Note: I just started watching this show and am on Season 4! So this fic will take place before that season started : )

Title: Charlie and Dee Play Truth or Dare

Summary: Mac, Dennis, and Frank are nowhere to be found so Charlie and Dee have to entertain themselves.

Setting: POST S3

Rated: M (sex, lang)




2:00 AM on a Wednesday

"Where the hell did everyone go?" asked Charlie.

"They said they had to go do something," said Dee, who was wiping down the bar after a slow night.

"Damn it! Those sons-of-bitches went without me!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Dee, flinging the rag into a sink then finding herself and Charlie a shot glass. She grabbed a bottle of tequila and poured two shots. Charlie, who was pacing, stopped to take a shot before he resumed.

"Some guy screwed us on some canolies and we were going to get him back! I had a plan, but noooo Dennis thought it was stupid!"

"Because it probably was," said Dee, licking a bit of salt off her wrist before taking the shot.

"IT WAS NOT STUPID!" shouted Charlie, a small amount of spit coming out of his mouth as his face turned red.

"Geez, all right, it wasn't stupid," said Dee, his outburst not bothering her. "I'm sorry my douche of a brother, ex-father, and… well Mac really isn't anything to me at all… screwed you. Want another shot?"

"I guess," said Charlie, instantly deflating and sliding onto a barstool. He was pouting, resting his elbow on the scarred varnish of the bar while propping his head up with his palm. He looked so sad that Dee felt a little bad for him.

"So what're we going to do tonight?" she asked.

"Nothing…" Charlie took another shot then scooted his glass forward.

"C'mon! It's still early! Let's do something fun!" she said, pouring him another glass.

"Getting wasted until you pass out drunk IS fun."

"True," said Dee. "You want to make it more interesting?"

"Like in a you getting naked kind of way?"

"What? NO!"

"But you're supposed to be cheering me up!" he exclaimed.

"Charlie," she warned, blue eyes narrowed.

"Fine! What DO you have in mind then?" he asked.

"I don't know." She leaned onto the bar, both her elbows resting on it, deep in thought. Charlie grabbed the bottle of tequila and forgetting about the glass, took a long swig. Huffing glue and drinking every night gave him the benefit of being able to drink tequila like it was water. While drinking he made sure to admire Dee's breasts as she leaned forward against the bar. Through the white shirt she wore, he could easily see the light blue bra and the bit of lace that peeked out the top of her low-cut garment. "Darts?"

"Frank hid those after we put metal spikes on the end of them and hit him in the ass."


"Frank hid THOSE after Mac managed to shove a cue up Frank's ass."

"What's with guys and assholes?" asked Dee. "If you ask me, the fascination you all have with shoving things up each others asses makes you all gay."

"WE'RE NOT-IT'S JUST-" Charlie started flailing his arms around, getting more and more agitated. "IT'S A GUY THING! YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"


"DEE! I-IT-ARGH! Let's just do what we do every night and get drunk!"

"Fine," she said, taking the tequila bottle and taking a long swig of her own.

"Ohhh look at Dee taking that tequila bottle and owning it with her mouth like she does everything else."

"Oh ha-ha," she sneered, practically shoving the bottle in his chest, making him wince a little.

"Ow," he muttered.

"Oh, I know what we can do!"



Charlie and Dee Play Truth or Dare



"No FUCKING way," said Charlie. "I'm not playing some girly game!"

"Oh, c'mon! It'll be fun!"

"Truth and dare is NOT fun. It's a game meant to make people feel bad and get pranked on!"

"Exactly!" said Dee, clapping her hands together. She was now sitting on the bar, her long legs encased in denim dangling over the side. Her Converse covered feet were swaying back and forth like a child, her heels occasionally making contact with the bar. The tequila bottle sat at her hip and Charlie sat at the stool closest to her. "Please, Charlie?"


Dee decided to play hardball and gave him her best doe eyes while biting her bottom lip. Charlie knew exactly what she was doing but found himself unable to resist. Hell, maybe if he played his cards right, he'd get to see her naked! So he grabbed the tequila bottle and took two, large gulps before he slammed the bottle down.

"Let's do this."




"Three… two… one…" Dee cheered while Charlie swayed from left, to right, and back left again before falling to the ground. He'd been dared to spin in a circle as fast as he could for thirty seconds while drinking a beer. Though it had been a lame dare on her part, she knew that with him already being sort of a klutz as well as being very wasted, that his balance would be off. She peered down at him. "You okay?"

"There's two of you!"

"Hah." She hopped off the bar. "Your turn!"

They'd been at it for only ten minutes but so far Dee had been able to get him to admit that he'd once made out with a dog, has worn lady panties twice, and had sex with a doll for a month straight before her ex-father moved in. She'd picked truth most of her turns and his questions were so stupid that she had no fear of admitting something embarrassing.

"Truth or dare?" he slurred from his spot on the floor.


"You ever find me sexy?" he asked, doing his best to add a Latin accent to his question… and failing miserably.

"Uh, no."

"Not even a little?" he whined.

"I thought you were cute," she admitted, "but then you opened your fat mouth about my ass being fat and I then deemed you a loser."

"Oh." It was quiet for a moment and she looked down at Charlie to see if he had passed out. He hadn't, and instead had a quizzical look on his face. She took the tequila bottle ransom, though it was almost gone, and stumbled her way to the pool table. "I only did that cause I wanted Mac and Dennis to like me. Your ass isn't fat."

