Finish ALL the WIP's! Yay! Good evening! I have a lot of exclamation points already!. What is wrong with me? Oh. That's right. I'm super excited to be posting the second part of this. Tomorrow, hopefully I will update Misfits and the day after that will be the Ghost Whisperer story. I am on a roll.
Thanks to all of you lovely readers out there willing to put up with my crazy. I hope you enjoy!
Pride and Prejudice and Glee: Part Two
Six days had passed. One hundred and forty-four hours of intense pain, emotional torture, and loud and obnoxious arguing. It was enough to make saner men tear their hair out and run away screaming. The insults and threats had been flying like missiles throughout the air, cutting down anyone who would dare stand idly in their way. Slushy attacks had increased. Itching powder had been applied to underwear. The 11:45 AM brawl had intensified in bloodshed.
And that was just Rachel and Puck.
Mr. Schuester's free period/Glee class students were no closer to pulling together a cohesive musical number than they had been one hundred and forty-four hours ago. And they officially only had 24 hours left.
Desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Guys, I'm going to go and wait for the pizza delivery guy. Try to get properly warmed up and work out this choreography snafu, and in about ten minutes, come to the faculty room for dinner," Schue announced.
"Carbs. Great," Santana rolled her eyes.
"Seriously, you are what you eat, Mr. Schuester," Kurt obnoxiously informed him. He stared at his cuticles in boredom and said, "I wouldn't spend half of my life savings on skin care regimens if I wanted my face to look like pizza."
"I hope he got Hawaiin," Tina sighed.
"Oh my god, my life would be complete if he did," Mike closed his eyes as he felt his stomach growl and drool start to form at the very thought. "It's all the food groups together in a triangle of deliciousness."
Finn watched in wonderment as Tina and Mike giggled together. Crazily enough, it was possible to get along even if you sat at completely different lunch tables. If more of them cold pair up and want to kiss each other like Mike and Tina. Then they wouldn't totally suck at assembly tomorrow.
Finn looked around at the girls from the original glee club, keen on finding one he could giggle with and get along with so that his friends would notice how awesome it was to giggle and get along. Then they would want to do it too and they all totally wouldn't suck!
His mom was TOTALLY right. He was a smart boy that was definitely going places.
He sang the theme song to Full House in his head as he looked around.
Tina...obviously no. Although she had that goth chick hotness going on, and Asian chicks were totally awesome, he could never do that to his friend Mike. He had a feeling that Mike and Tina might really like each other. He wasn't going to swoop in and be all TALL and AWESOME and steal his buddie's girl away.
Brittany. Brittany was awesome. And gorgeous. And tall. And hilarious and smart. But they were both the same kind of smart. They always had been. Finn knew that if they got together it just wouldn't be right. For one, it would be too much smart in one room. Besides, Santana shot daggers through her eyeballs at him every time he so much as looked at Brittany. No way was he going to get killed by the razor blades in her hair.
Quinn...wait, was Quinn in the popular group or the nerdy Glee group? That was confusing. She wasn't quite with the popular kids anymore, it had been months since she had eaten lunch with them. Mostly she just smoked cigarettes under the bleachers, and he supposed that did make her cool. But edgy. And edgy and cool meant...popular? Finn was super confused at that point, and he furrowed his brow, pulling that special face that Santana and Puck always made fun of. PUCK, that's right. She had a baby with Puck while she was cheating. So no to Quinn, whether she was popular or not.
Mercedes. He looked across the room at the short, curvy girl in question as she rolled her eyes at something Artie was trying to explain to Quinn. Huh...he didn't know how he hadn't noticed it before.
Mercedes had a fabulous set of ta-tas. Like...super awesome.
And she sang really amazing. And she was sassy and fun. And she had all sorts of fun pet names for him. Like white-boy, and wonderbread, and hey where's your helmet, special Ed?.
Mercedes was looking like a good choice.
His eye drifted towards Rachel as she glared at Puck.
Well...if Finn was the leader of the jocks...Rachel was definitely the leader of the Gleek's. So that meant that in order to broker a merger between their two warring clans, the two leaders would have to work closely together.
