It has been 8 months 2 weeks 6 days and 8 hours precisely since the wonderful Dr. Ogden has returned to her home town Toronto once more. I can't believe it; I feel almost whole again just knowing she is by my side. There is however one unfortunate downfall, this being that she is now married to Dr Darcy Garland. (I despise the man. How is it he can just waltz is's right in and stanch her away from me? Just like that, I don't understand! I loved her I still do... with all of my heart and it breaks my heart every time I see her with him. I loose a part of my self every time.) As imagined it is proving quite mettlesome; for you see I now doubt there to be any chance of there ever being an us. Oh Diary, she is the most beautiful, intelligent and impartial person I have ever had the luxury to lay my eyes upon. Every day spent with her is a happy ever after until realisation kicks back in. Oh how I long to proclaim my love for her. She is my everything; my world. She is the reason I drag myself out of bed every morning. The reason my heart still beats! Diary she completes me. I know it sound cliché but it's the truth, whether she has promised herself to another or not!
(Sighs deeply whilst writing) Oh...Diary I fear this makes me a truly terrible man, I shouldn't feel these feelings anymore! Not for a married women. Not with the bundles of respect I hold dear for her. Besides she'll have forgotten about me by now anyway... (Sniggers) ever since I received that God awful letter on her wedding day after that, God awful case; she made her feeling blatantly obvious if I'm to put it bluntly. Julia gave me a choice. Not exactly a fair choice I'll have you know but a choice none the less...Basically she told me that I could either forget about her (Which I'll have you know is NOT POSSIBLE!) Or I could pronounce my love for her and by doing so destroying Darcy. Which no matter how much I despise the man I shalt ever sink to that level...
If I didn't hold my pride so dearly to me I...I would have. I would have barged through those church doors, ran to her, and swept her into my arms and planted a passionate kiss upon her soft tender lips; there and then. I would go to the ends of the world for her! But I had to set things right at least that way I have fixed one of my many mistakes. I just wish that... that I could have fixed the mistake of letting go. But there are just some things that would inflict more pain upon people...upon her.
I wish I could have seen her though. Perhaps if the circumstances where different, perhaps she could have been walking down the isle towards me. To feel my heart flutter in chest as my eyes set upon her, would have been a sensation so wonderful one could not possibly describe it. To see the smile that graced her precious face would have been like a gift sent from the heavens above. For you see her smile is like the first breath of spring, as gratifying as the first rays of sunshine. Everything about her is fresh and new, pure; just the simple thought of it is teasing a smile to my lips. She gives me the urge to walk closer to her in order to feel the warmth radiating from her. She is for me the soul definition of perfect. She is flourless
Have I already mentioned what happened the other day? ... I don't think I have. (Sighs deeply a tear drops onto the paper) I feel awful. I find that her every aspect of her captivates me. Causing my mind to drift into a land of forbidden fantasies of her. (Sniggers) My gaze upon her began to linger whilst she was briefing me on a case we are working together. I couldn't stop it this time. Usually I have some level of authority over it but... today...today I... I didn't! The worst part is that I believe she caught me. The last thing I want to do is to make her feel uncomfortable around me. It would mean she would move back to buffalo again and I would never see her again! I would definitely die there's no denying it. No shadow of a doubt. Without her I'm nothing, Its bad enough she isn't mine but if she were to leave...I would have no choice but to commit the worst sin possible...suicide. There is however the possibility that she would kill me first. By this I simply mean that when and if she were to leave there would be no need for my heart to any longer beat. She would be the death of me...!
I feel a huge weight upon my chest that I must get off. What best way to do that than in here. Where nobody shall see it.
Diary I need her. More than I need oxygen more than anything in this world. I dream about her every night. I fantasise about her when ever she is nearby and even when she isn't here.
I remember it like yesterday, I was in my office tying together the last of my paper work when suddenly, she was there, arched in the doorway. Her skin was glowing a golden colour and her eyes a sensual blue and the sent of her perfume lingered in the air; it was intoxicating. My head was racing. I almost missed her soft voice calling my name.
"Detective?" she tried again "William?" her voice was kind and patient.
She headed over in my direction as I ushered my reply out through my trembling lips.
"Julia? What on earth are you doing here so late at night?" I asked slightly baffled.
She didn't say anything as she paced over toward me. "William I miss you"
"I'm sorry?" she misses me? How can she I'm right here.
Her hand is brought to my face and once more she speaks. "Do you miss me?"
"Julia I don't understand what you're asking me. "My breathing was begging to become shaky as I soon realised she was holding my face.
This time she leaned over to me and whispered into my ear. "I need you. I need you William" Her tone of voice was so seductive that it sent hot chills spiralling through my body.
"Take me William...I'm yours" she kissed my neck.
"Oh Julia" I moaned as I pulled on top of me. I couldn't contain myself; the need for her was too great. I took her mouth and ushered my tongue passed her soft lips demanding her complete surrender. She moaned my name. I picked her up whilst pushing everything off my desk in a violent manner. As I took to her neck she moaned- "De...tec...tive" the last part was more like a squeal as my teeth bit the skin of her neck playfully.
"Sir?" It was George "SIR" I looked up passed the mounds of paper work and saw him standing there, his face filled to the brim with concern. She was gone. Never there.
That Diary is what I live with everyday! I suppose at least in a way we are together. If only she felt the same.
Diary I'm afraid I shall be turning in for the night so you shall remain once more in this here drawer.
I hope one day we shall end up together.
Well I fill you in tomorrow,
(Sighs and places the dairy into the drawer in his office before heading home for some well earned rest.)