Cut to the inside of Mallory's condo
(Vanessa and Fury are walking past the foyer while guests look on)
Vanessa: Fury, please. Don't go yet. You haven't even tried the fish balls!
Fury: No need! There's plenty of fishiness going on at G-Force without your balls!
Eddy: Okay, phrasing!
Donnie: Maybe I should go say something.
Dudley: Yeah. Where's the damned fish balls already? I could kill for some food.
Bloo: I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time.
Bloo: No, I just meant, like, he literally killed somebody -
Izzie: And then ate their corpse. Yeah, I saw where you were going with that.
Dudley: You know...
Rita: When I did a Journal investigation, on the activities in the King's African Rifles, the local Zambezi tribesmen called human flesh "Long Pig". (She slurps from her drink) Never much cared for it.
(Vanessa is begging Fury to stay)
Vanessa: Fury, at least stay for dinner! I think you'll be very surprised by...
Fury: I detest surprises, which is why the contract will remain with The AVENGERS.
Cut to the kitchen
(Catman is peering through the door, along with Cheshire watching Vanessa chasing after Nick Fury.)
Cheshire: Thomas, do something! Fury is leaving!
Catman: Okay, okay. We go ahead of schedule. Find some tupperware. We take food to go.
Cheshire: But you promised me Ruby Tuesday's.
Catman: I also promised you a baby. How's that working out for you?
(Shutting the Kitchen door. Dudley and Florentine had noticed the duo.)
Florentine: Hey, does that cook seem weird?
Dudley: Normal weird or German weird?
At Front Door.
Fury: Now good night, And good...(door opens .Revealing Tony and Shego)... evening, you beautiful girl.
Tony: You're not, um, leaving are you?
Fury: No. Not if you are staying, miss...
Tony: (never asked Shego's name) Oh, um...
Shego: Nichole Sullivan.
Fury: A pleasure, my dear. I am Nick...
Shego/Nichole: Fury, I know. I am a great admirer.
Vanessa/Tony: (together) Really?
Tony: You know he's not the War Vetran, right?
Shego: Of course he is not the War Vetran. But I am sure he is very strong.
Fury: (chuckles) Unlike these drinks. Come, my dear. Let us find something potable.
(The two walk off and Stark tries to follow after them. Vanessa pulls out her V-Sword /6yoxzvk blocking Tony's path. She then presses the edge of it against his chest.)
Tony: (shouts over V,) Whoa, wait a minute. Hey, Fury! Fury!
Vanessa: (grip tightens on sword) Would you shut up? We just need to keep Fury happy until dinner.
Tony: And what about my happiness, Vanessa?
(Vanessa looks into the distance, shoulderign her sword.)
Vanessa: Oh, was that not rhetorical?
(Shego laughs as she is led past the kitchen on Utne's arm. From the kitchen, Catman observes the pair)
Catman: Holy Shit! The Nuclear Fist Assassin!
Cheshire: (stunned) Nuke Fists! Why is she here?
Catman: Oh, that Caveman prick! He sent two teams again. And if Nuke Fists kills Fury, we won't even get our payment!
Cheshire: (Catty Grin) But, what if you kill them both?
Catman: Ooh. (Thinking and scratching his head with the tip of his gun) Yeah, that could work.
Dudley: (knocking on the kitchen door) Hey. Help, help!
(Thomas throws his gun into the Punch Bowl)
Cheshire: Help with what, sir?
Tony: No, he was addressing you as "Help".
Dudley: No I wasn't! (Holds up foot that has pot stuck on it) I need help getting this off.
Cheshire: Try some butter.
Dudley: (takes offered butter) Gee, thanks!
Tony: So, what's the story on those fish balls?
Cheshire: Coming right up!
Tony: Well, hurry it up all right? All I've had today is like six gummi bears and some scotch.
(He walks out while Dudley hops out with his foot still potted.)
Catman: Jesus Christ!
Cheshire: (Dipping ladle into bowl and retrieving Thomas's gun) This is why I don't get you nice things.