Rachel mouthed off to Puck and in turn Puck flipped up his middle finger at her.
Huh, she wasn't going to be the most pleasant person to work with. But if he got to make out with her, then he supposed it would be kind of super awesome. She wore fun short skirts. Even though he wasn't the world's biggest leg man. He liked boobs better.
Mercedes' had way better boobs than Rachel.
NO. This wasn't about what he wanted. This was about what would not get them egged and slushied and tarred and feathered and glitterbombed on stage tomorrow. He would have to bite the bullet and form a relationship with Rachel so that the Gleek's and the Jock's could get along.
They were all walking towards the faculty room for a much needed break when Finn caught up with Rachel. He walked along side her and kept staring down at her with what he hoped wasn't his constipated look, but rather a look of interest and a likeable look that said hey, let's date or something. Rachel was far too occupied however, on muttering under her breath as she glared daggers at Puck, who had spent the majority of his time the past six days making a complete mockery of show choir. And for that, he deserved to rot in Hades.
"Do you kind of like Puck?" Finn asked curiously.
"WHAT?" Rachel hissed. She didn't wait for Finn's response, instead she ranted in a prolonged hiss, "That's the most ludicrous suggestion I've ever heard. What on Earth are you thinking Finn Hudson? Are you even thinking? I always thought you were exceptionally slow, but I thought that it was a functional sort of mental incapacity. I had no idea that Mercedes was correct in her assessment of you needing a helmet. I loathe him. He is insufferable. And proud. And disgusting. And there are times when I'm not entirely sure he's HUMAN."
"So...does that mean you'd be okay if you and I went out on a date?" Finn wondered, not getting most of the high speed diatribe that left Rachel's mouth.
Rachel could only stare up at him with her mouth agape, utter shock stealing every word from her throat.
"Is that a yes?" Finn wondered after two whole minutes of Rachel standing stuck still in the same pose. "Or-no?"
"No," Rachel whispered. "Emphatically no."
"What's emphatically mean?"
"Girl, you should have said yes. Think of the boost you would get dating Finn Hudson!" Mercedes scolded the next day as the Gleek's headed towards the choir room in anticipation for the dreaded assembly. "You would at least have your dry cleaning cut in half, cause no one would throw a slushie at the jolly dumb giant's girl."
"Well, Mercedes, if you can see all the wonderful and valid reasons for signing up to date a neanderthal, then by all means, do it," Rachel rolled her eyes at her friend. "I prefer to think that when I'm ready for a high school romance it is with someone that can spell both their first and last name."
"P-I-E-R-C-E," Brittany whispered. She held up her left hand and began drawing on it with her right index finger, "B-R-I-T."
"Good enough, dollface," Kurt grinned as Brittany stumbled slightly. Out loud spelling was never her strong point. She could write it out on paper just fine, especially on the standardized tests. Once she found out spelling your name in perfectly shaped ovals meant points, she really applied herself. As was evidenced by her status as national merit scholar semi-finalist. "So, how are we going to avoid this whole thing? It's going to be terrible."
"We will rise above it," Rachel insisted. "The show must go on."
"The show sucks though," Brittany shrugged. "Finn keeps stepping on my toes, and I kind of want to make out with Santana when we're singing that part about the love."
"Hot dayum," Artie whispered in appreciation. "Thank you Jesus."
"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"
The chorus of baboon idiot students down the corridor alerted the Gleek's to a precursor to the 11:45 brawl. They all wordlessly and simultaneously turned to hightail it to the Choir room when the sound of Tina shrieking stopped them in their tracks.
"BACK OFF STICK BITCHES!" Tina roared.
"Oh my!" Rachel gasped as the rest of the Gleek's rushed to the scene, eager too help their friend, no matter the consequence to their own well-being.
"I can't believe that Mike Chang wants to get with you, Goth-nerd."
"Tina is not that Goth. She's steam punk more often than not," Kurt hissed, his blood instantly boiling in defense of his friend.
