This Never Happened Part 2
This is the conclusion, or Part 2, of 'This Never Happened,' one of the best loved fanfiction stories based on Janet Evanovich's popular Stephanie Plum series. Unfortunately, the story's author Jude passed away before she could finish her incredible tale about Stephanie Plum and Carlos Mañoso (Part 1). Her daughter, Blue Orchid, wanted to finish this story to honor her mother's memory. Working with a FanFic friend, bgrgrmpy, they found two writers willing to take on this exciting but daunting project.
Part 2 of TNH is the creation of two writers, writes4fun_81 and Jago-ji, based on Jude's story notes and the many discussions Jude and her daughter had about finishing this love story. Blue Orchid, bgrgrmpy, writes4fun_81 and Jago-ji have worked closely together for many, many months to complete Jude's vision. We hope you see the spirit of Jude in these new chapters, and that you enjoy reading our ending for one of fanfics' truly extraordinary stories.
Disclaimer: This is an AU story set before the timeline of the Stephanie Plum series. Many of the characters belong to Janet Evanovich. Some are original to this story. No one is making any money from this.
We highly recommend you first read the revised 84 chapters (Part 1) before beginning Part 2.
We proudly post this first new chapter of Part 2 on April 1, 2012 – three years to the day after Jude posted her first chapter. As one of our favorite characters might say: This Never Happened IS going to happen and it's going to be good. Read on…
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CHAPTER 85
Stephanie's POV
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate Joseph Morelli! He's been ruining my life – or trying to ruin it, anyway – since I was a little girl. My mother had warned me to stay away from 'those bad Morelli boys,' but I thought I knew better than she did and didn't pay her any attention. Of course, Joe took advantage of my naïveté. First, he taught me the 'Choo-Choo-Train' game when we were kids and then he took my virginity when we were teenagers. Now that we're adults, of course, I do know better. And this time, that jerk has gone too far!
You see, I'd had a plan for the evening. My future father-in-law was going to come over to my house for what he thought would be another one of our cooking lessons. Except the only thing that would be cooked was Papa/Rico/Ricardo Mañoso's own goose. Hurricane Stephanie was going to make that sneaky, conniving man 'fess up' to his true identity and be honest with me for once. I had planned to make him feel very, very sorry he had ever lied to my face or harassed his son, my fiancé, in my presence. Okay, so maybe it hadn't been a complete plan, but it was my plan and then stupid-ass Morelli ruined everything.
The interview with the reporter from Allure magazine had gone extremely well, especially after she discovered our photo models were, for the most part, 'ordinary' women. I even pulled in a few of the girls to speak with the reporter for a few minutes each and they all described how much more empowered they felt now that they'd allowed the 'Babe' inside of them to come out and play. There was a moment when I thought the reporter would jump on the chance for her own make-over and photo shoot, but she ultimately decided to maintain the integrity of her magazine article. She did, however, agree to return to our studio after the magazine published her piece!
So, I left the office on a high note and breezed through the grocery store aisles to pick up the ingredients Rosa had written down on a list for me for our cooking lesson on Tuesday. It would be fun learning how to make more of the traditional Cuban meals from Carlos' grandmother – his wonderful Abuela. There was absolutely no way I'd allow Carlos' arrogant fool of a father to give me another cooking lesson, especially since I'd been pouring out my heart to him all this time and he'd merely soaked it all in and never let on that he was the one responsible for so much of the pain and frustration in my beloved's messed up family life.
Imagine my horror and shock when I pulled into the driveway of my townhouse and saw the two men with whom I was most angry standing on my front porch. Somehow, while I wasn't looking, my two worlds had collided with each other. There was Joe Morelli, an unfortunate part of my 'Burg past, standing toe-to-toe with Ricardo Mañoso, who would become – for better or for worse – an unfortunate part of my future. They were arguing and yelling and both men were waving things at each other. I could see Morelli's police badge in his hand and it looked like Ricardo was brandishing a… a menu!
It was surprising that no one on my quiet little street had come out of their homes to investigate the commotion. If we'd been located in the 'Burg, all of the neighbors would be out on their front stoops, taking bets as to which man would throw the first punch. Neither one of the infuriated and red-faced men seemed to notice my car when I drove up. And they were so engrossed in their argument they failed to notice me walking over to the garden hose attached to the front spigot of the townhouse – that is, until I turned on the water and soaked them with the sprayer. That really got their attention. Big time.
"Hey! Hey!" I yelled up at them from my relatively safe position on the sidewalk. "You wanna explain to me what the two of you are doing out here? I mean, besides the obvious matter of causing a public disturbance. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves! In fact, I'm shocked no one's called the police on you already!"
When I finally stopped spraying them, both men were sputtering and shaking water out of their eyes and hair and off of their bodies. The curses and expletives, which had poured out of both Joe's and Ricardo's mouths as they assessed their wet condition, ended abruptly. Their facial expressions transformed from shock and disbelief back to anger pretty quickly, though.
"Cupcake," Joe growled, "How dare you hose me down like this? I am the police!"
I narrowed my eyes at him and shot back, "From what I hear, you won't be the police for much longer if you keep acting like a horse's ass." If looks could kill, we'd both have been deader than doornails at that moment.
