I probably should not be starting another WIP, but oh well. This should only be three parts (fingers crossed). So I've been without internet for a few months and had only a handful of DVD's. So I've watched the 1995 Colin Firth edition of "Pride and Prejudice" a lot. Also "Lost in Austen". So please enter the AU world of McKinley High, a school split in two between the incredibly popular jock's, and everyone else. Thanks for reading!
Pride and Prejudice and Glee
It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a popular high school student in possession of superior social standing must be in want of somehow being fixed. It is also a truth, universally acknowledged, that a student on the opposite spectrum of the popularity scale will be an excellent instrument in the fixing.
Of course the blissfully unaware popular student has no idea that he or she needs to be fixed, but as they roam the hallowed halls of high school, there are teachers that pick up on the intense desire to bust that popular kid out of their shell and make them embrace their inner loser.
And of course, Mr. Schuester was one of those teachers. He found himself sitting opposite Coach Shannon Bieste in the faculty break room for lunch one day with Emma Pillsbury to his right.
"Noah Puckerman missed his appointment last week," Emma sighed. The boy had missed 95% of his mandatory, court appointed counseling sessions since his stint on Juvie last year. Which meant he had made it to the first meeting and had stepped out five minutes after it started. The counselor looked to Shannon and asked, "Isn't there a way you can, possibly, maybe, gently, FORCE him to come in?"
"Sorry, kiddo. No can do," Shannon shrugged. She blew out an exasperated breath and admitted wearily, "If I could get the kid to do anything, we'd make States without blinking an eye. He's a damn good natural leader, and currently he's only interested in leading the kids into Sunday morning hangovers."
"Don't you think its Finn who is the gang leader?" Will asked curiously.
"Definitely not," Shannon shook her head with a chuckle. "For one, they aren't all walking around with icy hot in their eyeballs and tampons strung up their noses."
"Oh!" Emma gasped, her eyes becoming as wide as saucers.
"Don't ask," Shannon advised gravely. "You've got Puckerman in charge of what they do. Santana is a close second. Blaine goes along with Puckerman because he's his best friend and because he's quote, dating Santana. Mike just goes along with it to keep the peace. Hudson is in outer space most of the time. And Quinn…"
"Quinn has had a rough couple of years," Emma said quietly, referring to the baby she and Puck had given up for adoption sophomore year. They had swept all of their emotions for that into a tightly locked box. A tightly locked box that was prone to explosions. Puck's explosions were easier to diagnose as he usually just wound up in the back of a squad car. Quinn's latest explosion was to get her hair dyed pink, a tattoo of Ryan Seacrest on her back and a pack of Marlboro ultra light's a day.
"You know, I bet that it we combined our kids for free period together, Coach, we would all reach a mutually beneficial conclusion," Will rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I need a few more kids to round out Glee Club this year, you know, kids who Rachel can't get transferred out or expelled. And I don't even want to think about how Brittany convinced that kid last year to move to El Savador. I need people who can't be convinced to drop off the face of the earth and I know that your jocks can dance."
"And sing," Shannon added. "I've heard them on the bus rides home from away games. Some of 'em are pretty good, I'd wager. Blaine and Santana, I mean, I'm not so sure about their uh-relationship? But…wooh boy, I'll tell you, those kids could be on American X Factor or something."
"And being in the creative arts has been known to have a positive effect on athleticism. And also, it may even keep Noah and his friends out of trouble long enough for me to help them all," Emma said excitedly.
"I can't make them sing and dance," Shannon shook her head warily.
"But we could reorganize our free period class rosters. I take half of your popular kids and keep my Glee kids…put them in a room together and see what happens," Will said excitedly. "This could be what this school needs to get everyone…together! No more popularity wars. No more kids dropping out and moving to the next district over due to intense bullying. No more losers and winners. Just a happy student population!"
"Faculty please report to the cafeteria to subdue the 11:45 am riot," Principal Figgin's announcement broke through over the P.A. system. He sounded bored, which was to be expected as this was typical behavior for William McKinley students on a Friday.
"I'd be willing to just go with no more 11:45 am riots," Bieste sighed as they all abandoned their lunches to try and contain the violence and injuries.
"Have you heard the latest?"
Rachel looked up from her pink planning binder with a curious expression. Kurt usually had the best gossip, and she tried her best not to indulge in such a frivolous activity, but his knowledge had saved them from more than a few slushie attacks. It was always good to be forewarned, even if Kurt's latest was about the fashionableness of red belts. The rest of their glee club: Artie, Tina, Mercedes and bless her heart, Brittany, circled around Kurt and Rachel, eager for a dish of steaming hot gossip.
"Our classes are totally jacked up, yo," Artie beat Kurt to the punch, causing the gossip to pout.
"Mr. Schue sent like, ten kids to Coach Bieste's room for this period and we're getting mystery jocks," Mercedes confirmed.