"Thanks, I guess," she mumbled. "Now, truth or dare?"

"Truth," he said.

"Hmmm…" Dee leaned against the pool table. "Do you like me more than Dennis and Mac?"

Charlie sat up on his elbows and looked up at her. "What kind of question is that?"

"A good one," she said.

"Yeah, one you'll hold over my head!"

"So you DO like me more!"

"Of COURSE I do. They're assholes!" He smiled and she gave what could be deemed a giggle before he slowly made it to his feet. He brought his hands out, as if fighting for balance, before smiling in triumph for not falling over, brushing his hands over his black AC/DC shirt. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," said Dee. Having picked truth so many times she decided to mix things up a bit.

"Take off your shirt!" he said, fists pumping up in triumph.

"What? NO!"

"Oh c'mon!" he begged.




"Fine. You have to kiss me. For a minute!" he said smugly.

"Forget it," she said, taking another shot of tequila.


"Ugh… fine…"

"Fine what?" he asked. "You gunna kiss me or take off your shirt?"

Dee contemplated. "You brush your teeth today?"

"Uh-uh," said Charlie smugly, waving his finger at her. "Not your turn to ask questions."

Dee looked like she was in pain, wringing her hands while deciding what to do. A couple times her hands went to her shirt, it wasn't like he hadn't seen her shirtless before, but those had been accidents that she'd punched him in the face for. Then again she could just go home and leave but a small part of her was also curious. Charlie had kissed her when they'd been held ransom by the McPoyle's and she had to admit her lower regions had clenched in pleasure when he'd kissed her. She'd been out of her mind at the time and blamed her feelings on that, but this could at least prove that she didn't have feelings for Charlie. So she sat herself up on the pool table and crooked her finger at him. He looked like a skittish horse, ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble as he took one timid step after another at her. He got closer to her and she could smell the tequila on his breath and see a smudge of glue on his shirt. She frowned when seeing a small piece of chip in his beard and brought up a hand to brush that away, doing her best to ignore his hands, which now rested on the tops of her thighs.

"One minute," she said, her glassy eyes trying to focus on his face. She was dizzy so she brought her hands to his shoulders to try and steady the world that was spinning around her so fast. She had once again drank too much and was probably making yet another bad decision while intoxicated, but the fun thing about being intoxicated meant that she didn't have to care until she woke up tomorrow.

Being the demanding sort of woman that she can be, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. She told her body to not react to the surprisingly soft feel of his lips. She'd been expecting them to be chapped and dry not… Oh. His lips were moving against hers now and she closed her eyes to repeat the mantra of "DON'T KISS HIM BACK" in her head but when his tequila tasting tongue caressed her bottom lip, slightly dipping into her mouth to brush against her bottom gums, she was a goner.

It was like a switch was flipped on inside her and she brought her extremely long legs up to wrap around his waist and pull him in closer. Her upper body pressed alluringly against his while her hands moved from his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair. Her fingers clenched in the slightly greasy locks as her mouth opened and tongue tangled with his. She heard and felt him moan against her mouth and his fingers clenched against her thighs.

"Dee…" he gasped against her lips. "We… its… oh holy Jesus!"

He kissed her again, one hand going up her shirt while the other went into her silky hair. Fingertips of one hand rand over the skin of her back while the fingertips of another buried themselves in her hair. Both of their bodies were begging for something they wanted to fight against but they were only human and unable to deny the release they both wanted. He whipped off his shirt, as did she, and they both toed off their shoes. Dee was the only one wearing socks so she took those off as well before laying back on the pool table. Charlie, being ever eager, whipped off his pants and underwear and before joining her on the table, helped her to get her pants off too. There was a pounding in his ears and he was rock hard already just seeing Dee in her panties and matching bra. He ran his hands up her legs and the slight stubble didn't bother him any in his hazed mind. She sat up and a slight panic traveled through him, worried that she was going to change her mind, but his mouth grew dry and all the blood in his body rushed south as she took off her bra.

"Holy fuck you're hot," he slurred before joining her on the table. She giggled as his overly eager hands traveled over her body, his mouth pressed against hers while his hands pulled impatiently at her panties. She lifted her hips and finally, FINALLY, she was naked too and he pressed himself up against her, shivering when feeling that she was as ready as he was. He didn't waste time. He thrust forward and moaned deep as her whole body wrapped around him like a vice. Then she moved her hips and all sorts of thinking flew out the window.

It was hard and fast. Her nails dug into his back while his teeth tugged at her skin. The sound of skin slapping skin filled the bar along with heavy breathing and the occasional moan. Charlie was soon in heaven as Dee's inner dominatrix took over and flipped them around until she was riding him like a prized bull, hips punishing in their movements until all he knew was intense pleasure, then blissful darkness.




Charlie and Dee were aware of three things at once: the pounding in their heads, the feel of a naked body against theirs, and insistent poking on their sides. Groaning, they opened their eyes, each swatting at whatever was poking them, but being unsuccessful at stopping it. Then their eyes made contact and their breathing hitched as parts of their night last came back to them, but before they could say anything they were poked again. They looked around: stilling when seeing Mac, Frank, and Dennis staring at them with pool cues in their hands, shocked expressions on their faces. Mac then grinned and swatted Dennis in the chest with a pool cue.

"Dude! Charlie banged your sister!"