Thanks for reading and all comments are apprecited. Sorry, but this chapter has not been beta-ed. I lost my beta during the creation of Chapter 10. I thank you for your patience.

Chapter 12 - Epilogue:

Brian Kinney's POV

We're watching the Annual Porn Video Awards. It's almost midnight. Five minutes to go.

We are lying together on the bed, though we're lying in opposite directions. Justin is on his stomach and his head is at the foot of the bed next to my feet. I'm thoroughly enjoying watching him laugh at the antics of the host. With every movement, his butt jiggles and it's very… stimulating. I smile to myself, realizing just how stimulating it is for me. I have to uncross my legs to give my dick room to expand.

I've been petting his legs and though he enjoys it, I'm actually doing it for myself. His skin is almost as soft as Gus' skin. The hair on his legs is sparse and very fine. It's so blond that it's almost translucent. Whenever I stop my strokes, he squirms, which is his signal for me to continue.

His legs are very toned now; his muscle development is far more advanced than when he was in the Pitts. He's been taking self-defense classes with the colony's female sheriff. She's a former Chicago cop, whose credentials impressed and intimidated Horvath. Though she's a big, strong, scary-looking, bull dyke lesbian, she's actually pretty decent and I trust her with Justin. From everything he is learning from her, he should be able to make a living as an assassin. All joking aside, I'm very pleased - his confidence is coming back and his fear of people has receded.

It's good for him here... for now…

He quickly turns around to look at me, his face is mottled with red blotches from laughing, and his eyes are brilliant, dark blue. He is so beautiful, young, fresh, bright… so bright.

"Oh my God, it's Long Rod Johnson! He is soooo short! Ted told me that he was and that they had to film him standing on boxes. I didn't believe Ted, but he was telling the truth! I bet he's no taller than 5'4" – I would tower over him! He looks like a kid compared to the other members of the Butt Plug Gang." I chuckle at his enthusiasm, and bite my tongue so that I don't share a witty barb about the height similarities between Justin and Long Rod Johnson.

Justin whips back around to watch the show and the sudden movement sends his pillow flying off the bed. He partially crawls off the bed and tries to retrieve the pillow. His ass is sticking up in the air and I notice that it forms a perfect heart shape, when presented at that angle.

Will wonders never cease with this boy!

The salacious smirk drops from my face when I notice that my partner is about to fall off the bed onto his head. He's overreaching for the pillow and he's completely unbalanced. I immediately grab his ankles to steady him.

"Got it! Watch out, I'm moving back." He nimbly twists and squirms back onto the bed. Instead of lying down, he sits up on his haunches with a devilish grin. My dick jumps at the sight in front of me – his hair frames his face and falls to his shoulders. He looks like a wild jungle boy, or should I say a wild, hot, young, jungle man?

My beautiful partner crawls towards me and I hold out my arms in welcome. The multiple, long-anticipated orgasms in the last six hours have sufficiently relaxed me and I am now able to start savoring our time together.

Justin drapes himself over me, props his chin on my chest, and favors me with an adoring smile. "I should nominate you for 'best performance by a living legend'. I'm sure many, many men would cast their vote for you."

I pretend to contemplate his proposal, "Well, if there were a reality show category, I could see it… But, I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those awards. What happened to the crystal cocks? I like those better than those shitty Lucite blocks that they were handing out."

Justin giggles and strokes my chest, "I'll design an award especially for you. I'll base it on your cock."

I pull him completely on top of me and push down on his butt, which makes his dick push against mine. "I'll take your cock as my reward."

He giggles again and starts to lick and kiss my chest. It's very distracting, almost too distracting. Is it time, yet?

I glance over at the clock and I'm secretly pleased with myself. I've been planning this moment for a week now. I gently shake him to get his attention, "Hey, its 12:00 midnight."

His puzzled look brings a smile to my lips. I brush his bangs away from his eyes and quietly say, "Happy Ben's birthday, Sunshine."

His stunned expression quickly turns into emotion - his eyes fill with tears and his nose turns red. I pull him up so that I can kiss him. After a few minutes, his face is so gooey that I have to stop and let him regain his composure. I grab a couple of tissues from the side table and stuff them into his hand.

"Okay, if you're going to get all emotional, I'll say it the right way and maybe you'll turn off the water works, okay? Deal? 'Happy Birthday, Sunshine.'"

Justin's face is the epitome of shock and awe. But he recovers quickly and dazzles me with one of his finest smiles.

Then… he ruins the moment. The little shit starts to chant that fucking, annoying phrase that always pisses me off. "You love me sooooo much! You love me soooo, soooo much!" Then, he makes a stupid decision and says things that he really shouldn't, while using a sing-song delivery. "And you even said iiiitttt… earlier during seeeex. That makes three times! You've said iiiit three times now!" Unfortunately, the phrase did slip out when I came the third or fourth time. It was so garbled that I didn't think he heard it.

