Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Breathe No More

Note: Wow, lots of reviews on this story. Well, here it is; the big one. This is Quinn's backstory and the chapter you've all been waiting for. I will be posting the Epilogue in a few days, I promise. It's finals time here, so things are a bit busy.

Warning: Semi-graphic suicide.

Case File

Pact Member: Quinn

Song: Breathe No More by Evanescence

Method of Death: Everything

Time of Death: 3:00 P.M. on Saturday, May 4, 2012

Last Known Words: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."

I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces falling, shatter
Shards of me too sharp to put back together

"Look into the mirror, who's inside there? The one with the long hair. Same old me again today," Quinn sang softly as she brushed her hair and pulled it back into a sharp, tight ponytail. She rifled through the clothes hanging in her closet and pulled out a short black dress. It was the one that she had worn to pretty much all of her friend's funeral services, and it was the one she wanted to die in. It fit her perfectly, and would be comfortable for what she was to do later that afternoon. She looked at herself in the mirror again. The face staring back at her was flawless and beautiful. She radiated youth. She spun around, the skirt of the dress flowing around her. "Gorgeous, as always."

Girls wanted to be her.

Guys wanted to be with her.

Teachers and adults adored her.

She had a decent singing voice, and she could play piano.

She was a size two—against the odds—and had blonde hair and green eyes.

In short, she was the perfect girl.

Too bad the mirror didn't show everything about Quinn Fabray.

Too small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her

Quinn hadn't always been pretty.

In fact, she'd been called downright ugly before by her peers.

She'd had plain brown hair, all frizzy and stringy. She'd had severe acne, and she'd had braces.

Not just braces, but braces and glasses.

Her nose was crooked, and she never wore makeup.

And, worst of all, she'd been about a hundred pounds overweight.

No one liked her. No one wanted to be her friend. She was the school outcast, forever wishing she could be part of the popular crowd.

She had been the Rachel Berry of her middle school, albeit less annoying.

She knew what it was like to stand on the fringe of society.

What it felt like to be on the outside looking in.

What if felt like to be friendless and hated.

But then she'd joined ballet class, and it helped her to lose weight. She'd discovered that she was flexible, and lost more weight through cheerleading.

She'd gotten contact lenses for her eyes, and her braces came off sooner than she'd thought they would.

She dyed her hair blonde and gotten prescription acne medication. She started wearing makeup and dressing prettier.

By the time she got to high school, the transformation was complete. She was a freshman and already on the varsity cheerleading team. When she got to her sophomore year, she was cheer captain, and she had snagged the quarterback of the football team.

What could go wrong, really?

No one had to know who the real Quinn was.

Or that her real name wasn't even Quinn.

And I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no more


It sounded like a name of someone on a farm, or in an Amish family.

Quinn…now Quinn was the name of a future Prom Queen.

Quinn was the name of a beautiful person.

Quinn was the name of a cheerleading captain.

Lucy Quinn Fabray. Even saying it now made her cringe. It brought back all memories of people calling her Lucy Caboosey. Every so often, she'd get a Juicy Lucy, but the main nickname seemed to be Lucy Caboosey.

It made her cry, late at night. It made her want to stay home from school, and she often faked sick so she wouldn't have to face her cruel classmates.

Quinn was a name you couldn't make fun of. It was perfect, like her exterior.

It was easy to enter high school and go by the name of Quinn Fabray. No one here knew her. No one here knew her past. She hid all the old pictures of her in the house when friends came over, or else said it was a cousin.

And now, no one would know the true Quinn.

No one would know Lucy.


And that's the way she wanted it to be.

Take a breath and I try
To draw from my spirits
Well, yet again you refuse to drink
Like a stubborn child

Why had she slept with Puck?

She had felt fat that day. Of course she had. When hadn't she? Even after she'd slimmed down to that ideal 115 pounds, she still felt fat. Puck invited her over, and she talked to him. He'd brought wine coolers. They'd had a few drinks. They'd kissed. She felt a little guilty; she was dating Finn, not Puck. But it felt good, and she liked it. He said he had protection covered. It was just another pretty little lie, like everything she'd ever known.

She remembered the day she took the pregnancy test. She'd held her breath as the little line slowly came onto the screen.

And her heart broke.

Her hands had fluttered to her stomach. A child. I'm carrying a child.

And not her boyfriend's child. Oh, no. It figured that Quinn would cheat just one time and get pregnant. She'd get pregnant the first time she had sex, of course.

Telling them had been the hardest thing she'd had to do.

Finn thought it was his.

Puck knew it was his.

So when the truth finally got out to Finn, she knew she'd fucked everything up even more than she already had. She had no boyfriend, no friends, no place on the cheerleading squad.

And no home.

She felt bad for floating around between her friends' homes, but what could she do? Her father had forced her to pack her bags and leave his house.

She could've gotten an abortion. But she knew God wouldn't have wanted her to.

So she went through with it, secretly praying for a miscarriage.

But she went into labor, and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Whom she promptly gave away to the first person who wanted her.

God, what kind of cold-hearted monster was she?

Lie to me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this
Will make sense when I get better

She'd paged through Rachel's journal. She never had gotten along too well with the brunette. Perhaps it was because Rachel was annoying, likened to a mosquito. Perhaps it was because Finn had always seemed to love Rachel more than he loved her. Perhaps it was because Rachel was ultimately a better person than Quinn was or would ever be.

Whatever the reason, Quinn never had liked Rachel too much.

But she never wanted someone to kill themselves because they were in love with her.

Quinn knew Rachel had a serious thing for her. It was obvious to pretty much anyone with eyes. But Quinn had pushed her away; she was straight, and she didn't want Rachel's advances.

