The United Confederation of People With Too Much Time On Their Hands


The Fifth House

We present for your perusal, the account of the Hogwarts career of students that started their first year in 1991, Harry Potter's first year. A malicious individual has tampered with the sorting hat and a few people end up where they don't belong. A divergence from their comfort zone is the beginning of everyone's trouble as evil is resurfacing stronger and more wicked than ever before. The whole wizarding world is poised at the brink, ready to fall over and crush an ill-prepared muggle world. A small band of misfits must take a stand against overwhelming odds. And when they're done with that, they have to sit their exams.

A few things to keep in mind: 1) Time turners do not exist in this version; There is no magic that can manipulate time. 2) James Potter's mother has died but his father, Thomas Potter, survives. 3) Santa Clause is real. 4) Things are never what they seem.

We are legally obligated to inform you we have no creative rights to anything we are writing about.

Book 1: Harry Potter and The Hidden World

Chapter 1: Wizarding War One

"The first casualty of war is the truth."

The year was 1981 and the British Isles were at war. To make matters worse, it was an invisible war. There were no bombers to hide from, no tanks you could outrun, no vast opposing armies in clearly marked uniforms, so you could tell which people wanted to kill you.

The enemy was unseen and people just turned up dead. No one knew for sure who was on whose side. Unless you got a good look at their arm, your enemy could be the milk man for all you knew.

For the past decade, the Dark Wizard, Lord Voldemort (formerly Tom Marvolo Riddle of Glouster Street, Finchley), had been amassing supporters for the purpose of overthrowing the wizarding government of Great Britain. His plan of killing anyone who disagreed with him, was related to anyone who disagreed with him, and had once shared a lift with anyone who disagreed with him had been devastating both the wizards and muggles of England.

One night in February of that year, the situation seemed to be at their darkest, as is the fashion around St. Valentines day. The city of London looked about as festive as a mass grave, which, in some places, was the case. Huge rolling blackouts were plaguing the city. Whole city blocks were without any power and left in the cold darkness.

In one such city block, one lone light was on in a skyscraper. The office illuminated was that of Cynthia Montefiore. She was looking out at the patchwork of dark and lit streets below her. Several bubbles of light floated lazily above her head. She knew using magic this obviously would draw attention from the wrong kind of people, but if the wrong kind of people thought they could take her in a fight, they were wrong.

Cynthia could use a good fight right now. It would ease her tension. Not a blasted thing she was trying was working. Cynthia belonged to what was called 'The Good Guys'. She had been working to smuggle muggle-borns and blood traitors targeted by Voldemort out of the country and finding his supporters.

However, in recent times, you couldn't smuggle people to safety faster than a Death Eater could kill them. As for finding Dark Wizards, all you had to do was throw a Galleon in a crowded restaurant and it would land in a Death Eater's latte.

She was weighing the pros and cons of firebombing England and starting from scratch when the door to her office burst open. She looked up to see a man leaning against her desk, heaving breaths. He was a bald man with face that had been wrinkled by a life time of laughing too much. Right now, his expression was one of frantic dread.

"Thomas?" she asked, confused as to what could possibly make a molecular biologist terrified. Then again, they do get hung up on little things.

"Chairwoman Montefiore..." Thomas said between gasps. "... I need your help … My son, James, and his wife Lily are being targeted … by You-Know-Who!"

"You mean Voldemort?" she asked, watching him grimace. "What's happened to them?" she asked. Genuine concern overrode her displeasure at her employee being afraid of a name.

"Nothing." he said.

"Where are they now?" she asked.

"Their house in Godric's Hollow." he said.

"Are they being attacked?" she asked.

"No." he answered. The room was silent for a beat.

"If they aren't in immediate danger, then why don't they just leave the country?" she asked. She was beginning to think this man had been worrying too much. Lily and James Potter were very adept with magic. They could apparate to anywhere in the world and transfigure themselves a three bedroom house. With a pool.

"You don't understand!" Thomas went on, frantic. "You-Know-Who-"


"-is after them himself." he said.

Cynthia was shocked quiet for a minute. Lily and James weren't that adept. The idea that those two could pose a threat to the most dangerous dark wizard of all time was laughable. Not the funny kind of laugh, though.