"It's like a foreman exchange program," Brittany nodded. "I hope we get Blaine. If his hair and Mr. Schue's hair are in the same room together, magical things might happen."
"Of course, sweetie," Kurt grinned at his excited and happy friend. He looked to Rachel then and they tried to hide their amused looks at Brittany's oft-spouted, oft-ridiculous declarations. "Any who, I'm sure this is just another ploy of the powers that be at McKinley to end the class war that has been waging for the last few years."
"Try decades," Artie countered. "My uncle graduated in 1965 and he said that even back then Jocks made the whole school miserable."
"But when Mr. Schuester went to school, Glee was cool," Tina countered. "I mean, things can change guys."
"If wishes were horses, sweet Tina," Kurt shook his head. "I'd be wearing chaps."
"GUYS! I have an announcement!" Will clapped his hands together as he walked into the room. "Our free period, which we usually spend on Glee work, is gaining a few new members. Can I introduce to you….drumroll…"
The six gleek's all began a well-rehearsed drumroll as they slapped their thighs in perfect unison, bright smiles on their faces.
"Mr. Blaine Anderson!" Will announced.
Blaine furrowed his brow as he walked into the room, unaccustomed to such high volume nerdiness. His only job at McKinley was to go along with whatever his childhood best friend, Noah Puckerman said or did. He stood next to Will with his hands balled up into fists at his sides, hoping that he wouldn't fidget or appear nervous before Will finished introducing the new class attendees in such ridiculous fashion. His eyes darted to the ground after connecting for a brief second with Kurt's and Blaine had to focus extra hard not to fidget. This was not going to be good.
"Mr. Mike Chang!" Will smiled.
"Please stop?" Mike asked with an embarrassed, nervous smile as he shared a shrug with Blaine. Mike wasn't like the rest of his cronies in that he didn't really mind switching classrooms, or even the Gleek's they would be forced to cohabitate with for 45 minutes a day, 5 days a week. But he really didn't like this whole spotlight thing.
"Mr. Finn Hudson!"
"What's up gu-oof!"
Finn tripped over his admittedly large feet as he walked in with a grin on his face. He chuckled easily at his own clumsiness and looked to Mr. Schuester with a winning smile.
"Ms. Santana Lopez and Ms. Quinn Fabray!"
"Oh no," Brittany whispered as the two girls skulked in. "Quinn's never forgiven me for being more awesome than her at cheerleading camp when we were 8. She's been plotting my death ever since then. Guys, please protect me from the cotton candy when it comes."
"Will do, Britt," Kurt smiled at the Cheerio. Brittany was the anomaly of the school and had been his best friend since the second day of freshman year. No one could tell from the appearance of the gorgeous, blonde cheerleader, but she was all Gleek and proud of it. Sue Sylvester had tolerated having the eccentric girl on the squad for one reason only: she was a phenomenal dancer. Her spaciness and general crazy behavior (i.e. getting lost in the Lima Sewer system for the summer between freshman and sophomore year), kept her ostracized from the rest of the jocks. Btu she had landed in capable hands. Even Rachel loved her, and not just for her incredible dancing ability.
"And last, but certainly not least, Mr. Noah Puckerman," Will clapped.
The students looked to the empty doorway and thirty long seconds passed before Will tried again,
"Mr. Noah Puckerman!"
Rachel rolled her eyes, her annoyance easily reaching fever pitch level at the King of the Jocks and Neanderthals of McKinley. He was the inventor of the slushie facial. He had ruled the school with an iron fist and a moronic attitude where everyone who wasn't someone would be tossed into dumpsters, locked into port-a-potties or be forced to wear raincoats every day of the year. And now? Now he was cutting into her precious planning time for group musical numbers.
Rachel rose from her seat and stormed from the room, her sensible penny loafers clicking and clacking against the linoleum of the choir room floor. She put up her right hand in a stop sign motion as Will tried to stop her. She exited the room and huffed as she saw Noah Puckerman lazily leaning against the lockers across the hall from the choir room. She stormed right up to him and positively glared at him.
"Perhaps years of police sirens have taken claim over your hearing, Mr. Puckerman, but Mr. Schuester gave you your cue. If you could please find the energy to rub your last two brain cells together and put one of your feet in front of the other and repeat, we could end this charade that Mr. Schuester has cooked up and move on to more important matters."
"Dude...do you breathe?" Puck smirked down at her.
"DO NOT CALL ME DUDE," Rachel hissed. "Please do us a favor, and either skip school as per usual or join us in the choir room."
"Or what?" Puck goaded.
"Or I will inform your mother of your atrocious behavior on Saturday at Temple!" Rachel vowed in a whisper. She locked eyes with Puck, and he knew, he knew that he was royally screwed. His lips curled up as a growl threatened to escape before he kicked off of the lockers and slouched his way towards the choir room.
Rachel tried to contain her victorious smirk as she followed, but failed miserably. Puck caught one glimpse of it as he took his seat at the back of the room and he arched an eyebrow. And if Rachel could have read that eyebrow, it would have certainly spelled trouble.
