Hey! Sorry for the less-than-prompt update, but I had an abnormal amount of work to do all of a sudden. Hope you like!

BelikovsRoza1697

Chapter Two

I couldn't believe it. Why did my mother have to be here? She wasn't a professional; she was just an irresponsible mother. Suddenly all my excitement had disappeared and I was left with nothing but dislike for the woman who was my mother when she felt like it, but a guardian for the rest of the time. As her eyes flitted across the crowd, showing expert guardian finesse, our eyes met and to my surprise, she half-smiled. It was a formality, I assured myself. She never showed her emotions, not even to her own daughter. She sat down in the seat provided for her and began,

'The questions and answers session will happen later. For now, I want to tell you the reality of living as a guardian.' I looked around at my classmates, all staring agog. I really couldn't understand how she managed to have such an impact on them. It was ridiculous really, if only they knew what it was like to be her daughter. If they knew what it was like to be raised by a school rather than your own parents. I cast my mind back to my first day at school when I was the only kid there who knew every guardian and teacher's name. I was, after all, the only kid who had lived there since birth.

'I was assigned to Lord Nicholas Szelsky three years ago, but before that, I was just a simple graduate like you all. I was called to pair up and protect high priority moroi, but that was on a good day. Usually, I spent all day searching up available moroi or begging the royal court to let me go on ward patrol.' She looked at the audience and smiled; everyone responded with a laugh, except me. I looked to Lissa, who was torn between laughing with the others and making me feel better by slamming her too. She stifled a laugh and smiled with everyone else and I kept my ire to myself. It wasn't her fault; she didn't know my mother like I did. Nobody knew my mother like I did.

'However, I was once asked to join a search party for the rescue of Princess Badica and her children from a strigoi camp. I'm sure you'll all remember it from the news, around six years ago.' Everyone nodded in agreement and I heard hushed whisperings about how awesome it was that they met someone who actually went there. I suddenly felt a sinking feeling in my stomach about how little I actually knew about this woman. I never knew she went on that infamous trip.

'I was in a group of around thirty guardians. We were all the best in our class, we all graduated top. Yet everyone but myself and two other men survived. These are the realities of guardianship; it's never fun and games. I was not to know this at the tender age of 25. But I do now and I hope I can pre-warn you before you ever enter a place as infamous as the Badica massacre.' She looked to her audience and began, everyone was captivated, even me, though very loosely.

'It was a cold December night; I remember it because flakes of snow had begun to fall from the sky. The thirty of us had received a tip off from a witness that strigoi were holding the Princess Badica and her three children. She had been missing for a good month and everyone had given up hope. We later discovered the strigoi had kept them alive to have a continuous blood source and also to scare the moroi into surrendering. This was an incredibly flawed plan, but the strigoi were blinded by bloodlust and their actions were thoughtless. Princess Badica was well-loved and her children were popular; this is likely why they were the targets.

'We entered the building, which was a large brick-laid block with no windows and thick metal doors to block out the light during the day. After staking three exiting strigoi who were off to hunt, we gained access and proceeded to silently search the rooms. We had split up into groups of three and as there were so many of us, we managed to locate the princess very quickly and rejoin the group after communicating our discovery to the other groups. However, once I found the princess, I realised that she was long dead. The stench from the room was awful, although I was grateful that she had been drained, rather than the more painful throat slashing that was common in those days with strigoi. Her children all lay beside her, having been asphyxiated and drained whilst asleep. It was truly an awful sight and I am glad that the mists of time have clouded my memory of it.

'As my companion radioed in another group, we were attacked by a strigoi who had heard voices and come to investigate. He was a newborn and as such, was very clumsy and easily killed. We had yet received no reply from the other groups, despite trying every channel. We searched the rooms and found every one vanished. Now we know that they had been kidnapped and drained quickly, before being cast out into the night by strigoi still in the building, but then, we were extremely confused. However, once we made our way out, we saw the bodies lying scattered on the ground, already covered with a light dusting of snow.' She had looked down in reverence but now she stood up and looked at the crowd with sharp eyes.

