Outside G-force Mainframe room
Tony: (to mainframe door) So here's the thing. I need to access my operations account, and you're preventing that. Now we can do this easy, or we can do it hard. (holding up his hand, shows he has a laser rpulsor glove on) Your call. No? Hard it is then.
(Tony shoots repeatedly, Laser blasts ricocheting hitting Milhouse off-screen)
Tony: Oh god, sorry.
Milhouse: Why is this happening to me!
Tony: I forgot that...did I get you?
Milhouse: I'M TELLING WEEKEND DAD!
Tony: Oh, relax! It'll heal, just make sure you plant a salve on it in 30 minutes.
(Duncan arrives on scene, holding a coffee cup. He's a teenage punk boy, with a green mohawk, a black shirt with a skull. A yellow undershirt is shown under the black shirt, some torns jeans with a chain attached to the pockets.)
Duncan: I see your still causing collateral damage.
Tony: And I see that you are still a snot-haired punk.
Duncan: Do you see that sign? (indicates a "No unauthorized access" sign)
Tony: Do you see that sign? (indicates a "No food and drink" sign) Punk?
Duncan: Well, I..
(Tony smashes Duncan's coffee cup onto the floor)
Tony: That's why. So we don't get ants.
(Walking off, Duncan glares at Tony his eyes shifting to yellow reptile form.)
(Fluttershy, with a dolphin hand-puppet, is talking to Proffesor LGM/Invader Zim)
Fluttershy: Because when your co-workers put food in the refrigerator, that's a bond of trust. OK, and if you violate that trust, or...the food...
Tony: (holding box of donuts)There's my favorite section head.
Fluttershy: (sighs frustrated) Mr. Stark, I'm dealing with the break room problem...
Tony: Oh good, you caught the - oh wait I had something for this -The "Pita Predator"
Tony: Let's just call it what it is...Food Rapist.
Fluttershy: (To Zim) Not a pretty name is it?
Tony: Oh and Fluttershy, if you want some food, that is supposed to be cream filled. (Zim hisses at Tony for that remark)
I offer these delicious donuts...
Tony: ...in exchange for a favor.
FLuttershy: Ummm...Mr. Stark.
Tony: Please, call me Tony.
Fluttershy: Tony...I can't help you with anything.
Zim: (Smug) Because, Mrs. Masters just issused a decree, that until Monday comes and passes us by. We aren't allowed to..."Help" you with favours.
Tony: But I need your help, Fluttershy...Because I, I'm um I'm ... conducting a Skrull Hunt.
(Fluttershy gasps, while Professor LGM Jump's to his feet in alarm.)
Proffesor LGM: Disgusting Imposter Aliens, come to Infiltrate Headquarters of Zim!
Tony: Gasp, you should. Because if you let me in the mainframe, I'll drop these donuts, then Zim can pretend they're Rocky and you're a horny, horny..
(Scoffing in disgust, Fluttershy pushes a button shutting the door, with Tony now alone outside Fluttershy's office) Invader...
(Turning around he see's Rocky walking his way)
Tony: Hey Rocky, I was...(Rocky knocks the box of Donuts out of his hands) Oh is that what you want!
Rocky: (offscreen) Yeeeeuuup!
Tony: (gestures to floor) Because that's how you get Ants!
Rocky: (offscreen) Yay!
Tony: Maybe i'd have better luck with Fanboy and ChumChum...
(A Blue Pac Man like creature walks up to Tony, but with his mask and red cape on, he's known as the Incredible Blook. Who's currently dragging a unconcious Scorpion and Rhino to holding Cell)
Bloo: Good luck. They always leave early to Rocky's place on Friday.
Tony: What! Why?
Incredible Blook: *shrugs* Their not allowed alone on Friday, and Vanessa likes to spend Friday's alone with Vlad.
Tony: Damn those two and their happy marriage.
Incredible Blook: Yeeeaaah, your life is just a big mess since she left you for him.
Tony: Shut up! Don't you have to be eaten by Pac-Man?
Incredible Blook: *Grimaces* Phrasing!