"Why?" she asked finally.

"They couldn't tell me all the details. Just that it has something to do with their son." he said.

"What did their son do?" she asked. Since when did they have a son?

"Nothing!" he answered. "Harry is just a baby." Oh, that son.

"Voldemort is after a baby?" she clarified.

"Yes." he confirmed. Evil is threatened by a baby.

"Are there three wise men involved?" she asked.

"Uh, no." he answered, confused. "Dumbledore was there at the Christening..."

Cynthia sat back in her chair. She swiveled back around to look out her window at the city of London. As she watched the streets flicker on and off, she tried to remember if she had been drinking earlier.

"Please," Thomas implored behind her, "there must be something you can do. I'll pay you anything. I'll give you the family invisibility cloak." She heard him drop some fabric on her desk.

"Thomas," she said, closing her eyes. "You have to understand if Voldemort is going after them personally then..." she stopped. If Voldemort wanted you, he would find you. He would come to you. Sooner or later, most likely sooner, you would face him. This indisputable fact resonated through her brain, made it's way into her Tactical Planning Center, and hit a button marked 'Cunning Plan'.

"I'll do it!" She said, standing up suddenly and turning to face the desperate man. He was so shocked by this he actually fell backwards onto the carpet.

"I'll do everything in my power to keep your family alive." she said as she helped him up. "I will employ every spell I know to make sure Voldemort never gets within cursing distance of them."

Thomas Potter burst out crying. He thanked her vehemently and collapsed, relieved, into a chair. She gave him a glass of brandy to calm his nerves and sent him on his way.

After he was gone, she sat back down in her chair and began drawing out a diagram. The plan she was forming could only be called despicable, but as a business woman she knew everything had it's price. In this case, it was innocent lives. She had seen an opportunity and she grabbed it. For the first time, and probably the last, they had something unique they could use against Voldemort.



The sun rose on a cold morning on November 2nd. The previous day, There had been celebrations all over Britain. The war had come to an unexpectedly abrupt end. Even more unexpectedly, the bad guys had lost. More specifically, Bad Guy No. 1 had exploded.

Now the rebuilding would start. People would return to the country. The ministry would resume normal functions. People would go back to worrying about things like curtain colors and yogurt flavors.

Cynthia, on the other hand, had simply exchanged one set of problems for another.

"You lied!" Thomas Potter screamed at her. "You told me they'd be safe! You said there was no way he could find them, not with all the magic in the world!" he was livid. His skin was dead white and his face streaked with tears.

Cynthia didn't look at him. She kept her eyes trained on the suburban house across the street from her. On the front step there was a swaddle of blankets. She had tried to walk into the yard and pick it up earlier but there was a spell protecting the plot of land.

"I trusted you!" Thomas raged on. "With my family! The only people I had left! That house was supposed to be invulnerable!" There wasn't even a house left the crater was so big!"

Cynthia kept focused on the bundle as it wiggled gently. Things had definitely not gone as planned. Voldemort was dead. That was the ultimate goal of the plan and that had been accomplished, but something had gone very...wrong in the execution. A short while ago, Harry Potter had been found in the crater of what was once his home. Literally nothing else was found. Not Lily, Not James, and Not Voldemort. People were generally so thrilled with that last bit that they ignored everything else.

"You were the one who-!"

"You're right." Cynthia cut him off. "And I'm sorry."

Thomas Potter gave her a hard look and turned to leave.

"You can have your cloak back." she said to him as he walked away.

"Keep it." he said curtly.

"Are you going to take Harry?" she asked.

He stopped walking, but didn't turn around.

"Harry," he said in a cold tone, "is the reason they are dead." and he vanished with a crack.

Cynthia heard a shrill scream coming from the house she had been watching. Across the street, Petunia Dursley had discovered a bundle of terror on her doorstep. She began shouting for her husband and retreated back into her house, without even picking Harry up off the cold ground.

Cynthia felt a weight bearing down on her and apparated as far away as she could manage. She now realized the full effect of what she had done and was determined to drink until she forgot what it was.