HP/TF2 Crossover. At least the second half. It is an idea I've had on my mind for quite some time. It took up quite a lot of space, at the same time. As such, I'm glad to get it onto paper finally. Well, virtual paper, at least. As always, please read and review. Any and all critiques are welcome, whether you think ye or nay of the story. Anywho, enjoy!
Disclaimer the First: I own zip, zero, and nada of Harry Potter, or anything that is affiliated thereof.
Disclaimer the Second: I also own nothing from Team Fortress 2. Not even a Sandvich. Vich is making me hungry. And talk with v's instead of w's. Anyways, onwards!
Quizzically, one Luna Lovegood peered over the shoulder of a friend. At least, she would call her a friend. She had certainly been friendly this past year; more friendly than the others that she knew. And friendlier than she herself had been in the past. It did not matter, however. She was here for whom she considered a friend. More to the point, she continued to peer over her shoulder, brushing aside the bushy hair that got into her sight.
Hermione had been rather miffed, after all, the past few days. When she and Ron had gone to accompany Harry at his abode, she had been refused permission to stay. Harry's guardians would not permit her to stay in the same residence. Much less would she permit her to stay in the same room as him. Apparently this had thrown the bushy haired girl into quite the tizzy. As soon as I heard, of course, I decided myself to join Hermione. That way, she wasn't alone. Of course, Hermione also seemed to be miffed when Luna appeared on her doorstep at four o'clock in the morning. But at least she had forgiven her. Mostly.
Still, though, this rather curious device that Hermione's family had acquired distracted Luna. A screen made of rather hard glass had an image on it that was constantly changing. And rather, she could assume that Hermione was directly causing the changes. At least, she was stroking the buttons on a board as if they were keys on a piano, causing words to appear at random places on the screen. Occasionally, she would use a small device to navigate a 'pointer' across the screen. Luna remembered that it had been named after some rodent. Perhaps it was a gerbil? Odd name for a muggle device, but she supposed that they knew better.
After a bit more staring at the screen, at which her protruding eyes began to water, she finally addressed Hermione. "What type of strange device is this, Hermione?"
Hermione jumped, spinning around in her seat. "Luna! What do you think you're doing?" Garnering no response besides a quizzical tilt to her head, Hermione merely sighed. "Never mind. Just don't sneak up on me like that. Please?" Receiving a nod, she waved a hand at the computer. "This thing here is a computer. It's designed so that one can use it for a multitude of different calculation, from basic arithmetic to complex problem solving." She then shrugged. "It can do a lot more than that, but the original design was for solving equations quickly."
Luna looked a bit lost, staring back and forth between the machine and Hermione. However, her mind quickly cottoned on to what her friend was saying. "Oh, are you saying it's an analytical engine?"
Hermione's eyebrow rose at that statement. "One of those antiques that was developed over a century ago? I suppose that would be an adequate analogy. Why?"
Luna just smiled at her reaction. "Because we have one at home. They're not very common, but Daddy needs one to help him keep up with all the supplies necessary for production of the Quibbler. I mean, investigative journalism espousing the plight of the nargles doesn't print itself after all!" She paused for a moment, her expression not wavering. "Well, technically it does, but I believe that is the expression that muggles are fond of."
A pained look crossed over her face as Hermione's eyes crossed. "Right." Taking a moment to clear her head, she met Luna's eyes. "But why use something a muggle invented? Isn't there magic to calculate stuff like that?"
Luna merely nodded. "Yes there is. But it is dependent on the person casting it." Her face suddenly became contrite. "But Daddy has never been that good at math." Her face tilted to the side. "Come to think of it, not many wizards are. So that is why we use them."
Hermione's nostril's flared. "Quite. I am rather… disturbed at this lack of education. Even Arithmancy isn't quite what I expected." The nasty look on her face betrayed her thoughts. While Arithmancy was portrayed as a math class, it was actually a form of Divination. Using numbers. Hence the reason that Hermione had quietly dropped the class in the last year. It was just as pointless as the other she had left. Luna's statement, however, stirs the nugget of an idea in her head. One that would not be recognized for quite a while longer.
