6Merry christmas everybody. This is a christmas gift for you all!
Summary: Ever wondered why the Doctor didn't ask martha to come with him after the events at the hospital but returned in the evening? Maybe because he was still trying to get over the loss of his beautiful pink and yellow companion and love of his life Rose Tyler. And maybe he needs some convincing about getting a new companion from an old friend. Enjoy xxx
He smiled and waved to Martha, taking one last look at the brave young woman who had partially saved his life. She was busy talking to a person who looked a lot like her sister, but she saw him out of the corner of her eye and grinned at him before turning back to her sister. When she looked back, he was already gone.
He slowly twisted and pushed the dials on the console, taking deep breaths. This had been his first visit to earth in about two years. He had come here briefly sometimes, visiting Sarah Jane, but other than that he stayed away. The memories of Rose were just to painful. In fact, he had avoided visiting a good few other planets, simply because they reminded him of his last companion.
Her had to check sometimes though, just to make sure that his favourite planet was still in decent shape. This had been one of those visits. He had been lying to Martha slightly, he was just passing through, but he had to make sure that nothing bad was happening.
Of course, the problem was solved now. He had to admit that it had actually been a little fun, running again, with someone at his side. Donna's words came to him again: "Find someone".
He shook his head.
No.
Finding someone new was like replacing Rose. He didn't think he could manage that. Rose was special, she was brilliant, and there was no one in the world like her. He didn't think that he could manage having another companion on board, because that comapnion wouldn't be Rose. Everytime he would look at the new comapnion, and see the excitment in his or her eyes at the prospect of discovering somthing new, something totally unknown, he would see Rose there, with shining eyes and a huge smile. Everytime he and his new comapnion would have to run, it wouldn't feel the same, and everytime he reached for their hand, it wouldn't fit as perfectly as Rose's had.
No, a new companion was out of the question.
He slumped down in the captain's chair, thinking of the time that she had sat there, tongue poking out between her teeth, legs stretched out under her, a grin on her face as she watched him work or ramble on about a planet.
He groaned. It had been years. Years. He had done everything he could have to get back to her, had gone across planets trying to find what he needed, but it was impossible.
He should have accepted it by now.
But he couldn't.
Part of him was almost angry. He was a Time Lord. Time Lords didn't feel this way, and even in the rare cases in which they experienced something slightly akin to love, it never came close to the feelings he'd felt for his lovely blonde companion.
And she was human. He couldn't believe that a simple, normal human girl had managed to make him feel this way. But it just made the thought of her loss all the more painful.
He got up, walking over to the console, running his hands through his hair and stuffing them in his pockets. He needed comfort; he needed someone he could talk to, someone who would understand.
He pressed a button, flicked a switch and spun a dial, listening to the sound of the TARDIS materialising. He stepped out, coat billowing out behind him, into the street. He looked at the sign on the door.
13 Bannerman Road.
He went up to the house and knocked.
.
.
.
Later, he was sitting on Sarah's couch, sipping her tea, listening to her recounting the adventures she'd had. He studied her. She looked very young for her age still, and the excitement and happiness glowing in her eyes that had been there so many years ago was still present in her eyes. She looked happy.
She had moved on and made herself a life. He wondered if Rose had moved on like this, wondered whether or not she was happy. Did she have a new life now? The 'fantastic' life he had always told her to have-and the one that he wasn't able to give her?
He hoped, especially for her sake, that she did. That she had a job, a house, a dog, maybe even a husband. That she had moved on, because she definitely deserved that much. But a small, tiny, selfish part of him hoped that she hadn't. That she was still there somewhere, missing him the horrible painful way he missed her, and that she still loved him with the strength that he loved her.
No.
That was wrong. He would never want to wish this horrible pain on her.
Sarah could see that the Doctor was lost in thoughts about something, and so simply sat in silence. After a while the Doctor snapped out of it with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"Sorry about that" he said sheepishly. "I seem to be getting distracted a lot nowadays, huge mind and all."
Sarah rolled her eyes. Still the superior Time lord then.
"How long has it been for you?" she asked. The last time he had visited her had been a few months ago, for her at least.
The Doctor sighed mournfully. "Only about two years" he admitted, ignoring Sarah's raised eyebrows. "Thought it was time to make sure the earth was still okay".
Sarah shook her head. "You have excellent timing then" she said with a smile. "Or you're just a trouble magnet" she said, after consideration. "I suppose you had something to do with the hospital that disappeared today?"
The Doctor nodded. "Yeah, a bit of trouble with a Plasmavore and some Judoon. Well, quite a lot of Judoon. Well, a whole army. But yeah. It's taken care of now."
Sarah nodded. "I wanted to go and investigate it myself."