He rolls off of me and now is laughing out loud. He playfully throws the wad of snotty tissues at me, which I expertly bat away before it hits my face. I can't take any more of this shit, so I decide to shut him down. I assume a campy, Valley girl accent, "OMG, like you are so lame Sunshine! You hear those words even when I fart!"

Little Sunshine's laughter ceases, his smile fades, and in its place is now a big, pouty lower lip.

He mutters, "Asshole." He pretends to ignore me and uses his finger to draw an imaginary picture on the bed sheet. He's so pretty when he pouts.

I light up a cigarette and wait for his little sulk to be over. You need to learn limits, little boy. And, you've got to learn to take what you give.

Then, he speaks, using the "little voice." He uses that particular voice when he's sulking. Unfortunately, the message it delivers is always something profound that I may or may not want to hear.

"I wasn't sure if it was one of the fives times that you said you'll say it. It shouldn't be. I didn't ask you to say it. But, I heard you… I… you've said it three times now, but you can't insult me afterwards. It's not fair. If you're going to do that, then just don't fucking say it."

I'm an asshole prick that deserves to be road-kill on some backwater, West Virginia, country road.

Yes – I have actually said those fucking, three, asinine words to him. The first time, I was drunk, high, and in a weird mood… I actually told him that saying the words was no big deal for me… and like an idiot; I kept talking and declared that he shouldn't expect me to say it more than five times a year and only when I felt like it. So basically, it was kind of promising him that I would say it five times a year... Yep, the hang-over the next day was particularly harsher than normal - the reality of what I promised hit me like a ton of bricks.

Well, now the little shit wants to hear them all the time. He says it all the time, but it's easy for him – he's not an emotionally, suppressed asshole… I don't know why he puts up with me, I wouldn't. But, being an asshole is part of my charm.

I reach over and stroke his soft hair. I force myself to speak and it comes out in a barely audible mumble. "I'm an asshole. I'm Brian Fucking Kinney, Asshole Extraordinaire."

He sniffs and says, "I shouldn't have teased you like that."

He chews on his lower lip and surprises me by not saying anything further. When he finally looks at me, he favors me with a shy smile. It slowly blossoms into one of his spectacular, radiant 'Sunshine smiles'. The smile is meant as a peace offering, but it means more than that to me. It's the smile that I long to see when I'm lost in myself, lost in my own darkness of self-hate and fear. It's a smile that redeems my soul. It's almost too beautiful.

His smiles have driven men to madness…

My left hand cramps up and I flex it, trying to calm it down. It's a side effect from when I decided to renovate the loft's window. It's something that we now have in common, bum hands. We've joked about it, saying that combined, we've got one good pair of hands. His hand is still the worst for wear, unfortunately.

He gently takes my hand and massages it.

I wonder how long it will take him to find it.

He kisses my palm, then the index finger, then my middle finger… then he sees it. On the inside of my ring finger is my newest tattoo. It's my second one but it's the most important one.

He silently reads it over and over. Finally, in a hushed, reverent voice, he reads aloud what is written there. "It says 'ALWAYS' and there's a symbol. It looks like the sign for Pi. What does it mean?"

I'm tense, but not in a good way. This is the moment of truth, now he'll know my decision… but it's too much for me, so I try to defuse my tension by joking and belittling Justin. It's my classic, reflex response - to attack. I roll my eyes, loudly suck my teeth, and re-channel my inner Valley Girl. "You are sooo lame – for sure! It's like - sometimes I think you added on a zero on to your SAT scores. Like, for sure, I bet it was totally only 150, not 1500."

Justin is not amused. Before this moment spirals out of control, I decide to be proactive and pump up the size of my balls. I clear the catch in my throat and quietly say, "It's a 'J' and a 'T'… The top of the 'J' crosses over and forms the top of the 'T'."

He blinks and says aloud, "'Always JT.'"

After Doc Joe dropped his little pearl of wisdom on me, I holed up at the loft and did some serious thinking. His discussion was timely; I had started to feel uncomfortable with our partnership and I was planning to cut Justin loose. Yes, despite everything we had been through, and all of my inner-declarations and insightful realizations, I was about to make the same dumb-ass decision, again. I was going to throw him off the Kinney cliff.

He was here, in Michigan, standing on his feet and growing stronger every day… I've always admitted that he could do much better in the partner department… We were getting along, things were going fine, but - I missed him. I was pissed at him because I didn't like the feeling of longing and how it made me feel… vulnerable. I was also pissed at me, for not being able to handle it all.