Catman: Not that - him! (grabs cheshire by shoudlers and turns her to face door pointing) Babe, that was Tough Puppy!
Cheshire: That was TOUGH Puppy!
Catman: The deadliest agent there is!
Flashback to a seedy room
(Dudly is sitting at a table where everyone has been shot in the head except for him, apparently while playing Russian roulette)
Dudly: Oh my God. I can't believe they fell for that.
Back to kitchen
Cheshire: But if he's on the plan of Mrs. Masters, then...
Catman: What if her plan is a big, fat setup! What if they mean to kill us?
Cheshire: I can't die like that! (gestures to maid outfit) Not looking like this!
(Thomas pulls a bottle of "Zyanid" from his coat pocket)
Catman: Okay, we go to plan B.
Cheshire: And then Ruby Tuesday?
Catman: Well, we will see.
Cue to Fury and Shego
Fury: Really? A European lingerie model?
Shego: Only to pay for European med school.
((Edd, Jimmy, Raph, Dudly and Eddy admire Tony's "Europeon model" date)
Dudly: Like to get a Physical from her!
Eddy: Or With her, Hehe.
Abjay: (has her hand on Eddy's shoulder in a vice grip) I wonder if Dr. Panty Model, knows how many pounds of pressure it takes to snap a human collar bone!
Eddy: (Whimpering in pain) She probably uses the metric system!
Jimmy: Yeah, what do they use... kilowatts?
Edd: No, in this case it would be pascals.
Raph: Ugh. Hey Europe, be gayer.
(Vanessa, Eva, Squirrel, Lindsay, Jonah, Donnie, Meg, Leo, Karai, Mikey and Florentine.)
Eva: (disapproving) Abjay!
Leo: There's no need for violence.
Meg: Even if Eddy is a loud mouth.
Jonah: Yeah, Abjay, cool down.
Karai: (shakes head) This party is turning out to be crazy...
Vanessa: (tugs Abjay's pigtail) Abjay, release him!
Abjay: (Darth Vader voice) As you wish. em.(Eddy sighs in relief)/em I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Eddy: I find your mannish hands disturbing.
Ed: Ed, think'd they're kind of sexy.
Eva: (unsure she heard right) Excuse me?
Squirrel: (shakes head) They're fingers, Ed, not Chicken Tenders.
Vanessa: But keep them limbered up. I have a big surprise planned for dinner, and I need you ready, locked and loaded!
Mieky: Yeah, so, do you maybe want to let us in on your little scheme-hatchery?
Vanessa: (looks at everyone) No.
Cut back to Fury talking with Shego
Fury: (woeful) Oh, if I were twenty years younger!
Shego: (flirting) I can make you feel like you are.
Fury: (grining) I would like, I think, that very much!
Tony: (walks up) Well, then go find an ATM.
Fury: (confused) I'm sorry?
Sehgo: Oh, me too. I must leave for a moment. Excuse me.
(Leaves the two gusy alone. Making Tony glare at Fury with jealousy.)
Tony: (shouts after her) Yeah, sorry. Don't mind me!
(Snarls at Fury) Hey, are you having a good time?
Fury: (grins) Oh, I am!
Vanessa: (running over) Good to hear. Please excuse us. Mm-hmm.
(Starts to lead Tony down the hall toward bathrooms. Then turning, she whips around to face Tony.)
Vanessa: (teeth gritted) Keep your Tramp of a date out of my Medicine-Cabinet! One more dead body in here and that Bitch, Natalia Romanova will have me right back in front of the S.H.I.E.L.D Board!
Tony: (shakes head) You just can't get along with your Super Heroine rivals anywhere, can you?
Vanessa: Who can get along with a woman, who wallpapers her guest bathroom with Vintage New Yorker covers?
Cut to the bathroom
(Shego is speaking into her compact device, to Vandal Savage who's face is on the screen.)
Shego: (filing her green glowing nails) Yeah, i'm here and about ready to eighty-six this Fury guy.
