A/N: Dear Friend That I Wrote This For: WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE PRONOUNS IN A LESBIAN FANFICTION? They are a friggin' bitch to deal with. (Can I write "she" again? Will they know I'm talking about Rachel and not Quinn? Oh, screw it, I'll just call them by their hair colours.)
Please review!
Disclaimer: Do not own Glee.
Quinn didn't know what the big deal was, not at first. In her defence, she was never aware of anything around her when she was reading, and that obliviousness was exactly what she was seeking during one of Mr. Schuester's pep talks. (They had become more frequent ever since Figgins had forbidden Rachel from performing at Sectionals. Aforementioned pep talks were also totally boring, so now she always made sure she had a book with her during Glee club.) Quinn frowned, scanning the tense faces of her fellow glee clubbers. The hell just happened? Quinn wondered, marking her place in the book absentmindedly.
"What's going on?" she whispered, nudging Kurt with her elbow. "Kurt? Hey, Kurt!" It was no use; the boy was as stiff as a statue and about as responsive. Irritated, she turned her attention to her left and finally found what had captured everyone's attention. Her breath caught in her throat and she was only vaguely aware of the same uneasy expression slipping over her face.
Standing in the hallway past the doorway to the choir room, stood Rachel Berry. And Shelby. Neither one of them looked happy. Always a bad sign when the diva and her mother get mad. Quinn thought dryly. There should be a Berry storm-out in about three…two…there we go. She mentally patted herself on the back when Rachel pivoted and stalked off on Quinn's mark. Okay, totally not creepy how you predicted that, Fabray, a voice whispered in her mind. Not creepy at all.
"Should…someone go after her or something?" It was Puck who had spoken. Quinn appraised his sincerity – the boy had grown a lot in the past year and she mostly approved of it.
If only that growing hadn't lead Puck to bed their child's adoptive mother – God, Quinn felt the need to bathe herself just thinking that. She had learned to keep her head down in school. Not because she was getting bullied again, but because anytime she saw Puck and Shelby within a 10 feet radius of each other, she dry-heaved while simultaneously battling the urge to slam their skulls together until their brains oozed out their ears.
Quinn pondered the situation at hand. Fact: Rachel and Shelby had been arguing. Fact: Quinn had definitely seen Rachel gesture angrily in the general direction of the Glee club members, possibly at Puck.
Oh, God.
Did Rachel know her mother was sleeping with her ex-boyfriend? That would be disastrous! Quinn needed to find out.
"She's probably in the auditorium," Finn muttered, getting off his chair awkwardly. "I guess I'll go after her."He ran his hand through his hair.
Quinn almost choked on her own tongue in her haste to disagree. Once she regained basic motor control, she jumped up. "No! No. Finn, sit down. Let me go after her." Her classmates' jaws unhinged as one. Quinn cringed internally. "What I mean," she continued, backtracking furiously. "Is that Berry needs a nice girl talk to cool her down. And since Tina and I are the only girls left in Glee club," Wow, that was sad. "I nominate myself to do the job." Seven pairs of eyes stared dazedly back at her. "Right," she nodded firmly and turned on her heel.
"Wait!" Finn called.
Really, Finn's loyalty picked the worst times to kick in. Quinn needed to find out if Rachel knew about Shelby and Puck, dammit! "Yes?" Exasperated, she looked back at him, hand on her doorknob. So close.
"I'm her boyfriend," he stated. "I should go, right?" He looked around at the club for encouragement.
Keep calm. You don't want to strangle the bumbling oaf. There are too many witnesses. "Yes, Finn, you are," she smiled at him with false patience. "And you should go after her, just not right now. Come to the auditorium in twenty, okay?I'll have her mostly calmed down and you can step in then; fulfil your duty as a boyfriend." That should give me just enough time to find out if Rachel knows, Quinn thought as she hurried towards the diva.