'Being a guardian is hard. Its non stop fighting and working and I promise you: you will get tired. You will falter and perhaps you will fail. But I can guarantee that in the process of your working to rid the world of strigoi, you will save countless lives.' She concluded and Stan shot up and began to clap vigorously, followed hesitantly by everyone else. I stood too, surprising myself by clapping with the others. Lissa smiled encouragingly.

After a few moments of loud applause, she spoke up again,

'Okay, now we'll start the questions. Fire away.' She smiled as many hands shot up into the air, including my own. She kept her smile level, but I knew she was mightily confused by my actions. Relying on her curiosity, I was pleased to see her pick me.

'Guardian Hathaway, I just wanted to ask why your name was never mentioned on all the news reports when the unfortunate Badica massacre occurred. They would surely have mentioned your name, seeing as you were semi-famous then.' I smiled charmingly, knowing I'd hit home and proved her as a fake to my friends.

'I can easily explain that. I asked the media to refrain from using both mine and my compatriots' names as one of them was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and hearing the names of any of us only made his condition worse. I had no wish to disrupt his life further.' She retorted, amid gasps of awe at her selflessness. I gaped at her, she'd outsmarted me. She smiled politely and answered the next novice's question.

At the end of the hour, I waited for the other novices to leave, before walking up to my mother and confronting her.

'Hello Rose, I haven't seen you in a while.' She remarked, seeing me approach. I forced a smile,

'Well that's hardly my fault. I do, after all, live here. Maybe you'd forgotten?' I folded my arms. She didn't reply for a few moments, looking around at the empty gym.

'You know I've got a busy schedule, you should've called me or something if you wanted me back.' She shrugged helplessly. The annoying thing was that she genuinely thought I was angry because I missed her. Some part of me reminded me that I did miss her a little bit. She was my mother; it was understandable that I might miss her, even if it was a miniscule amount.

'I didn't miss you!' I exclaimed but it sounded childish and even I noticed a degree of whining in my words. I paused and reconsidered, 'I didn't even think about you whilst you were gone. I've been living my life as usual. No problems here.' I said bluntly and she sniggered,

'Oh, I see. Sorry to rain on your maturity parade.' I glared, looking down at her to make her feel even smaller than usual. Sadly, she wasn't deterred.

'You're hardly mature; a mature mother would come and visit her daughter to see how her studies were going.'

'I told you, Rose. I'm busy. Being a guardian is tough-'

'It's tough work, yes I know! Stop lecturing me! I'm not another student, mom, I'm your daughter.' I cut her off and she paused, considering her words.

'I had to work to get where I am. It's hard being a female guardian, there's a lot of pressure on you and the slightest mistake means ridicule from all my male colleagues.' I could understand that, although that never happened with me. I was friends with the guys from my classes. There were more boys than girls in the class so it was kind of unavoidable. A lot of girls usually became blood whores. It was easier, paid better money and meant you could stay with your own family rather than live with some new surrogate moroi family.

'I get that, it's just… it'd be nice to see you here to come see me, rather than to talk to the novices. Even the other dhampirs' parents come and see them occasionally.'

'You're 16-' she started again.

'17.'

'… You're 17 now and you have to realise that I'm not gonna be here to see you all the time.' She corrected herself.

'You never come see me.' I pointed out. It was true, even in elementary school, I had to stay with Lissa and her family as my mom never turned up during the holidays.

'Then you should be used to it.' She smiled and pulled her jacket off of her chair, slipping it on.

'Used to it? Keep talking, this is just getting better and better.' I shook my head exasperatedly. I saw her expression: she was getting more and more irked.

'Rose. Let's stop talking about this alright? I have to go.' She began to walk to the doors.

