Hi guys! I was supposed to put this up LAST V-Day, but I got writer's block. I sorry! Anyway, the plot ninja bunnies and their muse shifu decided to come back and so here I am!

I would like to thank you all who stuck around and read the first one in this series [Specially Cresenta's Lark and Poison Ivy]. I'm not so sure where I'm going with this, so let's just play it by ear for now, ok? [I'm not so good at multi-chapters so if I do make something out of this, it'll most likely be connected but separate one-shots]

Disclaimer: Look, we all hate these ok! But regardless we must go through with it, if not the legal vultures will find us and attack-and I have no monies to give them! So I don't own TS, but if I did, I would've made more Scamantha episodes-or just maybe kept Scam for myself ;)

Quick A/N: italics are the letter, in between brackets [made you look] are scam, his thoughts, etc. , and normal is just normal!

Mail time in W.H.O.O.P.'s maximum security prison was quite a spectacle of cheeriness, not that HE took any part in it, but it WAS hard to miss. The prison's infamous multiple escapee rolled his eyes as he watched the young guard on mail duty merrily walk (Scam could've sworn that he was skipping too but couldn't see well enough to prove this theory-not that he put it past the guard, he was a weird one) around the block, handing letters and packages that had already been screened for any dangerous items, to their addressed. The young guard was barely old enough to drink but brave enough to roam around the prison giving out the mail. He was nicer than the elder guards, Scam, thought off handedly; glad that the young guard was too naïve to really hold any hard feelings to the prisoners, but not so much as to fully trust them-anymore, Tom Baron took care of that.

Tom Baron was a lower level criminal than Scam, but the burly man was no push over, he enjoyed the chaos he started all too well but didn't have the mental capacity to control it and use it, rather, he just created hell and let it over run. He was also new to the prison, but knew from the other prisoners that this was Scam's turf; you asked Him first before you did anything, else face his wrath. But Baron had an annoying tendency to forget these warnings and made an attempt on the young guard-on the same day Scam had planned to escape. Normally, Scam would've used this as a diversion to escape and if he was caught and came back, he would've punished Baron accordingly then-but Baron chose to attack the guard during meal time, so instead of escaping, Tim Scam, along with the other prisoners, was pelted with B.B. bullet grenades and tear gas while the other guards tried to get Baron off the kid. To say that Tim was not pleased would be a light understatement-a very light understatement indeed.

No one had proof it was him who crippled Baron, not that anyone in the prison would speak out against him, so Tim Scam leaned out on his "door", watching the guard, who was still bruised, pass mail until he came upon Scam's cell.

"I know it was you" the young guard said, looking down, his hands gripping the cart handle tight enough for his knuckles to turn white.

"Oh?" Scam said, not sure where exactly the kid was going with this. He had no proof. "What are you going to do?" he added, a smirk in both his face and voice.

"Nothing. Here, mail." The guard handed Scam a pink envelope and a small cardboard box. "This name isn't on your contact list, but you helped me, so here."

"I didn't help you-" Scam started, this kid had nothing on him, and what the hell did this pink envelope and package set have to do with him? He never got mail.

"Sure you didn't." The young guard picked his head up and looked at Scam, who could see a black eye and swelling on the cheekbone. "Your prison, your rules, right Scam? Even sociopaths aren't exempt." He nodded and walk-no skipped, he was actually skipping-away, whistling some tune.

Scam contemplated retorting but gave in to curiosity. He never got mail before and wondered who sent them and why. It did cross his mind that it was a stupid cruel joke-to which the joker would endure an incredibly painful demise or even a bomb but he dismissed them, no one was stupid enough to prank Tim Scam-well, maybe Baron, but he was currently eating through an IV and pissing through one too, and as for the bomb-Jerry was too much of a Goody Good to let anything like that slip into the system.

And with that, he sat down and opened the package first-slowly just in case, but soon realized that inside the package-was cookies! What type of person sends him-Tim Scam-the most infamous of W.H.O.O.P.'s enemies, the nightmare of every prisoner here and criminals on the outside-cookies? This person was either very brave to mind fuck with him or very stupid and very dead. He immediately tore open the pink envelope and started to read the letter inside.