What that what had pushed Rachel-literally-off the edge?

Of course Rachel had written pages about how talented she was and how much she idolized Barbra Streisand. But then she had written pages not about Finn, as Quinn had suspected, but about her, surrounded by little hearts, nonetheless. Quinn sighed; she should've known. She carefully tore out some of the pages with the best stuff on it and added them to the pile of the other torn-out pages from the other journals. She then ripped out a page from her own journal and stapled all the pages from all eleven journals together; it would be good evidence and proof in the future.

But I know the difference
Between myself and my reflection
I just can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love?

Quinn loved Finn, and would love Finn until after she had breathed her last. But she didn't know how he loved her. They were an obvious match from the start; she the pretty blonde cheerleader and he the star of the football team.

But did he love her, or her beauty?

Did he love her or the girl he saw in the mirror, the girl he wanted her to be?

Quinn had figured out the difference a long time ago. The girl in the mirror was the pretty, confident girl. She had the looks, and she had the intelligence. She didn't have any blemishes or boils on her face. Her makeup was always perfect, her hair was always in place. In essence, Quinn Fabray was flawless, the girl other girls would die to be.

The girl another girl literally did die to be.

Quinn knew the mirror lied. The mirror never showed what was on the inside. And on the inside was a monster. On the inside was the ugliest girl Quinn had ever met. The girl who convinced her friends to kill themselves. The girl who cut up one of her best friends and stabbed the father of her child through the stomach. The girl who hadn't been strong enough to hold her rival over the face of a cliff.

The girl who would stop at nothing until she got what she wanted.

So I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no

Quinn wanted to take as much of her friends with her into her next life as she could. As a faithful Christian, she naturally believed in Heaven, though she knew with her sins, she'd most likely be going straight down to Hell. Which was fine; she liked warmer weather anyway. She couldn't take everything of them, of course. She couldn't die the way Mercedes did, or the way Mike did, or Tina, or even Dave. She decided to take a bit of Chloe, a bit of Santana, a bit of Artie, a hint of Sam, and a lot of Rachel with her. She slipped her gold cross necklace around her neck and kissed the rosary that was hanging over the corner of a picture of the Virgin Mary.

She grabbed a razorblade from where she'd hidden it and made two nice cuts down the length of her arms. They weren't deep enough to slash her veins, but enough to let her bleed her pain out of her skin. She quickly swallowed some prenatal vitamins—left over from when she'd had Beth—swigged with a little whisky.

Ah, so this is what it had been like for them.

She made sure the papers were where she needed them to be—the Pact itself and the journals—and headed to the bathroom with the knife and the rope. She began to run the water in the bathtub and sat on the edge of the tub as she waited for it to fill. She stabbed her legs and her stomach with the knife, but not deep enough to cause too much damage. She just wanted to hurt the parts of her she always had hated the most. As she bleed, she turned off the water. She slipped into the tub, sighing as the water rushed around her, blood swirling the edges of it.

She slid the rope around her neck, tugging it so that she could just barely breathe.

And with that, she lay down and ducked her head under the water.

It took a few minutes for her to die.

But it seemed like an eternity.

She could hear them calling her name.

The angels, her friends, calling her down, down…until she breathed no more.

I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe


Quinn's eyes fluttered open. Where was she? She looked around. It was a seemingly never-ending void. Wisps of white smoke swirled around the edges, and she wondered if she could step off and fall down forever, or if it was an illusion. Someone was walking out of the blackness, then another, and another. One by one, each of her missing friends joined her in that black space. They were the only things she could see. She spun around; nothing. Nothing to her either side of her, too. Just the smoke twisting around her feet and ten people standing in front of her; Artie seemed to have regained his walking in this strange afterlife she found herself in. "Quinn," they were saying.

"I'm here," she blinked back tears. "I'm finally here. But…where are we?"

"A parallel dimension, a purgatory, if you will," Artie explained.

She looked around; Heaven this wasn't. "Why isn't there anything else here?"

"Because we've taken away our lives," Mike spoke up. "So because we took away such a precious gift, we don't get any in the afterlife. We're pretty much stuck like this."

Her tongue felt thick, her mouth dry. "Forever?"

"Thanks a lot," Karofsky said sarcastically.

Quinn pressed her hands to her stomach and noticed something funny. "No wounds," she murmured. "How come…we're not…in the form that we died in?"

"One of the only positive effects of the afterlife," Tina said quietly.

"At least we're all together?" Rachel said, more of a question than a statement.

"Why is no one else here?" Quinn asked.

"No one's been able to figure that out yet," Mercedes shrugged.

"We've pretty much just sat around waiting for the next person to come here," Sam added. "Hi, Quinn," he said shyly.

"Did anything good happen?" She tried.

"Artie and I made up," Tina gave her a small smile.

"So did Chloe and I," Puck grinned.

It was only then when Quinn realized that Kurt wasn't there. She did another head count, and only then noticed the pretty brown-haired girl hanging around near Puck. She wouldn't have known if it weren't for those haunting blue-grey eyes. "Chloe?"

"Hi," she whispered.

"Amazing," Quinn took a step towards her. "You're how you've always wanted to be. Who you always should have been. You're beautiful, Chloe."

"Thanks. Artie obviously regained his legs. So I guess there are some nice things about this…place," Chloe said.

"We might as well make the most of it," Quinn said.

"There are some catches," Santana warned her.

"What might those be?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Santana smirked.

Quinn felt relieved; she was finally dead.

She was with her friends again.

And best of all, she was free.

I breathe
I breathe no more

To be finished…