Tony: I guess i'll have to go straight to the top.
Incredible Blook: (rolls eyes carrying the two vilians away) Good luck with that.
Tony: G-Force headquarters makes fort knox look like a gingerbread house. Only two meansof ingress. The first, at street level, impenetrable after six. The second through an access door on the roof, inexplicably unprotected. But even if you ziplined across.. reach the access door, and somehow made it into G-Force headquarters, you'd still have to find the mainframe. But wait, it gets worse.
Inside there are three countermeasure systems. The first is pressue sensitive, in the floor. Even a mouse triggers it. The second is sound sensitive. Anything above a whisper sets it off. and the third system is state of the art voice activation...
Flashback to door of mainframe during a work day
(Vlad using voice activation lock)
Vlad: Vlad Masters
(Tony and Eva are finishing lunch.)
Tony: So obviously, it would be a lot easier for me if you just disabled all that when you left work tonight, somehow.
Eva: That would impossible, since I don't have authorization.
Tony: Wha...YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD THE CLARANCE!
(Eva gets up from the table, calmly slipping her purse onto her shoulder)
Eva: See, Vanessa has been nothing but kind to me, Vlad is putting my brother thru college, sooooo...I can't help you.
Tony: "Can't" Or "Won't!"
Eva: (pause) Both?
Tony: So, that's it! After the free lunch I gave you!
Eva: (offscreen walking away) Yeeeeup!
Tony: And that's Rocky's catchphrase.
Tony: Fine! (Sulking pout) I guess i'll have to do it myself...I suppose going in as Iron Man is out of the question. (a clever grin crosses his face)Although
That night, on a rooftop near G-Force. Dressed in black Sweater and jeans, holding a duffle bag.
Tony: So, thanks for nothing, Eva. Now I have to break in to G-Force headquarters in a $900 turtleneck. And if it gets ruined, I'm going to make you regret ever meeting Vanessa, you... Eva.
(A ziplines over, and Tony enters G-Force)
Tony: Wow, that was actually pretty easy. Thanks, new turtle neck.
(Tony rips his turtleneck while removing his duffle)
Tony: (sarcastically)And thank you, duffle bag. Jesus, what else could go wrong?
(Cut to laundry, and Duncan getting into the G-Force lift. Immediately cut to G-Force phone panel, which starts ringing)
Rocky: Exactly, he's piggish, loud, narccistic, and a nymphomaniac.
Fanboy: I think the term for a male Nympho is a Satyr
(Phone rings, Rocky answers it)
Rocky: Agent Rocky..
(garbled talk from phone)
Rocky: What! Yes. Confirmed.
Fanboy: *excited* Comfirmed the newest issue of Monkey Mania, Coming out!
Rocky: What? No! Chumchum, there's been a breakin at ISIS.
ChumChum: What? You think it's the Skrull?
Rocky: God, you Boys and Abjay.
ChumChum: Abjay's alright.
(Rocky just stares at ChumChum, slowly blinking her eyes)
Rocky: Wow, OK. Ah well I've go to..
Fanboy: But its stirfryday.
Rocky: (weakly)Hooray. But if I'm not here...
Rocky, Fanboy and ChumChum are in a car, with Rocky Driving them to G-Force
ChumChum: Because after three months of - Stirfrydays.
Fanboy: We just think its a little weird..
Rocky: (sighs) Not you too Fanboy..
Fanboy: ...that you can't leave us alone in your apartment.
Rocky: You two really want to bring up trust, when you happened to have destroyed my Apartment with Yum-Yum?
Fanboy&ChumChum: Never mind.
(Rocky, ChumChum and Fanboy pull up at G-Force)
Outside G-Force mainframe room
(Tony is talking to Vlad by phone)
Vlad: Yes, Hello.
Tony: Hi, who's this?
Vlad: Vlad Masters.
Tony: I'm sorry, did you say Fagsters?
(Vanessa is heard in the bakcground)
Vanessa: Who is it?
Vlad: (to Vanessa) It's no one, Dear. Just keep rubbing the lotion on it.
