Hello. I'm Duncan Quagmire. You're probably wondering why I'm here. If you're not, great! This is just a short story before iwuntmuffen's longer short story before iwuntmuffen's real story. You see, she's a procrastinator, a word which here means "one who is lazy and puts off anything that requires effort". Here's the story of a dream I once had... *fades to black*

A/N: The boy speaks the truth. This is to not be taken seriously. I'm simply writing this at random without any planning whatsoever because I feel like it. Enjoy! PS. I in no way own ASOUE or any of the characters. Obviously. Third-person writing engage... NOW!

It was around Christmastime when Duncan decided to walk out of his room. Not saying that he never walks out of his room, just that he decided to do so again at this particular time. He spotted Klaus putting ornaments on a Christmas tree.

"HI, KLAUS!" said Duncan. Klaus was so surprised he jumped back and flew twelve feet into the window.

"Why did you yell at me!" exclaimed Klaus while he stood up from his fall.

"I didn't yell, I was writing in caps lock."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"SEE. IT'S FUN."

"QUITE. But let's not scare the reader."

"What do you mean?"

"Nevermind. What do you want?"

"All I want for Christmaaas is yooouuuuuu!"

"What did I tell you about singing in conversation?"

"To do it any time there's a chance."

"That's the complete opposite of what I told you."

"You're face is the complete opposite of what you told me."

"What does that even mean!"

"I don't know. So what are youuu doing, my special cupcake?"

"I'm decorating the tree, and don't call me that."

"You know you love it."

"I'm going to walk away now."

As Klaus started to walk away, Duncan grabbed Klaus's leg and started to scream, "No! I'm a good boy I swear!"

"Let go of me!"

"Not until you forgive me!"

"Fine, I forgive you! Now let go!"

"Yaaaaayyy!" Duncan let go of Klaus's leg, and gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

"AGH!" Klaus then ran to Norway to live with mountain goats. Duncan went to find Isadora. He found her in the kitchen. AS SHE SHOULD BE. Just kiddin'. I'm not sexist.

"MAKE ME A SANDWICH, WOMAN," Duncan said.

"Make one yourself, and stop speaking in caps," Isadora replied.

"NEVEEEERR! MUWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH-" Isadora hit Duncan in the head with a miniature wheel of cheese. Duncan cried like a baby and ran to find Violet kissing Quigley passionately by the fireplace.

"EEWWWWWW... Issy! Violet and Quigsy are having lip sex!" Violet took out her miniature wheel of cheese, and hit Duncan in the head with it. Duncan went to find Sunny. She was asleep in her toddler bed. He set a bag of carrots next to the bed so that when she woke up, she would have carrots to gnaw on.

Then he quietly went to Norway to screw Klaus. The end. *fades back to Duncan*

"Wait what?" said Klaus. What?

"You dreamed of that?" Yeah why not?

"It's.. I... We..." Yes my dear Klaus, I dream of fucking you senseless, while you beg me for mercy.

"What the hell, man! Thanks for telling me things, not." *Klaus walks off angrily*

I love you, too...