Hello my dear and lovely readers.
Consider this a bit of an early Christmas present.
I was bored, so I decided to write a little something just to satisfy my boredom.
I hope you enjoy.
Two OC warning. If you don't like OCs, leave now or forever be corrupted by Alice.
I do not own Naruto.
"HOLY SHIT!" I shouted, successfully startling everyone in the base.
Itachi looked at me, shocked and a little bit pained at the volume of my shouting considering he was right next to me. "Alice?"
"Awe, I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean to yell in your face." I kissed his cheek before wheeling around to confront the other member of the base.
"What the fuck are you yelling about, bitch?" Hidan demanded.
I pointed outside the open entrance door. "It fucking snowed."
Outside it was a freaking wonderland of cold, wet, snow. There was about a foot or so on the ground and it was perfect for packing and I was just so freaking excited.
"No? Really?" Sasori, the sarcastic bane of my existence said sarcastically.
I glared at him. "I am a pleased banana right now, Sasori. I will fight you if you ruin the snow for me."
He scoffed. "I dare you to try it."
I took two steps backwards and bent slightly, gathering a ball of snow and I launched it at his face. It hit dead on. He could have dodged it, but I think he assumed I wouldn't have hit him. Serves the bitch right.
"I'll kill you." He growled.
"You can't catch me!" I teased, wheeling around and skipping out into the wet snow that said puppet master couldn't play in because he was in fact, a puppet. He could get wet, he just didn't like to because then he had to polish himself and other things. "Sable! Come play!"
Sable howled and darted after me, frolicking in the snow and becoming more and more excited and hyper by the second. It was her first snow and she loved it.
See? She is my baby.
"Alice, you're going to get sick." Itachi scolded. "Get in here and put something warmer on."
"No!" I said, sticking my tongue out at him. I was wearing my boots, sweatpants, a red shirt and one of Hidan's rarely worn jackets because Hidan doesn't wear shirts. I was fine in my opinion but apparently, I'm the only one here who would have been playing in the snow in their underwear.
"Alice." Itachi repeated in a warning tone.
I stopped frolicking in the snow to give him a look. "Make me."
A certain glint leaped into his eyes and he raised his eyebrow at me. "Do you really want to play this game?"
"Bring it Uchiha, I'm a master in the snow." I challenged. "You have no idea how happy I am right now. I could be naked and I'd still be rolling around in it."
"I fucking dare you." Hidan grinned.
Kisame smacked the back of Hidan's head. "Shut up, idiot. You just want to see her naked."
Hidan was about to confirm it cockily until he saw the look Itachi was giving him. So, he paled in a very Hidan way and went around to stand on the other side of Kakuzu.
"Don't expect me to protect you." Kakuzu said boredly without even looking in Hidan's direction.
"Yay! Snow!" Kathryn cried, running out towards me in much warmer clothing. Deidara followed her in similar clothing, chuckling about her excitement. "Dei! Come here and make a snow angel with me!" Kathryn ordered happily.
Deidara chuckled. "But you're already an angel, Kathryn un."
She stopped with her arms spread and looked at him. "Oh my gosh!" She ran over to him and tackled him into the snow, squealing her head off about how cute he was. "You are so freaking sweet! I love you so much! You're so sexy! Take off those clothes and we'll make babies!"
I laughed at them while Deidara attempted, unsuccessfully to keep Kathryn at bay. She continued to assault his face with kisses and other things. Sable got excited at seeing them excited so she ran over and joined the love fess, smothering both of them with kisses.
She totally won.
"Alice, please come in and put warmer clothing on." Itachi sighed when Kathryn and Deidara finally separated.
I shook my head and threw a snowball at Deidara. He glared at me and threw one at me which hit me in the chest. "I'll be fine, babe. Come out here and keep me warm."
"How do you suppose I do that?" He asked, a hint of curiosity in his voice
I looked at him. "There are two ways you could take this. The Alice way and the Sasori way."