Vandal: (pleased) Excellent. The Avengers will find it much harder to bribe a dead man for the U.N. contract. And I will find it much more enjoyable to be with the woman, when I win her over by helping her son's Super Team get the contract.
Shego: (suspicous) What do you mean "be with"?
Vandal: (shifting eyes) "Against", obviously. Duh.
Shego: (sarcastic) Obviously. Thou, I still think you should let me kill everybody here.
Vandal: NO! Under no circumstances are you harm the hostess who... um...whose name I have no way of knowing.
(Tony suddenly barges in the room, Shego quickly shuts the compact.)
Tony: Hey, what the hell are you doing?
Shego: (quickly picks up bottle) Uh... Botox.
Tony: (grabs bottle) Not from the medicine cabinet!
(Close up of the bottle Tony took from Shego. The label reads "Botulinum Toxin")
Tony: No, don't use this! She switches all the labels on her medicine.
Tony: I don't know. I think there's, like, a racial component. But for all we know, this could be insulin.
Shego: Oh, your friend is a diabetic?
Shego: How should I know?
Sehgo: (to herself) Okay, negative on the friend part.
Back to the kitchen
(Thomas and Cheshire are putting poison into plates of food)
Cheshire: Why don't you just pour it on everybody's?
Catman: Because, our employer was very clear: we are not to harm the hostess.
Cheshire: But her I want to poison the most.
(Vanessa comes into the Kitchen.)
Vanessa: Are you lazy bums ready or what?
Catman: Oh (chuckles, hiding bottle behind his back.) hello. Yep!
Vanessa: Good. So, on the second bell...
Catman: I come out shooting blanks, see? (Cheshire is shown wiping punch juice, off the gun dropped in the Punch bowl.) Babe, here is just, um, polishing the gun.
Vanessa: (grabs cloth) Give me that! Some idiot dropped a fish ball on my Azerbaijani rug!
(Leaves the kitchen.)
Cheshire: (laughs) I am that idiot!
(Catman sighs rolling his eyes. Meanwhile outside of the bathroom...)
Fury: Nichole, is everything all right?
Shego: (putting on cheerful face, with difficulty) Wonderful, Fury. How are you?
Fury: (offers his arm) I am fantastic, my dear.
Cut to inside of bathroom
(Tony is listening to Fury's conversation and taking some baby asprin.)
Fury: (outside) Those calcium supplements are amazing.
Tony: (frowns) You're going to need some calcium after I (Tries to think of something threatening.) do something bad to your bones.
Vandal: (from comms device) Hello?
(Tony looks around confused.)
Vandal: Can you hear me?
Vandal: Come in!
(Tony opens the compact and sees Vandal Savage.)
Tony: Wait, what the hell?
Tony: What is the frequency?
Baron : Baron Zemo?
Vandal: (see's Tony) Shit!
Tony: What? I-I can't hear you, tiny man. (The screen turns back into a mirror) Wh- Oh great. Thanks Vanessa, for replacing the baby aspirin with LSD! God, that is just...(He takes even more)...mmm, classic her.
Vanessa: (at head of table) Places, everyone! Is everyone comfy?
(indistinct chatter. Everyone is either paired next to their date or friends. Ed and Meg seated next to Vanessa and such.)
Vanessa: Leo, Karai, Eva, Raph, Mikey, Donnie and Tony? You both have a clear line of... sight to the kitchen?
Eva: Sure, I think so.
Tony: Maybe it's her racial thing?
Donnie: Something makes me doubt that, Tony
Mikey: Can we eat? I am starving!
Vanessa: Well, then let's eat. (Rings bell) First bell!
Tony: Wow. Really annoying
Vanessa: Shut up! (smiles at fury) Fury, a toast?
Fury: (shego is secretly feeling him up under the table) Sure. Go crazy. Oh Ohhhhhh!
Vanessa: (gives weird look) Then, um... Hurray.
Vanessa: Dig in.
Karai: (looks at fork) And what is this...we're eating?
Izzie: (sniffs) It smells vaguely poisonous.
