Guys, if you haven't read the notorious fanfic My Immortal... DO IT NOW! :D

Just a random brainstorm, this is part 1, hope you enjoy.


Thou shall be goffik.

Thou shall not flam.

Thou shall put thy middle finger up at prepz.

Thou shall drink blood with Count Chocula cereal for breakfast.

Thy characters' names shall never be spelled correctly.

Every male character shall fall in love with Enoby.

Thou shall insult that fuking prep Britney every time she appears in the story.

Thou shall destroy every single bit of Harry Potter canon.

All thy characters shall convert to Satanism and move to Slytherin.

Thou shall include at least fifty badly written sex scenes.

Thou shall pretend that Ravenclaw house does not exist.

Thou shall buy all thy clothes at Hot Topic.

Thou shall feel faint if thou does not drinketh enough blood.

Thou must sleep in a coffin.

Thou must begin every chapter saying Fangz 2 raven for hlepin.

Thou must fucking hate Hilary Duff's ugly blonde face.

Thou must cry "OMFG NOOO!" whenever thy scar hurts.

Thou must excuse Dumblydum from crude language whenever he hath a hedache.

Thou must not call Ebony "mary su" because her name is ENOBY.

Thou must cry tearz of blood down thy pallid face.

Thou must overuse ellipses in attempt to create ridiculous suspense.

Thou must use thy VIOWER EXCRETION before reading a chapter that is XTREMLY SCRAY.

When shaking thy head, one must do it energetically lethrgically.

Thou must do everything sexily.

Thou must gasp.

Thou must call thy enemies "moronic idiots", "horny simpletons", and "ridiculous dimwits".

Before one "does it" with another guy, one must ask to borrow condemns from Egogy.

If thou art a fucking perv, thou must go to St. Mango's

Thou must kill Vampire, or else Vloxemort shall kill thou and Draco!

Thou shall only use Muggle weapons such as guns and knives. Otherwise, thou must use thy womb or thy wound to perform a spell.

Thou must wear slutty clothes while insisting that thou art not a slut.

Thou must find thyself before looking into the flames (geddit? da reviower flams!).

Thou must suffer endlessly through terrible gpffik punz.

Thou must agree that sensitiv bi guys r so hawt.

Dumbledore shall constipate any cideo cameras that are taken of TaEbory naked.

During Hair of Magical Magic Creatures, thou must suck blood from Hufflepuffs.

Thou shall blame Vampire for rape even if you had an equal part in jumping on him and screwing him.

If thou hath a scar, Diabolo shall change it into a pentagram.

Thou shall mix up Mr. Norris and Filth.

Thou must compliment Ebony for being so hot and sexy and beautiful every minute of your life.


I believe that's 40! I'll post more when I think of them.

Juuust click that review button and tell me what you think! Also, if you have any suggestions for new commandments, I would be happy to take them!

And just in case there are any religious people out there who somehow find this offensive: I don't mean it to be offensive, I'm a practicing Christian... :)