There are spoilers in this fic up to Series 4. Also, if you hadn't already figured that out from the summary, there are some pretty strong religious themes. If you don't like that sort of stuff, this story is not for you. Thanks to Kitty O for beta-ing for me:D
I don't own Merlin, or the song this fic was based on, 'Did You Think To Pray?"
Enjoy!
The door to Merlin's room was thrown open violently, and said warlock came in, his face disturbed and his breathing heavy. Sighing despondently, he threw himself on his bed and put his face in his hands.
How could he have been so stupid?
Magic was banned in Camelot. He knew this. He knew he would be killed if caught. And yet, he'd gone and enchanted that smoke anyway.
And now Gaius was paying for his mistake.
He reviewed his options. The most obvious solution was to break his guardian out. That of course would lead to running and hiding, possibly for the rest of their lives. He wasn't sure Gaius could take something like that. So, maybe.
He could try and expose Aredian as the fraud he was.
Yeah. Right. Like anyone would believe him. That would just show that Merlin had actually considered the amulet might have been Gaius's. And even if Merlin could find proof Aredian was a fraud, chances are he would twist that, too.
Maybe he could convince Uther that Gaius had been lying to protect him. Though, knowing Aredian, that would probably end up with both of them in prison.
Despair filled his heart. Even the dragon didn't know what to do! How was he supposed to help? Anything he did could only make it worse.
But he couldn't lose Gaius. Especially when he was to blame.
The young warlock stood and stumped dejectedly out of his room, trying desperately to come up with something. He didn't really notice where he was going, and likewise didn't notice (or perhaps just ignored) the looks people were giving him. Everyone had heard of Gaius's arrest and felt sorry for his tormented ward. Whether any of them actually believed the accusations was a topic for another day.
Oblivious to their stares, Merlin continued walking blindly through the castle, teetering between thinking frantically and despairing.
Then, he stopped suddenly, realizing where he had walked to. He was standing in the doorway of the chapel.
Merlin didn't know the God of the New Religion. He'd occasionally go into the chapel for the services, and knew Arthur believed that creed, but he'd never really thought much about it. He told himself it was because he already had a religion, but deep down he realized it was probably because he didn't feel comfortable following a God that denounced the magic he couldn't help.
But what was he to do? The gods of the Old Religion weren't known for their mercy - or their hearing.
Carefully, he stepped forward, towards the altar. Thankfully, there was no one around, because he wasn't entirely sure what to do. Did he kneel? He hoped so, as he went to his knees. Immediately, he hit upon another dilemma: did he speak out loud or just think?
"Let's be safe," he muttered. "I don't really know anything about you, so . . . "
He gulped, staring at the body-bearing cross in front of him. He couldn't think of anything to say to that sad face.
"Erm," he said, feeling a little foolish talking to a statue. "Hello, I'm Merlin . . . I, uh, I know you probably think I'm being whiny or something, coming to you about something like this when you, you died like, well, that. But the truth is, I don't know what else to do. I'm at the end of my rope here. I just don't know if you help people like me, but I've heard you're a merciful God."
He fell silent for a moment, trying to come up with a rational argument, then wondered if that might make Him angry. He looked at the floor, feeling like he might cry.
"What I mean is, could you just give me some sort of hint of what I could do? I need something. I need anything. Please."
Merlin risked looking up. Was it just his imagination, or was the face looking less sad and more understanding? For some reason, this thought, imagined or not, was comforting. He hesitated, wondering how to close the supplication. In the end he simply whispered, "Thank you for listening, if nothing else. Amen."
Slowly he stood, feeling like he'd run a mile. Whether it was because of his prayer or the moment of rest, he felt calm and clear-headed. Giving the statue a small bow, he turned away and exited the small chapel. He could see Gwen at the end of the corridor, and as an idea started to form in his head, he thought that maybe, just maybe, everything would be all right.
"Ere you left your room this morning, / Did you think to pray? / In the name of Christ, our Savior, / Did you sue for loving favor / As a shield today?" -Mary A. Pepper Kidder
Thanks for reading, and please leave a review, I'd like to know what you think!