Squirrel: It can't be poisonous.
Vanessa: (waves fork under her nose) It does smell vaguely poisonous.
Cut to kitchen door which is cracked.
Catman: Are you sure she has the right plate?
Cheshire: Pretty sure.
Cheshire: What? I am pretty sure.
Thomas just sighs, while events unfold in the Dining Room.
Fury: (reassures everyone) Don't worry this is a normal smell! This is called janssons frestelse.
Fury: Yes, frestelse. It means (sniffs) "Temptation".
Shego: Oh Nick! I am very tempted.
(Shego has a finger, radiating Nuke energy under the table, ready to eradicate Fury)
Fury: Yes, and I am tempted to give G-Force the U.N. contract, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Hmm? (covers up surprise) I mean, you are?
Fury: Well, that depends on your frestelse.
(Fury feeds Shego a fork full of the food.)
Shego: Mmmm (smiles)
Fury: Tell me my dear, is it tempting?
Shego: (Chokes her finger going out)
Fury: Nichole, what is the matter? A-a-are you...
(There is a clatter as Shego falls dead on the table. All gasp except for Jimmy who is still eating.)
Jimmy: What? (See's dead Shego) Oh...
Cut to kitchen
Catman: That's the wrong plate! Oh my god, Cheshire!
Cheshire: Oh Cram it! I'm the only one, who gets to kill and look sexy in green okay!
In Dining Room.
Vanessa: No! Fury, there's no perfidy!
Spongebob: Whatever that means.
Meg: I think it means deception or murder...
Fury: You poisoned my food over a contract?
Zim: Well Zim, wouldn't be surprised. The quality of this food...
Eddy: Shut it, GREEN BEAN!
Vanessa: (Pleading) Fury, I swear!
(Her sons dream of having a Super Hero Team crushed!)
Fury: Well, when I am finished with G-Force your son won't be able to get a contract for a prepaid mobile phone! I will tear you down, brick by perfidious brick!
(Gunfire emanates from the kitchen. Several of the Bullets hit Nick Fury in the chest.)
Jimmy: Get Down! (Jumps over to Florentine and brings her to the ground them both while the commotion starts) I'll protect you, Florentine!
Bart: AYE CAREMBA!
Leo: Everyone down!
Ed: WE ARE UDNER ATTACK!
(Everyone gets ready to attack or is hiding under the table.)
Edd: Oh dear, I didn't sign up for this!
Meg: Vanessa! Rita!
(Meg couldn't lose her two mother figures. They both did so much for her. She stands in front of V, to block any attacks. Vanessa gently moves her away.)
Vanessa: It's okay!
(Lindsay screams and Spongebob scream girly girl style.)
Vanessa: It's okay! They're just blanks!
(Izzie, Raph, Mikey, Karai and Leo are standing behind Nick)
Izzie: Oh, well, see you say that...
Vanessa: But they were blanks. (Panicking) Weren't they!
Raph: (grimaces) Only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards.
Fluttershy: Oh my!
Jimmy: Well that aint good.
Jimmy: Oh My God!
Florentine: All I wanted was a nice dinner with Jimmy and the others and now this crabula starts? Oh, I really need to sharpen my claws on someone's face right now! (claws unsheathe from her hands)
Rita: I'm gonna take the kids home. Sorry, Vanessa. Guess everything didn't turn out all right.
(Guiding them Rita takes Abjay, Milhouse, Dudley, Kick Jimmy, Rocky, Florentine, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Bart, Jonah, Fluttershy and Spongbob home. As soon as they are gone, Vanessa let's loose the rage she's got bubbled up)
Vanessa: Damn it!
Vanessa: (pulls out her V Sword.) Where the hell are those Mecenary's!
Eva: (chases after her) Vanessa, Wait!
Cut to Outside. Cheshire and Catman are ropeing down the building, at the bottom they pull their ropes free.
(In the Kitchen with Tony, Vanessa is enraged as she see's the Hooks detach themselves from the window sill.)