"Oh look, it's the fortune cookie's nerd squad. What's up losers?" a particularly fearsome looking female field hockey player mocked the assembled Glee kids as they stood solidly next to Tina.
"Back off Chumbawumba," Artie scoffed. "Don't be messing with my homegirl."
"Earth to wheelchair, you're white," field hockey girl scoffed.
"Earth to girl who shouldn't be wearing a skirt that short," Brittany smiled. "You shouldn't be wearing a skirt that short. Field hockey is good for strength but not for tone. I could give you a video with Jane Fonda that might help."
Further down the hall, Puck, Mike and Blaine watched the fight unfold as Brittany's well meaning advice fell on deaf and angry ears. Mike fairly itched in his spot and he looked to Puck resolutely as he said quietly,
"We should go over and help."
Puck gave him an incredulous look and shook his head. "NO. This was exactly what our stupid teachers wanted. For us to feel close to the losers and help them out. Thereby, making us losers too. No thanks."
"Tina's a friend now. She's amazing and she doesn't deserve to get beaten to death by field hockey sticks," Mike said in annoyance, going towards the fray, which was becoming increasingly violent.
Puck gripped Mike's shoulder, making it impossible for him to move. He too stared down at the fight and tried not to smirk in appreciation as Rachel let out a gutteral yell and jumped on one of the girls that was currently trying to break one of Kurt's leg with her field hockey stick. He threw a look Blaine's way and the boy, whose eyes had been locked on the glee kids with concern, reluctantly helped Puck to restrain Mike.
"It's not only social suicide for us," Puck said carefully to Mike. "Look what just being friends with Tina does to her. She's fighting off hockey chicks today, tomorrow it'll be the cheerleaders. Then the high-class Asian chicks whose dads own the nail salons. She's going to have enough experience to join fight club within the week."
"I hate to agree," Blaine said quietly. He pursed his lips and admitted, "Puck's right. It's not just your reputation, it's Tina's well-being. Some things just don't mix in high school."
"Fine," Mike shrugged Puck and Blaine off of him in a fit of quiet, white hot anger. He glared at both of his friends before storming off in the other direction, eager to get away from the loud din of the fight.
Blaine and Puck remained, watching the fight carefully. Above all odds, and thanks to Artie's solid wheels running over quite a few toes, the Gleek's were coming out ahead. Puck looked to Blaine as his oldest friend's eyes stayed trained on one Gleek in particular.
"You know I don't care who you like," Puck mumbled, his voice softer and more gentle than most had ever heard it. "You're my best friend, no matter what."
"I know, just...drop it," Blaine said sharply.
"I'm cool if you think fancy kilt pants over there is your, you know, big gulp slushie," Puck nearly smirked, but strained to keep his face serious.
"Drop it," Blaine hissed.
"And I'll protect you any way that I can," Puck promised. "Cause you were like, Gaga or whatever. Born this way. So no one can touch you for liking Ku-"
"DROP IT," Blaine shouted. He glared at Puck and said, "It's social suicide. Just like Mike and Tina. I'd be bringing you, and Santana and the others down with me. I won't do that to you guys. So just drop it."
"So, this was meant to be a celebratory dinner for a successfully assembly," Will Schuester announced to the kids assembled between two large tables at Breadstix. "However, since the enormous fight half of my club was a part of today shut down the school due to excessive violence...this is more of an incentive."
"Why do you want to set us on fire?" Brittany wondered.
Santana snickered in delighted amusement, only to have each of her shins kicked by Quinn and Blaine on either side of her.
"Think of the breadstix. If you work together, and accomplish something...there are breadstix...and plenty of other rewards," Schue promised. "Building an exceptional, award winning club will be an amazing accomplishment to put on your college applications. You'd all be founding members."
Will looked around and saw a wall of anomosity and annoyance and decided to let it drop. He sat down with Bieste and Miss Pillsbury and let the kids on their own. Today had been a fiasco. Half of his kids...the half he had thought were the well behaved good kids wound up in in-school suspension due to a ridiculously violent brawl with the girl's field hockey team.
