102"You know, I'm still a little cut at how short and abrupt your last letter was," I told Dimitri on Christmas Eve as I took a sip of my drink. We were in a secluded, dark corner in one of the many bars at Court. The bar had been full earlier, but it had emptied out when everyone returned home to their families for the night. It was barely nine and Dimitri and I were the only patrons in there. I knew the workers wanted to close the bar for the night, but I couldn't bring myself to leave for them. Dimitri couldn't either. We wanted to have time to talk and hang out, without everyone else around and this was perfect.
"I thought it would get my point across," he smiled, running his finger around the rim of his beer glass. For one of the first times ever, I'd gotten Dimitri to unwind. I guess he felt that Tasha was pretty safe at Court.
"It did make me anxious to see you."
"More anxious than normal?" He smirked and I grinned back at him. I definitely loved this side to him.
"My, my Belikov, are you flirting with me?" I asked in mock surprise. He just grinned and took a swig of his drink.
"Affirmative, ma'am."
I choked out a laugh. "Ma'am? I'm not even twenty! How can I be a ma'am?"
"Sorry, miss."
"Better," I laughed. A barmaid headed over to us and I thought for a second that they were going to tell us to leave. But they couldn't; it said on their door that they didn't close until ten. She came and asked if we wanted some food, so we ordered wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. When the girl left, Dimitri leaned over the table and took my hand in his.
"I've missed you so much," he whispered, gently stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. I shivered as it made patterns up and down.
"I've missed you," I told him truthfully.
"I'm so glad I get to spend Christmas with you."
"Me too," I sighed. "Can't you and Tasha stay? Like, permanently stay. I know she'd love to be closer to Christian."
Dimitri let out his own sigh. "I've brought it up a lot and I've tried to be subtle about it. But she doesn't really like Court, or coming here. She doesn't like most of the people here. And they don't like her. She knows it would be easier just to stay away. Besides, she has her martial arts school in Chicago. I know she doesn't want to give that up just yet."
"I wish we didn't have to be apart."
"Me too," he replied angrily as he slipped his hand out of mine. He picked up his glass and chugged the rest of his beer.
"What's wrong?" I asked tentatively.
"Nothing."
"Then look at me." I instructed in a hard voice. He complied, but wore a pissed off look on his face. "What happened?"
"When?"
"Like five seconds ago! One minute we were talking and it was completely fine, the next your mad at something! Is it me? Are you mad at me?"
"No," he answered shortly.
"You are, aren't you?"
"No," he hissed, before continuing in a low voice. "I'm angry at what you said."
"I don't-"
"'I wish we didn't have to be apart.' Does that ring a bell?"
"Why does that make you mad?"
"Because you were the one who wanted me to take Tasha's offer in the first place!" Dimitri exclaimed, his eyes flashing with anger.
"Because I thought it would be best! I didn't want you to lose your job! Especially not over me!" I yelled back.
"We could have waited until you graduated! We could have come out gradually! I wouldn't lose my job because you'd be eighteen and you wouldn't be my student anymore."
It dawned on me then, just how much Dimitri had thought about this. I could tell he'd come up with so many plans and so many excuses to make it right, so that we'd be together. I could see straight through him, even back then. He was ready to lose his job for me. But I couldn't let him do that. I still stood by my decision to tell him to accept Tasha's offer. I realised now, though, what it was doing to us and our families. We were putting everything on hold for the other, for our love. I knew it wasn't fair anymore and I knew it had to stop.
I reached into my bag and pulled out my wallet. I slapped a couple of bills down on the table and stood up, departing with a sad smile. Much like Dimitri hadn't done when he'd left the first time, I didn't look back, because I knew I wouldn't be able to leave. But I had to. It was the right thing to do.
I hoped.
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