Luna was oblivious to this inner turmoil. "Oh, it's fine, Hermione. Besides, with all the nargles around, I'm sure that one of them would steal the numbers anyway. Then two added to two would be three, instead."
Hermione was about to rebuke her statement when the doorbell rang. Relieved at the interruption, she quickly excused herself to answer it. "I'll be right back. Just be careful with that Luna. And don't touch anything. I'm searching for something… important. That I can't talk about." With another ring of the doorbell, she dashed off, leaving Luna alone in the room.
Luna merely blinked, before sitting down in the chair. "Such a strange girl. I wonder if she has caught some wrackspurts? More's the pity. It would be a dreadful infection that she's caught." Facing the screen, she tried to identify anything that looked familiar. But there were no punch cards that she could use to input anything. How strange. Perhaps this is a basic version? Punch cards are so important though? I shall ask Hermione later."
Before long though, Luna felt her vision to get blurry, as she saw something else on the computer screen. Rather, she Saw something. It was rather annoying, actually, when the nargles brought her something like this to See. But it was always important, so she let herself See it. It was rather odd, what she Saw. It involved a computer, a much sleeker one than Hermione had. It was rather thin though. Where did someone fit all the gears and cranks? It mustn't be important though, for something was on the computer. It was a Lunatube. Well, rather, it said Youtube, but since Luna wasn't there, it couldn't really be hertube, could it?
What was interesting, however, was the rather interesting moving portrait in the middle. One that made a sound as it moved. How interesting. Luna listened raptly as she Saw the screen. After a few minutes, the image disappeared, and she was looking at Hermione's computer again. Relieved to be seeing rather than Seeing, she waited a few more minutes until Hermione entered the room, accompanied by a rather irate Scotswoman.
"Miss Lovegood! What do you think you are doing? We thought you had been kidnapped by Voldemort!" She began to rant a bit further, causing no reaction in the blonde.
Luna simply stated, "I was visiting a friend. And I told Daddy that I was leaving this morning. And I would be coming back sometime, at when specifically I did not know."
McGonagall looked peevishly at her. "I… suppose that would be acceptable. But young lady, that sounds like something Voldemort would obliviate a person to say. Don't you understand how we feel about it?"
Luna just nodded. "I suppose I could see it from your perspective. That isn't nearly as fun though." Pausing for a moment, stood up from the chair. "Either way, I am ready to return."
Hermione looked oddly at Luna, and opened her mouth to ask something. Snapping her mouth shut instead before shaking her head, she turned to McGonagall. "That is probably for the best. Professor McGonagall is here to help ensure that I can stay at Harry's house. Since we are doing this for… reasons I cannot say. But they are important. Dumbledore's portrait said as much."
Smiling at the two, Luna turned to fetch her trunk. "That is alright. Good luck to you then on your mention. And tell Harry to watch out for mistletoe still. The nargles are rather attracted to him, even now."
A few weeks later, a horde of black robes was slowly approaching the Lovegood's home. Among the hooded crowd, one stood out as she had already lowered hers. However, it was not very noticeable under the low light, as her matted her was just as dark as the robes that she wore. As the sun sank deeper over the horizon, a smirk crawled over the woman's lips. It would not be too long before she had the brat under her control, and the father under her Master's. It was such a delicious thought to her, the idea of having the one who had committed such libel against him. He would pay dearly for that. And Bellatrix Lestrange would be collecting.
As she approached the house, a strange sight met her. There was a person on the porch strumming a guitar. What was even odder was that she was wearing some weird yellow glove on one hand, along with a metallic helmet and goggles. She shouldn't have been able to play with her fingers in a glove that thick. Yet, she kept the strumming in perfect harmony. Snapping out of her musing, she strode up to the sight and looked downward at the person. Who are you, and what are you doing here?"
