A/N~ Before you start this, I highly recommend you read my other story Cold Feet first. Or at least the 4th chapter, because it's kind of like an introduction or prequel to this story.

And no, you did not read wrong. This is advice from the Trickster King! Enjoy!

Once upon a time...long, long ago...way before losers like Justin Beiber and One Direction ruled the earth, there was a fairy.

A totally awesome and spectacular one at that.

But no one ever appreciated him for the amazing person he was.

And he remains that way to this very day….

Okay. I think that was dramatic enough.

Was it? It better have been! I am so not writing that all over again. Writing. Ugh. Why am I even bothering to do this in the first place?

Oh, yeah.

Because people seem to think I am a stupid, ungrateful jerk that can't count to three!

People. Just. Like. You.

And that's not true at all! I am a genius! Plus, I can count to forty now!

But no one believes in me. Not. A. Single. Soul.

Which is a pretty epic fail considering that even Scrooge got a spirit to listen to him and that guy turned good after being a greedy old moneybags.

Me? I turned good - evilly good mind you- after being the world's most wanted villain! And still, people think that I don't know anything! I know a heck lot more than you ever will! I have made tremendous sacrifices and given up my dignity, I have rid the world of peasants, I have secured the path for future delinquents! And if that doesn't count for something, I don't know what does.

Apparently, it doesn't count for much, so I am here to prove it to you.

That's right. The Great Trickster has decided to grace you with his presence, not to pull a prank on you, not to make fun of you (a little bit of that), but to help you.

This is where you start bowing and expressing your thanks.

Because, honestly, I can't take it anymore!

I am forced to show you my brilliance beforehand or else all my well deserved dignity will waste away. I am going to give you advice.

Ask and tell me about anything.

Help with a devil of a teacher.

Sibling problems.


Too much sugar in your lemonade.

Tiara that won't stay on.

Car won't work.

How to be a loser.

How to be a superhero.

A crush who likes to beat you up.

The possibilities are endless!

I know you all feel sorrowful and grief-stricken sometimes in your pathetic little lives, but don't worry; I'll always be there to help you through it!

You can count on that.

Today's topic is something that I know all of you want to know.

How to be perfect.

Yes, the oh so desirable status that no one can ever achieve. Boo hoo.

I'll tell you a secret. You can never be perfect. Only one person in the world is perfect and that is moi. Life has many truths you must learn to accept and this, unfortunately for you and fortunately for me, is one of them.

What do you mean that's not good enough advice? You dare challenge my brilliance?

Fine, I'll give it another try. It's funny; I was faced with a situation like this before.

I had been searching everywhere for Grimm, not because I cared about her or anything; Henry, Veronica and the Old Lady had been driving me nuts to find her. She hadn't come home from school that day and it was past five.

I guess it was partially my fault. I should have known something was up when she refused to accept my generous offer of carrying her and the Marshmallow home.

Sure, I was forced to do the endless chore, but she could have at least appreciated me!

She got cocky with me, so... I left her behind.

Advice # 1: Never abandon damsels in distress. It's hilarious, but it will backfire.

I figured she would walk home and let off some steam in the process, only…she didn't. She didn't come home. And I had to waste my time looking for her.

After nearly half an hour of searching the town, I decided to take a rest. Give me a break, I was annoyed, I was tired and I was hungry. The only thing I wasn't was worried for Grimm. No, I am not lying through my teeth, whatever gave you that thought?

And that's when I saw her. She was sitting on a huge rock, by a little stream. Her blond hair cascading over her shoulders as she looked on with a brooding expression. Just like a picture from a movie. (Cue sad theater music)

I hesitated. Should I sneak up behind her? Kick her? Scare her? That would be worth it just to see her expression. But so not worth it when she would- and there was no doubt - kick me back. Even the second evilest person in the world (right after me) would run away from her wrath when she got angry.

I decided to play the haughty approach, which surprisingly took no effort at all.

"I can't believe you Grimm! Sitting out here all fine and dandy while I turn the town upside down searching for you. Typical. You're such a damsel in distress, always requiring my assistance! You're lucky I have the remarkable tolerance to put up with it."

Her head swirled around and I found myself looking into a pair of angry blue eyes, with just a hint of grief trying, but not quite succeeding to hide itself.

"What are you doing here? Get out of here and don't you dare call me a damsel ever again!" She snarled at me.

Advice # 2: Never call them damsels in distress to their face. Because your face will never look the same again.

I ducked Sabrina's punch and sauntered towards her, trying to look hurt.

"That's the thank you I get for my efforts? Quit your moping and let's get home before the Marshmallow eats all the food!" I practically screamed at her.

She didn't even look up at me and when she spoke her voice had lost its venom.

