This idea was bubbling in me and Tomas's head for a while, now we've banned together to bring you, Chapters and Chapters of crazy and unbeliavable hilarity and weirdness.
The World of MARVEL! Echo, echo, echo...
But mostly it focus's on The Avengers from "EARTH'S MIGHTIEST HERO'S" Cartoon.
Plus, Guest Star my OC Vanessa Masters, Sorceress Supreme and all around Wack-Job. Don't worry it good crazy, not bad like Sybil's Mother crazy.
Any Hoo- Some of this is Tomas The betrayer's Work and some is mine.
No Copyright. All the Characters belong to Stan Lee, Except Vanessa. GET YOUR BITCH HANDS OFFF OF HER!
Enjoy the Show!
Having triumphed over Thor's wicked brother Loki, the Avengers were now being treated to the hospitality of Asgard. A grand celebration was held in Valhalla to show the thanks of a grateful realm, in which all the mortal heroes were heaped with glory and praised for their valor.
"It was an honor to fight beside you, warrior," Sif the Valkyrie stated to Henry Pym as she brought drinks for him and Janet Van Dyne. They watched the raucous festivities going on all around them.
"Well, thank you, Sif," he replied, accepting a goblet of mead. "Though don't take this the wrong way, but I hope we never have to again."
Far from being offended, the raven-haired goddess smiled. "Peace is always welcome, on that you will find no argument here. Your words show an appreciation for battle in all its aspects both fair and foul."
"That's m'man." Wasp slipped an arm through his, making Hank color slightly. "Isn't he ten different kinds of awesome?"
"Indeed he is," Sif laughed, turning away. Over her shoulder she added, "For a mortal," and walked off.
Giggling herself, Jan was surprised to see Henry now frowning just a tad. "Hank?" She hugged his arm tighter. "Everything okay?"
"Hm? Oh, yes. Well, I mean…" He then looked down at Janet, lowering his voice as he spoke. "Have you noticed how whenever they compliment us, they always add that qualifier? 'For a mortal'. I mean, at first I thought it was just tongue-in-cheek, but it happens every time. Could there be something to it I'm not getting?"
"Be not too offended by it," a voice spoke from below them, and both looked down to see Eitri the King of the Dwarves standing nearby with a mug of ale. His beetling brows and broad nose made him look to be grimacing, though there was a friendly glint to his diamond gaze. Noticing their questioning looks, he proceeded to explain. "Asgardians tend to hold other folk in low favor compared to their own race. This be not so much a matter of discourtesy towards you as it is… a lofty opinion of themselves."
"Well spoken, Eitri Dwarf-King!" Fandral the Dashing, one of the Warriors Three, declared brightly as he passed. Slapping the stout little man on the shoulder he bent in and stage-whispered, "For a dwarf!"
The handsome blonde then laughed uproariously. Both Avengers did not fail to notice how the dwarf's eyes narrowed, flicking down to regard the hand touching him with obvious distaste. Unaware of any perceived fault, Fandral wove his way drunkenly off. Eitri scowled after him, then noticed the humans watching, and drew himself up with a measure of regal dignity to affirm, "You grow accustomed to it after a while."
"Really?" Janet asked skeptically.
"No." And with that he left them there.
A low, mean laugh was heard. The heroic pair looked over to where Loki was bound and chained at the foot of Odin's throne. His clothes were spattered with hurled food and drink which even now continued to strike him, though he seemed to pay it no mind. Those glittering half-mad eyes held both the Avengers in their grip. "What?" he sneered. "You thought I turned on them because they were all so droll and kind? The average Asgardian is a condescending ox-headed dolt! They'll insult you to your face and then honestly expect you to thank them for it!"
"For once thou speakest the truth, Lie-Smith," Baldur the Brave boomed as he drew up to his humbled half-brother. "Mayhaps you have learned a lesson from your villainy. That is quite impressive… for a half-Giant!" He then upended his cup over Loki's head, causing the crowd of Asgardians to roar with approval. Baldur laughed and threw his cup at Loki before staggering back into the crowd, calling for more ale.