'That's it? You're just going to walk away and pretend that this isn't happening? You really are a crap excuse for a parent.' I shouted after her. She stopped walking and for a brief moment, I thought she was going to reconsider, run over, apologise and hug me. Everything would be perfect and we could talk it through and make things better. Instead, she turned sharply and glared,

'If you wanted your mommy to hold your hand while you stake practise dummies, you could've just asked.' She walked out, leaving me speechless. I hated her so much right then. I felt traitor tears run down my flushed cheeks. She'd made me feel like a child, once again. I didn't need her; I didn't need anyone to hold my hand.

I made my way out of the hall, hastily rubbing at my cheeks and eyes to clear the tears. I vaguely heard someone calling my name behind me, but I just had to go to my room. I had been so happy entering that hall and now I was broken. All because of one woman.

~~Fading~~

The next morning I spent about ten minutes ignorant of what had happened yesterday. Whilst I brushed my hair, it suddenly flooded back and my happy expression disappeared. I'd have to try and keep it together for Dimitri, he didn't know what had happened yet and I'd have preferred that he not ask too many questions.

I walked to the gym and opened the door, peering in. There were six practise dummies standing neatly in the middle of the room. A figure moved in front of my view and I looked up,

'I'm early today.' I grinned, achieving a half-smile from my mentor, who walked away to let me in.

'Good thing too, I think you'll enjoy this lesson.' He produced his stake from his pocket and held it out to me. At first I was hesitant, thinking he'd snatch it back if I tried to take it. I narrowed my eyes,

'Really? We're going to practise staking?' He nodded and took my hand, gently depositing the stake there. His touch made a rush of electricity run through my fingertips and I gasped quietly. He laughed and pulled away.

'Go on. Try it out.' I nodded and walked along the row, looking at each dummy. They each had wigs and different clothes on and this was meant to make them look more realistic. All of them were put at different heights too, to demonstrate the variation in your opponent's build. This was pretty good for a challenge. I walked over to one a little shorter than myself with cropped red hair. It reminded me so much of my mother that the hate I felt yesterday rose up inside of me and clawed at my insides. I clenched my fists and drove the stake right through its chest. Once I'd done it, I did it again, the power in my strike was strong but my aim was pretty bad. In the dummy's chest, made of thin cloth, there were small cuts littered around. I raised my arm to pierce the material again, when a hand shot out and held my arm where it was.

'Stop…' a gentle voice whispered in my ear. His warm breath and comforting words allowed me to relax my hold on the stake and he swiftly took it back, letting me go. I sighed, covering my eyes with my hands. I didn't need anyone, my mother was wrong. She didn't know a thing about me. I wasn't like her, I couldn't be controlled or read like a book. I wasn't some robot, without emotion and never-ending. A few moments passed as I let out a shaky breath and my hands were taken from my face and held in Dimitri's. I looked up at him, blinking to clear the blurry vision tears had caused me.

'Tell me what's wrong.' He whispered, wiping away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. I closed my eyes to compose my thoughts and looked up.

'Nothing's wrong.' I sighed. Suddenly, he pulled me away from the dummies, thrusting me into a chair nearby and sitting opposite me.

'That's a lie. Tell me the truth, you know you can trust me.'

'I hate my mother.' I replied bluntly, swallowing my tears.

'I doubt that'd make you cry. My understanding was that you had a pretty bad relationship with her before she came here.' I nodded,

'Yeah, it's never been good…' I paused, looking up at him. He was silent, expecting me to carry on, 'She said she's too busy to come see me, but I know it's just because she forgets. She doesn't give a damn about me and she's lying to make up for it.'

'And how do you feel when you actually talk to her?' he asked, folding his arms and leaning back so that he was closer to my eye level. I frowned, thinking it an odd question.

