The Eight Emotions of Sherlock Holmes

Fear - feeling afraid. Other words are terror (strong fear), shock, phobia

Fear is the one of the first emotions I can ever remember feeling as a child, and it seemed to have a very strong presence throughout it. The first instance I can remember occurred when I was six years old.

Our house was very old and very creaky and while I may have been advanced for my young age I still had a few irrational thinking patterns which are common in the majority of children, one of these was classed a 'fear of the dark' by our family Doctor. However, according to him, I had what they call an 'extremist' personality, meaning what is usually a simple fear became a debilitating phobia for me.

Most nights I was completely unable to sleep (My sleeping patterns have never been particularly 'healthy') and those nights in which I could sleep were often disturbed by extremely vivid nightmares, those of which caused Mycroft to choose to move to a room that was not right next to my own. This went over for a little over three months before I heard my Mother declare she 'couldn't take it anymore'. The morning after this declaration she took Mycroft to our Grandmother's house for a 'short break' which turned out to be a little under three weeks.

Apon their departure I remember asking my Father why I had not been taken along as well. He looked me straight in the eye and told me that Mother had wanted to take me but to be honest he did not like being in that big house all alone therefore he had asked her if I could stay behind to keep him company. Even though I was extremely aware he was lying it was somehow comforting.

One night near the beginning of Mother's time away, I was having a particularly restless night and my Father came in with one of his biology books, switched the light on, and read me to sleep by reciting all the parts of the human body. And he did so every night, until one night he came in but without a book in hand. He sat in the chair on the right side of my bed and once again looked me straight in the eye.

'Sherlock, I am very aware you are a very grown up boy, so I'm going to treat you like a grown up. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly. Why are you afraid of the darkness?'

'I'm not afraid of the darkness.'

'What are you afraid of?'

'Falling asleep.'

'Why are you afraid of that?'

'Because I'm afraid one day I will wake up and I'll have lost my entire life.'

While at this point I was no stranger to being laughed at, I was aware the small chuckle that escaped my Father was not of the mocking kind. It was softer, somehow. There was no malice lurking beneath, just pure amusement.

'Where on earth did you get that from?'

'On Christmas Eve I heard Mother tell one of her friends that she had suddenly woken up and she felt as if her entire life had passed her by, like she'd lost every bit of hope. I don't want that to happen to me.'

There were few times I saw my Father angry, this being the first. I watched as his usually joyous eyes darkened, and then watched as he seemed to swallow the anger whole as he tried to piece his smile back together.

'Sherlock Holmes, you listen to me. Your life is not going to be lost, and you know why? Because you are important, Sherlock. Your life is important. Your mind is completely and utterly brilliant meaning you can chose to do whatever you wish with your life. You have every option anyone would ever want in front of you, and I know you will chose one which will make every day exciting, which will make every day mean something. You will not waste your life away Sherlock, and that is the only true way of losing it. You have nothing to be afraid of, I promise.'

I was not a trusting child by any means, but throughout my childhood I put every faith in every word my Father ever spoke. I nodded slowly and just before my Father turned to switch the life off, I spoke.

'Does that mean I could be a pirate?'

Again, he chuckled in amusement.

'If that's what you wish, Sherlock, you will be the best damn pirate the world has ever seen. Goodnight.'

With that he left, the lights switched off, and within moments I was asleep and within the week both Mycroft and Mother had returned, and every single night I got myself to sleep by counting body parts.