5The fact that I'm even writing fan fiction is proof enough that I don't own Twilight.
I think iambeagle is my unofficial beta. I'm not sure yet... bu she's pretty dang cool.
You wanna playlist? Link on my profile! Please ignore my strange background ._.
WARNING: Emmett is a major douche bag. He's just being an immature jerk, but the things he says are based off actual things I've heard someone say. So I'm not this stupid to be responsible for such juvenile and mean dialogue. Jus sayin. He gets better eventually, though.
THE FIRST CHAPTER IS BRUTAL. The fluff comes soon trussst meee. I changed the rating to M because my characters decided they want to cuss and say mean things and be assholes. And because of other stuff and yeah. I took forever to update this because I wanted to write more in the summer, but now summer's over and I'm finally updating. I am the coolest.
The song that inspired the whole thing:
"Don't wake me up
Now that you're gone
Even the sun is turning blue
What good is love
If you're not here for me
To give it to?
What good is love
Without you?"
~What Good Is Love?~
~by Schuyler Fisk~
~l~
Bella Swan was a good girl. She went to school, worked hard, and got the grades. She came home and did her homework then would start dinner. Her dad, Charlie, the Chief of the Forks Police Department, would come home from work and ask how her day was. They'd engage in polite conversation during dinner, then he'd take a beer to the front room to watch TV on the flat screen and she'd go upstairs. She'd get ready for bed, and then maybe sit down to read for a bit, before turning off her lamp and going to sleep. And the next day she'd do the same thing all over again. She lived a safe life with cushioned barriers and physical security.
She was miserable.
She hated that fact. Bella hated that she had all she did, but still couldn't enjoy any of it. She felt selfish for wanting out, but the feeling couldn't be stopped. There were too many memories that accompanied Forks, Washington. The house's mortgage is already paid for, her dad had argued, but she knew the reason why he wanted to stay. It was the exact same reason as why she didn't.
Bella didn't really want to go anywhere too far or too big. Maybe a nice town in northern California or Oregon, or even Seattle. Anywhere but Forks. Forks was where—
No! She'd always stop, not allowing herself to remember. I can't think of that right now. Just a few more hours. Don't let them see.
The only solace she had were those few hours at night before she fell asleep. Bed sheets don't care if you cry; pillows won't judge you for breaking down.
Bella wanted desperately to be able to confide in someone, but it was hard for her to let a person in like that. The only one close to her in her life was her dad, and he'd gone through enough already. The small cluster of friends she'd been lucky enough to make kept their distance emotionally. She didn't think anyone cared enough to let her in. And if they did, they certainly didn't show it.
Why would they, anyway?
The people in town knew what happened to her, and they left her alone for it. Gossip travels fast, and that's all her tale was to them: a juicy story to whisper in your friend's ear. What more did they need than to know about it? It was so easy for everyone to move on.
So everyone ignored her.
But as Bella got into bed one cold night in March, she couldn't help remembering that day three years ago.
She sighed. I miss my mom.
l~SWB~l
Today won't be so bad. It's Friday! Start of the weekend, and a way out of the hell hole that is high school.
That's how most kids her age would think of Friday. They'd leave in their cars, go to Port Angeles with their friends, see a movie, or maybe go to a beach party. Because that's what they do. They goof off when they have free time, before life catches up with them as grownups. They just want to live, to experience everything before it's stolen from their grasp.
But Bella wasn't a normal teenager. She tried to avoid free time like the plague. If she's invited to something by a friend, of course she'd go, but it was obvious she wasn't not much of a people person. She didn't really connect well to people socially, let alone her own age group.
She wasn't always like this.
Bella walked into first period English and was greeted by a very cheerful Alice Brandon. Alice was always cheerful though. Her bright sunniness mellowed out Bella's bad moods. They'd been friends since Bella's first day three years ago. She'd been inconspicuously reading in the back of her freshman Algebra class when Alice spotted her. Now, what could have happened to her to make her look so sad?, was the only thing the tiny, black haired girl could wonder.
Alice had always been intuitive and able to read people like a book, but she still hadn't figured out what makes her best friend so sad all the time. She couldn't connect the random bits of the day that set off Bella's emotions. All she could tell was that it's connected to her mother.
"Good morning, Miss Isabella. How are we this fine Friday morning?" Alice warbled.
