Here it is, ladies and gents.
Finally, the last chapter of this son of a bitch.
The Kitty Trilogy is over.
From 12/29/2010 to today, this story has been in effect.
It's about time it's over.
Enjoy if possible.
"Kisame, Sasuke, do me a favor and go train Tiburon and Cielo for a few hours or at least occupy them." Itachi instructed as the Akatsuki finally returned to the Uchiha compound in Konoha.
Sasuke and Kisame raised their eyebrows as they stopped before the manor with two confused teenagers beside them. "Okay… but why?"
Itachi pulled Alice after him, heading towards the front door. She was wearing Itachi's Akatsuki cloak, having no other clothes to wear. "I have to decontaminate my wife."
"Ew." Tiburon said instantly, making a face of pure disgust. "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. I did not need to know that." He covered his ears. "Come on, Cielo. Come on, Sanaa."
Cielo smirked, burying his face into Ash's fur before carrying his furry companion after Tiburon, Sanaa, and Sable.
Sasuke shook his head as Itachi dragged Alice into the house. "Okay, I'm going to find something to do until tomorrow."
Kisame just chuckled and went towards the house beside the manor, intending on bothering Hidan and having a nice, mature conversation with Kakuzu.
"Get some, Momma!" Kathryn cheered while Deidara cackled.
Alice just protested pathetically to being dragged. "Itachi! Wait a minute! I want to slaughter Tiburon's girlfriend! Stop dragging me! I can walk!"
Sasori just stared after them boredly. "You know, I'd call them the most dysfunctional couple ever," he mused, "but then I remember what you two are like."
"Danna!" Kathryn gasped. "That's so mean!"
"And yet so true." Sasori said with mock sadness. "Pity, I was look forward to a sarcastic response. I guess Alice is the only one who truly appreciates mockery and disdain."
Deidara raised his eyebrow when Sasori began walking away. "Where you going Danna, un?"
"To Kakuzu and Hidan's house." Sasori grunted over his shoulder. "I seek intelligent conversation with Kakuzu."
Kathryn and Deidara exchanged a look as Sasori continued on his way. Kathryn cocked her head to the side. "Want to go find Hidan and fuck with people?"
Deidara grinned. "You read my mind, beautiful un."
Deidara scooped Kathryn up before darting away, leaving naught but a yellow and black streak in his wake.
"So… where did you guys go?" Kōri asked, eyeing Sanaa, Tiburon, and Cielo.
They exchanged glances. "On a mission."
"Classified?" Kasai asked, standing beside Kōri.
"Yep." They said in unison.
Tiburon rubbed the back of his neck. "We're heading home in a few days."
"You are?" Kōri asked curiously.
Sanaa smiled sadly. "Yeah." She grabbed Kōri's hand and squeezed it. "We need to talk about that, actually."
Cielo tossed his arms over Sanaa and Kōri's shoulders casually. "Maybe you should do that at another time."
"Why?" Kōri asked, frowning and releasing Sanaa's hand.
"Because her father is watching you." Cielo said quietly, his eyes fixed on Deidara, Hidan, and Kathryn who were walking over to them.
"Shit." Sanaa whispered.
Tiburon pointed at her. "Swear word!" He sprinted over to Deidara and Kathryn. "Sanaa just said shit!"
Kathryn gasped while Hidan cackled. "Sanaa!"
"I did not!" She protested. "I swear!"
"Liar!" Tiburon accused, pointing at her again. "You said shit!"
Deidara pulled Tiburon into a headlock. "You're not supposed to cuss either, un."
"Cielo, did Sanaa cuss?" Kathryn asked.
Cielo sighed. "Don't bring me into this."
Deidara released Tiburon when he bit him, smirking. Tiburon poked Sanaa's cheek. "You're such a liar, you foul-mouthed little girl."
Sanaa grabbed Tiburon's wrist, smirking.
"Ouch!" Tiburon yelped. "You bit me!"
Her smirk just widened.
Deidara extracted a whining Tiburon from Sanaa's grasp before pulling his daughter into a hug. He rumpled her hair before looking at Kōri. "He better not be who I think he is, un."
Sanaa paled into her father's chest while Cielo and Tiburon froze.
Kōri raised his eyebrow. "Who do you think I am, then?"
Tiburon tackled Kōri. "Kōri! How dare you flick a rock at Sable?!"