'Um, infuriated? Crazy? Intimidated? I could make you a list, Comrade.' I sighed, figuring he wasn't quite getting my point. He paused and then spoke in a softer tone,

'Do you not feel even the slightest bit glad to see her? Even if it is very deep down?' I was about to protest how I didn't feel that at all, but I couldn't find the words. I thought about it some more. When I saw she was the guest speaker, sure, I was annoyed about it, but even a little part of me jumped for joy at the opportunity of seeing her again. I hadn't seen her in a very long time and from time to time, I did occasionally wonder how she was, what she was doing, if she missed me. Usually, the snarky side of me dismissed those concerns as stupid because obviously she didn't miss me. If she did, she'd be here a lot more and for the reason of seeing her daughter, not to do some stupid lecture on her famous life as a guardian.

'… When I saw her… I was happy… but only for a short time. Then the memories of her not being around when I was a kid resurfaced.' I sighed.

'That's what I thought.' He smiled knowingly and leaned closer, taking both my hands. The rush of electricity through my veins was becoming more and more addictive, 'You don't hate your mother. You just hate the situation that fate has put you in. You hate that she's not around, you hate that she didn't bring you up when you were younger.' His face became pensive as he continued, 'When my father started abusing my sisters, I thought that I was angry at my mother for not doing anything, not protecting us from him. But she was, she was always trying to protect us, I just didn't always see it. I was actually angry at my father… I see that now and I hate that I ever thought about my mother like that. Don't make the same mistake; I know I feel guilty for it.' I paused, taking in his words. It was true and his warning certainly gave me a lot to ponder. I knew she'd be leaving late tonight, so I had a few hours to plan what I was going to say to her before she left.

Dimitri let me off of practise, knowing I had enough mental strain to deal with, without the addition of learning new techniques. Instead, I made my way to the canteen, spotting Lissa and Christian, sat at a table. I sat beside Lissa, who looked extremely worried. I sensed a mental block from the bond, there was something she was keeping secret and the strain was showing on her delicate features. There was silence after my greeting from her, but Christian good-naturedly smiled and returned the gesture.

'So… how was your first period? What did you have?' I tried to begin a conversation, but apparently it wasn't a good idea. Lissa reacted, hiding her face beneath a curtain of long platinum blonde hair. I saw her face fall and her countenance paled. Christian again, quickly filled in, drawing my attention away from her,

'We had Slavic art. Lissa was sketching out her next drawing, what was it again, darling?' he turned to her, his eyes pleading for her to say something.

'… It was a metaphor, that's all.' She whispered, almost inaudibly. Christian sighed, realising he'd have to explain. I looked up, a smile on my face, trying to appear nonchalant and unwitting to Lissa's depressive mood.

'It was this quivering child in the corner of an empty room and he was cowering from this large looming black shadow… we had to do metaphors for emotions.' I smiled,

'I'd love to see it sometime.' I looked to her, but there was no reply other than a quick nod of her head. I sighed as we lapsed into an uncomfortable and awkward silence again. Knowing it was probably me that was putting her off telling Christian her plight, I stood up to leave,

'I guess I'll leave you to it…' but her arm shot out and grabbed mine, with a weak, but firm for a moroi, hold. She looked up at me, begging me with her eyes to stay. It seemed it was Christian putting her off from telling me. I returned to my seat, looking to Christian and smiling charmingly.

'Hey, you couldn't buy us all some coffees, could you, Christian? Lissa's just a bit cold, aren't you?' I turned to her and she nodded hurriedly.

'Brrrr…' she agreed, smiling at him. It didn't comfort him, but he joined the long queue for the tills regardless. I turned to her quickly,

'Right, what's this all about, Liss?' she sighed and looked up at me, her jade green eyes swimming in a pool of confused, pensive and concerned emotions. I hadn't noticed before, but as she turned to face me, I saw her arms were wrapped tightly around her skinny frame. She was wearing an old grey sweatshirt that did nothing to compliment her figure and some worn jeans that she used when she was painting her father's garage almost three years ago. Something was wrong; Lissa always cared about her appearance, especially as she was the poster child for the perfect princess. I'm sure if it was practical, she'd swan around in a long pink ballroom gown. That was just the smiley, happy person she was. Whatever was wrong was something catastrophic, no doubt.

