44This Bella crept into my head and my heart tonight, whispering her words until I capitulated to her request to write them down. I think that I should give you a tissue warning for this one, as it deals with the subject of death. However, I want to make it very clear that it has nothing to do with suicide!
No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer called hers Edward and Bella too, but that's where the similarities between us begin and end.
My darling Edward,
If you are reading this, then I am gone and for that, I am sorry. You know that I fought with every fibre of my being to remain here with you and it is small comfort to me now, as I write this, to think that we will be together again some day. I am not selfish enough to wish for that day to come soon and you must promise me, darling, promise not to wish for that day either.
My Edward, how my body aches with the thought of being parted from you. I remember how careful and patient you were with me in the beginning - do you remember? I was the frightened deer ready to take flight, but you tamed me, showed me your love and drew the most beautiful kaleidoscope of emotions from me, emotions I never knew I could share with another.
My love, I am picturing you here with me now in this bed, and remembering the hours of passion and love and raw, pure feeling we have spent here together. I never knew that life could be like this, and I am loathe to let go without getting more time to truly savour the rich, musky flavours of it all. You drew me out of the shadows into a world of colour and sensation. I will never forget the look of utter devotion in your eyes each and every time you look at me. I know you see the same reflected back at you from my eyes. I think we poured our hearts and souls into one another on the day we met and we've never been separate ever since. Now that I am fading, I want you to know that I am taking a piece of that essence with me to a place where it will bloom eternal.
You always stop me before I can say this to you, so please don't be mad now. Edward, you are too beautiful, too precious, to retire into the night after I am gone. You have a soul that needs to find its twin in order to truly thrive. I was blessed to have you for a time, but you are not an antique destined for the shelf. You have too much to give, my love. I don't want you to close yourself off from the world. Please, love, please continue to shine! You illuminate the dark corners inside of those around you and I know that that light should never be dimmed by pain or sorrow. When the time comes, when you sense your light being refracted back to you from a kindred spirit, know that I give you my blessing. There should be no pain, no guilt; only the joy of becoming whole again. I know that you will carry a piece of us with you, always, and use it to love again.
I love you, Edward. I loved you from the first moment you took my hand to guide me along that busy street and I will go on loving you long after our scent has faded from these sheets. You are within me, Edward, and the love we have borne for one another will never die. I never wanted to be parted from you, but I guess my body had other plans. I'm sorry, Edward, so damn sorry. I've tried so hard, love, fought and cried and fought some more. You know this. But I know now that this can't go on much longer. I can feel the sand trickling from my bones and I think a part of me is already floating somewhere above me, waiting for the hour to pass. I feel as if I'm looking at your beloved face from behind a veil and even your touch feels like whispers across my skin.
I have to say goodbye now, Edward. I ask just one thing more of you. When you've found this and read it, I want you to burn it. You'll want to keep it, to savour my words again and again; I know you, my love. I don't want you to do that this time. There are many more letters of happier times for you to relive when you lose your way. You have never broken a vow to me, Edward Cullen, and I know you will do as I ask this last time.
I love you, Edward. God, how I love you! If love were strong enough to keep me on this earth, ours would surely be such a love. Say goodbye to me now, my Edward. Goodbyes should only be said once in a lifetime.
Your Bella xxx