Kōri grunted under Tiburon's weight. "I didn't!"
"Yes you did! I saw you." Tiburon growled. He leaned closer to Kōri. "Unless you want to die, play along."
Hidan elbowed Deidara. "Ya know, I think the girl is Tibby's fucking girlfriend. I bet you fucking anything that white haired little shit is Sanaa's boyfriend."
Deidara's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Sanaa, un."
Sanaa backed away from him. "Daddy?"
Cielo coughed and nudged Tiburon with his foot. Tiburon grabbed Kōri's wrist while Cielo grabbed Kasai's.
"Run!" Tiburon ordered.
Cielo, Tiburon, and Sanaa vanished from the area, dragging a confused Kōri and Kasai with them. Sable and Ash sat where they were left, looking confused. Sable quickly got over her confusion, satisfied with tackling Hidan to the ground and smothering him with love.
Hidan protested loudly and obscenely.
When they found a good hiding spot, Tiburon put his hands on Kōri's shoulders. "Look man, you'll need to dye your hair and change your name. Gather everything you can carry and leave."
Kōri blinked. "What are you talking about?"
"Kasai, you should go with him." Tiburon advised.
Kasai looked utterly confused.
Cielo walloped Tiburon in the back of the head before looking at the two leaf Chūnin. "Ignore him. Tiburon, shut up."
"What is he ranting about?" Kasai wondered.
"My dad and Tibby's mom are really, really protective and possessive of Tiburon and I. They found out I had a boyfriend and Tibby had a girlfriend the other day and my dad literally blew up the street because he was so mad. Icy is ready to slaughter the first girl that looks at Tibby other than me." Sanaa explained. "My dad saw you and Kasai so he'll probably hunt you down to try and kill you while Icy will be told who Kasai is and well… I'd rather deal with my dad than Icy."
"So what do we do?" Kasai asked, looking at Tiburon.
"There are a few options." Cielo stated. "You either hide until we leave for the base, run away from the village for good, or end your relationships here and now."
Kōri frowned at Cielo. "Why would we do that?"
"I know the four of you. I've been watching you all since you've started dating and I've known Sanaa and Tiburon since I was nine. Your relationships are shit." Cielo deadpanned.
"Hey!" Tiburon protested.
"Shut up and listen to me." Cielo barked. "Tiburon, you hate it when people touch you. You wince and cringe whenever Kasai does more than hold your hand. I know you can't help it, but it obviously means you need to find someone who you are completely comfortable with." He looked to Sanaa. "Sanaa, you hate making your family upset, and you dislike being away from the people you care about. Thus, having Kōri as a boyfriend stresses you out and makes you feel guilty because you're making your dad, Sasori, and Alice mad and you won't be able to handle a long distance relationship."
Sanaa looked down while Tiburon bit his lip and avoided looking at Cielo or Kasai.
"Kōri, you like Sanaa yes, but it's not love. Kasai is your best friend and you seem more comfortable and at ease around her than you do with anyone else. When you're with Sanaa, you try too hard. With Kasai, you can be yourself and you smile more often and it's genuine, not forced." Cielo continued. "Kasai, your infatuation with Tiburon is more fangirl than it is loving. It is obvious to someone like me who stands on the sides and watches you guys to know that Kōri and Kasai truly have feelings for each other while Sanaa and Tiburon love each other."
Kōri stared at him. "That's creepy, Cielo."
"I'm a ninja. It's my job to watch others and analyze their every move until I know everything about them and can use the information I gain as blackmail." Cielo deadpanned.
Kasai looked between Tiburon, Kōri, and Sanaa. "So…"
"I think Cielo has said it for us." Tiburon said stiffly. He looked at Kasai. "As long as it doesn't make you sad, I'm willing to part ways."
"I believe it will be for the best." Kasai agreed. "I'd hug you, but you hate it when people touch you."
Tiburon rolled his eyes. "Just hug me, dork."
Kasai laughed lightly and hugged Tiburon while Sanaa glomped Kōri.
"I'm sorry, Kōri." Sanaa said quietly.
Kōri shrugged, hugging Sanaa back. "Eh, if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be. As long as we're still friends, I don't care."
"Good." She smiled. She released him before grabbing Kasai and dragging her over to Kōri. "Now you two date."
Kasai blushed while Kōri coughed awkwardly.
"Well?" She demanded.
"Okay." They said in unison.
