So after many years of hard work and tireless research and symbolic rituals, I have finally completely the official transcript of the 100% true and artistic subliminal message behind each word that the "Wicked" characters sang. Now I know what you're thinking - "What makes you think it was symbolic? How do you know it's not all in a literal sense?" Well, readers, it's completely obvious that the words are metaphorical and that they were just patiently waiting for a creative genius like myself to pick apart every last detail, in order to present to the fandom what is believed by millions as the one true depiction of a beloved musical. Some details may shock young readers, but it is believed that it is a parental figure's duty to expose their child to the true evils of modern media and such. If you don't believe me, read these brilliant composed and partially true reviews from esteemed figures in history:

"A true piece of excellent work." -Charles Dickens
"The ultimate combination of truth and justice..." -Rosa Parks

The following symbolic results are completely original and mostly true.


Ozians:

SLIGHTLY BITTER NEWS, WE THINK SHE'S DEAD
THE MAGICAL BEING OF THE VINKUS IS MAYBE DEAD!
BASICALLY SHE'S GREEN SO SHE MUST BE EVIL
SO LET'S PRETEND THAT SHE WAS MEAN TO US
SHE MIGHT BE DEAD! OKAY NEWS! EH NEWS!
Ozian: Look, it's a giant floating bubble!
Glinda floats in on a giant bubble
Glinda: Gurl why the hell are people celebrating that was mah best friend who guys are singing about (Ozians cheer anyway) No need to respond, I'm trying to be funny. Fellow, even though I'm richer, prettier, more glorified, magical, and popular than you, people dressed in green:
LET US BE GLAD,
LET US BE GRATEFUL,
LET US REJOICIFY THAT RACISM COULD SUBDUE
THE WICKED WORKINGS OF YOU KNOW WHO!
ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW
THAT HARRY CONQURED VOLDY?
THE TRUTH IS THAT I LOVED BIQ ALL THIS TIME,
AND NOW HE'S DEAD
OR IS HE…
Ozian: Glinda! Exactly how dead is he? Because, ya know, in Oz, people come back from the dead all the time. ALL THE TIME.
Glinda: She's dead, people. 100% dead. Why do you have to rub it in mah face? As if my heart isn't already broken. I'm all alone in the world now and-
Ozian:
NO ONE MOURNS THE TACO!
Ozian:
NO ONE CRIES THEY'RE NOT GOOD COLD
Ozians:
NO ONE GETS THEM FROM TACO BUENO
Ozian Man:
THE GOOD MAN BUYS TACO BELL
Women:
THROUGH THE "MEAT" OUR CHILDREN LEARN
Ozians:
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE EAT TOO MUCH
Glinda:
AND GOODNESS KNOWS
THAT YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T INTERRUPT ME
GOODNESS KNOWS
THE GOODNESS ISN'T A REAL PERSON
IT JUST SHOWS WHEN YOU'RE AN OZIAN
YOU BASICALLY HAVE NO MIND
OF YOUR OWN-
Ozians:
YES, GOODNESS KNOWS
THE BURRITOS' LIVES ARE LONELY
GOODNESS KNOWS
THE BURRITOS HAVE SOME BEANS
NOTHING HURTS FOR BURRITOS
THEY DON'T GET REAPED
IT'S NOT THE HUNGER GAMES
Ozian: Glinda, why does wickedness happen?
Glinda: That is the stupidest question I've ever heard. Where is this person's mother? YOU! You need to freaking educate your child better. Idiot. Anyway, my BFF had a freakin terrible childhood because he mother was a slut.
Witch's Parents Enter.
Frex: I'm off to cheat on you, my dear!
Glinda: They were both so honest with each other.
Frex:
HOW I HATE TO GO AND FATHER SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD
Melena:
THAT'S ALRIGH IT, I'VE GOT A DUDE COMING OVER LATER
Frex:
BUT KNOW THAT IT'LL ALL BE YOUR FAULT
WHEN OUR CHILD IS GREEN
Frex Exits. A Lover Runs Into The Room.
Glinda: Oh my Oz, that guy is fat.
Lover:
HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, MY DARK EYED BEAUTY,
YOU SHOULD GET MORE DRUNK SO WE CAN HAVE SOME SEX,
SO HAVE ANOTHER DRINK OF GREEN ELIXER
AND OUR BASTARD CHILD WILL HAVE GREEN SKIN,
HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE SWALLOW LITTLE LADY,
AND FOLLOW ME DOWN TO SOMEWHERE THAT ISN'T SEXUALLY AROUSED AT ALL.
Glinda: And of course, from the moment she was born she was... well... She was freaking green, people.
Midwife: AHHH! It's coming!
Frex: Now?
Midwife: The baby's coming!
Frex: And how!
Midwife:
I SEE A NOSE AND I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S GREEN OR NOT!
Frex:
I SEE A CURL BUT FOR SOME REASON CAN'T SEE THE FREAKIN SKIN!
Both:
IT'S A HEALTHY, PERFECT, LOVELY LITTLE...
(They Scream)
Melena: What is it? What's wrong? Does it have the father's eyes?
Midwife:
THE SKIN IS GREEN
Frex:
OMO IT'S REALLY GREEN
Midwife:
IT'S GREEN
Frex:
IT'S GREEN
Both:
LIKE A GREENY, GREENY GREEN,,
THE BABY IS PARTICULARLY
GREEN!
Frex: Take it away... Gurl get this ugly baby outta mah face. What kind of midwife are you?

Glinda: So you see, her mother was very slutty.
Munchkins:
NO ONE MOURNS THE SLUTTY!
NOW AT LAST, HER LEGS ARE CLOSED
NOW AT LAST HER SLUTTINESS IS GONE
AND GOODNESS KNOWS (GOODNESS KNOWS NOTHING)
WE KNOW WHAT GOODNESS IS (APPERENTLY NOT)
GOODNESS KNOWS, THE SLUTTY DIE ALONE (BUT NOT ME)
WOE TO THOSE (WHAT'S WOE MEAN)
WHO SPURN WHAT GOODNESSES
THEY ARE SHOWN!
NO ONE MOURNS THE SLUTTY (CHEESE BUNS)
NO ONE MOURNS THE TACOS (BURRITOS)
NO ONE MOURNS... THE GREEEN PEOPLE...
GREEN PEOPLE...
TACOS!
Glinda: Well, this has been an emotional rollercoaster, but as your puny minds cannot imagine, I have much to attend to, what with the fact that I just kicked the Wizard out of Oz and my best friend died. So, if there are no further questions, Ireallyhavetopee...
Ozian: Glinda, is it true you were her friend?
Ozians Gasp
Glinda: GOOD GRIEF, JUST LET ME GO USE THE BATHROOM.
Louder Gasps
Glinda: Ugh. Yes. Of course she was my friend. She was my best friend. Ya know, for the forty-eight hours that I knew her. She Motions Her Bubble Downward. I did like her. That is, our paths did cross... at school. But unless you're a Gelphie shipper, it was completely platonic and a lie because Fiyeraba shippers believe that a lot of shit went on behind mah back at Shiz, so just leave me alone and watch my two hours worth of flashbacks.