Janet and Henry were equally uncomfortable at this display. However, at that point Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton came up to them munching off a plate of unearthly delicacies. "Don't let it bother you," he advised in an easy voice. "These guys are just a little boisterous. They don't really mean anything by it. So relax and take it easy! That's what I recommend." With that he gave them a friendly wave and went to refill his drink.
One hour later…
"… for a MORTAL!" And all the Asgardians laughed.
For his part, Clint Barton was seeing red.
He stood in the midst of the reveling throngs. After hearing the exact same thing repeated nonstop with that same dopey grin for what must have been the thousandth time, he had to admit it was not quite so inoffensive as when they began. However, to his credit he had yet to lose his temper. It wouldn't do to start anything over such an admittedly minor point of contention.
"Friend Barton, you are not joining in the jocularity!" Tyr the One-Handed declared. "Mayhaps you would fain take some rest? No doubt you are tired after all your heroics."
"FOR A MORTAL!" Volstagg the Voluminous staggered and clutched Clint's shoulder for support, howling with mirth and spraying him with bits of chicken and bread. Gales of laughter followed this sweaty bellow.
At the center of this uproar, Hawkeye had clenched his wine goblet so hard he left indentations in the metal. That time didn't even make any sense!
"TYR, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?" the fat man slobbered, almost in tears. "YOU SAID HE WAS TIRED, AND I SAID 'FOR A MORTAL'! DID YOU HEAR?"
"Aye, that I did!" Tyr slapped his partner on one meaty arm. "Volstagg, thou remains the veriest wit in all the Nine Realms!" Then they all started laughing again.
Clint Barton's eyes narrowed.
And then he smiled. A small, dangerous smile.
"Yeah," the Avenger said quietly. He could barely hear his own voice over the gales of merriment. "Yeah, that was really funny, Volstagg…" He glanced down, swirling the wine in his cup slowly, and pitched his next words a little higher. "… for an Asgardian."
Silence immediately descended on the entire hall. You could have heard a feather hit the floor in that deathly quiet.
Still smiling, Hawkeye took a drink.
Fifteen minutes later…
"HAH!" Hawkeye screamed, ducking beneath the prow of the flying Elven ship Skidbladnir as knives, spears and swords whistled overhead. He notched another arrow, shouting out over the edge, "Call that aiming? You guys suck… EVEN FOR ASGARDIANS!" and let his shaft fly. More frenzied howls followed this pronouncement, and the archer couldn't contain his wild laughter at the sound.
"Clint, what did you say to them?" Iron Man screamed, firing his repulsors at the howling hordes of outraged immortals below before ducking down beside him. The other Avengers did their best to take cover as the Light Elves sought to escort them to safety. "I think you've done enough damage, don't you?"
"T'was worth it," King Eitri stood smiling happily gripping his axe right beside them. "Just to see the looks on their big dumb faces!"
"Oh, forget it!" Tony snapped. "Avengers… let's get the heck out of this crazy dimension!" And with that, the ship sailed on.
Meanwhile, Odin's throne room was in absolute pandemonium.
"Mighty Odin!" Baldur thundered. "We must take war to Midgard and cleanse our realm of this unforgivable shame! Never have mine ears heard such a… vile slander as has been perpetrated today!"
"I agree with you, Baldur the Brave," their white-haired warrior-king stated, a fire burning in his single eye. "But we cannot leave Asgard defenseless at this time!"
Right then, Loki spoke up from his position still shackled hand and foot. "Fellow Asgardians, I too share your ire at the outrage that has been permitted today! Therefore, I propose that you free me to watch over Asgard in your absence while you all take up our proud banners and put Midgard to the sword!"
"By thunder, that is an excellent idea!" Odin boomed. "I hereby free you, Loki! Guard Asgard well, my son!" With a wave of his hand, the Trickster God was released. The ancient deity then took up his spear. "Now, let us depart!"
