Why Broom Closets Are Not Inconspicuous
Date Written: Monday, October 10th, 2011
Unimaginative Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Harry cautiously poked his head out of the portrait hole. "Is it safe?" he whispered.
"Yeah, it's all clear," said Ron cheerfully. In Harry's opinion, he was taking far more amusement than was wholly necessary from The Boy-Who-Lived's predicament.
"Good, we can finally go to lunch," said Harry, rummaging in his bag for his cloak as he stepped out of the portrait hole.
"Are you two going to use the invisibility cloak again?" Hermione asked, stepping out of the hole after Harry. He yelped, dropping his things on Ron's foot.
"Hermione! You scared me," said Harry. "But yeah, we are. Why do you ask?"
"What, are to talking me again?" Ron said rudely, rubbing his foot.
Hermione ignored him.
"Because I think you should change how you're getting around the castle," she answered Harry.
"I have to use the cloak though!" Harry protested. "The professors put mistletoe up in almost every doorway. I'm being stalked by rabid teenage girls –"
"– and boys –" interjected Ron.
"– everywhere I go! And I was trying to forget about that, thanks." Harry glared at Ron.
"Oh, here's a reason boys are after you," Hermione said, a definite note of amusement in her voice.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry bristled.
"I'll tell you in a moment. But first, is there any particular reason why you and Ron always choose broom closets to take the cloak off in?" Hermione asked.
Harry's eyes widened slightly as he began to get an inkling as to where this was going.
"That's obvious – we can't just be seen popping out of thin air," said Ron obliviously.
"We need someplace inconspicuous to take the cloak off and reappear, and there's only one toilet per floor. Strictly speaking, I'm not really supposed to have it," Harry elaborated.
"Right there is your problem: broom closets are not inconspicuous," Hermione said, suppressed mirth coloring her tone. "There has been... speculation as to why exactly you and Ron have been seen emerging from broom closets all over the school."
Harry closed his eyes with silent horror and Ron blanched, a revolted expression on his face.
"Please tell me you're joking," Harry groaned.
"Bloody hell! I've got a girlfriend! We snog all over the place! How can people think I'm a poof?" Ron exclaimed.
"That's right, he's dating Lavender! And I went out with Cho last year," Harry said.
"True, but it really does look suspicious," said Hermione, grinning at them. Or rather, she grinned at Harry, as she hadn't so much as glanced at Ron throughout the entire conversation. "You wouldn't believe how often Lavender's had to defend Won-Won's honor in the girl's dormitory, but even she's becoming concerned. And Cho's working against you – she keeps telling people she suspected all along what you were and that's why she broke it off, and how you just didn't seem interested."
"One bad date and she hates me," complained Harry. "Can't believe I ever fancied her to begin with."
"What do you mean she's concerned?" asked Ron, disconcerted. "And I told you not to date her, mate. She's a Tornadoes fan – that makes her evil by default."
"It's not your fault, Harry," said Hermione comfortingly, ignoring Ron. "She's just embarrassed that your relationship went so badly and is trying to make up for it. She has a reputation, after all."
"Yes, well, so long as her reputation is safe," said Harry dryly.
"So you do understand why broom closets are not the best place for reappearing?" said Hermione, somewhat mockingly Harry thought. He suspected she had enjoyed this entire exchange far more than she was letting on.
"Yes, Hermione." said Harry, sighing. "Thanks for the warning."
"Thanks? Why didn't you tell us before the whole school was talking about it?" asked Ron angrily.
"I was too busy laughing at the two of you," laughed Hermione, speaking to Ron by accident.
The boys glanced at each other, then lunged at Hermione, who screamed as they both began chasing her down the corridor to lunch.
Review, please! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.