Vanessa: Is it Abjay?
Vlad: (into Phone) Masters.
Vanessa: It better not be Abjay.
Tony: Masters? Not Fagsters?
Vlad: Masters, I was very clear...
(Tony hangs up on Vlad, he then addresses the mainframe door security panel)
Tony: Hi, I'm a huge fan of cock, and my name is (uses voice recorder)
(The mainframe door opens)
Tony: Holy shit, our security is atrocious. Seriously, its really bad. (sits down at Computer) Password. hmm password, um how about "Guest". (Eyes widen in shock, when the computer logs on) No way, it can't be. Jesus Christ, that is just babytown frolics. (scrolling thru files) OK, operations account. How deep in the red am I...Out of my mind! (Seeing the number $50,000 flashing)Oh no. How? How did I spend that much money!
Flashback to apartment
Tony: Yeah, I know its sexy Jarvis, that's why I bought ten. Now arrange those by color.
Jarvis: These are all black.
Tony: Or are five in a dark black, and five in a slightly darker black?
Back to G-Force mainframe room
(A typing on mainframe)
Tony: And now I'm short a slightly darker black one. So, lets just put all my expenses into some pathetic idiots account, by the name of...
(Duncan arrives at the door to the mainframe room, carrying a laser balster)
Tony: ...oh, Duncan Osgood.
Duncan: That's not very nice.
(Tony's head whips to face Duncan, startled seeing him.)
Tony: Hey, I ah, I was just talking about you, and about how this isn't what it looks like.
Duncan: A lot of that going around.
Tony: Yeah, it's an epidemic.
Duncan: For example, my real name is Jash.
Tony: Is that - sound, is that Jewish?
Duncan: It's Alien.
Tony: Ah...Alien Jewish?
(Growling frustrated, Duncan shifts into a green reptile like Alien with yellow eyes)
Jash: I'm the Skrull, idiot.
Tony: (shocked)Wha..? I MADE UP THE SKRULL!
Jash: Yes, but you told Zim, who told Abjay, and now everyone is looking for a real Skrull.
Tony: God, do we hate Abjay..
Jash: So, I have to escape.
Tony: ...and irony.
Jash: But thanks for breaking into the mainframe for me.
Tony: Double irony.
Jash: Because I'll need fifty thousand for travel expenses..
Jash: ...from your account.
Tony: That's too much.
Jash: Its all last minute bookings (points blaster at Tony)for two.
Tony: Two..? Oh.
(Tony is being lead thru the office cubicles, Jash has the blaster nudged into Stark's back)
Jash: Because when I hand the notorious Iron Man to the Skrull Emperor, I won't just get a promotion, I'll get my own Planet!
(Rocky enters, two blasters in her hands, as she walks toward them casually)
Rocky: Too bad you'll never see it.
Jash: What the?
(Rocky rushes forward, kicking up Jash's face, then jabbing the end of her blaster into his gut.)
Tony: Rocky, Duncan's the skrull, and his name's not really Duncan, it's Jash...Definitely Russian, possibly a Jew. I don't know. Thoughts?
Rocky: Yeah. Shut up. And you (points to Jash, who wipes blood from his mouth) If you so much as change your eye color, you'll be in big Dip Shit.
(Jash moves to attack Rocky)
Tony: No. No don't wind her up, because that's a big gun and she's baby crazy.
Rocky: (gasps)Baby crazy?
Tony: That's why Dib dumped her.
Rocky: (Turns her blasters toward him) You little.. You sack of shit. (Fearing for his life, Tony pulls his own blasster glove on, aiming at Rocky)I Got Dumped. BECAUSE YOU F&*# RUINED IT ALL!
Tony: See! Totally Crazy! Throwing a fit like a little Baby!
Rocky: You want to see crazy?
Tony: No I've seen that movie, and, spoiler alert, it ends with a closet full of my suits on fire.
Rocky: I wish you'd been wearing one.
Tony: Who would want to wear an on-fire suit?
Rocky: Cosplay enthusiasts.