"Just leave me alone, Puck…please."

That was a warning, clear as sirens, which told me something was wrong. Grimm saying please? She only did that in the direst situations and I know I said I was mean and evil, but when you see a person as depressed as she was then, that cursed piece of goodness inside you struggles to get out.

I sat down beside her, careful to keep my distance in case she tried to hit me again.

"So…What's wrong?" I asked nonchalantly.

"What do you care? Always with your stupid friends at school! You don't talk to me or even notice half the stuff that happens to me at school! If there's one thing I don't need right now, it's your help." She shot at me.

Ouch. And to think I was actually considering being nice to her! Still, dinner time was getting away and I had to think of something to get her back. And, okay, I was a bit guilty about what she had said. It was just so awkward with her at school! It's difficult pretending to hate Grimm with hundreds of people watching, especially if they're the kinds that love to gossip. So I stayed away from her, but I never thought she minded.

"Look, I didn't mean to…and you don't talk to me either, hypocrite! Just tell me what's wrong and we can go. It can't be that bad." I tried to reason with her.

She glanced at me. "Easy for you to say, you'd never understand. You're always the ideal person to everyone in school, though I can't imagine why."

This was my chance. I should have stood up and taken her by the hand and started singing, "I'm not perfect. But I keep trying! Was it something I said or just my personality?"

But I didn't.

"You can't deny the truth, I am pretty amazing. Though you're not so bad yourself." I grinned at her.

She smiled, but just as quickly turned gloomy again. "Ha-ha, thanks for the flattering compliment."

"You're welcome. But seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Wrong? Everything's wrong with me. Haven't you ever felt like, I don't know, the world was against you? Like no matter what you did you couldn't do anything right, be anything right?" She asked out loud, more to herself than me.

Another golden opportunity. I should have picked a flower out of the ground and carefully inserted it into her hair, all the while singing, "Cause girl you're amazing! Just the way you are!"

And what did I do? I glanced at the cupcake in her backpack that was lying carelessly on the ground.

"Can I have your cupcake?" I asked.

I know, I know! I chickened out! Stop making me feel worse than I already did!

She chucked it at me. "Whatever. Take it. That's the only reason you're here aren't you? So you can go back home as soon as you can and eat?"

I didn't say anything.

"Figures. Everyone's probably worried about me, aren't they?" Grimm sighed. "I always ruin everything, no matter what, I can't be perfect."

And that's what did it. That sigh. That hopeless look on her face. It just made my heart…do nothing! I was not filled with compassion for her! No way! What I said next was purely be accident.

"You are perfect, stupid." I blurted out, somewhat fiercely. How could she be so blind? How could she not see it?

"What?" She stared at me.

"Uh, I meant perfect for playing pranks on and making fun of!" I stammered, trying to cover up my mistake.

She smiled, this time for real.

"Whatever you say. C'mon fairy boy. Take me home, I'm not about to miss dinner."

As hard as I try to remember that day; what happened at dinner, what I wore, the shouting and laughter I'm sure that followed. I can't. All I remember is how her eyes had shone with the light I always waned to see on her. How she had grinned and punched me on the way back. How I felt, knowing I had told her the truth.

Advice #3: There is such a thing as being perfect after all. Everyone is perfect to someone. Just like how I wasn't perfect for my father but was for my mother. No matter how pathetic you think you and your life is, even when people like me tell you that, it's not really true. You have to decide for yourself who you are.

Hopefully you have someone like me in your life to help you on your way to perfection. The road is bumpy and hard, but you can make it…maybe. Take it from a living, example.

A/N~ Well, there you have it!

Special shout out to Cat and Red, because I've been completely ignoring them while I wrote this (sorry guys) and they gave me the idea of Puck writing a trash column in the newspaper. (Yay)

So? Did you like it? Did you laugh? Were you bored out of your mind?

Okay, I see you have no thoughts about this since I can see you weren't about to review.

That's fine with me. I'll just take two months to update this story :)

Haha, did you believe me?

But seriously, I will take extra long to update this if you people don't tell me your thoughts when I know you've been reading it. While I slowly wait in a corner….for a review….that will never come.

Enough with the dramatics…I got to do my homework, which I didn't finish since I was writing this! You guys better make this worth it! *extremely threatening voice*

Okay, I can't sound threatening. I'm too tired. Don't worry; my inner evil will be back soon. :D

The next chapter will have Puck answer any of your questions and will have a main topic (like this perfect one) in which he'll kindly share his experience.

Puck: You can say that again. I can't believe how mushy I've turned!

Me: You were always like that. Accept it.

Puck: You need help.

Me: And what better person to give it than you?

Puck: Here it comes…

What do you have to ask the Trickster King?