"Oh?" Sasori wondered, interested now.
"The Alice way is coming out here and making out with me so we melt the snow." I told him. "That, among other perverted things. I leave the images in my mind up to your imagination because they should not be said out loud even if there wasn't other people out here with us."
Hidan started laughing at me.
Kakuzu rolled his eyes at my perverseness. "And the other way?"
"You chase me around and/or fight me, trying to get me to come inside so my body starts heating up and thus, I would even start sweating." I shrugged.
Sasori chuckled. "I like option two."
"I'm rather partial to option one myself. Anything that involves your name is instantly deemed insignificant because you suck." I countered causing my redheaded sarcasm buddy to glare at me. "So Sexy Weasel, what will it be?"
Itachi stared at me for a minute before sighing. "I will do it my way and simply catch you and bring you inside before the Sasori way starts."
I pouted at his ninja logic. "No fair. You're so mean." I crossed my arms. "You want to ruin my fun. How Sasori-like."
"Damn straight." Sasori smirked.
"I do not want you to get sick, Alice." Itachi said calmly.
I huffed. "I'm not going to get sick. I live in Ohio where the weather can be negative seven degrees one day and seventy degrees the next. It's more bipolar than I am. Our winters are way worse than this and I run around outside in my pajamas and a t-shirt. Never once did I get sick."
"She has a point." Kisame pointed out, walking outside in order to join me, Kathryn, and Deidara. Hidan followed him, not bothering to put on a shirt.
Not that he ever did...
Hey, I'm not complaining.
"You're not helping, Kisame." Itachi sighed.
"Itachi! Come out here!" I ordered. Sable barked and trotted over to me, sitting beside me and looking all adorable while being covered in snow. "Awe! Look at her! She's so cute!" I swooped down and hugged her, kissing her face and telling her just how adorable she was. "My baby is just the cutest little puppy ever!"
She barked and licked my face, her tail wagging at an impressive speed.
"I will get sick." Itachi told me, his stern face softening slightly at my actions.
"So go put something warm on. Bring me a coat or something if it'll make you feel better. But, I want you to come out here with me." I pouted.
"So be it." He sighed. "I'll be back."
When he disappeared, I looked at Kathryn. "This calls for a snowball fight."
Kathryn stared at me. "You're a freaking genius. Sasuke and some Konoha people are coming here too so we'll have lots of people! It's going to be so much fun!"
"Excellent!" I smirked. "You and me are on separate teams and we're team Captains. Let's split up the Akatsuki before we get to the add-ins."
"Alright." Kathryn smiled. "You go first."
"Itachi." I said simply.
She giggled and latched onto Deidara who was tossing up snowballs for Sable to play with. "Dei."
"Sasori." I announced.
Sasori paused, shocked that I didn't say Kisame's name and also a bit confused because he didn't know what I was doing. "What?"
"You're playing with us, get out here." I ordered. "You're on my team and you get to pelt Kathryn and Deidara with snowballs."
Sasori stared at me for a moment before smirking. "I'm in."
"Why'd you take Danna?" Kathryn demanded. "He's mine!"
I shrugged. "I need his abilities."
"Fine, I want Hidan." She huffed.
"Dibs on Kisame." I said, grabbing said shark when he stopped beside me. He chuckled and kiss the side of my head.
Kathryn smiled with sneakiness when a certain plant man joined us randomly. "I want Zetsu."
Zetsu raised his eyebrow. "What are you doing with us? I don't know if I like this… We just came out here to see why everyone was outside."
"Snow ball fight." Kakuzu explained.
"Oh, that makes sense. Why are we getting dragged into this? Alice and Kathryn are organizing it. You know we aren't getting out of it. Damn it." Zetsu sighed, emerging from the ground.
I pointed at the miser. "I'm taking Kakuzu."
"I get Sai when he gets here." Kathryn chirped.
"Tobi is mine." I smirked.