She beamed. "Good."
Cielo elbowed Sanaa. "What about you?"
Sanaa cocked her head to the side. "What about me?"
He looked at Tiburon meaningfully.
Sanaa sighed before jumping on Tiburon's back, wrapping her arms around his neck from behind. "Hey Tibby."
"Hey what?" He asked.
"Now we date?" Sanaa asked.
Tiburon smirked. "Sure."
"Good." She smiled.
"Well this will be significantly less awkward to tell your parents." Cielo concluded. "Which I think we should go do soon before Deidara decides to bring down Konoha whilst hunting for Kōri's head."
"I'm not telling my mom right now." Tiburon declared.
"Why not?" Kasai asked.
Tiburon made a face. "Her and my dad are doing… stuff."
"What kind of stuff?" Kōri asked. When Tiburon gave him a look, he frowned. "Oh. That stuff."
Tiburon shuddered. "Yeah. That stuff."
First Person Alice!
I sighed as I slumped to the kitchen. I flopped in a chair at the table, glaring at a now smug Uchiha who was busying himself with making himself tea. "You're an asshole."
"I had to decontaminate you." He said simply.
I rolled my eyes. "So urgently?"
"And you had to announce it to the world?"
"I would rather not have been disturbed."
"And you call me a pervert."
"Hey! Are you two done fucking yet?" A voice called.
I slammed my head on the table. "Yes Hidan! We're done fucking."
A few moments later, Hidan came in with Kisame, Deidara, Kathryn, Sasori, and Kakuzu, looking utterly amused.
I glared at them. "What? Like you've never had sex before."
"We usually don't announce it to the world." Kathryn mused.
"Well who asked you?" I demanded. "What do you look so angry about, Deidara?"
Deidara crossed his arms. "I just saw Sanaa's boyfriend and Tibby's girlfriend, un."
I straightened up. "Did you kill them?"
"No, un." He grumbled.
I frowned. "You disappoint me, Deidara."
"You two are dumb."
I looked towards the door to see Tiburon, Sanaa, and Cielo standing there, watching us.
I pointed at Tiburon. "You!"
He stared at me. "Chill mom."
"Bring me her head." I ordered.
"Why would you want to take Sanaa's head?" Tiburon asked.
I blinked. "What?"
Sanaa pouted. "So mean, Icy."
"I want your girlfriend's head, not Sanaa's." I clarified.
Tiburon cocked his head to the side. "Sanaa is my girlfriend."
I pointed again. "Blasphemy! But yay!"
"Awe!" Kathryn cheered. "Yay!"
"He's not lying, Icy." Sanaa giggled.
Sasori rubbed his chin. "I suppose I can live with this."
Deidara just sighed and admitted he could too.
Cielo crossed his arms. "You're welcome."
"Yeah, well you're an asshole."
"A wonderful comeback, Alice."
"Shut up, Loofa. Dickhead."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"… Real mature, shit for brains. You lack any sort of aptitude at insults."
"You lack any sort of aptitude for anything."
"I take that back. Your face is pretty insulting."
"Not quite as insulting as yours, however."
"You're right. Mine is perfection. Yours is like looking at a pile of worm infested dog shit."
"… That's so nasty."
"Of course it is. We're talking about your face after all."
"I hate you so much."
"Don't hate me because I'm better than you, Sasori. Don't hate the player, hate the game."
"Nope. Still hate you."
"I'm going to lose so much sleep because of that."
"You should. You're a horrible person."
"Yeah… don't care."
"You don't care or you don't have the mental capacity to comprehend that you're a horrible person."
"Definitely not caring."
"You two are so mean."
"Shut up, Kathryn." Sasori and Alice said in unison.
Sasori and Alice were sitting on opposite ends of the table in the kitchen. Alice sat at one head while Sasori sat at the other. Kathryn, Deidara, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, and Hidan sat between them, looking back and forth between the two of them as they bickered.
Kathryn pouted as Alice and Sasori returned their attention to each other.
"If I was to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide." Alice informed Sasori.
Sasori rolled his eyes. "You know, others say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright."
"True. You do one up me every time when it comes to stupidity."
"I surpass you in everything, Alice."
Alice nodded. "Your record for making other people gag just by looking at them is definitely higher than mine. And you are ten times more stupid than I am."
"How long did it take you to think up that one?" Sasori deadpanned.