Bella gave a small, sweet smile. "Quite good, surprisingly. I feel weird today, but like... in a good way?" She shrugged. "I feel like I should be happy, so I am. That means it'll probably end by third period," she joked. Bella was used to explaining her emotions to Alice, otherwise she would demand to hear them. Or sometimes even threaten. She was a frightening little thing.
"That's good." Alice's bright smile grew impossibly wider. "Very good." The bell rang then and they took their seats.
School dragged. Bella was happy for it as a distraction, but sixth period was the best part of her day. There, she could unassumingly ogle the cute nerdy boy at her chemistry table. She probably would have hated chem if it weren't for him, and while everyone groaned about having to do another lab, she practically felt like Alice bouncing on the inside at getting to talk to him.
On her way to lunch, her friend Emmett ran up beside her. "Hey, betch," he said in his best gay voice.
She snickered. "Hey, Emmett. Was there something you needed?" Her sarcasm came out a little harsher than intended.
He lifted a hand to his heart, pretending to be wounded. "Well, excuse me, Princess! See if I ever talk to you again. Get back to working your corner." He bounded off heading for the pizza line. Bella sighed and turned towards her table.
She knew she shouldn't get offended by Emmett's way of showing friendship, which was by calling everyone terrible names and harassing them. Alice and Jasper got it all the time as well, and, sparingly, even his girlfriend Rosalie, but he was always careful with her. Rosalie could be a right bitch if you crossed her the wrong way. He teased Bella the most of them all, most likely because she was so innocent and sensitive. He knew he could get a good rile out of her, and the angry blush she always emitted just fueled the fire. She'd love to not be around him, but he could be really funny and charming sometimes. And he wasn't a bad guy, he just didn't know where the line should be drawn.
It's really what he teased her about, though. To her, what he did was more than just poking fun.
Alice and her boyfriend Jasper were already sitting at their lunch table, as per usual. Jasper was a rare one, quiet and dark and didn't let anyone in, yet he's always there in the shadows. Frankly, he's kind of a creeper, and doesn't look like he'd love someone as colorful as Alice, but they looked so good and happy next to each other that no one questioned it.
"Hi, Alice. Jasper." Bella nodded to the pair. Alice beamed at her, and Jasper gave his signature indifferent lip quirk under the wispy mustache he sported.
Alice leaned forward and began to ask Bella a question when Emmett lumbered up, yelled Shut your whore mouth! and gave a raucous laugh.
Once again, Bella sighed, and Alice rolled her eyes. Jasper didn't even flinch—he knew Alice could fight her own battles if it came to it.
"Move your crap, Bella." Emmett began throwing her books on the ground and she quickly went to stop him.
"Quit it, Emmett!" He just laughed.
"Hey," Alice said. "Where's Rosalie?"
"She had to go on some field trip for that nerdy club thing… oh, what's it called?" Emmett waved his plastic fork around as if it would help him remember.
"Q.E.D Club?" Bella suggested. It was some club for math, however that worked.
"Yeah, they're going out to the woods to judge the trajectory of directory or whatevory of wind and tree growth and shit. Sounds useless to me."
Just then, Jacob Black came up and scooted his way next to Alice and Jasper, directly facing Bella. He greeted her first.
"Hey there, Garbage Can. Make enough money last night?"
Jacob held the same type of humor that Emmett did, but whereas Emmett used it as a means of friendship, Jacob used it to be mean and get a good laugh. And Bella just so happened to be his main target.
Bella glared at Jake for his derogatory remark, then turned away to ignore him. She was immediately paired with a set of framed green eyes across the cafeteria and quickly dropped her gaze to the table in embarrassment.
"Aw, don't be like that, Sugar." Jacob reached across the table to grab Bella's chin and turn her head towards him. She wrenched back violently.
"Oh, feisty today, aren't we? Should have used some of that last night when you worked your corner. By the way, which were you selling for particularly? Tacos or sausage?" He laughed like he'd told the best joke in the world. What is he, fourteen? Bella thought as she defiantly and silently glared back at him.
She didn't bother saying anything. She knew it would only enable him.
"She didn't make me any money last night; no one wanted to go near her meat hole." Emmett laughed. He turned to her then to see her red faced and fuming. He saw the potential to have some fun and jumped at the chance.