"I'm glad you didn't. It was quite risky. I nearly died" he said, not seeming at all concerned about the fact. Sarah hated it. Hated seeing him like this, almost suicidal. She knew the reason, and wished she could see him happy again. Losing Rose had seemed to have a permanent effect on him.
"Martha saved my life. Well, I say saved. Partially saved. Resuscitated. She's a medical student" he continued, willing to distract himself. "She was bri-" he broke off and cleared his throat. "She was good. She was really, really good."
"Did you ask her to come with you?" Sarah Jane asked. He needed someone.
But he shook his head and stared into his tea, as if the answers to his problems were somehow hidden in the swirling liquid.
"You need someone Doctor." Sarah said quietly. "Donna was right. You're so lonely. You need someone to show the wonders of the universe to, someone to laugh with."
She broke off at the pained expression crossing his face.
He shook his head, frozen. "I can't" he whispered.
The silence dragged on slightly.
"You need someone Doctor" Sarah Jane persisted after a while. "Look at you. You can't go on like this, you're practically suicidal."
"I see her everywhere" the Doctor replied, almost as if he hadn't heard her. "I see a flash of blonde hair somewhere; hear a laugh that sounds like hers. Whenever I see someone with excitement like hers, I can't help but picture her there." He shook his head, trying to dislodge the tears in his eyes. "I can't get a new companion, because I can only see her there. Every time we would go to a different planet, I couldn't stand seeing someone's eyes light up like hers did." He finally looked Sarah Jane into the face. "Her hand fit mine" he said, and then fell silent, looking down, wrapping is coat tightly around him, as if it was some sort of invisible shield that would protect him from pain and loss.
"I know you loved her Doctor" Sarah said gently, looking at the broken man before her. "But that doesn't mean you can't get someone else. She would want you to. I'm sure of it. She would want you to move on and have a great life. You want the same for her, don't you?"
The Doctor said nothing, thinking of the times he had sent Rose away because he had wanted her to have exactly that. He understood the pain she had gone through then a lot better now. It hurt. A lot.
"I just feel so useless" he ground out. "It's my fault she fell, my fault she's trapped in that universe. And I can't do anything to get her back."
"You're not useless" Sarah jumped in. "You're the most amazing man I've ever met. This wasn't your fault, please remember that."
The Doctor wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Sarah Jane put an arm around him, trying to comfort him.
"I just can't get someone else" he said after a while. "It would feel like I'd be replacing her."
"But you wouldn't be!" Sarah Jane said. "You've had lots of companions Doctor, but you've never felt like you were replacing them all right? They're all special, in their own way, and they're all so very different. So was Rose. Brilliant, and brave and funny, and she will always have that special place in your heart. Even if you get a new companion."
"Yeah" the Doctor admitted quietly after a while sighing to himself. Sarah Jane hugged him tighter.
He drank his tea in silence for a bit longer, and told her about another alien planet he visited.
"Thanks" he whispered to Sarah, as he got up to leave.
Sarah hugged him and kissed his cheek. "You're always welcome here" she told him. Whenever you need to talk."
"Thank you. You can always come with me" he said, sounding almost hopeful. But Sarah shook her head.
"Sorry" she said, and watched him attempt to shrug it off. "I have a life here now. A job, friends and family. But I loved the old times"
He smiled at her and hugged her one last time. She watched him exit the house and walk down the road, towards the TARDIS, and saw him wave slightly as he disappeared in its interior. The TARDIS faded slowly, the sound of all of time and space echoing in the street. Sarah smiled and closed the door.
.
.
.
He stood in the console room, staring at the purple jumper that hung over the railing. He went over and picked it up, sliding the fabric between his fingers and pressing it to his cheek, a tear rolling down his face. He put the jumper back down, and walked determinedly over to the console, setting a new destination, the Powell Estate in the nineties. He watched sadly as a young Rose walked from school with her friends, talking and laughing and running.
He smiled sadly. Running, always running.
He waited until she walked into a different direction and walked over to her and smiled at her. She looked up at him curiously, the wind blowing her blonde hair across her face.
"You're brilliant" he told her, emotion in his voice. "I love you for it. Never ever forget that."
He smiled, looking into her wide brown eyes. "Now, go home to your mum, before she starts worrying."
Rose smiled at him, and ran off.
He sighed to himself, and walked back towards the TARDIS.
.
.
.
He set the coordinates back for earth 2007, on the same day that the hospital disappeared, but in the evening. He made the TARDIS latch onto Martha's location.
Sarah Jane had been right. He needed someone. Martha was clever. Martha would keep him in line. He put a smile on his face and motioned for her to come to him. He made sure, however, to tell her that she wasn't replacing Rose. That nothing could ever replace Rose.
He would talk about her now. A lot. And make sure that everyone knew how brilliant she was.
The brilliant Rose Tyler, the girl he loved, and would always love.
Forever.
Thank you all for reading and merry Christmas!