Vanessa: (voice cracking) Oh, for shit's sake.
Tony: (smirks) And they didn't do one dish.
(Vanessa whips around holding her V-Sword to his neck. Eyes blazing with anger.)
Vanessa: This is funny to you?
Tony I ate a bunch of that LSD you had labeled as baby asprin.
Vanessa: (Dropping the sword to her side, she cocks her hip) That was baby asprin.
Tony Oh. Wait, what?
(Meg appears in the Doorway.)
Meg Hey, guys. What's the plan here?
(In the Dining room V, sighs, this has been a terrible night. She doesn't even want to admit to the others that it's not the real Nick Fury. But one of his clones.)
Jarvis: I shall fetch a rug.
Vanessa: NO, YOU WILL NOT! That rug was a gift from the Aziri kahn himself. (Her eyes widen, as an idea comes to her.) And besides, we're not going far.
Outside The Black Widow's/ Natalia Romanova's condo
(Eva is breaking into the Condo! But what's shocking is that the toher are there. Mikey is carrying Fury and Tony is carrying Shego.)
Izzie: Is that hard to do? With those big ol' ballpark Franken-fingers?
Raph: (growls) Shut it, Izzie.
Vanessa: Hurry up! (Uses sword to bust open door.) Romanova will be back anytime. And nobody touch anything!
(Everyone walks into the Condo.)
Tony: God, Mikey, would you go?
Mikey: I should be carrying her. She's lighter then me.
Tony: Mikey, I paid her, I get to carry her corpse.
(Everyone is in the Condo, their voices still heard.)
Meg: God, you are such a maniac, Stark.
Donnie: Yet here we all are, planting corpses in someone's Condo.
Karai: Sadly, this brings back memories of my twelth Birthday.
(You can hear a few gasps at karai's confession)
Squirrel: Oh my!
(Vanessa is heard elsewhere)
Vanessa: See? Just look at this bathroom!
Raph: Yeesh, kinda tacky.
Lindsay: I kind of like it.
Vanessa: Exactly. All right, drop them there, next to that awful Louis Quinze repro.
(general grunts and thumps)
Vanessa: Now, then. We want this to look like a classic hooker/murder/suicide so...Zim, takes Eva's gun, and pump a round into Tony's prostitute.
Leo: Wait, what?
Vanessa: Everyone, Except Meg, shoots the chippy. That way, we're all in it together. Think of it as a team-building exercise.
Mikey: But, The X-men get to go on Field Trips.
Vanessa: Well, The X-men can suck it. Now shoot!
Zim: Oh, Tallest.
Vanessa: You're next!
Tony: God, Mikey that was pathetic.
Vanessa: Come on, everybody shoots!
Vanessa: Now, Eva, drop your gun between the bodies and -
Donnie: No! Have you ever seen "CSI"? This is already like clue town.
Vanessa: Not for long. Asumani- Asunder!
(Her voice echos as a burst of fire shoots out the Door.)
Donnie: Wha- oh.
Izzie: Hot potato!
Vanessa: Donnie, call 911 from their phone, and leave it off the hook, and...Eva, Lovely!
Eva: But this gun - it was a gift.
Raph: From you might we add.
Vanessa: Oh alright. Eva, Lovley just hand me that lamp.
(She transmuates a lamp into a gun. THen drops it between the dead bodies.)
Zim: We still didn't get the U.N. contract.
Vanessa: Oh, but we will. And I'll get to see Black Widow try to explain this little barbecue to the co-op board!
Leo: Just to be clear. We are never coing to any Party you host again.
Vanessa: *sighs* It would be weirder if you did.
Back at Dining table. The remaining guests try to enjoy the meal
Donnie: Well, this tort is a winner, Vanessa. What was the name again?
Tony: (laughs) Ahahahaha!
(Laughter from around the table)
Vanessa: Stop it!
Leo: I'm sorry.
Mikey *wipes tear from eye* That's - that's a funny word.
Lindsay: Oh, I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire.
Izzie: (laughs) Ahem. Sorry.