Title: Faith Comes in Moments

Chapter Four: Pathetic

AN: So sorry for not updating this sooner. Writer's block has been a bitch to me lately but I think I'm okay now. I'm also sorry if the smut in last chapter was horrible. I don't think it was too bad but I didn't get a lot of feed back from it so I'm not too sure. If it was, I am sorry. Hopefully this chapter makes sense. It takes place a few months after last chapter so Jim and Seb have had some time to establish their relationship. But, then some, ahem, problems come up. As always, I own nothing and this is unbeta'd so I'm very sorry for any mistakes Read on and tell me what you think, lovelies!


"Jim, this is..."

"What? It's a disguise."

"I just...you look different."

"That is the point of a disguise, Sebby."

Sebastian sighed as he drove the car and glanced at Jim. He was practically manic with excitement, a bundle of fidgeting looks and designer underwear with far too much product in his hair. He was acting like a bloody sixteen year old girl meeting their idol. Which, Sebastian supposed, was far more accurate an analogy than he wanted to admit.

Jim was meeting his idol today - Sherlock Holmes.

Sebastian grit his teeth at the thought of the name. He'd only left for a week on a job in Mongolia. One week had been all it took for Jim to practically forget about him. He'd come home to the flat covered in newspaper clippings, blog print outs, and close ups of the detective's face. Seb could barely turn around without seeing something about the man. As if that wasn't bad enough, Jim had gotten himself a "girlfriend" and taken on a new identity.

He admitted he'd been amused at first. He enjoyed watching Jim work on his obsession. He liked the crazed glint he'd get in his eye when he spoke about Holmes. He'd even liked how the extra time with Molly had made Jim crave sex with him more. It was fun. It was fine. He'd figured Jim would eventually run Holmes into the ground and move on to another hobby; that it was fleeting. That he'd get bored.

Until this morning.

He knew Jim was watching him now. He'd stopped arguing too abruptly. Jim knew he'd annoyed him.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. He'd dropped his character for a moment. Sebastian wasn't fooled. He knew it was a ploy to get a straight answer out of him but he wasn't going to bite.

"Nothing, sir."

"Oh, it's 'sir' now," Jim teased, a smirk was playing on his lips, "huh, that's funny." Sebastian glanced at him.

"What's funny?"

"It's just that only a few hours ago it was 'oh-Jim-yeah-deeper-harder-please,'" he imitates Seb's huskier voice then laughs, watching him for a reaction. It's moments like these that make Sebastian hate Jim sometimes. He wishes that Jim would just take the hint; stop digging at his nerves so damn much and leave well enough alone.

He parks the car outside of St. Bart's pathology building, careful not to show any emotion. He knows that Jim's just trying to get a rise out of him. He reaches over Jim and opens the door for him, still not making eye contact.

"We're here." Jim slams the door suddenly, almost catching Sebastian's fingers in it. His eyes are dark.

"Sebby, why are you angry?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Jim - ,"

"Tell me," Jim's tone is dripping with barely suppressed irritation, "pleeeaase," he whines and Sebastian's patience wears out. He finally turns to look at Jim.

"You bloody know why I'm angry," he snaps and Jim's staring at him with wide doe eyes. Anyone else would call it endearing. Sebastian knows better. Jim frowns, his lower lip protruding in a slight pout. Sebastian doesn't buy it.

"Stop it."

"Is this about my little verbal slip up this morning?" Jim looks genuinely curious now, "because if it is, I'd hate for you to hold a grudge." He kneels on the seat of the car to sidle up next to Seb and whispers in his ear.

"Grudges are so unattractive, dearest." Sebastian turns his head so they're nose to nose, his lips a hard line of anger.

"It wasn't just a verbal slip up, Jim," he pauses to choose his words carefully. He knows that if he says the wrong thing, Jim will use it against him.

"You called me...you said his name," he stops for a moment then, and takes a deep breath. "While we were...You said Sherlock." Jim's looking at him with those dead eyes and a grin spreading slowly over his face. Sebastian knows he's fucked. He hates himself.

"Why Sebby, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were jealous." Jim laughs at scratches the back of Sebastian's neck thoughtfully, "but that can't be true, can it?"

Sebastian tries not to lean into the touch but he can already feel the rush of heat start to pool in his abdomen. It's like his body is trained to Jim's touch; addicted. Even at moments like these, when he's infuriated and frustrated, he can't help but take whatever Jim gives him and like it. It's sad, really.

Jim pulls Sebastian's head back suddenly and Seb grunts at the pain. Jim shushes him with a finger to his lips. His mouth is close to Seb's ear.

"You better let go of your little attitude right now, Sebastian. Because you're not jealous." Jim's voice is deadly quiet. His hand tightens in Seb's hair, his scalp burning as Jim digs his nails in hard.

"Because jealousy would imply that you think you have a claim on me," Jim laughs, "but you and I both know that's not true." Jim pauses as he studies Seb's face for a moment. Seb is powerless. Jim has him. He curses himself for leaving his knife at home. But even if he had it he wouldn't use it on Jim. He knows what Jim's about to say, too; can see it in his eyes and he cringes.

"You're not in love with me, are you, Tiger?" Jim asks the question softly and Sebastian closes his eyes. He exhales hard through his nose and shakes his head.


"Please, Sebby don't lie to me," Jim rolls his eyes and nuzzles his nose against Sebastian's cheek, just breathing him in, "I know." There's a moment of silence. Sebastian almost denies it once again, but he knows it will only end in pain. And why should he deny it, anyway? He knew it was true. He'd known it was true for a while, but figured Jim would only torture him if he ever voiced it. Besides, it didn't really need saying. Sebastian was a man of action and internalization. He didn't feel the need to fill the air with words the way Jim did. He preferred doing things to show how he felt. He'd rather take a bullet for Jim than actually come out and talk about his feelings. It wasn't in his nature.

But this love thing was awful.

He sighed as Jim nipped at his neck a few times and he tried to pull his head out of Jim's grasp so he could move to kiss him, but Jim only held on tighter. Sebastian hissed. He should've known he wouldn't be getting out that easily.

"Now let's get one thing clear, shall we?" Jim nods at him, "I get to call you whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want and you're just going to purr like a good little pussy cat and not say anything about it. Right, kitten?" Jim stops talking and waits for Seb to agree. Sebastian knows that Jim is just trying to prove a point but he feels humiliated. He should have just kept quiet. He shouldn't have complained but now here he was. He was getting his hair pulled out by the psychopath he worked for that he happened to, okay love, and he was still turned on. When had he become so fucked up?

The answer was sitting right next to him.

He looks up at Jim and nods. He knows he's submitting, something he'd never done before in his life; not to his father, not to the army, and not even to a wounded tiger in a storm drain. He'd been on the verge of death from his gambling and alcohol addiction, and even then Sebastian hadn't let it conquer him. But Jim does. It should be funny.

It isn't.

Jim sighs and lets go finally, a look of exasperated disgust on his face.

"You're pathetic, Sebastian," he says and puts a hand on Seb's cheek.

"Love is pathetic." His voice is sweet but the words are meant to wound. Sebastian half smiles at Jim.

"I know."

He does know. He knows better than anyone that his feelings are stupid, that Jim will never return them. He knows it's pointless. He knows they won't go away. He'd come to terms with the fact that Jim would be the death of him a long time ago.

"Good." Jim kisses his cheek. The episode is already forgotten and his character is firmly in place. Jim's excited and Sebastian wants to murder Sherlock Holmes.

"Be back here in an hour," the consulting criminal orders and Sebastian nods. Jim gives a little wave goodbye and shuts the door with his hip.

Seb drives.