The person smiled up at her. "Milady. I'm a Magineer. And I am here to assist the residents in a pest problem."
Confusion marred her face, but she forced it down. It was no time to have a discussion. There were people to kidnap! "Move aside then, if you want to live. This pest problem they are dealing with is the least of their worries."
A confused look marred the face of the person, nay, the girl that was sitting there. Bellatrix was sure of it from the sound of her voice. "They have greater problems? Maybe I can assist then! That is my job, after all."
Before Bellatrix could respond, a Death Eater beside her asked. "What is your job, exactly?"
The girl grinned, seemingly excited to tell someone about it. "Alright, I'll be nice and tell you again." She coughed, before talking in a strange accent that was foreign to the Death Eaters. "Look, buddy, I'm a Magineer. I solve problems. Not problems like what is beauty, because that falls under the purviews of your conundrums of philosophy."
The same Death Eater was curious as to what she meant. "Well, what kinda problems do you solve then? Pest problems?"
She just kept grinning, continuing in that strange accent. "I solve practical problems." At that, she leaned down behind a crate, returning with a cup of tea."
At this point, Bellatrix had had enough. Signaling to one of the Death Eaters next to her, she told him to kill the man so they could be on with this business. Whatever this 'Magineer' deal is, they can't be that important or powerful. Which is why she hadn't heard of one before.
A bolt flashed at the girl's head, before impacting an invisible shield around her. As the shield flared up, a whirring sound issued from a radish-like mechanical object beside her. It issued a few piercing bolts at the attacker, causing him to scream in pain. All the while, she was drinking her tea. Setting it down on the crate, she turned to the group, which was now much more wary after one of their number was so easily killed.
After strumming up again, she began to monologue over the music, as the group watched her closely. "For instance," she began, "How am I gonna stop some big mean muther-hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?"
As one of the other Death Eaters in the crowd raised his wand, the radish-like object spun around and spat more piercing bolts at the attacker. She began to speak again as he fell to the ground. "The answer," she began again while a second, larger, radish thing spun up and knocked a third Death Eater down, "is a wand."
At this point, Bellatrix was terrified. She had no idea how or why this girl was easily killing her men. Shaking the group out in a stupor, she had them start casting spells at the girl. These obviously buffeted the shield, but there was no real indication that the spell was failing. After a while, Bellatrix ordered her men to stop. Mentally berating herself for not switching to the unforgivables earlier, she whipped her wand up, speaking out the incantation for the Killing Curse.
The girl merely smiled as she continued to play, oblivious to the danger. "And if that don't work… use more wand." A thump in the distance as an even larger radish emitted a massive explosive bolt. She stopped playing as it came closer and closer to the group, before exploding in the midst of the Death Eater group. Her smile slowly widened as she heard a high-pitched voice shriek "My arm!" as it fell towards her. The tip of the wand it held was still glowing with a sickly green light.
The girl chuckled before opening her mouth. As she looked around, she noticed that all the Death Eaters were dead, fallen victim to her inventions. "Aww…" she pouted. "I wanted to finish the speech. Maybe for the next group." Taking the helmet off, she let if fall to her side before shaking out her hair, next, the girl raised her goggles, showing her protruding eyes. Luna Lovegood grinned to herself. "At least Harry will be happy with me. I got the woman who killed his godfather. Maybe I'll get a hug. That would be nice."
Whipping her wand out, she summoned the robes of her former guests, along with their wands. "I must remember to thank you for your donation, Cousin Bellatrix. Your robe will work very splendidly for a campfire. I know I should probably move your bodies, but the Snorcacks have always taken care of that for us. I do wonder what they do with them."
At that, Luna went back to strumming, with a campfire made from cloaks in front of her, and a crate full of wands at her side. As the night grew darker and darker, many a wand was added to her collection, many a kill was added to her count, and many a domination was gained.
Edited on 3/23/2012 for clarity