The assembled mob shouted their approval and began to troop out. Loki called out encouragement, sidling back towards Odin's throne as he went. "Yes, that's it, my noble brothers! Go and avenge yourselves against the Avengers! Go on, that's it, easy does it there, don't trip, now! Plenty of havoc for all! Go, go, you mighty…!"
The last warrior exited, slamming the doors behind him.
"… buncha frickin' nimrods," Loki muttered, and left to go drain the Odin-Force once again.
Piledriver sat on a couch in a mid-sized apartment. His gaze flickered down to one side, and he stiffened. Slowly his head shifted around. "Wrecker!" he whispered. "She's doing it again!"
"Shaddap, Piledriver," his boss groused. "Act like an adult, will ya?"
The big hayseed criminal crossed his arms and proceeded to sulk moodily.
Meanwhile, sitting on his other side, little Katie Powers kept right on sticking her tongue out at him. After a suitable period of time she went back to sucking on her lollipop.
The four-man Wrecking Crew had taken up seats in the home of the Power Pack. With their parents out, the kids themselves were playing the duties of hosts, bringing snacks and drinks for their 'guests' before finding seats for themselves, whether it be on the arms of chairs or just plopping down on the floor. They weren't very picky. And besides, the person responsible for calling this gathering was clearly ready to begin.
"I'm so very pleased to welcome you all here today!" Spiderman giggled standing in the middle of the living room before them. He was dancing from one foot to the other, and his fingers wouldn't stop twitching. Every now and then, his left shoulder gave a spastic jerk before settling down again. To put it bluntly, he did not look well at all. "No doubt many of you have questions as to why I called this meeting! The answer is simple. We are…"
Here he stopped as a bout of furious giggling and head-bobbing overtook him. He began muttering to himself, the only distinguishable words being, "… cash…", "…burnt-up…" and "…Johnny Storm!" All the grown men cast speculative looks between them, while the kids just smiled like this was nothing out of the ordinary. They seemed to think this was a performance their erstwhile babysitter was putting on. As for the supervillains, they were starting to have some pretty severe doubts about this whole business.
"… going to start our own team!" Spiderman gasped as though that disturbing episode had not taken place. He clutched his hands together and laughed crazily before continuing. "You see, there are four of you…" here he pointed to the Wrecking Crew, "… and four of you!" Now at the Power Pack. "And when I realized that, it seemed so perfect I could just LAUGH!" He proceeded to do so, throwing back his head and sending out gales of insane laughter. Then he dropped back down, and his voice had gone very quiet. "Apart you are no great threat. But with me as your head, you eight will form the legs of… the ARACH-KIDS!"
Bulldozer perked up. "But we ain't k…"
Spiderman's head whipped around, and the metal-capped man went immediately silent. Satisfied, he proceeded to address his self-proclaimed team. "Now, pay attention, Arach-Kids!"
The Power Pack seized this moment to shout their approval of the new name in high childish voices. Flattered, Spiderman bowed to them. Thunderball took the opportunity to lean in and whisper to Wrecker in anxious tones, "This dude's outta his gourd!"
"I know." Their leader shook his head sadly. "What the heck did those Avengers do to him?"
Both clammed up when their crazed host began speaking once more.
"The purpose of our new organization…" more creepy giggling, "… is one thing and one thing only: to make us all rich! More money than we could ever possibly hope to spend! And this is how we are going to do it. Lights!"
At this cue, Jack and Alex Power flicked off the lights and pulled the blinds shut, plunging the room into semi-darkness. They then retook their seats while Julie Power shone a mix of rainbow colored luminescence from her hand through a transparent sheet on which someone had drawn in marker, the result being all those scratchings were magnified against the wall behind where Spiderman stood.
"Step One!" he whipped out a pointer and indicated up on the projection. "The Power Pack, disguised as Girl Scouts, will approach the home of one… Henry Pym!" There were indeed some crude images which might be Girl Scouts knocking on a door, and a man with horns, a tail, and angry eyes answering. "This horrible evil person, who actually DARED to insist I never ever SPEAK to Wasp about giving me money again, will answer the door, in all his wickedness. And when he does… BLAM! Step Two: the Wrecking Crew strikes!"