Rocky: Wait, do you ..
Tony: Do you know how totally batshit insane you sound?
Rocky: I'll tell you what I hear!
(The Elevator dings, as Jash turns back into Duncan and escapes. Rocky turns to say something to Tony.)
Tony: Yeah...please keep talking.
Outside G-Force, Vanessa and Vlad are talking to Fanboy and CHumChum, both who are munching on a bowl full of stir fry.
Vlad: So, there we are Enjoy our...Massage Sessions.
Vanessa: To each other.
Vlad: When we get a call from the Security Company, about our defenses being breached.
Vanessa: So, why are you two in the car, eating stirfry?
ChumChum: It's stirfryday, and because Rocky said so.
(Jash as Duncan comes out of the Laundry/Dry Cleaners.)
Jash: Mr. Masters?
Vlad: What's this flap about a break in?
(Tony and Rocky come out of the Cleaners)
Tony: Vlad, look out, Duncan's a Skrull.
Vanessa: Oh, Abjay is as full of crap, as she is of carbohydrates. Now...
(Skrull Jash grabs Vanessa)
Jash: Not this time, you impossible bitch. Also, you should all be nicer to Abjay.
Rocky:I Am Always nice to Abjay!
Vanessa: Pfft! To her face...
Rocky: Why aren't you underneath Vlad? It is Friday night.
Vanessa: In case you haven't noticed...I'M CURRENTLY BEING MANHANDLED BY A SKRULL IMPOSTER!
Fanboy: Wouldn't it be Skrull-handled?
Vlad: (frantic) Somebody, do something.
(Tony grabs Rocky and puts a gun to her head)
Rocky: What are you doing, you idiot?
Tony: Looks like we have a Mexican Standoff!
Jash: How is this a Mexican standoff?
Jash: I don't care if you shoot her!
Fanboy: (meekly) I do...
Jash: But what if I shoot her(pushes gun against Vanessa's face) Huh, Lover Boy?
(Tony looks like he might like that, worrying vanessa)
Jash: Yessss, picture her dead in the gutter...
Vanessa: (struggles) STARK!
Jash: ...and how much better your life will be like without her!
Rocky: (shocked) Jesus Christ!
Rocky: (appalled) He's got an erection!
Jash: What the hell is wrong with you people?
(Jash recoils from Vanessa. Rocky, Vlad and Tony seize the opportunity and
shoots or Blasts Jash repeatedly with bullet's laser blasts and ecto blasts, fatally.)
Tony: Nothing, you on the other hand..
(Vanessa starts to hit Tony with her Necrod weapon.)
Tony: Ow! Ow!
Vanessa: An erection!
(Vanessa continues to wail on Tony)
Tony: Hey, what have you been eating? Bricks!
Vlad: (arms crossed with proud grin) My Lovely Wife is strong.
Vanessa: (incredulous)The thought of me dead gives you an erection!
Tony: No, just half a one. The other half would have really missed you..I mean not. (Vanessa scoffs in disgust, walking away from him into the building)Oh...Johnny Bench called.
(The gang are at a computer, going over what may have been touched.)
Vlad: Yep, see here. (pulls up print sheet) Jash just stole fifty thousand from Tony's account. He must have been doing doing it all along.
Tony: Ah apology accepted, assdouche.
Rocky: (Aims blaster at him) Call him that again.
Tony: Make me.
Tony: What? V, do you see this?
Vanessa: (Staring off distracted) I just don't understand
Tony: This is a hostile work environment.
Vanessa: I would have known if we had a Alien Imposter.
Tony: Yeah, you were just to busy banging your husband and getting drunk to realize. Yeah, we forgive you for that.
Vanessa: (to Tony) And who are you, "Mr. Judgey"?
Tony: (confused) Judgey...
Vanessa: Never mind. (under her breath) You and your erections (gestures to floor) AND WHY ARE THERE DONUTS EVERYWHERE!
Tony: Rocky did that.
Rocky: What? I didn't...
Vanessa: (to Rocky) Do you want Ants? Because that is how you get ants!