rage on his face. "His name is the twig, not the stick. That is one step too far!" Firestar growled.
"Oh yeah? And what are you going to do?" Scourge growled, "This bunch of foolish mousebrains that call themselves BloodClan may be easy to beat, but my clones are 99.9% undefeatable!"
"But I know the 0.1% is… I know their weakness," Firestar meowed.
"Oh yeah? Well what is it?" Scourge questioned.
Firestar nodded to Oakheart, who vanished. He reappeared a moment later, with Justin Beiber.
"No!" Scourge gasped, horrified just by the sight of Justin, "But how will you get him to sing without the rest of you hearing his hideous voice?"
"That's easy!" Firestar meowed, "See, when Tigerstar was dancing earlier, every cats' ears fell off – every cat except you, your clones, and BloodClan. We won't be able to hear a thing!"
"But how have been able to hear this entire conversation?" Scourge asked in confusion.
"Hearing aids!" Firestar explained, "Everyone remove your hearing aids, and then Justin Beiber can sing!"
All the cats of the forest did as asked, and then the most horrible thing happened, the most horrible thing that had ever happened in the history of time – Justin Beiber sang.
The forest cats couldn't hear a thing, but the others looked like they were being tortured. In fact, they all were burning up and melting. They were clearly screaming for help, but the cats of the forest just smiled like they were watching a comedy film.
When all that was left was weird gloopy piles of what was once a group of cats, Oakheart took Justin away. Everyone replaced their hearing aids with relief. Then they all cheered.
Oakheart appeared and padded over to Firestar. "Hey, you were awesome," he meowed.
"Couldn't have done it without you," Firestar replied, "I was just wondering, are you going to be talking to Bluestar any time soon?"
"Yes, I probably will be giving her another rant about how much I hate her for lying to me," Oakheart replied, "Why?"
"I want you to deliver a message for me," Firestar meowed, "Tell her I can always trust her to loose a bet for me."
"Okay…" Oakheart clearly had no knowledge of Bluestar's betting history. He vanished.
"Wasn't there meant to be a big battle?" Tallstar meowed.
"Who cares? This thing has already been seriously messed up," Firestar meowed, "Which reminds me… Whitestorm?"
The white warrior padded over to Firestar. "Yes?"
"Seeing as the author of this fan fiction couldn't be bothered thinking of an interesting death for you, you are going to have a very sudden and boring death," Firestar meowed.
"Wait, but-" Whitestorm dropped dead.
"Whitestorm, no!" Firestar wailed.
"I never knew you cared so much about someone other than yourself," Sandstorm meowed in genuine surprise.
"No, I don't care about Whitestorm," Firestar corrected, "He crushed the twig."
"Oh…" Sandstorm trailed off.
"Now I'm going to have to choose a new deputy," Firestar meowed, "There are three candidates – Greystripe, some of this gloopy stuff, or this rock. Now who should I choose? Hm…"
"For goodness sake, just choose Greystripe!" Sandstorm growled.
"Okay," Firestar agreed, "Greystripe is the new deputy of the Followers of the Awesome and Almighty King Firestar."
"Cool," Greystripe meowed.
"Now let's go home and forget this ever happened, as some embarrassing events occurred today, and I would prefer it if cats didn't remember them," Firestar meowed.
"Okay," Greystripe replied.
Everyone padded away from the great rock. Firestar, however, stayed where he was. Sandstorm hung back and stared at him in puzzlement.
"What are you waiting for?" Sandstorm asked.
"I'm waiting for the next series because nothing interesting happens in between. But apparently the two of us go on a quest, and I find your presence deadly boring," Firestar explained.
"Oh, yes, of course you do," Sandstorm growled.
"I've got nothing against you," Firestar meowed, "But being around you makes me bored, and I hate being bored."
"Firestar, I am never having your kits," Sandstorm declared.
"Nice try, but I can tell by using skills that Cinderpelt taught me that you are already pregnant with them," Firestar meowed.
"What!" Sandstorm gasped, "No! This can't be! I'm going to go home and sob in my pillow! I should have gone with Dustpelt instead of you! Why did I ever even like you?"
Sandstorm cried and ran away after everyone else. Firestar chuckled to himself.
"If only she I have no idea what I'm talking about," he meowed, "Well, now the series has come to an end. Of course, everyone is happy. Well, almost everyone... Goodbye."
This is the end, if you didn't already work that out.
I hope you found this hilarious, as that was the whole reason I made it. I would be a little disappointing if everyone found it deadly dull.
I really enjoyed making this, so I'm thinking of doing one with another book. Any suggestions about which book?
Until I write another story:
(what does that even mean?)
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