"Things do not look good," Bieste sighed, watching the kids as they attempted to stay in their own social circles. She nodded her head towards Tina and Mike and asked, "I thought those two were starting to get along."
Tina was looking at Mike curiously and he was steadfastly staring at the salt shaker intently. Finally she gave up trying to get his attention and instead, rushed towards the bathroom, followed quickly by Kurt and Brittany.
"That definitely doesn't look like getting along to me," Miss Pilsbury sighed. "It looks like something I'm quite familiar with, actually. Rejection."
"Amen, sister," Bieste nodded.
"I just don't know what to do, you know, after a week of practice they were starting to get okay...almost good," Schue admitted. "If Rachel would open up and embrace the jocks like she has the other glee kids, then maybe Finn could stop falling off the stage and Santana could fix when she goes slightly flat. And Quinn could stop smoking in class. She's given so much knowledge and encouragement to the others, but she just-"
"Well I hardly blame her," Bieste shook her head. "Puckerman and Fabray have been harping on Rachel for years, Will. A person of lesser stuff would have run away screaming forever ago."
"I just think they could all be something great...together," Miss Pillsbury sighed.
Meanwhile, at the two tables of kids, minus Kurt, Tina and Brittany, Rachel was openly glaring between Puck and Mike. She tapped her finger obnoxiously against the table, trying desperately to hold her tongue. She had already been caught fighting most uncouthly that day. She didn't need to be thrown out of a public eating facility as well. Mike's eyes met hers briefly before quickly going back to his trusty salt shaker, clearly he had some sense of guilt over the terrible way in which he was treating Tina. Her glare focused solely on Puckerman, who was bending all the spoons he could get his hands on.
"What did you do, Puckerman?" Rachel asked angrily.
"What are you on about Crazy?" Puck wondered, maintaining the most bored air he could muster, which was considerable.
"Why on Earth did you find the need to stop Mike from developing a fully rewarding relationship with Tina?" Rachel demanded.
"Fully rewarding? Is that like, nerd speak for a free pass to boob-ville?" Puck wondered.
"Boob-ville," Finn giggled.
"SHUT UP MORON," Quinn hissed.
"Preach it," Artie nodded, throwing an appreciative smirk Quinn's way.
"I can't control what Mike does," Puck scoffed at Rachel.
"You're the evil, idiotic mastermind behind all of them," Rachel insisted in disgust.
"Uhm, I'm my own person, biznatch," Santana insisted. "Not all of us have to be a tiny hobbit with thrift store clothes to have individuality."
"OH, are you? Then you and Blai-" Rachel paused and bit her lip before shaking her head angrily. She wouldn't go there. No one deserved to be outed.
"What? SAY IT, I'm not scared of your freaking words, freak!" Santana yelled.
"I think she was going to say that you and Blaine aren't for real boyfriend and girlfriend," Finn finished eagerly. "I mean, you used to stare at Quinn a lot. And now you stare at Brittany."
"For REAL?" Artie whispered. "Thank you Jesus."
Rachel swallowed deeply, knowing she had stepped too far and would say no more, no matter how the clearly angry Santana would retaliate. Sure she hadn't made Finn say it aloud, but she had certainly given him the spring board. Rachel felt her keen sense of gaydar was a little too good this time as she watched Blaine angrily storm away from the table. She bit her lip and said quickly,
"I mean, clearly you're just dating to stay popular," Rachel backtracked. "And-"
"Now look what you did, Berry!" Puck yelled as Santana started screeching in Spanish and throwing whatever she could get her hands on. "She's going to get us thrown out!"
Rachel flinched as the first plate went flying. Before she knew it Santana was being forced out of the restaurant by Coach Bieste, and the rest of the Glee club and Jock squad were reluctantly following. Miss Pillsbury stayed behind and glared at Puck and Rachel with as much intensity as her Bambi doe eyes could manage.
"You two will be staying behind, and helping the staff clean the mess," Miss Pillsbury said resolutely. Both Puck and Rachel began to protest and the guidance counselor held up a stern hand. "Either pay for the damage, or help with the clean up, children."