She entered the auditorium cautiously, casting an eye over the stage for any signs of Rachel.
There she is!
Quinn slipped soundlessly up the staircase to the stage and her breath caught. It was so hard to reconcile the image of the diva that held her head up so high every day with the girl who was sitting on the piano bench, back hunched over the piano keys, shaking. Her hair created a curtain for her face so that Quinn couldn't see her expression, but she could tell that Rachel was crying from the soft sobs that escaped her intermittently. She looks so fragile. Quinn's hand twitched in her direction. She glanced down in surprise before pursing her lips and clearing her throat softly.
Rachel gasped, straightening instinctively. Their gazes locked, unwavering hazel and tremulous brown. "Quinn?" she rasped.
Her breath caught again at just how young Rachel sounded.
"Hey," Quinn's voice was soft as she walked towards the piano. "How are you?"
Rachel's hands were visibly shaking as she wiped the tears off her face. "M'fine," she mumbled.
Okay, we've established conversation! Don't be too abrupt, or you'll scare her into clamming up. "Are you sure? I saw you arguing with Shelby…" She let her voice trail off, holding her breath, seeing how Rachel would respond to this tidbit of information. She came to a stop next to the brunette, smiling wryly down at her. "Listen, I think I feel the same mixture of resentment and…and grudging respect towards Shelby. You can talk about it with me, if you want."
"No, thank you," Rachel whispered, eyes downcast, tear tracks still visible on her cheeks.
Quinn frowned at the rebuff. Somehow, it stung more because it was so polite. "I'm here if you want to talk," she cajoled.
No reply.
Suddenly, Quinn found herself staggering back with the surprise weight of one Rachel Berry's tackle-hug. Dumbfounded, Quinn clung to the brunette, just barely managing to catch her balance. Rachel's arms were wrapped tight around Quinn's waist and her head was buried in Quinn's shoulder.
Oh, God, Berry was trembling. Was she – oh crud. Yes, yes she was. Rachel Berry was crying on Quinn Fabray's shoulder. This was a new shirt, too, Quinn lamented before focusing on the diva in her arms.
You'll be here a while. Just. Stay. Cool. Taking a deep breath, Quinn got comfortable against the smaller girl, draping her right arm over Rachel's shoulder and her left over the arm that Rachel had enfolded around her waist. Attempting to follow her own advice to the best of her capability, she rested her cheek against Rachel's head (Yes, she may have spent a few seconds marvelling at the softness of Rachel's hair, so what.) and drew circles on her back as Quinn waited for her to stop crying.
Rachel was nestled into the crook of the blonde's neck in a way that made her hair tickle Quinn's collar bone and her body was pressed firmly against Quinn's. So it was only natural that Quinn...notice certain things.
I wonder what she does to keep this fit, Quinn mused. Her body's so toned. That is a gross thought. I should be grossed out. Speaking of which, this hug should be very gross. Why isn't this very gross? I feel like we're advertising superglue, our bodies are so close. It's not like Berry and I are friends or anything; we've never hugged before. Huh. That in itself is weird, I think she's hugged almost every single person in Glee club. The thought made her frown, though she wasn't really sure why. Stop thinking, Fabray, you're tensing up!
Eventually, Rachel did stop crying and Quinn breathed a sigh of relief as her heart unclenched.
"All better?" She murmured playfully into Rachel's hair, tickling her side gently.
A weak chuckle from Rachel and Quinn found herself grinning from ear to ear like a fool for no reason at all. Immediately, she attempted to school her features, because she had a mission and she needed to focus on it. Then she turned her head just a little bit to the left to catch the scent of Rachel's shampoo, because…well, just because. Move on from your apparent insanity, Fabray; this is your chance!
"Tell me why you were crying, Rachel," Quinn said sotto voce, making a conscious decision to address her by her first name.