Dear Mr. Tim Scam,

My name is Celeste, I am five and I need help. ['No shit', Scam thought, infuriated that someone dare ask him for help while he was in jail-especially some five year old! He had better things to deal with than helping some kid! ]

Oh, did you like the cookies? Mommy made them! She doesn't know I'm mailing you them so don't you tell! ['Question, do you send these types of letters to all maximum security level 5 murdering criminals or am I just lucky?' Scam thought out loud as he bit into a cookie. They were pretty good, when he found the kid; he'd have her mom make him more-before he tortured her for bothering him and her mom for not teaching the kid to not talk to strangers. Seriously, parents these days!]

You see, my mommy's lonely- [Don't give a damn.]

and I don't mean in that pathetic "Oh, I'll never find a man" pathetic, like my Aunt Clover, she doesn't find A man, she finds lots-at least that's what my aunt Alex- Clover? [As in the Spy girl? And Alex too? Scam thought back to the two top spies for W.H.O.O.P., they had grown up over these years of chasing him and trying to bring him back to jail. Even without their leader, he had to admit, they were getting a bit better over the years-not as good as him or say Her, but better. But…if the spy girls were the kid's Aunts…no… probably not… the cookies were just screwing with his head-he immediately spit them out.]

-said one time after drinking some funny smelling juice-it was gross when I took a sip, so maybe it did something funny to her but that's what she said-but mommy's not like that at all! [Sure she isn't, so where's your daddy, brat? And don't you know better than to drink wine? Who are these babysitters?]

She's like, "I'm fine with just my little girl, but I want someone to understand me" way-I read that line in a book, but I think it works for her. I love to read books! [Kid, what kind of books have you been reading? You're five! ]

Aunt Clover and Alex told me all about you, they said that you were my mommy's favorite person when you worked together at Great Uncle Jerry's insurance company (No wonder you left, insurance sounds boring.) and since mommy liked you so much, I wanted to know if you could marry her? [The Fuck? Scam had to reread that last part. Jerry's Insurance Company? No, had to be a coincidence. No way it was Her kid. Not that he cared about it, he just didn't want to get caught so early because he murdered an ex super spy and her brat…]

Please? [No, I'm going to find you and make you sorry you annoyed me.]

Pretty Please? [No kid! Hell, with your nagging, I might just throw this out and forget you exist.]

She's reeeeeaaaaallly awesome. [I doubt it.]

She knows how to cook really well too. [Her cookies are drugged!]

And she's also really pretty; I mean who doesn't like red hair and green eyes! […Sam?]

She likes to read and play with me and she's really smart and nice and she doesn't talk all the time like Aunt Clover -[No…she can't be Sam's… has to be some other person, a friend from school who's kid has an over active imagination.]

and I'd really like a daddy for my mommy! [Have you tried online dating?]

So please? If not then fine! But don't expect cookies for Christmas or presents-cause I'm gunna tell Santa on you and you won't get any presents! [Santa has nothing on me, you brat! And the answer is no!]


Celeste Ann Simpson [Holy Shit…]

p.s. Please send an answer via mail, thank you!

Scam reread the letter at least five more times, but every time he read it, it only added to his thoughts that Sam had a daughter… His Sam; had a child…

His blood boiled. He'd let Sam be because he swore that he wouldn't hurt her again, her nearly dying at Venice brought a disturbing revelation to him, he actually cared about her and any who dared hurt her would suffer a fate that even made him cringe as he thought it up. But no-she just HAD to get knocked up-she just HAD to have a baby with some other man-No. He was NOT letting this stand. Sam was His! He made that quite clear in Venice. Oh, he'd have to have a nice Polite chat with his Sammie now…

Scam smirked when he read the return address, 1212 Magpie road, Greendale, Oregon.

Here I come, Sam…

Bwuahahaha! Made you think I updated huh? Well no-actually yes-but not really, I wanted to tell you awesome readers that since I have a break coming up, I'll be able to put up the next installment! Thought you'd like to know-and if you didn't, well too bad!