"So...is this it then?" Jude whispered, her voice breaking
Tommy looked up at her from the bed he was laying on, his face a mask of cold uncaring, "I guess it is."
Jude's gaze met the stained carpet under her feet, trying desperately to look like his words didn't effect her. She turned with a light shrug of her shoulders and reached for her bag, "Alright. I'll just call a cab and get out of your hair."
Tommy winced; this isn't what he wanted, it never was; from the moment she showed up, he wanted to beg her to stay, so why couldn't he find the will to get up and stop her? His seemingly careless eyes watched Jude as she hastily stuffed what little clothes she brought into her duffle bag, "I'm sorry, Jude." He said softly, no trace of emotion in his voice
Jude shook her head, making sure to avoid eye contact as she crossed the room and entered the enjoined bathroom, "Don't be. It's what we agreed on, right?" She spoke over her shoulder, her voice echoing in the small bathroom as she gathered her comb and tooth brush
Tommy drew in a deep breath and turned on his side so he was facing away from Jude, "Still," He muttered, "Sorry...For everything."
Jude stared at Tommy's still form for a long while, not sure what to do or say but she felt strongly obligated to say something; she couldn't leave him like this, "Tommy," She spoke softly, letting her bag fall to the floor, "I don't want to do this." She waited for him to answer, or even acknowledge that she'd spoken, but all he did was lay there, facing the wall. Knowing she might regret it, Jude crawled across the bed to Tommy and pulled lightly on the cotton of his dark green t-shirt, "Tommy," She tried again, "Can you please look at me?"
Tommy rolled slightly, so his back was leaning against Jude's knees; and as he looked up at her teary blue eyes shining in the moonlight streaming through the window, all he wanted to was wrap her in his arms and comfort her, kiss the tears away and promise that they'll be okay. Instead, though, all he did was lay his hand against her cheek, lightly caressing the skin there. He smiled slightly when Jude leaned into his touch, "Jude," He breathed, "I'm not good for you."
Jude hitched in an uneasy breath, the tears finally falling after keeping them in for so long. On one hand it was a relieving release, to finally be expressing the pain she's been harboring, but on the other, she didn't want Tommy to see her so weak, not after everything she's been trying to prove, "Shouldn't that be my decision?" She asked
"Not this time." Tommy whispered back, using both hands to wipe the tears from her face, "You deserve better."
Jude bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut as she took some calming breaths through her nose, "I don't care about who you were," She told him, opening her eyes and lightly running her fingers through Tommy's messy hair, "You've changed since then, Tommy. What these people see you as - it's not who you are anymore. I still see the real you and I still believe that you're a beautiful person...you're perfect to me."
Tommy shook his head, tears of his own beginning to gather in his troubled eyes, "How can you say that?"
"Because it's true," Jude answered, wrapping her hands around his forearm, "I love you."
Tommy's initial response bubbled to his lips immediately, but he bit against it, knowing that saying those words would put them right back where they started, and he didn't want Jude to have to deal with this anymore. He lightly traced the cut across Jude's cheek, by the feel of it, it was in the early stage of healing, soon it would be gone, and she could move on from everything that happened here and be happy somewhere else, with someone else. The thought sent a stabbing pain through his heart. "You shouldn't." Was his response to her.
Using the sleeve of her black sweater, Jude removed the remaining tears from her face, "Just say it," She was nearly begging now, "Even if you don't mean it, I need to hear it."
Tommy sat up a little more so he could press his lips to her forehead, "I love you too." He hushed against her skin, "With everything I am...but you don't need this." He tenderly pushed the hair from Jude's face, "Please go."
Jude nodded, a sudden wave of anger setting in to replace the heartbreak, "Why do you only fight when there's competition?" She demanded, thinking back to the determination Tommy had to get her back when she was choosing between him and Jamie, and how jealous he got when she was with anyone else, "Why am I always the only one fighting for us?"
"I'm not good enough for you."
And there they were, freshly spoken, the words that started this whole mess. The sound of them brought a sob to Jude's lips, how could he still be thinking like this? Hasn't she done enough to prove him otherwise? "Is this the end of us?" She couldn't help but ask
Tommy didn't answer, he just turned back to face the wall with his arms securely crossed over his chest.
Jude stood from the bed with an angry huff and yanked her bag up from the floor and slung it over her shoulder. She hesitated with her hand on the door knob and looked over her shoulder, "If you're going to turn this into another 'Pity me' story, to tell your friends, be sure to mention in there somewhere that I tried."
Tommy waited til he heard the front door slam to burry his head in his pillow and let the misery and self hate sink in.