"No!" She protested. "I want Tobi! I didn't know he was here!"
Shaking my head, I smiled when Itachi joined me with a flock of crows. "If Zetsu's here, so is Tobi. Hello love. You're on my team. We're having a snowball fight."
Itachi kissed the side of my head, draped a coat over my shoulders and handed me a pair of gloves. "Fair enough."
"I want Suigetsu then." Kathryn huffed.
"You can take Jūgo too, but I get Tenten." I shrugged.
She was quiet before smirking. "Naruto is mine."
"Kakashi will be on my team."
"Uh… I want Choji."
I smirked. "Yamato."
"I wanted him." She whined. "Fine, I want… Shino."
"Dibs on Gai if he came." I told her boredly.
Kathryn crossed her arms. "Poop! Akamaru's on my team too. Does he count as a person?"
"Yes he does. Sasuke's with me." I finalized.
"What are you two saying our names for?" The familiar voice of my future brother-in-law asked.
I grinned at him and the host of Konoha ninjas behind him. "Sup guys! You're just in time. We're having a snowball fight. Sakura's on my team."
"Ino." Kathryn pointed out, waving at said blond.
I smirked. "And Hinata's with me. I get both Hyūga cousins."
"Damn it!" She pouted. Her eyes brightened and she pointed at the oddly placed Suna Shinobi. "Ah! Temari!"
"I call Gaara!" I announced.
She giggled. "I get Kankuro."
"I think that's everyone. Oh, if Pein and Konan join, I get Pein." I told her.
"Konan." She beamed.
Kakashi stared at us. "Will someone explain please?"
"Alice and Kathryn wish to have a snowball fight. They are forcing us to participate." Sasori deadpanned. "You all have been recruited as well. Don't plan on getting anything productive done today."
"Unless of course you want to kick someone's ass with a ball of snow." I scoffed. "Kat, you're going down."
"Bring it! My team's gonna kick your ass!" She challenged.
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, I have the Uchiha prodigy, a guy who fought the first Hokage, the Kazekage, and basically everyone else badass."
"What about me?" Karin asked.
I stared at her. "You can be on Kathryn's team."
"Fine." She said stiffly. "This is so childish."
"Party pooper." Suigetsu cooed.
"Let's just get this over with." Kakuzu sighed. "Separate into teams."
I skipped away from Kathryn and patted my side so Sable would follow me. "My team will assemble here. Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, Kakuzu, Tobi, Tenten, Gaara, Sasuke, Kakashi, Lee, Neji, Yamato, Sakura, Hinata, and Gai are all on my team."
"Everyone else come with me!" Kathryn cheered, throwing snow up in the air for dramatic effect.
"We have fifteen minutes to build a fort and/or find a base of operations. It cannot be inside anything." I explained. "The rules are: No chakra, no jutsu, no ninja strength being directed at me and Kathryn unless you want ten murderers and criminals on your ass, do not hurt my puppy, and Itachi is sexy. Any questions?"
Suigetsu raised his hand. "I got one."
"What?" I asked.
"Am I sexy too?" He asked.
"In your own way, yes." I nodded. "But Itachi wins."
Sasori rolled his eyes. "I have a question."
"Yes Loofa?" I wondered.
"Why are you such an idiot?" He questioned.
I smirked. "Because your idiocy lowers my IQ. Now just shut up before you hurt yourself. Come my lovelies! Let us build a magnificent fort of awesomeness. Our team name is Team Youthful Unicorn!"
"You would." Kathryn deadpanned while Lee and Gai had a fit.
I cackled. "I did it just for them."
"Woo! Youthful Unicorn!" Lee cheered. "We shall win this snowball fight, Gai-sensei!"
"That's the spirit Lee! Show them how talented you are by achieving youthful victory!" Gai bellowed.
Sasori twitched. "I want to kill it."
"Shh, Sasori." I laughed, pushing him.
"His stupidity is insulting." He growled.
