8A/N: Based on the amount of favorites and alerts, I've decided to add a second chapter. This will be it though. I'll be keeping it short since I'm trying to focus on my other story, but Cooper's smart-ass comments keep begging to be written.
If you're also reading my other story, Awkward Situations, you can look forward to a similar conversation from this chapter coming up in that story (only in that canon, there is no Cooper- just another awkward sex talk).
Dinner was certainly an experience. Kurt and Blaine were lulled into a false sense of security from the drive over. Cooper offered to drive, letting Kurt and Blaine sit together in the back seat. The ride passed with pleasant conversation about school, music and current events. Apparently Cooper was waiting until they were surrounded by people at the restaurant to start the interrogation. As soon as they sat down, he started.
"So, Kurt, how long have you been banging my baby brother?" Cooper asked calmly. Kurt spit out the water he was drinking while Blaine choked on a piece of bread. After several minutes of coughing and Kurt hitting Blaine on the back, Blaine was once again able to breathe.
"Cooper... Do we really have to discuss this right now? Can't we just enjoy our dinner?" Blaine asked timidly, almost afraid to say something to his brother.
"Of course not. As your big brother, it's my duty to embarrass you and interrogate your boyfriend. Mom and Dad certainly aren't going to do it. So, Kurt, care to answer my question? Or should I loudly ask more embarrassing questions?" Cooper asked. Kurt knew he wasn't kidding. The questions were sure to get louder and more inappropriate if he didn't respond.
"We'll, we were friends for a while, and then I transferred to Dalton. We didn't start dating until last May." Kurt said
"You still haven't answered my question..." Cooper interrupted.
"I'm getting there. I'm allowed to try and stall if I want to. So we were together starting in May. It would have been much sooner if Blaine wasn't so oblivious. I think all the gel over the years has damaged his brain beyond repair. We started dating while I was still at Dalton. Then I eventually transferred back to McKinley."
"Wait, why would you go back?" Cooper interrupted once again.
"My friends were there. My brother was there. And quite frankly, my family really couldn't afford Dalton for much longer anyway. So I returned to McKinley, we stayed together over the summer, and when school started again, Blaine transferred. We waited until we were both ready, after dating about 6 months. We both knew the time was right, and that's the whole story."
"No, there is no way that that is the whole story. First kiss?" Cooper asked.
"I kissed Kurt over his dead bird's coffin." Blaine said.
"First hand job?"
"Movie night with the Warblers. We were quite literally caught with our pants down by the entirety of the Warblers." Kurt said
"First blow job?"
"Back of my car. The cops caught us and brought us to Kurt's house. They had to explain to his dad what happened. I didn't think I'd be allowed back at his house after that, but after a week, everyone pretended nothing had happened. Except for Carol, Kurt's step-mom. Every time she sees us leaving, she makes a comment about car sex. She's not mean about it, but it is starting to get old." Blaine told him.
"Does Kurt always top?"
"No, we alternate."
"First time you had sex?" Cooper asked
"It was wonderful, romantic and perfect." Kurt said with a smile, then he and Blaine both starting laughing hysterically.
"What am I missing?" Cooper asked again.
"It was wonderful, romantic and perfect, until the fire department showed up at our house." Blaine said. "We had lit some candles for romantic ambiance. Of course, we forgot about them, and some clothing may have landed on the candles and filled the house with smoke. Luckily we were able to air the house out enough before Mom and Dad got home from there business trip that they didn't even notice the smell. I did have to buy a new dresser, but I was able to find the same one and Kurt's brother Finn helped put it together." Blaine finished. All three boys were laughing now.
"So you two have had really bad luck with love, haven't you?" Cooper said once he was able to stop laughing.
"No, we've had very good luck. We found each other." Kurt said with a smile.
Dinner went by smoothly after that. Until dessert came out. Apparently Cooper chose this restaurant because his friend owned it and could help him with a little prank. A cake was brought out and put in front of Blaine that said "Congratulations on losing your virginity!". Only Cooper could get away with something like that.
"You're about 6 months too late on that one Coop!" Kurt said with a laugh as Blaine tried to shrink down in his seat as other restaurant guest started to stare. The last time Blaine was this red, Burt had walked in on him and Kurt while Blaine was handcuffed to the bed. But that's a story he chose not to share with Cooper.