Now he directed their attention to a furious dirt cloud out of which emerged several fists and feet. The kids, along with Piledriver, were enraptured by this performance. The rest all cast identical nervous looks at each other.
"So then, once that AWFUL man has been ki… er, I mean, captured, the next step is the most crucial. Step THREE!" Spidey's pointer whacked soundly on a drawing clearly intended to represent himself. "I infiltrate his home and proceed to assume his identity!" An arrow went from the Spiderman drawing to one that looked like him wearing Henry Pym's helmet and surrounded by ants. "With a little getup I… borrowed… from my old buddy the Chameleon, I will make myself look just like that loathsome abominable man! I'm just as smart and scientifically gifted as he is, no one will be able to tell the difference! After which, Janet Van Dyne will fall madly in love with me! I marry the rich babe…" At this point they had to wait for him to stop jumping up and down and laughing uncontrollably before he continued. "…becoming wealthy myself in the process, after which, I can share my HONESTLY ACQUIRED fortune with the other members of the Arach-Kids! It's all perfectly legal and justified!"
Spiderman spun around to regard his cohorts. "What do you think? Brilliant, huh?"
"Wow, what a great idea, Spider!" Thunderball proclaimed. They all started clapping, and Spiderman took several bows. During this distraction the mace-wielding menace murmured to his boss, "We gotta get out of here."
"I know," Wrecker responded, "But we can't just leave these kids with him." They looked over to where the Power Pack had clustered around Spidey in innocent adulation. "Even we're not that bad!"
"So wadda we do?"
Both men took to scratching their chins, deep in thought, which was relatively uncharted territory for them. If only someone would appear to show them the way…
Right then, Ultron busted in through the ceiling.
The mad robot landed on the coffee table, splitting it in half from the impact. It turned its head one way, then another, but before any of the heroes or villains could come to a conclusion as to how best to proceed with this development, Ultron said, "Please excuse the intrusion, I could not help but overhear someone plotting the downfall of Henry Pym. Might I be allowed to partake in these proceedings?"
Cowering behind a fallen bookshelf, Spidey popped up. After jerking his head around in the manner of a curious rodent, he leapt over the obstruction and grabbed Ultron's hand, pumping it up and down in frenzied cheer. "Absolutely! The more the merrier, I say! You can be my second-in-command, your codename is 'Spider-Slayer'. Now, let me educate you as to our plans!"
"I am happy to learn."
The two lunatics then fell to plotting. While they were occupied, Wrecker caught the attention of his teammates and indicated with his head towards the door. They cautiously moved to the Power kids, miming for them to be quiet. Apparently the children thought this was another part of the game, so they consented to be led without any noise out of the apartment. Casting one final wary look back at the demented pair, Wrecker closed the door softly behind them.
In the crispy weather morning, the sun rises in Good Old Potts...Uh..Latervia. Green Lightning strikes the ground, it's like a bunch of blocks forming together, revealing The Wasp, Ant Man, Hawkeye and a Dark haired, Violet eyed, Busty and gorgeous woman of about medium height.
This woman is Vanessa Masters, a Sorceress Supreme and new Member of the Avengers. She joined up after Janet freed her, from her 400 year imprisonment, allowing her to repell the Skrulls, Kree and seriously annoy Iron Man. Which is why Hank and Clint Barton were taken with her, but...her time imprisoned seemed...to have affected her Mental Health.
But despite her eccentric behavior and scathing insults to Tony, she has been a major help to them all.
"Why are we doing this again?"
Vanessa turned, seeing as how it would be cold as always in Latervia, V, cast a warmth spell on all of them to avoid bulky clothes, so everyone is in their regular clothes. Vanessa, in a black sweater and jeans, sighs and rolls her eyes but, shakes her head smiling at Hawkeye.