"It took me less time to think up that one than it too you to remember to breath, dumbass." Alice countered.
"How creative." Sasori countered. "I've heard that before. You're as unoriginal as a knock-knock joke."
"The only things you ever make are mistakes." Alice replied.
"I'm glad you think so highly of me." Sasori stated.
She shrugged. "I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible."
"I bet you don't even know what vituperation is." He stated.
"Actually, I do." Alice snapped. "Vituperation: bitter and abusive language."
"Your face is bitter and abusive." He countered.
"You are so creative." Alice said boredly.
"Will you two quit it?" Kisame sighed rubbing his head.
"The Bitch lost me at asshole like five minutes ago." Hidan grumbled massaging his temples.
"My brain hurts, un." Deidara whimpered.
Itachi was simply pinching the bridge of his nose as Alice and Sasori just told the others at the table to shut up before sinking their teeth into each other once again. Kakuzu just chuckled and continued looking back and forth, listening to them argue.
"You can always tell when you're lying." Sasori stated, frowning at Alice. "Your lips move."
"I'll have you know that I don't lie. I speak only the truth. Now, why don't you sit down, shut up, and stop breathing and give your mind a rest. I know it overheats when you breathe too much."
"I'm surprised yours hasn't exploded because of the blinking you have been doing."
"Have you ever noticed that Kathryn always kisses your cheek with her eyes closed?" Alice asked. "Considering your face, I don't blame her. In fact, I don't know how she can stand it even with her eyes closed. Talk about 'Lady Killer' they take one look at you and die of fright."
"Don't you realize there are enough people in the world for me to hate without you trying so hard to be one of them?" Sasori growled.
"Hey, why don't you try acting your age, Sasori?" Alice asked. "Senile."
"You truly are the best at what you do." Sasori sighed.
"And what might that be?" Alice wondered.
He glared at her. "Making people hate you."
"Your face inspires me." Alice said dreamily.
"That's not the only thing that inspires you." Sasori said perversely.
"And this is where their argument goes perverted." Kakuzu sighed.
Itachi just rubbed his forehead. "This is going to take a while…"
First Person Alice!
Later on that evening…
Itachi and I were in our room, him lounging shirtless on the bed while I stood in front of the long mirror, brushing my hair out before bed. I had my back to him and from the way I was standing, I couldn't see him in the mirror, but I could feel his gaze.
Curious, I turned slightly to glance over my shoulder at him. His Sharingan was activated out of habit and it was fixed on me. His hands were tucked under his head, and he was watching me contently.
"What?" He asked, noticing he had my attention.
"What are you looking at, creep?" I wondered.
He cocked his head to the side slightly. "You."
"Pervert." I accused.
"Is it against the law for me to look at my wife?" He questioned rhetorically.
"You're weird." I informed him.
He smirked. "You love me for it."
"It is one of the many reasons why I am so madly in love with you." I agreed. "Even though you're a huge dork."
He continued to stare at me for a time. "You are so beautiful."
I smiled to myself. "And you're sexy."
"Let us not point out the obvious here." He advised. "Come. Your hair looks perfect."
I tossed the brush away and trailed across the room towards him. I climbed on the bed before climbing over him and finding a comfortable position, my chest on his, my lips on his, and my arms wrapped around his neck. He pulled his hands from under his head to thread his fingers through my hair and smooth it out over my back.
I pulled away from him before rubbing my nose against his. "I love you."
"And I love you." He assured me, brushing a loose strand of hair off of my face and tucking it behind my ear.
"What are we going to do now?" I asked.
He tilted his head to the side in confusion, looking utterly adorable. "Do? Now?"
"We're at peace and we don't have two boys to raise for much longer. What do we do now that we're finally at peace with almost full grown sons?" I questioned him.
He watched me for a time. "We can always make more."
"You really are a pervert." I decided. "I'm serious, Itachi."
"So am I." He admitted simply, tapping my nose lightly with his index finger. "We still have a few years before Cielo and Tiburon are adults. As long as you are with me, I don't care what we do." He kissed me fully. "As long as I have you and the boys, I will be content forever."
"Sounds good to me, babe." I smiled and kissed him back. "I always knew you Uchiha were smart. Not only do you have good genes, you're smart too. Jackpot."
He stroked my hair chuckling. "I love you."
"And I you." I agreed. "Forever."
"Always." He added.