I shushed him with my finger. "Sasori! Be nice." He just grumbled under his breathe.
Kathryn smiled. "We're going to be Team Almighty Tacos of Cheese!"
"I was going to complain about our name, but now I'm sort of glad I'm over here." Yamato stated quietly. Tenten and a few other ninjas nodded in agreement, eying Kathryn as if they were concerned for her mental stability.
I didn't blame them.
Nor did Hidan, apparently.
Hidan rolled his eyes at Kathryn. "You're a dumb bitch."
Deidara punched him. "Don't fucking talk about her like that you asshole, un!"
"Awe! He's so sweet!" Kathryn squealed, latching onto him.
Karin sighed. "Are we going to have to deal with that the entire time?"
"You shut your whore mouth before I come over there and shove my foot down your throat you stupid slut." Kathryn snapped, looking away from Deidara to glare at Karin.
"I love you Kat." I called, laughing along with Suigetsu, Deidara, and Hidan.
"I love you too Momma!" Kathryn chirped. "Come on guys, let's go build a fort."
I turned to my team as Kathryn and her team headed away. "I'm putting Sasori in charge of the structure because he's good at that sort of stuff." I pointed to the ground beside me. "Sasuke, you get to stand here."
He walked over to me and raised his eyebrow. "Why?"
I grabbed his head and hugged it, petting it softly. "So I can pet you. I can't do this to Itachi because he has an S-class criminal aura to keep up." I meowed. "You're the perfect height too."
"I hate you, Alice." He huffed.
"Shh, you love it. Don't lie." I smiled. "Sasori, get to work. I will win this. TOBI!"
A swirl appeared in the air before me as Tobi joined us. "Alice-chan called for Tobi?"
"Yeah I did. I want you to keep an eye on the enemy and start making as many snowballs as you can. Kathryn will probably be sending Zetsu over here to spy on us." I advised. Tobi threw a hug on me before saluting and disappearing.
"Can you let me go?" Sasuke asked.
I shrugged and released him. "Sure."
He patted his hair to make sure it still looked like a duck's ass before strolling over to Sasori who was dishing out orders for a fort to be built. Itachi, who was standing beside me and talking to Kakashi, instantly took my hand when I let go of Sasuke and I grabbed his, squeezing it gently.
For fifteen minutes, we built a fort and a snowball supply that was perfect for victory. Shortly before the first fifteen minutes were up, Pein and Konan had come outside, but when I asked them if they wanted to join us, they declined because they simply wanted to watch.
And thus, the war began.
Naruto fired the first shot.
However, Kakuzu made the first hit.
Naruto's orange clad body shot up from behind Team Cheesy Tacos' fort and he launched a snowball at Sasuke. Sasuke easily dodged it stepping aside for someone else to throw. Naruto's face was priceless when Sasuke dodged his snowball. Sasuke even snorted with amusement. Hidan made to throw one at me, because I was laughing at Naruto's fail, but the second his face went above the fort, Kakuzu rocketed a ball at his face and it exploded when it crashed into his mouth.
"Fuck!" He shouted, falling backwards because of the strength of the impact and the pain. "Kakuzu! You fucking asshole."
Kakuzu smirked under his mask. "That felt wonderful. This childish game is now worth playing."
"Nice shot Kakuzu." I smiled, dodging a snowball thrown by Kathryn. I threw one and it hit Deidara, splattering snowy debris on Kathryn's face. "Take that yellow hair!"
"Hey!" Naruto protested. "I have yellow hair!"
I smiled at him. "Yeah, but you don't look like a girl."
"I hate you Alice, un!" Deidara shouted, throwing a ball at me.
Itachi deflected said ball with a stick before throwing his own ball and knocking Deidara off his feet. "No need to get so defensive, Deidara."
"Ouch! There were rocks in that one! Fuck you Sasori!" Hidan yelped.
Sasori and Kakuzu exchanged a fist bump before Kakuzu threw a snowball and it went straight into Choji's open mouth.