But, after I ingested half a bottle of Beam and took a couple of hits of E, I saw things clearly. I realized that I didn't want to let go. I had to face my biggest fear – that he'll outgrow me and leave me - and he just might, he has before. Therefore, as the good doctor suggested, I made a decision - I decided to be brave, just like my Justin. I was going to go the distance with Justin and try to enjoy the ride.

I know it won't be easy, but it's worth it… he's worth it… I'm worth it.

The next morning after my binge, I headed to the Dragon's Tail Tattoo Emporium and a girl named India, who was using her face as a place to store all of her earrings, did the deed. The tattoo will act as a reminder to me of the choice that I made and hopefully help me keep a cool head when my inner-asshole is on the rampage.

Even better – it will be there for Justin. Hopefully, it will help with the whole communication thing. I thought it would be extremely practical; if I can't say the words – then he can read them. That's what the tattoo symbolizes – those three words. He can read it anytime he wants and we'll never have to fight about it again – problems solved.

Not bad for an asshole, if I do say so myself.

Huh… I've never before seen that expression on him before – I don't know how to describe it. Um… he looks like he's going to cry… okay, I'm expecting that… No, that's not it. He now he looks like… he's getting up – is he leaving? Where's he going? Shit, I fucked up! He doesn't like it! … What – WHAT THE FUCK! Is he having trouble breathing?

Justin shot up to a sitting position and started to pant and gasp for breath. I quickly grab his upper arms and turn him to face me. "Justin, what's wrong, did you swallow something? Is this an asthma attack? Come on Sunshine, what's going on!"

He wildly shakes his head and tries to steady himself with deep breaths. He's able to gasp out, "Anxiety attack."

I shoot out of bed, fly into the bathroom and grab his anxiety medicine. While he swallows a pill, I run for a paper bag for him to use as a breath regulator. After what seems like an endless, black hole of time, he's calm and breathing without the help of the bag. I lay us down and hold him in my arms.

God, I really fucked up. He's not ready for this. I got that fucking tattoo… what the fuck was I thinking?

My mouth is dry, my brain is numb, and I feeling like a fool. "Sunshine, I –" He immediately clamps his hand over my mouth and says, "Don't! Don't do anything. Don't say anything… Don't ruin this for me." His voice becomes choked with tears and he struggles to clear it. "This… is the happiest moment… of my life… so don't fucking say anything to ruin it for me… it was just… quite a shock."

I start to chuckle and he joins in. Soon, we're laughing out loud and rolling around, engaging in gentle play-wrestling.

I let him pin me and silently welcome the weight of him on top of me. In between soft kisses, I share my unspoken thoughts. "Damn, Justin. I had anticipated a lot of reactions from you, but I have to admit that I never considered an anxiety attack." I smile at him and gently flip his nose.

He stills and looks at me with a thoughtful gaze... He's about to say something, I just hope it's something I want to hear. "I love you Brian, ALWAYS."

He gages my reaction and since I'm calm, he continues. "I am and will always be yours - always. This is…," His struggles with himself, trying to keep his emotions in check, "the best birthday gift… the best thing I've ever had or will ever have - ever. Always."

He leans over and slowly kisses me, "I know I'll never be in love with anyone else but you. I know I won't. You've the love of my life – and you always will be. Always."

I look into his eyes and quietly say, "Stop saying 'always,' it's getting on my nerves."

He giggles and nuzzles me with his nose. I can barely hear him as he whispers into my chest, "You're my one and only."

I'm starting to get antsy; I've reached my limit for warm and fuzzy. The good thing is that he doesn't seem to notice how uncomfortable I feel about this excessive breeder-like, albeit touching, moment. But, that's a good thing; it means I'm getting better at hiding my distaste for such displays. He kisses me deeply and all of my unease is forgotten.

One last thought for the memory book - the panic attack was an interesting twist. I'll definitely never forget that moment. I just hope I don't have nightmares over it.

Thank God, neither one of us speaks further. Instead, we resort to my preferred way of expressing feelings. We kiss and caress each other until we're fully aroused, then follow it up with a soul-inspiring fuck session.

It's very late in the night now, or very earlier in the morning, depending on how you look at it. Justin is asleep; he's draped over half of me, with his head on my shoulder and a leg thrown over my hip. As I smoke a cigarette and enjoy a glass of Beam, I stare at our reflection in the mirrors above the bed. My current thoughts are the type that I save for only this time of the night.

Emmett – I didn't let go. Debbie – I found a way to keep him safe. Doc - I decided that it's better to be miserable with him than without out him, don't hold a seat for me.

He's the light of my life… the light that shines through the darkness.

While I look at my refection in the mirrors, I suddenly have an epiphany. So, this is what 'happy' looks like – and my retinas didn't burn out…

In his sleep, Justin moves closer to me - where he belongs.


Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Comments are so very, very appreciated.