By Jaded Seraph
Prompt: A "'The Reason You Suck' Speech" to Bellatrix/all Death Eaters, courtesy of the Spy, from Team Fortress 2.
"Admirable," the man whispered, shaking with silent laughter. "Not many people can speak, let alone breathe wiz a knife four inches into ze back of their spinal cord."
Knife in her back, Bellatrix fights the good fight to keep conscious and shoot the stranger the most hateful glare she can muster. She wheezes deeply, and struggles to locate her wand. She stands a somewhat better chance if she can repair the knife wound, and without her wand, chances are slim that this opportunity will present itself at all. The stranger, patiently observing her actions, lets loose a wheezy chuckle underneath his breath.
"Looking for this?" he asks coyly, twirling her wand idly between his pliant fingers like a baton. "Ne vous inquiétez pas, Madame; I fear that you will have no use for it, where you are going…" He unceremoniously snaps it in half and throws the broken branches onto the dimming vestiges of her fireplace.
Her ace in the hole gone, Bellatrix's eyes burn with unholy fervor, and the man smiles again, beginning to stroll, unhurried, about her dwelling.
As he strolled casually about the room, Bellatrix regarded him in the corner of her eye and wheezed noncommittally, laboring to produce a few strained sentences. "You should be dead… Avada Kedavra kills… You scum…"
"Tut-tut," the man said, advancing leisurely toward her fallen form. "We must address these behavior issues you display." The response was cold, bitter, and swift: The man brought his foot down on the embedded butterfly knife, and its point sunk two inches further into her skin, and she gasped as the searing icy point of the weapon jabbed giddily against her heart.
"How did you…"
He smiled amicably, as one would when preparing to converse with a dear friend or acquaintance over a hobby. "I can… cheat… death, Madame," The man said, procuring what appeared to be an ornate watch, but as Bellatrix peered closer at it, it whirred and beeped with complexity that was far beyond that of a mere watch.
"Do you like it?" The masked man asked almost conversationally, swaying the device and quietly observing its more intricate details. "Such a lovely piece of machinery, crafted and given to me by a dear friend and colleague who haz a knack for inventing practical zings. When a force of entropy directly collides with my prone form, this nifty little device erects a hologram that takes the fall for me, and then makes a safe, disposable getaway possible. Handy in a pinch."
She mustered just enough breath to put two simple words to her lips: "Why… us…?"
"Why?" The man let out another wheezing, emotionless laugh. "Mon Dieu, you people really cannot get any simpler, can you…? Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a multinational hedge corporation to effectively drum up funds to take over every aspect of ze living world? Any at all? Propaganda? Munitions? Weapons? Furzermore, do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to be a loyal employee of such a company when a foolhardy, butthurt, deluded rabble like yours is knocking at my door? I don't expect a country bumpkin like yourself to understand zis, but ze least you could do is try. I remain loyal to one thing, and one thing only: Being Professional". How professional would I be if I were to permit you to run amok and ruin my employer's interests like that? Why, I would never see a job as an accountant for such insubordination." He smiled as if he had made a pleasant joke to himself.
"My employers and the company whose interests they represent have ze power and influence to destroy the world a thousand times over at any time zey wish. Do you honestly think that your little fool's crusade has a chance against a force zat can liquidize the very ground that you stand upon without giving you so much of a chance to react?"
The man lit a cigarette, inhaled its rancid fumes deeply, and continued. "Scientific progress, despite many glaring inefficiencies that I must concede must be resolved, is far more powerful that the archaic, arcane, and unreliable forces of this "magic" that you use. The learning gap is, I believe, much greater than you and your motley group of luddites would believe. If I were to ask you to put a man on the moon in under a year, you would not be able to do it in a manner that would ensure the man's survival. You cannot tell me the density of the rings of Saturn, nor what lies in the deepest reaches of the earth; you cannot even analyze or explain the behavior of your fellow man, and you are constantly held back by these people."
"What impresses me is that this ignorance doesn't stop at the fringe elements of your world." He smiled as she realized the implication and what it made her out to be. "Don't deny it, Mon Cherie, from what I read, your rhetoric and viewpoints aren't that popular with most of your population, and I hope that being on the threshold of death makes you see things as they really are for once."
Bitter chuckling came from the other side of the room, and Bellatrix saw out of the corner of her eye that the man was now fingering through some very private letters- those were for the Dark Lord and her closest allies, how dare he lay his filthy muggle hands upon them…
She could barely hear him from the far corner of the room."This 'Lord Doldyvort' that you refer to in these letters -the man who my intelligence says started this bitter farce- he is only 'alf Wizzard, correct?"
His voice became closer, "And yet he honestly zinks that the world's problems can be solved wiz the flick of a magic stick? Hah! As humans we are far more complex than zat, and you should deign to know more. You are a fool for overlooking the power we have…"
"But still, you no doubt will go to your grave zinking this: Wizards are infinitely superior to ze dirt ridden mortals who squalor about in zeir filth, discontent with their lot in life. No doubt they will go about inventing somezing that would better their collective position… Hah! Perish ze thought!"
He spat the dying cigarette stub directly into Bellatrix's eyes as he rummaged about in his coat. The fading ashes singed Bellatrix's delicate eyebrows. The man shifted about in his interior and procured another device. This one was no bigger than an egg, pitch black and making no audible sounds, but Bellatrix felt a palpable wave of nausea and fear wash over her.
The man smiled. "Do you see this? Care to take a guess at what it is? It is a weapon that will lead to the complete and total end of your… fantasy world, as it were."
As the man activated it she could feel the (quite literally) soul-sucking power of the object took over, and Bellatrix felt all vestiges of her magical power cleansed from her body, leaving her more weak and powerless than she had ever felt in her life.
"It utilizes this power within your being and translates it into pure energy. You will no doubt be pleased and honored to know that this "sappage" will be sufficient to power hundreds of our war machines and weapons with power to last an entire month."
"Oh, and… one more thing…the man said, crouching down to her level, and withdrawing his knife in the most painful way possible, the blood dribbled onto her nose as he rose and adjusted his tie.
"I never really waz on your side…" and the man evaporated into mist, leaving nothing but a ghostly image of his phantasmal, sadistic grin.