A/N Let all be warned that prolonged exposer to this My Immortal can cause homicidal urges or migraines. I am not responsible for any harm that you inflict on yourself, another person, or your computer. To increase the chances of one of these three occurring I'll try to put three of her chapters into one of mine.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, anything I happen to make a reference to, or My Immortal.
This is my commentary
This is the original story
Chapter 1: In Which Sues are Sueish
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. Fire her, she has failed. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life Poor unfortunate soul. u rok 2! MCR ROX!
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way This is a totally normal name you guys, all Sues have names like this. and I have long ebony black Ah yes, black black is such a great color hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips And I'm sure that's totally natural that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears Clear blue? and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! I should probably leave anyway. You know, for my health). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie Hi, I'd like my incest with a side of bad grammar. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white Do they change color with your emotions? Wait no- that's probably your transparent eyes. I have pale white skin. If it glitters you're just a confused Meyerpire. Wrong fandom. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England Normal-Scottish-Hogwarts has a twin in England? where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen)Thought you had to be for seventh year- woops. I forgot, logic is not welcome here. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black.
I love Hot Topic Quite sure that does not exist in Scotland or England, especially during the time period of Harry Potter canon. Anyone have any dates for me? and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. It's okay school uniform I won't let Ebony Sparkles De-something hurt you *pets a shaking Hogwarts robe*. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. Ahhh! It's Pennywise the clown! Run! Save yourselves! I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining Slushing! Yay! so there was no sun No really?, which I was very happy about Because you would burst into flames right? Right? Please tell me I'm right. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. Hi popularity, how's the weather down there?
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! Oh wow. What an astoundingly unique love interest for a Mary Sue to have.
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly. Let's play a game: Spot the First OOC Canon Character!
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. Sweetie, what did we say about the voices? They're not really there, or your friends.
AN: IS it good? No, I think putting nails in my eyes would be less painful. PLZ tell me fangz! Maybe I should find those nails...
Chapter 2: In Which Ebony is Concerning
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta What help!? BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! HA HA HA good luck with that.
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. As opposed to...? It was snowing and raining again. That darn confused weather I opened (lifted) the door (lid) of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. You should keep that in a fridge or something... My coffin was black ebony Rather redundant, yes? and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. Wow. Terrifying. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt So sorry MRC which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. Toasty warm! I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, Really? I normally wear my earrings in my un-pierced toes. and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) I wonder who she's based off of? woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and hit her head on the wall 'cause she still has not opened her eyes and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson I'm sorry t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) I am cake-face, hear me ROAR! Anyway, if you have perfect white skin, why are you putting foundation on?
"OMFG, Wait, she said oh em eff gee? I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. What type of vampires are these exactly and when can I make fun of this story for breaking its own rules?
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall Because, ya know, the Great Hall is totally in the dungeons.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. "I was totally calm, and not jumping between emotions."
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily. 0.o Please don't make me read Ebony flirting
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked. "I'm about to drive a wooden stake soaked in holy water through your heart," he said.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." No Malfoy! My plan was way better! he told me.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. Did these bands spit on your puppy or something? Leave them in peace.
"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. Hoping, nay, praying on bended knee that Ebony would say no.
I gasped. and kneeled over dead.
Chapter three: In Which Dates are Excruciating
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! No. odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! The hell? FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. Sorry, what? I couldn't find this language in Google Translate. Or anywhere.
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Then tripped and died Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. You know, clothing was quite a bit more conservative back then. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff Lace? on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I thought your hair went to mid-back, those must be some spikes. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. Not funny, you don't just joke about self-harm. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding YOU ARE A VAMPIRE. YOU CANNOT BLEED! (I think) and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner Who the hell is Bucky? Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. So why did you wear it before? I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. Yay?
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He stole from the Weaselys? He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner Mr. I-Hate-Everything-Muggle was? Where are those nails again?(AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. !+depressed= does-not-compute
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked Why not cartwheel? into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) Run! It's the Anti-Christ meets Christine! and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. Healthy! When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. Sadly, Ebony tripped and broke her neck, ending this story early. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. and were crushed under people because reasons.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song Clearly, everything there was spelt properly.).
"Joel is so fucking hot Poor guy, she approves of him. Erugh..." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. Who Joel or Malfoy?
Suddenly Draco looked sad. because Mad-Eye Moody appeared and turned him into a *gasp* Gary-Stu!
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. Using what brain cells?
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. Malfoy, I'm not that fond of you, but you don't deserve this.
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. It turned out to be a trick. Malfoy was just reaching for a better angle to stake Ebony.
"Really I am a Mary-Sue," I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. She had a yellow face? That's… worrying.
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them Unfortunately, as soon as they saw us they ran away. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, Crawled? Into a flying car? How'd that work out? but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! Because Ms. Mary-Sue, he wants to feed you to Aragog. But there is no need to worry! Aragog wouldn't eat you because you would give him indigestion.