72So I've been sick and probably wasn't in my right mind while writing a majority of this (well I'm never in my right mind but to a greater extent).
I had written a one-shot for one of my other stories about Izzy dealing with a death before realizing I was already about to write something about him and a death in this… Eh, it's okay, they accomplish different things.
Yes, this will be sad, but it won't stay that way for long. Tragedy leads to action, yes?
Here it is. The only thing you can do the day after your friend dies…
Wednesday
Sora will never forget the broken look in TK's eye. Or Matt and Tai screaming at each other. Or the silent tears they were all hiding. She shuddered at the memory then inhaled sharply. She had to calm herself, had to get her mind off of it, but every time she closed her eyes she was launched into a flashback.
Tai had received a message on his d-terminal from Matt, and the next thing she could remember after that was returning to her world. All of them were frightened into a petrified silence expect Tai and Matt who handled the situation in the only way they could—arguing and yelling like there' s no tomorrow.
Turns out the television they went through led to the old middle school computer lab where Mr. Fujiyama just so happened to be working late. Suffice to say, he didn't react well. In fact, he called the police who took Joe's body and were so confused and taken off guard by the delusional and emotionally wrecked young adults that they didn't do anything with them… yet.
Sora shuddered at the thought. Any minute now they'd be after them, the kids who were caught with a dead body. They had the police and a new digimon on their tails. At a time like this, they really did have to stick together.
She frowned. They'd have to work on that. Her and Matt, Izzy and Mimi, TK and Kari, no one was getting along, but now that the world was against them the digidestined had to ban together. Like the always did.
She replaced her frown with a thoughtful grin. When the going gets tough, they run to each other, and she was determined to make sure that happens.
Two whole bottles of soap lay discarded on the cold bathroom floor. His hands still felt dirty.
Only when TK closed his eyes could he see his friends' panicked looks, opened his ears and heard Joe's last, scarring scream, but he constantly felt warm blood sliding across his hands, dripping down his arms.
He sniffed, blinked away the moisture in his eyes, and just kept scrubbing. His hands were red, his skin clearly irritated, but this was all he could do to keep his mind off of things. Of Joe…
Was this what it all came down to? The powers of darkness could throw a digidestined away like they were an old, decrepit shoe? That couldn't be it! They fought, they worked, they gave everything they had, and the moment they're ready to quit the world turns on them.
TK paused as he glanced up at his reflection in the mirror—puffy eyed and shaken.
The worst part is that there's no reset button, no magical entity can save Joe, and no matter how much he wanted it there was no chance for his friend.
There was no hope for Joe, so TK had nothing to cling to. There was no hope that they'd all make it out alright; they already failed. TK forcefully grabbed a towel to dry his hands, glaring at the harmless item like it was the source of all his agony.
Even if Joe's hope was gone, there was still the matter of revenge.
TK roughly threw the towel back onto the counter. 'This isn't over yet, Lucemon. I've still got more than two weeks left to make you pay.'
"Mom, please do I really have to go to school today?"
"Hikari, you and your brother are walking on thin ice as it is. I wouldn't argue with me if I were you."
Silence. Tai knew his sister must be biting her tongue and trying not to cry. She's been crying buckets all night leaving him to do his best to comfort her and bottle up his own emotions.
He heard the door slam, and footsteps coming towards his old room where he lay with one leg hanging off the edge of the bed and an arm draped over his eyes.
He recognized his mom's voice. "Kari left for school. You're not missing any classes over at the college are you?"
Tai groaned. His mom meant well, but she wouldn't be forcing them to get back to their lives if she realized Joe was their close friend. All she knew was that her children got caught up in a murder scene (that they claimed to not be responsible for), and nothing justified that leaving her furious.
"Answer me," she ordered from the doorway.
He brought his arm up to uncover his eyes and squinted at his mom. He was missing Home Economics, but if he told her she'd make him go. Oh well, what's one more lie? "I'm not doing anything today."
She nodded. "Alright, I'm off to do a few errands. Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone."
Tai rolled his eyes as she exited. She didn't need to say that. He wasn't the little kid who always wandered into danger all the time.
'No,' he thought darkly, 'you don't wander. You go sprinting towards it and drag everyone down with you.'
He rolled over, so he was facing the wall. They say that in your final moments, your life flashes before your eyes. Tai never really gave that much thought until now because even if Joe's life didn't flash before his own eyes, it sure was circling around in Tai's head.
He recalled meeting Joe all those years ago back in summer camp. The lanky, blue haired boy had registered as nothing more than a nerd who needed to chill out. If he had the strength, Tai would've laughed because Joe still never loosened up.
Not to say he didn't change. He changed a lot; they all did. Joe went from a pessimistic nervous wreck to a confident, reliable friend… then the pill stepped in. He was terrified again albeit not as much as before, but Tai didn't believe for a second this wasn't still Joe, wasn't still willing to lay his life on the line for the team.
Tai winced. That wasn't quite the metaphor it used to be.
Sure, they were constantly in dangerous situations, but nothing ever happened. It was like since they were kids they had this impenetrable bubble around them that shut out the world, but now that they're older the bubble popped and Lucemon came strolling along.
He hated everything about this- feeling helpless, not being able to think straight, and probably having to force everyone not to give up. He wanted to give up. Joe was dead! One of their best friends, a digidestined! How could they return to the Digital World after that?