Ricardo elbowed his way in front of Joe, which I thought was a pretty gutsy move considering that Morelli had just identified himself as an officer of the law. "Estefanía, who is this crass man?" Rico demanded indignantly. "He claims to be your own mother's choice of a husband for you. But he has no right to come over to your house and make romantic advances toward you! I told him that you were engaged to be married to my… my…"
Joe cut him off with a disgusted wave of his hand, "This is crap, Stephanie! You belong with me. Besides, everyone knows that I had you first – long before that sorry excuse of a first husband of yours had you. Clearly, you just made up that fairytale about being engaged to some far-away guy so that your mother would get off your back. And I know you're desperate, but a 'sugar-daddy' like this old guy isn't what you need, Cupcake. I am!"
Both Ricardo and I gasped in horror and simultaneously exclaimed, "Sugar-daddy!"
Morelli continued, "I got eyes. I can see what's been going on here, Steph, but you don't have to pretend anymore – you can be engaged for real – to me. Being this old coot's mistress isn't the way to go, Cupcake. Come away with me now. I'll show you how a real man does things. And I guarantee we won't need any Viagra to get the job done."
Then Ricardo lost his last shred of patience and shoved Morelli down the front steps. Morelli's top physical conditioning kept him from falling onto either his head or his ass, but he still landed on the wet grass and ended up with mud splashed all over his clothes. When Joe got up, I could see murder in his eyes and I stepped over to the bottom of the stairs and prevented him from rushing back up and giving Carlos' father the beating he so richly deserved.
"Stop right there, Officer Morelli," I spoke with more authority in my voice than I really felt in my heart. My stiffly outstretched arms were strictly just for show, but Joe didn't try to go around me. "Obviously, there's been some sort of misunderstanding here. Let's all take a moment to calm down, before any more accidents happen." I glared back at the furious Ricardo for emphasis.
"Accident, my ass!" Joe fumed and waved his arms in the air. "That old goat pushed me and you know it! The guy's a nut! I was here first, minding my own business and waiting for you to come home. When Mr. 'Way-Too-Old-For-You' came along, he actually said he was here to give you a cooking lesson. Like I'm gonna believe that story!" Then he laughed bitterly. "I work vice, remember? I've seen all kinds of schemes. Guess I know what kind of saucepan he plans on dipping his ladle into tonight, huh, Cupcake?"
Okay, then I lost my temper and punched Morelli myself. I scored a direct hit to his right eye and I thought I might have broken my hand in the process. Perhaps that wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I'd heard enough of Morelli's mouthing off. Unfortunately, he wasn't finished spewing his trash.
"That's it, Cupcake!" Joe spat his words through clenched teeth. "I came over here tonight to be nice to you, to show you a good time. Your mother said that all you do is work, work, work and that you don't even have time for a man in your life – real or imaginary. But we both know that it's you who's been sending me those notes and leaving me those messages."
"I swear; it's not me, Morelli!" I exclaimed. "No way, no how!"
"Hah!" Joe scoffed. "Then I find this creepy old man skulking around and he's saying all kinds of crazy crap about why he's here. One minute he's your so-called cooking instructor and the next minute he's your future father-in-law. For chrissake, your senile lover can't even keep his own story straight! Maybe you two deserve each other."
Ricardo protested, "How many times must I tell you? I am not Estefania's lover!"
Joe rolled his eyes, threw up his hands and said, "Whatever! I don't care anymore! In fact, I'm done being Mr. Nice Guy with you, Stephanie Plum! I was fool enough to think I could help you in a nice way, but screw that! You're still a nutcase and you're just gonna have to learn the hard way – as usual. From now on, if I so much as catch you going one friggin' mile over the posted speed limit or parked a smidgen too far over the line or in violation of any little thing, I'll have no mercy on your ass. Yours neither, Mr. Mañoso. That's right, I'll always remember your name, too, and so will my friends in the Health Department, the guys who inspect restaurants. Live in fear – both of you!" Then he turned on his heel and marched angrily toward his truck.
Ricardo's voice coldly reached across the distance as he said, "Be careful with your threats, Officer Morelli. I, too, have many friends among the important people. In fact, I have many connections with the movers and the shakers of New Jersey, including your boss, Chief Juniak, who is a regular and loyal customer of mine."
Morelli's spine stiffened at the mention of the Police Chief, but he wrenched open his car door anyway. I could see he was mulling over his true level of influence in this current game of 'trump the chump.' Chances were, Joe wouldn't ever press charges against either Ricardo or me, but just to make sure, I decided to play one of my 'trump cards,' too.
"Besides, Joe," I said, "I think the last thing you'd want is for the police chief to find out that you've been over here to visit me at all, especially after that ill-advised bet of yours, right?"
Morelli didn't even glance in my direction. He merely slid into his truck, turned the key in the ignition and roared off. I didn't care. Good riddance, I thought. Joe was going back to the 'Burg, no doubt, where I was sure he'd give both his mother and my mother a complete report of the night's events – casting himself in the best possible light, of course. Obviously, Joe Morelli and Valerie and our parents all still belonged over there; whereas, I no longer did.
. . .
A/N: And so we begin again. The four of us – writes4fun_81 and Jago-ji (the writers), Blue Orchid and bgrgrmpy – are committed to completing 'This Never Happened' and we'd love to hear from you. Please join us in honoring Jude's memory in this special way. We will be posting once a week, every Wednesday, for a while as we continue writing the last chapters from Jude's notes. Thanks for reading!