Before you all begin I just need to apologize for the lack of recent updates. My laptop died on me so I had to buy a new man and have all my documents retrieved from the old one. It took a little time (and unfortunately a lot of money) to get it all sorted. But now everything is fine and I should be able to update a lot more regularly now. Again I am really sorry.

OK on with the story.

Searching For O

Chapter 6

We sat at Edward's dining table and ate in silence. We were staring at each other intently. He was grinning as usual thinking he had won. I was glaring wishing he was not such a sexy beast of a man. He turned my legs to jelly and my mind to mush. It really wasn't fair.

"This lasagna is really nice, did you make it yourself?" I asked trying to make conversation.

"No, I can't cook for shit. It came from a box, sorry," he said sheepishly, as thought he was embarrassed.

Finally, I had found something that Edward Cullen wasn't good at. He could have lied to me and told me he made it from scratch, but he didn't, he told me the truth so I decided to leave it.

"Do I make you nervous?" he asked.

I snorted, "is the pope catholic?"

He grinned and forked another piece of lasagna into his mouth.

"I have a proposition for you," he said once he had swallowed his food.

"Another one, you seem rather fond of those."

"You might like this one better; I thought maybe we should get to know each other a little better before anything else happens. That way you won't feel as uncomfortable and then we can just see how things go. If we naturally end up naked on my bed then so be it."

My mouth went dry and I think I went boss eyed. The thought of me and Edward naked on his bed nearly put me in a coma.

"And if it doesn't end up…with you know…if we didn't…if there was no sex?" I bumbled.

"Then we have gained a friend. This won't be dating. I want to be upfront with you, honest. I can't date you Bella."

Before he said that I was feeling light, airy….and aroused. But those words were like a kick in the stomach. He wanted to sleep with me, to pleasure me but he wouldn't date me and he wouldn't tell me why.

"So, if I met someone and was asked out on a date you would be fine if I went then?" I said, wanting to test him. I could go along with his little idea, but I would not have him be possessive of me if he didn't want me.

His jaw tightened and his eyes darkened, clearly, the idea of me with someone else was not something he was pleased about.

"You can't have it both ways Edward, if you don't want to date me that's fine but that means that you can't keep me either."

He nodded stiffly, "of course."

"Good, then I accept…and if we end up naked in my shower with your head between my legs so be it," I said coyly. I smiled into my wine glass as a look of shock passed over his features and a light blush erupted on his cheeks. Finally, I had gotten the upper hand.


"It makes no sense, I just don't understand. It kept me up all night, I couldn't sleep all I did was wonder how they do it…how do they get the cream in Twinkies?" Alice asked in complete wonder as she gazed at the Twinkie she held in her hand.

It was her day off but she had come in to see Rose and me anyway.

"I think they do it with a little machine, they insert a metal tube thing into the Twinkie and squeeze cream in," I replied.

Alice just looked at me with a lost expression.

"OK, let me simplify it for you," Rose said.

"Imagine the Twinkie is a vagina, and the metal tube is a cock…"

"Rose do you have to be so crude?" I interjected.

"Yes, Alice understands sex…so, the metal cock inserts itself into the vagina, and they kind of have sex and then the cock cums and fills the vagina with cream."

Alice thought about it for a second. "So, it's like sex just with food products instead of people?"


Understanding dawned on Alice's face "Oh, yeh I totally get it now."

I shook my head in disbelief. Sometimes I wondered how I was friends with Alice and Rose, they were just so unlike me. But as soon as that stray thought entered my head I would remember all the great memories we had created, all the times we had laughed until we cried and comforted each other when we were upset. I truly loved them and to me they were the best friends in the world.

The front door opened, I turned to look at the customer and grimaced. Jasper Whitlock, my ex-boyfriend nervously walked in. I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

He was a stunningly handsome man, which was what had attracted me to him in the first place. He was tall and lean, his body like a marble sculpture. He had blond curly hair that fell just passed his ears that framed a face that was nothing short of beautiful. His skin was flawless porcelain and he had piercing ice blue eyes that used to make me go gaga. He was born and raised in Texas and still carried the accent. He could be cheeky and charming, when I first met him he was a smooth motherfucker and I had really thought my time had come. I was certain that he was going to skyrocket me into orgasm oblivion.

That hadn't happened, and Jasper turned out to be an emotional motherfucker instead of a smooth one.

I hadn't seen him since we had broken up half a year before. It had been an awful affair. Jasper had cried, just like he did whenever we had sex…sorry made love, Jasper couldn't have just plain old sex.

He walked up to the counter purposely.

"Hi, Bella," his voice was shaking ever so slightly.

"Um, hi Jasper, how's it going?"

"I'm ok thanks, how are you?"

"Fine…can I get you something?" I asked, wondering what he was doing there.

"Actually, I came to talk to you. I am having therapy for my…problem. I have had some issues concerning our relationship…issues of guilt actually. My therapist thinks that I needed to come and see you to apologize for the way I was. I'm getting better. I only spontaneously have a crying fit about twice a day which I am sure you agree is a massive improvement," I nodded thinking that twice a day was still quite high.

"I sincerely apologize, Bella. I know how uncomfortable I made you and I am sorry about that."

His icy eyes were wide and panicked, fearing that I would rebut his apology.