We sat like that together for a time before a crash sounded from somewhere in the house.
"Mom!" Tiburon whined. His complaint was abruptly cut off.
"Whatever he tells you is a lie, Alice!" Sasuke called.
Kisame could be heard laughing loudly.
"Will you assholes shut the fuck up?!" Hidan roared from somewhere.
"Be quiet you fool." Sasori scolded just as loudly.
"Alice!" Cielo called. "Tiburon just consumed the entire jar of sugar!"
"I did not!" Tiburon protested.
"I said fucking shut it!" Hidan repeated.
Tiburon did not approve. "Shut your big ass mouth, Hidan-oji before I come out there and put my foot in it!"
"You little shit!" Hidan growled.
A couple of crashes sounded again and we heard Hidan swearing loudly and Tiburon shouting obscenities as they wrestled.
I sighed and dropped my head, allowing it to land on Itachi's sturdy chest. "Fuck. So much for peaceful."
He chuckled. "It's a good thing the Akatsuki don't put much stock in the word 'peace'."
The sad thing is truer words had never been spoken.
Peace and the Akatsuki don't go hand in hand.
And to think I had first found them as kittens on my doorstep and after years of pain, anger, happiness, love, loss, and just plain awesomeness, here we were.
At first I thought I would miss the kitties and the fact that I could get my way by tossing some cold water on them. But after seeing them as the ninjas they truly were first hand, I had to appreciate the character not being a cat had given them and I only learned to love them all the more.
Now over fifteen years later, I have the Akatsuki plus Sasuke, Tiburon, Cielo, Sanaa, Sable, Ash, Konoha, and the other villages and their awesome Shinobi.
Screw the kitties.
I'm allergic to cats anyways.
Fun Fact: Since the start of this story up until now, I've had a total of, at most, five negative reviews out of the 4,740+ reviews. I've had at least two people try and steal my stuff and numerous people make me fanart and fan stories. And I have had countless fans supporting this story and enjoy it.
Just goes to show how insane all of you are for liking this story.
Alice would be proud.
Answer: My opinion on OCs is rather… Different. I typically dislike stories with OCs because I prefer the cannon characters. Now, I know that's a little hypocritical because well… Hello Alice. But to be honest, Alice (and Kathryn) is the main factor behind my dislike of my own story. To be honest, I wouldn't read this story if I hadn't written it myself. Yes, I love the humor that Alice and Kathryn bring, but no matter how developed an OC is in a story, there is always hints of Mary Sue in them. I don't give a shit how many flaws it has, what gender, how many tests you've put your character through to disprove that it's a Mary Sue, anything. If you have a main character that is an OC in your story, there is bound to be some Mary Sue qualities and while that's supposed to be horrible and bad, it's just how it is. Alice, in all of the tests I've but her through, is the Anti-Sue. However, she does have Mary Sue qualities because she is in a setting that isn't her own. Put her back in her own story and she's the insane side character that drives the main character up a wall.
So, if your character has little to no flaws, has a predictable past/personality, is OP, is super sexy and has the attention of everyone, falls in love to quickly, has no conflict with anything, or stays the same throughout the story, I hate them.
QotC: If you could go back and change one thing about this story, doesn't matter what it is, what would it be and why? How would you alter it?
No, I will not be making more of this story. Any extra chapters I have or ever will do will be like oneshots and will be treated as such. No, I will not write about Team Sasuke in their later years.
If you want to write a story about them and whatnot, you'll have to ask me but odds are I'll give you permission as long as you credit me. And for your information, two people are writing multichapter continuous stories based off of this one. (Tori-da-Mutt and xdreamernumbuhfour)
Cielo doesn't get a girlfriend. He becomes an ANBU agent and ambassador for Pein in Alice's place by the age of 14 (Tibby is in ANBU too). When he turns 18, he leaves the Akatsuki and returns to Ame to be Pein's voice/ambassador, and the head of his clan. He eventually has a wife and has two children; a daughter named Alice and a son named Sasuke. Alice and his old team visit frequently.
Sanaa went on to learn medical Ninjutsu from Sakura and eventually becomes a Jōnin instructor. She and Tiburon get married and will eventually grow up to replace their fathers in the Akatsuki.
Alice and Itachi discover the key to immortality and share it with all of their friends, the kids, and everyone else who is important just because.
Tiburon and his father are still addicted to sweets.
And they all live happily ever after.