'I'm nine days late for my period…' those words were certainly not what I was expecting. I frowned, was she really worried about something as trivial as that?

'Lissa, that happens to millions of women every month. I really wouldn't get so worried about it.' I laughed, trying to comfort her. It didn't work, she just rolled her eyes and huffed,

'No. I think I might be… well… pregnant…'

I stared for a few moments. That occurrence didn't even enter my head; I just didn't worry about those things now, especially as I was in love with a fellow dhampir, who I couldn't have children with anyway. Thank god for nature's contraceptive, I thought. But Dimitri often seemed fond when discussing family, or children. A dark cloud seemed to figuratively appear over my head as I realised that an option I'd never considered before in my life had just become a desire that I could never achieve. I wasn't even able to have children with the man I loved; I had no say, no choice in the matter. But now the thought occurred to me that one day, Lissa was going to approach me with this problem and I would have to face the realisation that she had something that I could never have. Trying to push aside my own sadness, I focused on her problem,

'Are you sure? Did you take a test?'

'Christian's had his eye on me all day; I can't escape to go buy one.' She sighed and stirred the contents of her soup bowl around mindlessly with the spoon.

'I'll go get you one later. I'll bring it to your room, okay?' she nodded.

'I'm guessing Christian doesn't know?' she nodded again, clearly not in the mood for talking.

'No… I just can't. He'll be so weird about it… and I'm sure he'll get angry. I don't want him to be angry… this is just a stupid mistake.' I stopped myself from protesting about how it wasn't a 'stupid mistake' but a miracle she should be grateful for. She was just in a bad mood and I had to hold my tongue for now.

'He won't be like that. I'm pretty sure he'll be over the moon, Lissa. I don't claim to know him very well, but I really can't imagine him blaming you for something like this, which is out of your control anyway. He's gonna be really supportive, I just know it.' I smiled comfortingly and stood. I signalled to Christian that I was done and he returned, holding two cups of coffee, having thrown mine away. As Lissa leaned in and told him the news, I quickly left.

~~Fading~~

That night, I watched from my window as the car pulled up to escort my mother home. Already dressed, I ran to the gates, seeing her enter the campus. I waved to her to try and attract her attention and as she moved away from the other guardians, telling them to meet her in the car, I smiled at her, earning a similar gesture back.

'What did you want? If this is another argument, I really hope it can wait…' she sighed, relaxing and losing her guardian mask that Dimitri so often put up to cover his emotions, 'I don't like fighting with you. It's not like I don't like going up against someone who can fight back as good as myself,' she laughed, 'I just don't like having an argument when we have such little time together as it is.' I gasped, the words taken right out of my mouth. Without a reply that could match her words, I simply wrapped my arms around her lightly. I think it was probably the first time we'd ever hugged and we both gasped a little at how unorthodox it felt to us. I assumed it would feel alien, but as I discovered, it actually felt quite good.

The earlier animosity I felt towards Lissa for possibly having something I would really desire, maybe not now, but in later life, disappeared and I realised that my mother had subconsciously solved a problem I was having, without even knowing it.

I pulled back, expecting her to stay longer, but I knew her schedule was tight, as any other popular guardian and she had to get home to relieve her colleague of their shift. Guardians always felt anxious when it wasn't their turn to protect their charge. They'd feel guilty for the death of the moroi even when it wasn't on their shift; Dimitri was exactly this when Ivan died, he wasn't the guardian watching Ivan when he was killed. He still felt guilty even now, years after the event.

'Bye, Rose…' she smiled fondly and got into the car. I stood with the other guardians that accompanied her during her stay, raising my hand in a wave as the car drove off into the sunrise.