"That's ok Jasper; really you have nothing to apologize for. I am glad you are getting the help you need," he let out a relieved breath and smiled.

"Oh look at you, your aura is so sad," Alice said.

He looked over at her, the worry returning to his eyes.

"It is?"

"Oh, yes. It is a dark miserable green. That is not good it means your Irritated, Troubled, Uneasy, Worried, Distressed, and Gloomy. It is not a good aura at all."

Jaspers chin started to wobble precariously, "God damn it not even my aura is normal," he managed to choke out before the sobs broke free.

Watching Jasper cry was like watching a car accident on the highway. You didn't want to look at the carnage but couldn't look away.

Big fat tear-drops rolled down his beet red cheeks, his mouth opened and closed and his chest heaved with his sobs.

Rose and me stood statically still in a state of utter shock. Alice, however, sprang into action. If someone was sad, or sick Alice was there to look after them. She took injured animals into her home and healed them; she gave advice to random strangers on the street who she thought looked 'down'.

"Oh no…oh dear…now, now. Its ok, we can fix your aura, get away from your muddy green to topaz blue," she said soothingly.

Jasper wiped the sleeve of his shirt over his face "You think?" he said hopefully.

"Of course, come on let's get you home, I'll make you a nice hot coco and everything will feel better," she linked her arm with his.

"Sorry" hiccup "Bella," Jasper managed to say as Alice lead him out of the café.

The café was silent, neither Rose, the customers or me said anything for a good two minutes after Jasper and Alice's departure.

After a while Rose and I got back to work. There was always something to be done at café on the corner. If there were no customers there was cleaning to be done and ingredients to be prepared.

"You never told us how it went with Edward yesterday," Rose said in-between serving customers.

I had been dreading bring the whole Edward subject up. Rose had seemed dead against me having anything to do with him. She could be forceful sometimes but I had a stronger backbone then most thought, I was not scared to defend my decisions or myself and sometimes that lead to arguments between us.

"It went well; we had dinner and decided that we were just going to get to know each other better before jumping into anything."

"Cool, as long as you're careful…he is older than you right?" She asked hesitantly.


"Don't you find that weird?" it seemed like I had found the source of Rose's problem.

"No, he is not that much older than me. He can't be older than thirty-five."

"Still, that is quite a gap." she persisted.

"Yes, but as long as I don't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that then it doesn't matter," I said with a hint of sharpness in my tone.

Rose held her hands up in surrender.

"He is a photographer; he has the most amazing photo of this place. I thought we could hang it up somewhere."

"Sounds good, whilst we are on the subject of the café, I was thinking that maybe we should look into hiring. We have worked so hard on this place, some weeks not having a day off at all and it is getting busier and busier. I want to be able to have two days off in a row, or go and visit my family you know?"

I did know we had been working non-stop ever since we opened the café on the corner. I hadn't gone home to Forks in years; I had practically forgotten what free time was. Rose was right we did deserve a break.

"I think that's a great idea, as long as one of us is here every day I think it will work. We should put an advertisement in the paper and maybe one in the window."

Rose smiled excitedly. "Awesome, I will clear it with Alice and get started. Leave the advertising to me."


A few hours later Alice returned. Her hair was flat one side and stuck up on the other, at the back it was matted and needed a good brush. Her shirt was buttoned up wrong and she was walking slightly bow-legged. She had a satisfied and dreamy smile on her face.

She hobbled over to us and climbed onto the stool wincing as she did.

"Alice Brandon you got laid," Rose stated.

"What?" Alice replied only just realising that someone had been talking to her.

".Laid," Rose repeated.

Alice smiled. "Yes, I did and it was amazing."

I gritted my teeth and prayed to god that the amazing sex she had was not with Jasper.

"I had just made me and Jasper a mug of coco, and we had just sat down and then suddenly he kissed me, he kissed me so good that I just had to sleep with him."

"Did he cry? Did you have an orgasm?" I almost shouted.

"He cried a little bit, but I didn't mind. To be honest I think he had cried himself out of tears on the journey to his apartment. As for the orgasm it was the best in my life."

I couldn't stop the tears from gathering in my eyes.

"Are you angry at me Bella, I'm sorry I didn't think. He is your ex…I…I broke the girl code." Alice said almost crying herself.

I shook my head wanting her to know that I wasn't angry about that but not trusting myself to speak without bursting into tears.

I was angry because Alice had mind blowing, the best in her life sex with a guy that did nothing for me when we did it.

The tears began to spill over onto my cheeks.

"Oh Jesus Bella," Rose said wrapping an arm around me.

"I know what you're thinking right now and you need to stop."

I let out a little sob. All that time I thought the problem was with the men I picked but it seemed obvious after Alice's confession that the problem was not with the men at all.

The problem was me.




OK so there you go I really hope you liked the chapter. I know a lot of you want the smut right now but good things come to those who wait, patients is a virtue and a watched pot never boils. (I don't think that last one actually fit in there but I LOVE that saying.) It is coming just not right now.

In other news The Wayward Pushers reviewed my other story Love's Little Book (there is a link on my profile page). Thank you to whoever convinced them to do it because I am pretty sure I didn't deserve it lol.

Let me know what you thought of the chapter, reviewers will get a teaser for chapter 7.

Update will be coming soon!