Diva is whimpering! Diva is whimpering! Abort mission! Abort, I say! Distressed, Quinn tightened her grip on the girl in her arms. "Never mind, never mind, it's okay, you don't have to tell me, it's okay," she mumbled, making it a mantra. Idiot! She berated herself. Why'd you have to go and upset her? Dumb, dumb, dumb! She drew soothing shapes on the brunette's back, swaying gently from side to side.
"Quinn?" Rachel's voice sounded muffled and she pulled away from their hug.
Sweet mother of God! Quinn reeled. I would have prepared myself so much better for this if I knew Rachel was going to look up at me with those freaking doe-like eyes and sound so damn brokenhearted. In fact, I'm pretty sure this warrants being given a written warning three days in advance! Can anyone just bounce back from seeing Rachel so sad?Someone will pay, she vowed. If it means beating up Shelby, so be it. Rachel and I can take Beth and raise her with Puck and – and stop thinking Fabray. Gritting her teeth, she wrested her attention from her traitorous mind back to the diva.
"Yes, Rachel?" Quinn was surprised at just how cold she was without Rachel's body heat. Freaking space heater, she thought fondly.
"Shelby…my moth-Shelby," Rachel's lower lip trembled as she tried to continue. Quinn's protective instincts kicked in – that was the only explanation for why she voluntarily touched Rachel again – she grabbed her hand and started rubbing circles onto the back of it encouragingly. Rachel didn't seem to notice. "She and Puck!" With that, the tears returned with a vengeance and Rachel's head went back on Quinn's shoulder, back in Quinn's embrace.
She knows. The realization hit Quinn with an intensity that made Quinn shiver. (Or maybe that was because Rachel's gasping sobs on her neck felt surprisingly good. Who knows.)
Well, Quinn. Now you know that Rachel knows. What's the next step from here? Quinn bit her lip, so deep in thought that she didn't notice Finn make his way onstage until he was standing a few feet away from her. (Oddly enough, Quinn noticed immediately when Rachel mewled unhappily and took action accordingly, nuzzling her nose into Rachel's silky smooth hair and cooing nonsensically to comfort her. No doubt because Rachel was much closer than Finn was.) I must have been thinking really hard if I didn't hear this klutz come towards me. Quinn thought wryly. Why is he here, anyway?
"Finn?" She let her confusion do most of the talking for her. In her arms, Rachel stiffened momentarily then she turned slowly, still in Quinn's arms, to face her boyfriend.
"Finn?" Rachel's voice was just as baffled as Quinn's.
There was a bit of shifting as Quinn got used to having Rachel facing the other way. Eventually, they ended up with Quinn's arms wrapped lightly around Rachel's stomach and Rachel's hands resting on top of Quinn's.
The boy is gawking, Quinn noticed, somewhat irked. What is so shocking?
The fact that two girls who haven't given each other the time of day since school started are now practically glued together, maybe? asked a sarcastic voice in her head. Quinn didn't like this voice. It made her feel dumb whenever she missed the obvious.
Which is somewhat often, no?
Shut up.
"...told me to come here," Finn was saying. Oh, yeah.
"Oh, yeah," Quinn attempted a smile. "Well. Here she is! All calm downed!"
"Calmed down"? When did you lose enough brain cells to become the female Finn Hudson?
Rachel blinked up at her in surprise. "Uh-"
Quinn all but shoved Rachel at Finn. "Here," she said brusquely. "Hold her." She whirled around and headed for the exit, seeing Finn reaching for a perplexed Rachel in her peripheral vision.
(She thanks God every day that she turned for one last look at Rachel. Otherwise that – that heinous crime against humanity would have continued to happen. Quinn Fabray might have kind of enjoyed seeing Rachel Berry suffer in the past, but good God, did anyone deserve that?)
"Finn Hudson, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Quinn demanded hotly as she strode back to the stage. "Back away from the girl right now!"
You're being ridiculous, Quinn. The sarcastic voice was back, and it was shaking its head. As was her habit, Quinn ignored it.