"Ten points." Tenten cheered, elbowing Kakuzu with laugh. Kakuzu eyed her for a minute before moving on and focusing on hitting Hidan.
"Nice hit, Shino and Kiba!" Kathryn giggled, pointing at Sakura who was covered in snow. "Sai! Hit Yamato!"
Yamato ducked under the snowball Sai threw and he launched his own, allowing it to crack into Naruto's gut. Kakashi joined in, hitting Ino in the shoulder before hitting Kankuro in the chest.
Things got a bit… violent. It got to the point where Kathryn and I were brushed to the side because of all of the ninjas trying to kill each other. Tobi had like a windmill going on because he kept spinning his arms around and throwing whatever was placed in his hands. People on my team had fun putting stuff in his hands when he wasn't paying attention. Sometimes there were kunai and shuriken.
Sasori and Kakuzu had targeted their partners and Naruto and Sasuke were having some rivalry thing going on. They only targeted each other and they were getting rather violent. Ino and Sakura were having some strange girl fight over in the corner that no one understood. Tenten was putting shuriken in some of her snowballs just to scare people, though a few did hit Hidan.
Kakuzu praised her.
I love that miser.
As we continued playing, the barriers began becoming less useful and people began running around to hit each other. However, no matter what you did, you could not cross the center line. That line was where Pein and Konan sat on the sidelines, watching our idiocy.
"Hey! Hidan! Don't cross the line!" I shouted, pointing at him and hitting Shikamaru with a snowball. Hidan had run over the line a bit to hit Jugo who had launched a huge snowball that hit both Hidan and Shino square in the face.
The silver haired Jashinist glared at me. "Oi! Crazy bitch! Fuck you!" He pulled back his arm and launched his snowball at me with all of his might. I ducked just in time for it to go soaring over my head.
And straight into Pein's face.
I turned around and gawked at our snow-covered Leader while Hidan paled and covered his mouth in horror. Worryingly I began backing away, grabbing Itachi's hand when I reached him.
Pein slowly raised up a hand to wipe the snow from his face which supported a livid expression. He glared at us with his narrowed Rinnegan before he threateningly got to his feet and turned his head in Hidan's direction. Said Jashinist took off for the woods, running for his life.
"Every man for himself! Run for your life! He'll kill us all!" I shouted, taking off away from Pein who was raising his arms to unleash his godly punishment on all of us. All of the Akatsuki and Taka sprinted away, grabbing various Konoha Shinobi who were too confused to run away from a pissed off Pein.
Deidara grabbed Kathryn and shot out a clay bird which instantly took flight when he jumped on it. Sasori used his poisoned cord to pull himself onto the bird at the distance he was. Kakuzu teleported away while Tobi sprinted, screaming. Zetsu sunk into the ground, both side swearing with terror.
Itachi grabbed me and Kisame scooped up Sable and they ran as quickly as they could with Sasuke, Kakashi, and Naruto right behind them. Gai and Lee followed after Tenten and Neji who were basically dragging their comrades and trying to challenge them into running away. Sakura and Ino were running away with Jūgo and Suigetsu while Kiba and Akamaru just kind of ran as fast as they possibly could after Hinata who was running after Naruto.
Shino had his bugs burrow underground so he was basically safe while Yamato jumped on Sai's bird with Sai and they took off after Deidara and Kathryn. Gaara ran with his siblings, unleashing his sand as he ran so it would protect him when the time came. Shikamaru, having foreseen this whole escapade, ran in a different direction then the rest of us with Choji at his side.
Karin was left behind to die.
"Shinra Tensei!" Pein shouted.
Konan just sat there and giggled the entire time.
"AH!" Karin screamed, not being fast enough to get the hell out of Pein's way, and also being dumb enough to think running towards the base would protect her. She got slammed against the surface and was punished in all of our stead.
"Hidan!" Pein yelled.