"What's your problem now, Clint?" Hank said, shuffling the backpack, he's carrying containing his and Janet's items they would need.
"Beside the fact, we're going to visit the Country's Number ONE." Clint says, looking very unhappy with his location. "Evil Sorcerer/Mad Scientist, Tyrant, Psycho in the World!"
"No, he asked because he's sarcastic." Vanessa mocked. "OF COURSE that's your problem!"
Vanessa huffs, picking up her bottomless purse from the ground, swinging around to walk away a few steps. Turning around to look at Clint, sad like at him.
"That's everyone's problem!" Waving her hands dramatic. The fact that everyone hates Victor seems to be the reason I could only ask you three to accompany me!"
Janet flies forward, zapping Clint in the back of his head, then resuming human size to hug her in compassion.
"We understand, thou why you chose to pick now to visit, Dr. Doom." Janet sighs, grinning her teeth uncomfortably. "But you were right, we need to get our minds off of Ulfie."
"Thou why visiting a Dictator is supposed to cheer us up. We won't ask." Clint mutter, arms crossed.
"Because." Vanessa said, pushing Janet to the ground, making her squeak in alarm at being shoved. "I was engaged to Victor for a period of 11 months, at the end of which he stood me up at the Altar to try and siphon Zeus's powers into himself."
Janet and Hank look at each other, hank having helped Janet up when she was shoved, and looked back at Vanessa.
"Annnnnnd, we're visiting him to get revenge on him?" Hank asked warily.
"No!" Vanessa scoffed, leaning to the side so far, she had to be levitating, with a carefree grin on her face. "I got my revenge on him a long time ago, why do you think he wears that mask?"
Clint's eyes bulged at this and he looks from V, and the couple fast.
"You scarred his face!" Clint blurted out.
"Again, 'NO!' Vanessa floated over and landed next to Clint. "I Superglued the mask to his face, should have come off a while ago but, Victor has had a flair for the dramatic."
"Obviously." Janet quiped.
"But. We still are on good terms and his helping the Mutants has encourage me to come pay him a cordial visit." Vanessa then folded her hands behind her back, balancing on her heels, teeth barred in embarrassment. "Also, I may have Super glued Maria Hill to her Toilet Seat."
*Back at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters*
"FIND HER! I WANT HER BEATEN AND INTERROGATED WITHIN A INCH HOF HER IMMORTAL LIFE!" Maria Hill barked at SHIELD Soliders. Running about to fufill her demmands, The Director stuck to the toilet, brought into the SHIELD front Computer room.
*Back In Latervia*
The gang walk toward town, where a Large ominous castle looms over the town, and Haweye has his arm across Vanessa's shoulders in amiable manner.
"You are alright with this, right?" Vanessa looked at Clint. "Janet and Hank are good with it, because Hank is a intelligent man and Janet's friend is a member of Latervia."
Clints head drooped before looking up smiling.
"Yeah, I can understand a guy can be disliked by everyone else for his past. I'd be a hypocrite to deny you a chance to visit him, plus someone's got to keep a eye on you, girly" He hugs her. "And I was the only one who wouldn't totally freak on you."
"And I have those pics of you and Black Widow." Vanessa said, straight faced.
Clint winces stumbling a bit, but continues to walk beside her arm still around her thou a little looser now.
"I gotta admit. You have a way with taking pictures unseen." Clint remarked, a dry laugh escaping him.
"Hey I just did it to get back at, Romanova." Vanessa said, hands held up in defense. "Since no one remembers my days as Iron Maiden. You just got caught in the crossfire, while wearing a dog collar and black briefs."
"Mmmmmmm-Yeah." Clint muttered. "I'd prefer we'd not talk about it."
"Okay, you do ten more favours and I burn the pics and negatives."
"Deal." Clint shook her hand.
The gang stop coming upon a big billboard, the local Welcome sign for the Village. The words "Relax" Highlighted in blood red and framed by snakes with skulls in the corner. The gang tilt their heads at the curious sign, lifting their heads before shaking their heads.