"This fucking sucks and it's all your damn fault, Berry," Puck huffed as he stormed towards the hostess, hoping to get an easy clean up job.
Two hours of hard labor later, Puck and Rachel were in the parking lot, where Rachel suddenly realized that Kurt had given her a ride to the restaurant. She looked at her cellphone and realized it was 11:45. Far past the Hummel household's curfew for a school night.
"Get in the truck, Berry," Puck said gruffly. "Before I leave you here."
Rachel took a deep, soldiering breath before walking purposefully towards the truck. She wasn't surprised when Puck didn't open the door for her, and was thankful that he didn't see her struggle to get up in the ridiculously high truck. There should be a law against trucks with such large wheels.
"Where?" Puck demanded.
"The 400 block of Laurel street. Near 7th," Rachel said primly.
"Huh, two blocks from Hudson. Weird."
"I truly appreciate the ride home. However, can we please not talk?" Rachel wondered.
"Whatever," Puck huffed. He stared at the road and found he was taking the roads extra slow and definitely stopped at stop signs instead of just pausing. The silence lasted all of a minute and a half before he muttered, "I just don't get it."
"You just don't get what?" Rachel sighed.
"Nothin'." Puck shrugged.
"Fine," Rachel rolled her eyes.
The silence extended once again. This time only lasting roughly forty-five seconds.
"I think you're hot," Puck said suddenly.
Rachel's mouth dropped open, her jaw very nearly hitting the floor as she slowly turned her head to stare at Puck. Surprisingly enough, Puck was staring ahead intently, his face an amazing mix of befuddlement, anger and morbid fascination.
"I think you're hilarious when you get all uppity and sassy," Puck continued. "I can't understand why. You're a nerd. A geek. A loser. There's no reason why I should like you. Your friends are stupid. Your clothes are stupid. But I find you hot and I like pushing your buttons. Why?"
"This is some kind of nightmare," Rachel whispered. "I should wake up and today won't have happened yet. Wake up Rachel. Wake up."
"Whatever, I think its just cause you're a Jew," Puck shrugged. "I like-had a dream, or whatever."
"I should wake up right now," Rachel pleaded to the heavens.
"So you like-don't think I'm hot too?" Puck wondered, more vulnerability in his voice than probably had ever been there before.
"Uhm..." Rachel paused, wordless for the first time in her life. Her mind raced and she said, "You are physically appealing. Your bad boy-"
"Save it," Puck said quickly. He looked out the window to his left and chuckled, "Finn is over there macking on your girl, Chocolate Thunder. GET THOSE BOOBS FINN!"
"You are disgusting!" Rachel hissed, although her head darted to the left regardless. "Oh my. Mercedes! Get your hand out of there!"
"Huh, weird," Puck furrowed his brow. "So no matter what I do, my people are going to taint themselves with Glee losers. I should have never said shit to Mike then."
"So you admit it. You're the one keeping Mike from admitting his true feelings for Tina, thereby breaking my friend's heart?" Rachel asked, her sweet voice and suddenly saccharine demeanor belying the sudden anger and ire in her heart.
"Uhm...yeah?" Puck said softly. "But you have to admit, I had Chang-squared's best interests at heart. I mean, Tina was getting harrassed just for being friends with Mike. You all got into a brawl today!"
"Save it," Rachel snapped. She pointed ahead and said, "There's my house."
"Look, I know you think I'm a major douche right now, but I just want to keep the natural order," Puck insisted. "Breaking the mold around here...it usually just winds up with us getting-you know, all broken and shit."
"Save your profane life lessons for someone who will appreciate them," Rachel shook her head in disgusted amazement. Puck came to a stop and she readily hopped out of the truck. "I will never find you acceptable material for a companion. You will never be quote hot unquote to me. Because you disgust me. And I would praise the heavens if I never had to see your face again."
She slammed the door and rushed to her front door. Puck watched her with a blank face. Her door slammed before his face fell and he shook his head in disappointment. He still thought she was hot. But more importantly?
He really didn't want her to think of him the way that she clearly thought of him.
One more part to go! Thanks again for reading.