Author's Note: I've been missing Castiel something fierce so I wrote a little something about him and what he might be doing right now. Almost certainly destined to be AU but let me know what you think. If anyone's interested, I may turn this into an actual story. Well, I might do that even if no one is interested. Either way, please review and tell me what you think. Much obliged.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I am still not the proud owner of the rights to Supernatural. Nothing is mine. I'm not making any money from this. Please don't sue me.

Castiel watched the car pass, sending up a fan of dingy rainwater in its wake. The sight of its sleek black side gave him pause, kept his eyes pinned to the vehicle until it turned onto a side street and disappeared from view.

He'd always enjoyed sitting in parks, watching the world pass by in slow motion. Children flying high on swings. Mothers sitting in groups, cradling babies, and talking about what they made for dinner last night. Busy and peaceful all at the same time. Teeming with life. Castiel had spent hours sitting on a bench just like this one listening to conversations just like the ones he was listening to now.

He wished it filled him with the same joy it used to. There had been a time when this was all he needed to be content.

But that was before.

Before he had learned a new emotion.


He sat with his hands folded in his lap and prayed to his Father for forgiveness, wondering how long it would be before he'd done enough penance, until he felt he'd made amends for his trespasses. At the rate he was going, Castiel estimated that it would be at least a few more decades. Possibly longer.

His eyes searched the street for more black cars and he prayed for the ability to forgive himself. Unfortunately that was one skill he had not yet learned.