"I don't think anyone will ever go near it, anyway. She's going to be alone forever. When she's like, forty or something, she's going to be living in some old, roach infested apartment with an evictions notice because of all her cats. Oh, and she'll be pregnant with some hobo's ugly baby, because only hobos would be so desperate. Its name will be Durrell. Or Lakisha. Oh, oh! Bon Qui Qui!" He laughed. "Yeah. And, okay, I'm gonna' predict your death now, you ready?" She just glared at the table as he bounced excitedly next to her.
"You're changing a lightbulb in the crap living room and fall out the window and hit the lamp post and fall in the sewer where you're eaten by mutant sewer lizards."
"Or maybe you die of lack of sex, I don't know," Jacob added. "Maybe eaten eaten alive by your own cats."
Emmett and Jacob were falling over laughing now. Alice looked disapproving, but not overly concerned, since Emmett's favorite make believe game was a casual recurrence. And like always, Jasper had a blank expression.
Bella sat there staring at Emmett and Jacob's faces turning purple as hot, angry tears sprung to her eyes. She didn't know why; Emmett said this kind of stuff all the time. He was only joking around. But she couldn't help it when her whole face erupted into an agonized fury. She stood up noisily, knocking her chair to the ground.
Something in Bella Swan had suddenly snapped, and maybe it was about time, too.
"Shut up!" She shouted at the two guffawing fools. Emmett stopped and looked up at her enraged face. He realized then, a bit too late, how harsh his words might have been. Jacob was still coming down from his laughing fit. "Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" Bella yelled. She had other tables' attention as well as her own.
A flood had been let open.
"I'm so sick and tired of this crap you both treat me with. You think you're being funny? No! You're being heartless assholes! I am not a whore! I am not a prostitute! I'm not a closet freak! Or a hobo's bitch or a cat lady or a lesbian! All this stuff you just said—all the stuff you always say— do you have any idea how much it hurts? Even if you're just kidding around. And all this 'forever alone' shit, that hurts the most. Because, congratu-fucking-lations! You've discovered my greatest insecurity: that maybe one day I'll never find who I'm meant to be with or someone who loves me and I'll grow old and die alone. I'm so scared—so damn scared—and you make it worse! Every day! I don't want to end up like my mother with two bad divorces and unfulfillment and having to turn to le—"
She caught herself there to take a breath, noticing the crowd she'd drawn in with her breakdown. Self-consciousness crept up on her, and then she burst into tears.
Bella turned to grab her bag and spit out a menacing I hate you at Jake and Emmett.
God, how Emmett felt terrible for what he'd just done.
Bella tumbled her way across the cafeteria, not noticing the green eyes that followed her form. They watched her as she shoved through the double doors, before turning their attention toward her table to glare at Emmett and Jacob.
She ran through the halls, not really knowing where she was going, until she found herself in front of the library. She pushed her way in and made a beeline for the corner in the back where she crumpled to the floor.
She reached for her backpack and pulled out her battered copy of Wuthering Heights, its spine broken and creased. Clasping it close to her chest, she sought out the comfort and familiarity it usually provided, like a security blanket. She didn't take out the book to read, but for the need of something to keep her grounded.
She hadn't been there too long before someone found her.
"That's a good book," he said while sitting down across from her.
Bella looked at him uncertainly through bleary eyes. "You've read it?"
His green eyes sparked with something between excitement and relief at her finally talking to him about something other than nomenclature and diatomic elements.
"Yeah, of course. It's a classic," he said. "It's not one of my favorites, though, considering their love is what brings them to their end. It's a powerful story, just a bit… depressing," he admitted. Truthfully, he preferred Romeo and Juliet, though he'd never say it in fear of sounding like a pansy and a hypocrite. "And they're always so angry. Their love really makes no sense to me." He accented his final opinion by prominently pushing up his glasses.
She looked at her book, accepting his soft spoken criticism.
"Well, I like it. I think every love story needs a little tragedy, or else the love wouldn't be special. It would be taken for granted." Bella whispered her words, not wanting to break the spell that floated in the air around them. "I would never do that. Take it for granted, I mean."
She had said it just as an afterthought, but he looked into her brown eyes like he was trying to soak under morning sun rays.
"That truly would be a tragedy," he whispered back.
She cracked a small smile and his heartbeat quickened.
"Thank you, Edward."
~l~
Okay, this chapter was pretty angst heavy. They're not all like that, but I am debating on whether to change it to Angst/Romance. Tell me in a review please?
Reviews are better than judging the whatevory of wind.