Tai kicked the wall in front of him because he knew that was exactly why they had to go back.
Izzy's fingers dragged over the keyboard. Besides that his bedroom was deathly quiet. His mind processed everything and though he'd never admit it, he hid behind his logic in a limited state of denial.
He knew Joe had been killed (despite never seeing the body) and that the police took his friends' names and for god knows what reason they didn't take them under custody leading him to also have a pretty good hunch that the police weren't done with them yet.
His thumb rolled across the keyboard forcefully. Why couldn't anyone just be direct with them? The police keep them in suspense, and Lucemon explains none of his motives! Ironically, Mori had been direct with them, but they never gave him a clue. Well, Joe did however many weeks later. Gee, why hadn't anyone contacted them about that yet? Izzy leaned back in his chair and thought pessimistically, 'Maybe they're all waiting to gang up on us, and both worlds will come crumbling down.'
He watched his reflection in the computer screen thoughtfully. How long had it been off? He bent down to check the power cord and found it was never on.
He also recognized Joe was the reason he felt so numb and emotionless. Just like his computer he had shut down. As long as he kept thinking logically and shut out his emotions, everything would be okay.
An eerie chuckle escaped him. His emotions were what got them into this whole mess. If he hadn't made the pill, hadn't been so intent on saving them and keeping them in the dark about it…
No, no time for if. He had to think about the future. Mimi was right: he had to be honest and tell everyone.
After all, it was probably Joe's lack of knowledge that got him killed.
Izzy took one hand off the keyboard and ran it through his hair in a pathetic attempt to make his mind lose focus, but it was already rolling.
It's definitely all his fault his friend's dead. He could've gotten them away sooner, years ago. He was just so convinced if he didn't wipe their memories they would risk coming back at some point.
He checked his reflection again. For someone who was disconnected emotionally he sure looked upset.
He glared at the screen, down at the keyboard, then back at the world that lay beyond the computer screen. Izzy knew the others all too well. Now that they've started this adventure and they have someone to fight for they weren't going to quit, and he was right there with them. He'd do anything to atone his sins and make up for all of his bad decisions.
Finally he wasn't sure what Lucemon had to do with this whole thing, but with the others help, he was going to find out.
A slow, emotional melody played out from his guitar. Matt strummed mindlessly, unsure of whether this was an actual song or not. His fingers slid up and down the chords telling him that they knew where they were going even if he didn't. His thoughts wandered to yesterday, and as the memories grew more vivid the weaker his melody became. Calming down TK… yelling at Tai… carrying Joe…
Matt had stopped playing entirely. Once realizing, he angrily glared down at the instrument and slammed the strings so hard it was a miracle they didn't break. He kept playing, abusing the strings as the music picked up into less of a ballad and into a mish-mash of chords you'd hear in the back of Screamo music.
At that point, someone banged on the other side of the thin dorm room walls complaining about the sound. Matt glared at the white wall in front of him and played a few more notes out of spite before tossing his guitar up on his bed. He sat on the floor, eyes closed, finger tapping rhythmically to nothing.
He honestly couldn't remember the last time something had hindered him enough, so all he could do was sit in the dark and play guitar. He recalled spending days alone with his harmonica, but that was before the Digital World, before his team.
Before his friends…
Wow, how long did it take him to call them that? He had been afraid of letting anyone get too close to him or seeing through the wall he'd built up, and now he remembered why.
His finger stopped tapping.
Because when you let people in and let yourself care about them that inevitably leads to getting hurt. He opened his eyes slowly, mind reeling.
People always hurt you—a principle he used to live by that was circling back around. Think, the digidestined were the ones to change his mind but now they were enforcing the rule. The pill meant they'd all drift apart, and he'd get hurt just like he was now.
Matt delicately pressed a finger to his cheek. It was damp, and he looked at his now wet finger with confusion. He didn't remember crying, but that wasn't his biggest concern. For all he knew the tears could've began twenty four hours ago or only a few minutes.
An odd feeling of submission arose. Not many things brought this sort of reaction out of him. Only when he got hurt by someone on the inside.
He punched the blue carpet resolving to never let this happen again.
Sora walked steadily down the hallway trying to focus on her steps rather than the matters at hand. Maybe checking on Mimi and caring for her at a time like this would help her deal with it as well.
A trail of tissues leading into Mimi's bedroom all gathered into a giant pile in the corner; they surrounded the waist basket, but a rare number actually made it in. For once, the bed was made—sheets perfectly folded, pillow cases crisp, and an odd lack of a fuzzy, pink comforter. On the corner sat a simple slip of paper.
Sora, a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, shakily bent down to read the note on it, and as she did her heart skipped a beat:
To whom it may concern,
I have decided I'm heading back to the United States and continuing University. I can't stay here, and let something happen to me like what happened yesterday. That world is terrifying, and I have no business being there when I don't remember why I even bother with it.
I just feel so useless here, and I've become a burden to you all. Tell my partner that I'm sorry. She always seemed so genuine and caring. And I'm sorry to the rest of you. That world must mean a lot to you, and if I could I'd help, but it's time for me to put myself first.
Even if I don't know it, I know I loved all of you especially that blue haired boy because I've been crying buckets.
Maybe one day I'll find out why I was crying, and I'll see you all again.
Sincerely,
Mimi Tachikawa
P.S. Izzy, thank you for telling the truth.
Thanks for reading