Startled, and looking a little scared, Finn and Rachel broke their embrace and stepped away from each other. Well, Finn stepped away. Rachel more stumbled backwards, gasping for breath.
Exaggerating, Fabray...
The poor thing almost suffocated in Finn's chest! He can't seriously call that a hug!
Shaking her head sympathetically, Quinn made her way to Rachel, her voice going soft without her even having to remind herself.
"Hey,"
Rachel smiled up at her, mouthing "hey" back, but it was all wrong. The smile didn't reach her eyes and it was far too shaky to be real. Quinn pursed her lips, troubled.
"Hey," Quinn murmured again. "I'm about to do you a huge favour, 'kay, Berry?"
Got her attention now, Quinn thought, satisfied. Indeed, Rachel was looking up at Quinn with the warm, trusting expression that made Quinn feel like she was soaring above the clouds while simultaneously drowning in guilt. Didn't she know better than to trust Quinn? How often had she bullied Rachel? Humiliated her? Made her feel like nothing, when really, she was everything.
She blinked away the sudden tears and spun around to face Finn again. "I thought I told you to hold her!" Quinn scolded, all too grateful to take her mind off of Rachel's facial expressions. "Don't you know how to do that?"
Finn's eyes darted from side to side as though he was looking for the closest exit. "I, um...yeah?"
Quinn's palm met her forehead. "The correct answer is "No, Quinn, I do not, please show me how to properly comfort a girl. Because what you were doing," she stabbed a finger in his direction and he flinched as though she had actually stabbed him. "Was crushing the air out of her!"
Finn briefly debated between spluttering indignantly or wimping out and agreeing with whatever Quinn had said. "Yes," he squeaked. What? He didn't like scary Quinn, okay?
Quinn turned to face Rachel. "Do you want to show him how it's done?" She stretched her arm out, suddenly shy. Rachel smiled at her again – a real one! - and accepted the hand.
"Step one: approaching the girl," Quinn smirked, confidence regained. "This step is important, Hudson. It dictates how the entire hug will go. You should probably be taking notes," she tossed over her shoulder. "Do it with me." At Finn's puzzled expression, she rolled her eyes and directed him to stand next to her. "Come on. Step towards Rachel with me."
"What am I doing with my life?" Finn muttered, stepping forward with Quinn.
"No! Finn, you have to smile!" Quinn jabbed him with her elbow. Finn smiled, attempting to placate the blonde at his side.
"You look constipated. I said smile!" Quinn hissed, jabbing him again. Finn bared his teeth. "It is below me to even comment on the hideousness of whatever it is that you are attempting to do," Quinn stated regally (in a British accent, for some reason). She flipped her hair to the side, huffing, exaggerating her every movement to the point where Rachel just had to giggle.
A wave of accomplishment swept through her and she grinned teasingly at the brunette, eyes sparkling. She watched bemusedly a blush rose to Rachel's cheeks. What's that about?
"Step two – pay attention, Hudson!" Quinn swatted him on the arm. "Step two: wrap your arms around her."
Finn made to do exactly that but Quinn pulled him back by the shirt at the last second. "I'll, uh, show you how to do it first," Quinn grimaced internally. Eager, much? "So you can do it properly, I mean."
She held out her arms and Rachel stepped into them, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. Rachel's arms slipped around her waist easily and she pulled Quinn close in a full-body hug. Quinn rested her cheek against Rachel's head, strategically placing her nose close enough to breathe in the diva's shampoo. (It smelled really effing amazing, all right?) For Rachel's part, she snuggled into the crook of Quinn's neck again, sighing happily. Quinn might be wrong, but she'd bet that Rachel liked that spot, which meant that she trusted Quinn to a certain extent, which meant that Quinn felt warm all over.
"You're a good hugger," Quinn mumbled timidly.
"You're not too bad yourself, Quinn Fabray," Rachel murmured back. "In fact, I would go as far as to say that you are expertly hugging me."