Will feigned doing some paperwork at the piano as the kids tentatively mingled. Tina and Mike had actually sat next to each other and they were talking quietly, small, friendly happy smiles on their face.
"I think Puck has met his match," Mike murmured, his head angled to Tina on his left.
"Rachel is a force to be reckoned with," Tina acknowledged with a shy smile, as a rosy pink blush spread across her cheeks.
"It should be interesting," Kurt smiled, looking pointedly at Tina's coquettish blush.
"Social experimentation isn't interesting, Princess Precious Moments-face," Santana rolled her eyes. "It's torturous. Obviously, our idiot teachers are striving for an after school special moment by having me, my man and my posse make friends with you LOSERS so that we can all skip off into the sunset."
"Santana," Blaine wrapped an arm around his girlfriend's shoulder to soften the blow of his warning. He found that just touching Santana seemed to intensely distract her from whatever she was doing, or whatever she was ranting about at the moment.
And it wasn't his sexy bod that was making her shut up. Because he was one of the last people on Earth that Santana would find sexy. And he felt the same exact way.
Which was what made their relationship so very special. They both knew the truth about each other. About what they really liked. About everything. Santana's gaydar had always been phenomenal and she had propositioned, or threatened him more accurately two days into ninth grade. It was a perfect solution, really. He was Puck's best friend since they were four. He had built in popularity. She was the head bitch in charge, even when Quinn was the head cheerleader and not the head skank. Their combined popularity provided enough smoke for their completely platonic relationship to seem legit to their peers.
Puck seemed to get it though, but for some reason he never said a word. And then of course there was...
"Are those socks from Armani?" Kurt questioned Blaine, leaning over and meticulously giving Blaine's apparel a once over.
"Why would Blainers have socks from a bakery shop? Do they sell edible cupcake socks now?" Brittany demanded, her eyes lighting up with excitement as she clapped her hands together.
Kurt's eyes left Blaine's socks as he caught the two and half seconds of unguarded beguilement on Santana's face.
If a lightbulb could have gone off above his head, it certainly would have. Quinn observed all of this with a smirk on her face and was about to let a verbal missive fly when Puck cleared his throat and gave his baby mamma a glare. She rolled her eyes in response and Puck put up his hand and didn't wait to be acknowledged by Will before asking,
"Senor Schue, do you really think these shenanigans are going to work?"
"Shenanigans," Finn repeated with a a chuckle, causing Mercedes and Artie to giggle as well.
"Puck...just hear me out," Will began.
"NO," Puck snorted obnoxiously.
"God forbid he should actually be agreeable for once," Rachel huffed.
"Get your panties out of a twist, Berry," Puck rolled his eyes. "I signed up for free period with Coach. Not some singing and dancing troupe of barely talented baboons."
"HOW DARE YOU!" Rachel immediately rose to her feet and glared at him. She stamped her foot and repeated herself with even more venom, "HOW DARE YOU?"
"Oh boy," Artie sighed.
"This is probably going to get ugly, you may want to separate the Jews," Quinn advised, flicking her lighter on and off as she stared at the ground with a heightened sense of ennui.
Will had never regretted ignoring a student's advise more.
In less than five minutes, Puck and Rachel went from a shouting match to inspiring a full out brawl amongst the two cliques. Sheet music, chairs and music stands were flying and as he struggled to gain control, the door slammed open to reveal an enraged Principal Figgins and a smirking Sue Sylvester.
"You see, Figgy," Sue jerked her head in disgust towards Will, who was holding back Santana as Kurt brandished a music stand like a karate staff. "Not only is he not pulling his weight at the 11:45 am brawl, to which I blame the crushing weight of hair product coiled amongst those snakes he calls hair, but he's also inciting riots with his ridiculous glee club."
"HEY!" Quinn scoffed, her hand still wrapped up in Mercedes' weave. "I'm not a part of Glee club."
"That's right you messed up Punky Brewster Barbie doll," Mercedes smacked Quinn's hand away and asserted, "You actually have to have talent to be here."
"Listen to me, children!" Figgins commanded. For once, his command wasn't ignored. All eyes were on him. He tried not to panic at this very new feeling of being slightly respected. "As punishment for such blatant rule breaking and disorder...this club, which constitutes everyone in this room at this moment, Miss Fabray, will perform at our school assembly in one week. Get to work children. I will be expecting something absolutely spectacular. If I do not receive it, the punishments will be severe. Those of you who have multiple infractions, Mr. Puckerman, will be EXPELLED."
Sue cackled as she followed Figgins out of the room, leaving Will and the kids behind in absolute, stunned and shocked silence. Surprisingly, it was Tina and Mike who simultaneously had the same surprising reaction.
Thanks for reading! I hope that you enjoyed! If you are an Austen fan, can you see where I'm going here, sort of? I hope so! LOVE.