A/N- here it is. The long awaited 4th chapter written by the one, the only, J.K. Rowling!

No, the famous author did not actually write this. I did. There is a huge difference, being that I am SO MUCH BETTER! Besides, the great J.K Rowling would never stoop so low as to use characters from someone else's books… or would she?

Never mind. The workings of the mind of the world's best known author are not the primary concern right now. What is, is the fact that Nero HATED the last chapter! In fact, if we don't do something quick, he and Raven will lead a protest against me! I don't want to die! So, this chapter will make a fool out of the only characters not humiliated yet- Shelby and Laura. No, not Nigel and Franz, they humiliated themselves enough in the books. *evil laugh* Brand and Trinity are in for it!

Hurry up with this one last question. The next chapter is the final one where the winner is announced. Maggie is still on top and she only answered one question. Google this one or something. Just ANSWER!

I do not own H.I.V.E. After all it is called FANfiction, right?

Enjoy!

Laura's day started bad and grew steadily worse. First she woke up late and missed breakfast. Then she was assigned to dig Nero out from a pile of rock-hard Jell-O and was stuck on that for more than an hour. She didn't even know how the Jell-O had hardened. Wasn't the stuff supposed to dissolve? Maybe Otto had put some stuff in it. No, then it would have hardened on him and Wing. (See catch that pickle chapter 2). Maybe there was something in the glitter and unicorn stickers that it had reacted with. That must be by the time the headmaster was free, it was time for Physical Education. Not fun at all. Not to mention she was doing it on an empty stomach.

This was the worst class of the day and was made torturous by the fact that they had a surprise obstacle course designed for 4th years. Colonel Francisco had decided to pick on the 2nd year alphas and took great pleasure in the fearful expressions on their faces as they walked in.

The course consisted of swinging metal balls, advanced grappler courses, a rock wall at least 80 feet high, an intense simulated fight, several real ones, and you had to fight past Colonel Francisco to get the equipment you needed. Once he beat you, all you had was what you managed to secure onto yourself. Shelby and Wing's kind of course. Laura's worst nightmare.

Naturally Shelby went first and barely made it through without serious injury. When she finished, breathing hard and sweating, the rest of the class was silent. Then Franz spoke up. "I am not being going on that thing. No one else is either, ja?"

The entire class let out a collective "Ja."

Francisco smiled triumphantly. "I knew you had it in ya!"

The whole class looked confused.

The colonel sighed. "You gotta have some gumption. Meaning, stand up for yourself. You all just did that. This was to test if you would. You did, which is good." The class looked relived until, "Unfortunately, that is still disobeying a teacher. You all still have to run the course."

This day Laura thought couldn't get much worse.

The second year alphas were late to lunch and didn't have much appetite anyway. Laura felt sick. She'd been punched in the gut more times than she could count and was starving. However, when she smelled the food, she wanted to barf. Swaying slightly, she sat down with a thud next to Otto, Wing and Shelby. Shelby had piled her plate so high you could barely see her head over the heaps of food.

Otto took one look at her plate and gagged. "Yuck! Shelby, are you sure you want to eat pizza with mashed potatoes, gravy, pancakes and syrup? All at once? In the same bite?"

"Mmmhhmmphhh!"

Laura looked away, feeling queasy. Wing just sat and stared.

Shelby paused with gravy dripping down her chin. "Wha?"

Quickly Laura grabbed her friend's platter and held it out of reach. "Shel! For goodness sake! Eat like a human being!" Shelby stared like an animal at the food. In a lightning fast motion, she reached up and plucked it neatly out of Laura's grasp. Wing grabbed the back of her shirt and tried to drag her back down into her seat, causing her to lose her balance. The plate went flying…

Up,

Up,

Arcing,

Falling,

SPLAT!

Laura received a face-full of foods that should never be mixed together. Shelby laughed madly, sounding almost as crazy as the pickle. Laura wanted to screech, but that meant opening her mouth. And that meant getting this...this…crud, crap, grossness, abominable stuff down her throat. That was the absolute last thing she wanted. Aside from maybe getting it in her eyes.

Wordlessly Otto rose from his seat and took her gently by the arm. They exited the lunch room with the albino leading her between the tables. Wing watched Otto guide her from the room, then turned away. Right now, he had other concerns. Meaning the clinically insane American girl sitting next to him.

Shelby was still laughing, staring at the spot Laura had occupied moments ago. Tentatively Wing waved a hand in front of her face. There was no reaction. Wing briefly thought how proud the crazy laugh Shelby had right now would make Nero. Very, that was for sure.

He tried everything short of an electrical shock, meaning- slapping (with hands, a slice of pizza, her own shoe, a grappler, and a plate), pinching, mashed potatoes down the throat (with and without gravy), shoving (with hands, feet, pancakes, shoes, and a chair), shoveling, water in the face (colored clear, blue, pink, a shade of purple Wing hadn't even known existed, and a murky brown that was the result of water and gravy being mixed), gravy (on the head, up the nose, and in the ears), threats (ranging from more slapping to being turned in to Francisco), and poking(with a stick, a breadstick, a chicken breast, French toast, his finger, a lunch lady's hat, and a photo of Francisco).

Needless to say, Wing was getting desperate.

He carefully stacked five chairs and climbed to the top carrying a full chicken. He had long ago stuffed his ears with meatballs to drown out the laughter, but he could still dimly hear it. It was absolutely no different than half an hour ago when she had started. It was bizarre that her voice wasn't even hoarse yet.

In one final, desperate act, Wing dropped the chicken on Shelby's head. It connected with a thud and she was knocked out cold.

The laughing finally stopped.

Wing breathed a sigh of relief and pulled the meatball-earplugs out of his ears. He climbed down to the applause of the rest of the students, who were pulling their own makeshift earplugs out. Wing saw lumps of chicken, pizza, even clumps of spaghetti coming from their ears. It just went to show how bad the laughing had gotten.

Wing grabbed Shelby by the back collar of her jumpsuit and dragged her to the nurse's office. He dropped her like a sack of potatoes on one of the beds.

The nurse didn't bat an eyelid.

Wing turned to see Laura on another bed nursing a black eye and several other bruises. She looked appalled. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

"You can't put her in here! What if she throws something else at my face when she comes around?"

"Oh, she should be perfectly sane when she wakes up," the nurse said 'helpfully'.

Shelby's eyes snapped open. She sat up, saw Laura, grabbed a box of tissues, and threw it in her face. Laura barely had time to duck.

Quickly, Wing grabbed the nearest heavy object- that being another box of tissues -and hit her over the head with it. It had no effect whatsoever, and Shelby started once more to laugh.

Then the pickle appeared.

It swooped down and hit Shelby in the head, knocking her out instantly. The pickle let out a high pitched, very feminine giggle and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Laura, Wing and the nurse called out, "Thank you pickle!"

They left Shelby unconscious and returned to class. That night, when vast amounts of pizza, mashed potatoes, gravy, pancakes and syrup went missing from the kitchen without a trace, no one thought much of it. They only knew that the next day Shelby was once more sane, and all she could remember was being extremely hungry.

A/N- Yay! That was one of the harder chapters to write. Otto's pranks had all been used previously, and I was running a bit dry on ideas for ridiculousness. Personally I think it turned out well for having been written in the middle of a writers block. I just wish I had more ideas than ripping off wipeout for the obstacle course. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers. My favorite part to write was the many, many ways Wing attempted to bring Shelby back to the world of the not-crazy. For that I give myself a hearty "Yay me!"

So as for the points in this chapter, there is only one and it is extremely difficult. So-

500 points to tell me where the pile of food reference came from! (Hint- Basil)

Au Revoir!