"That's got to be the least relaxing sign I ever seen." Hank stated, saying out loud what everyone thought. Vanessa turned toward him.
"What about the one at the barbershop that says, "Low Fatality Rate since 1999"?"
"I stand corrected." Hank winces.
Hawkeye rubs his head, before gesturing at the billboard.
"What the Hell, attracted you to this Fruit-Loop in the first place!"
She shrugs. "I don't know, his debonair manner, his love for old Medieval Art, his science skills, talent with Magic, which is almost as good as mine." Vanessa sighs, recalling pleasant memories with Doom. "He's also a great robotic's scientist." She shrugs again, smiling. "He has his Doombots I have my harkoss's."
The harkoss, being White slim robots that Vanessa invented, being interested in the science Hank exposed her too. They had what she called "Ghost Tech" that allowed them to go intangible and turn invisible. They could be linked with Vanessa, but were able to work on their own, created for Speed, Stealth, Agility and efficiency. Outfitted with various weapons like blades, saws, chakrams, acid spray and laser guns.
"I recall." Hank muttered, arms folded and frowning. "You tried to blast me with Cannon Harkoss for making Ultron."
"ONCE!" Vanessa held up a finger. "And I apologized..."
"Not to mention, you and Doom have another thing in common." Janet said, a teasing glint in her eyes. She had shrunk to buzz up to inspect the "Relax" sign and looked down at them. "You've both attempted to kill the Human torch loads of times."
Vanessa pouts, hurling a harmless "Tantrum" energy ball at Wasp, who laughs quickly ducking it.
"That is different. I was cold, it was Winter, he told me he can go super nova hot." Looks frustrated. "How was I to Know, he couldn't generate heat fast enough to survive me sucking it up!"
Hank decided to play the calm level head in the group.
"Okay, let's forget about this and just go visit him." Hank trudged forward, muttering under his breath. "Let's just hope it doesn't end in a international disaster."
Vanessa just brushes off Hank's comment, lips pursed as she walks toward the Castle. Clint and Wasp following up from the rear.
Walking thru the Village, everyone in the group got strange stares, no more then Vanessa when she snapped her fingers. Making a large herd of geese appear honking and flapping at everyone.
"V!" Janet scolded, dodging the Geese by turning small. Thou was quickly having to hide in the woman's long black hair, to avoid being eaten by the geese at insect size.
"Oh, that's just to get, Doom, Darlings attention." V, said, brushing some feathers off her when the geese disappeared.
"Well, I think it worked." Clint said, pointing to the squad of Doom-bots marching toward them.
"Identify yourself and explain, the reason for this scene." The first Doom-bot said in a mechanical voice.
"Vanessa Masters, here to see Victor Von Doom." Vanessa said, arms crossed looking all cool as a cucumber.
"Accessing: Priority Fifty-one, if said subject were to arrive alert Doom. Then bring subject immediately to the Master." The Robot said, turning to V,'s comrades it powers up its lasers. Followed by the other robots. "You however, will be destroyed."
"Ahh, Great!" Hawkeye snapped, pulling out his bow. But before he can cock an arrow, Vanessa steps in front of them, causing the Doom-Bots to power down.
"Hey!" She snapped, pointing a figner to herself. "I won;t come with you, unlees they can come as well."
The Bot was silent for a while, like it was pondering what it should do, then it stepped to the side and gestured with a claw.
"Please. Come this way, miss Masters". You and your companions will be escorted to the Throne Room of Doom.
V, turned to the others and made a gesture with her head in the direction of the castle.
"Well?" She said. "You heard the Tin Man come one!"
Giggling a tad crazy, Vanessa follows the robots and Hank, Hawkeye and Janet just sigh before following after the woman and the robots.
What will be Victor's response! Will He rekindle his love? Will He Attack them! Will He Dance The Hula?
Vanessa: More likely no...
WELL STAY TUNED#%! For Chapter Two!
This is set 11 months after Tomas the Betrayer Fic "Complex Designs" u/1816376/Tomas_the_Betrayer