"I'm fucking sorry! Blame Alice! She fucking ducked!" Hidan shouted from somewhere in the woods. All of us were hiding, too afraid of Pein's wrath to emerge from the safety of our hiding spots. Deidara, Sasori, Kathryn, Sai, and Yamato were still flying safely out of range, watching the whole affair.
"Banshō Ten'in!" Pein bellowed.
Trees fell as Hidan was ripped from his hiding place and pulled to Pein.
"Shit!" Hidan yelped.
"You know, I should be concerned for the wellbeing of my partner, but I'm not." Kakuzu said as he suddenly appeared behind us. "I shouldn't be looking forward to seeing this, seeing as he is my partner, but I am. I may or may not have asked Zetsu to record it so I could watch it whenever I wanted."
"He's immortal, he can handle it." Kisame shrugged.
Itachi made a small snort that sounded amused and almost like a scoff. "He is an idiot. He deserves it."
"OUCH!" Hidan screamed. Swearing and other pained yells joined in with the first.
Sasuke shook his head. "He's so loud. I'm surprised no one found you guys sooner when you were criminals. He could have alerted people three countries over."
I glanced at him. "The base is sound proof. You should hear him snore. I swear I could have heard it from Ohio."
"No thanks." Naruto laughed.
"Aren't you guys a little concerned?" Kakashi wondered.
"No." We all said in unison.
I smiled when Kakashi sweat dropped. "Don't worry Kakashi. Hidan will be alright. Pein wouldn't kill him. He's OCD so he has to have ten members and Hidan's one of the bunch. Not to mention, Hidan's immortal so he can take anything Pein can dish at him."
"So why did we run from him?" Kakashi asked.
"Because if we would have stuck around, Pein would have punished us all. We're guilty by association. We were playing with Hidan so we were just as guilty when Hidan was near us. Pein's like a really… powerful dad. He basically runs a base full of emotionally challenged teenagers that need constant supervision."
Naruto and Kakashi both laughed.
A flock of papers alerted us to Konan's arrival and she materialized in front of us. "You guys can come out now. Pein-sama is done. Kakuzu, he asked that you put Hidan back together."
"Alright." Kakuzu shrugged. "Come on."
I jumped on Itachi's back and he piggy backed me back to the clearing Pein was in and I sighed at the red snow. "I hate you Hidan. You ruined the snow."
"FUCK YOU ALICE!" His head shouted from a few feet from Pein's feet.
Pein kicked his head gently. "Shut up."
"Ouch!" Hidan yelped.
Pein glared at him before sighing and looking at the rest of us. "I'm impressed by your speed. Though, I am a bit disappointed by how quickly you chose to retreat. You will need to fix that. I will not harbor cowards."
"You can go a little overboard sometimes, Leader." Kisame grinned as he watched Kakuzu push Hidan's torso towards his head with his foot.
Pein shrugged as everyone else began joining us. "I do what I need to in order to keep you kids in line." He looked over all of before crossing his arms. "Clean this up, or I will show you overboard."
"Yes sir!" All of us said quickly, running around in order to restore the clearing to Pre-Almighty Push.
Yeah… I don't recommend hitting Pein in the face with a snowball.
Not only will you be dismembered by the pierced ginger as punishment, you will also be forced to clean up the mess he made punishing you.
1. No, this has nothing to do with my stories. It's a purely hypothetical situation with Kathryn and Alice added in. No babies, no dead Tobi, no war.
2. Don't bitch at me. I'll fight you. :)
3. I hope you liked even though it sucked and I literally wrote it in like half an hour minus like three or four minutes where I chased my niece out of my room because she kicked my leg and the place where she kicked me happened to be where my pocket was and my iPod was in my pocket. That thing is the technical love of my life. Thankfully no harm was done.
4. I know it sucks. Leave me alone. It was a lot funnier in the dream I had last night. I cannot accurately write it out though unless I wanted to write another chapter or two and I don't. So yeah.