Quinn grinned.
Is your new thing getting distracted too easily by Rachel Berry? Quinn scolded herself. Do you not remember Finn? Giant of a teenager? Standing beside you?
Right.
"Step, um -"
"Four," Rachel muttered into her neck, the vibrations travelling up in delicious ways. She suppressed a shiver.
"Four. Step four," Quinn repeated, louder this time. "Thanks," she mumbled.
"Of course, Quinn," Rachel looked up at her. "It's the least I could do after you came after me when..." she hesitated, clearly deciding on her choice of words. "When Shelby told me the very sad news. About Broadway."
About what? Oh, geez, I swear Finn's eyes glazed over when she said "Broadway". He could at least pretend to be interested! Quinn felt irritated. What did I ever see in him?
That is so not the most important thing here, Fabray. She's not telling Finn about the Relationship That Is Too Gross For Words!
"I know I don't have any control over Puck or Shelby, but I'm sorry," Quinn sighed. You're not just apologizing for Puck and Shelby's relationship, are you, Quinn?
Quinn bit down hard on her lower lip. I had to remind her. Oh, please let Rachel truly be feeling better, Quinn prayed. Don't let her just be saying that. Please let me be good at this one thing. Give me this. I want to be the one who makes her feel good. I repent. Just...please.
"Quinn," Rachel said, loud enough for Finn to hear too. Her attention snapped back to the warm brown eyes gazing up at her. "Before you continue on with your demonstration on how to hug a girl, I must thank you. I hate to interrupt, but I have to tell you before you..." She bit her lip. "Before we forget. So, thank you very much for your patience and your incredible kindness. Unfortunately, I do not know any words that come close to letting you know how unbelievably grateful I am to you for comforting me during this difficult time, what with being banned from Sectionals..."
Rachel was still speaking, but Quinn was too dazed to continue listening. Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out her chest. Quinn's mouth went dry as Rachel looked up at her contentedly, looking perfectly at home in Quinn's arms. The blonde surprised both girls by going to tuck a strand of Rachel's hair behind her ear but caught herself and her hand hovered there awkwardly. Rachel's hand came up and covered it with her own, even as she continued talking. Her hand was warm and soft and dry and the innocent touch sent fireworks coursing through Quinn's body and that was wrong on all kinds of levels but Quinn couldn't bring herself to care. Heat rose quickly to her cheeks and surely both Finn and Rachel could see it. Quinn cursed her pale cheeks.
"Hey, Rachel?" Finn was talking.
Quinn forced herself to pay attention. That would maybe involve looking at Finn instead of Rachel!
"You said you'd come watch me practice today, remember? The bell just rang, we should probably get going..."
"Oh," Rachel breathed, flicking her tongue over her lips quickly. Quinn swallowed to return moisture to her throat. "Actually, Finn. I, um, well, if Quinn wouldn't mind, I would actually like to stay and chat with her." At Quinn's flabbergasted expression, she quickly went on. "Which is not to say that I am pressuring you to hold a conversation with me, that's not at all-"
"I get it, Rachel."
And she did. Rachel could walk away with Finn and she and Quinn would never speak of this again and then they would have another moment filled with the mixture of tension and passion they seemed to specialize in. It was what they had known ever since they met. There was something comforting about routine, no matter how twisted. They always knew what to expect. And Quinn tended to latch onto whatever stability she could get.
But...?
But Quinn wanted more. More of Rachel in her arms, more of making Rachel laugh, more of hearing Rachel say her name in that tender way of hers, and way less of Finn touching Rachel.
"Please stay, Rachel."
Rachel looked at Finn, who shrugged, kissed Rachel on the cheek and headed out the doors.
Rachel and Quinn faced each other in the deafening silence of the auditorium, seeing their potential future playing out in their matching hesitant smiles.
Take the plunge, Fabray.