13Synopsis: This was to be the wrap up chapter. There would have been some chapters about the post possession trauma, the affect Peter's actions had on the guys and on himself. Peter would have become very distant, and would have misinterpreted their efforts to give him space as a sign that they no longer wished to associate with him after he basically tried to destroy the world. Peter's issues stem from the fact that the possession wasn't run of the mill, and he had control over his actions. He felt like he was the one making the decisions and no longer feels worthy of being a ghostbuster.
Yes, it would have been melodramatic. But let's skip all that and just do this. I'm quite fond of this warm and fuzzy ending. ^_^
Muddling Through Somehow/Forgiven
"Hey."
I turned my head away from the glittering lights of the city skyline and looked over my shoulder to find Ray standing in the light of the rooftop doorway. I was so lost in thought that I hadn't even heard the door open. Probably wouldn't have noticed if a bomb had gone off beside me. But Ray, he got through.
"Hey," I replied quietly, staring down at the weathered floor beside me, not meeting his eyes.
"Would you mind some company?"
"Uh." I sighed silently then shrugged. "Whatever. Sure. Free country."
I really did mind. A lot. But it was Ray. And I could never turn down gentle Ray, with his never ending supply of good intentions. Besides I didn't feel like I had any right too at this point, no way, not after the hell ride I'd put us all through. As far as I was concerned, I was lucky to be allowed back in the firehouse at all, and not on my ass in the street, or in the loony bin for that matter, although, I do seem to remember comparing the streets of New York to one big asylum on several occasions over the years.
As I leaned forward/back down on the ledge and crossed my hands together, Ray bounced up to the edge of the rooftop and patted the brick ledge beside me. He took in a huge breath of night air and gazed out at the scenery. I spared a subtle glance at the little boy next to me, noticing that he had given me a couple of feet of personal space. Good call.
"Wow Peter," he exclaimed in genuine awe. "What a beautiful night. Feel that breeze. Don't you just love her… New York."
Shit Ray. Yeah, I love her. I love her so much I was ready to barbeque the whole thing.
"Yeah." I felt my eye twitch involuntarily. Very sneaky Ray. I have taught you well. I heard him sigh, and felt his stare lock onto me. Suddenly, the lights in the distance became way too interesting and I kept my focus on them. It was that or look at Ray, and if I looked at Ray, something was gonna give.
"You know Peter… we don't… we really don't... blame you."
The words "blame you" sounded like they came out of a long tunnel inside my head, echoing several times.
You're crazy not to.
"I know," I replied. A small hard lump started to form at the base of my throat and I swallowed it down.
"I'm not angry. None of us are. I know, well I thought, you might be feeling uncomfortable, and I just want you to know that we're not angry. And when you're ready to come back to us we're gonna be there for you."
"Mhm" What I meant to say was thanks, but it got held up along the way, somewhere between my lungs and my tongue. The distant lights suddenly smeared into little blurs and I blinked hard. No way. Not gonna lose it. Not gonna.
A hand reached out and gripped my white knuckled/folded ones, and I tensed. Ray felt it but he just squeezed harder.
"It wasn't like… Watt was it?" he said in a low tone. It was more a statement than a question really. He knew damn well it wasn't like Watt. That had been an outright possession. A hostile take over.
"No Ray." I whispered, my voice a little rough. "Not like Watt. Not like Alice, the first time or the second. Not like being hooked on heroin." I took a deep breath. "But kind of like all of it blended up into a really bad health food shake." I smiled and snorted despite myself. That was almost kind of something like a joke that came out of my mouth. Been a while.
"Eww," was all Ray could say, but I could hear a smile behind it.
My half smile disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared. I resumed my visual inspection of the back of Ray's hand. Good old Ray. You try to end the world and he just wants to know why so he can forgive you. His compassion and sincerity blew me away. Suddenly the need to explain myself came alive and I found that I wanted to talk about it. Good old Ray, tapping on the flood gates till they developed just the crack needed to release all my thoughts before I exploded.
"There was something I wanted," I continued, "I needed." I paused. "Needed something, and I didn't even know what it was. I was willing to hurt," I squeezed my eyes tight, "no…I was willing to kill anyone who got in my way, Ray, and I didn't even know WHY." The last word would have been close to a yell but my voice broke completely and I ran a shaking hand through my unkempt hair, messing it up even more in the process.
Ray withdrew his hand and stood there, eyes wide with alarm and sudden understanding. Then his brows furled with purpose and he grabbed me by the shoulders. I raised an arm to fend him off.
"Awwww Rayyyy, nooo," I whined. I must have looked like I thought he was gonna beat me but instead he drew me into a fierce hug.
"I sorry Peter I didn't understand."
Wait for it.
"I love you Peter. And I'm sorry you went through that."
And that's when I lost it. All bets were off. I buried my face into the shoulder of his sweater and bawled. I'd been forgiven. Absolved.
Seconds later, my legs rebelled and we ended up in a less than refined heap on the floor of the roof as I continued my sobbing. Spasm/shudders raced through my body, as I apologized no less that fifteen times.
We stayed like that for several long minutes, Ray rocking us so gently I almost wasn't even aware of it.
I also wasn't aware that we had an audience.
"Egon," Ray's single word brought my head up out of his now thoroughly moistened shoulder.
Egon's here? Crap crap crap. I didn't even look at the door because I was too busy frantically sniffling and wiping my eyes on my sleeve. They were puffy and bloodshot. I couldn't stop sniffling, and my famous hair was stuck to my forehead… again. Dignity was not one of my stronger traits lately.
I was embarrassed to be crying in Ray's arms. I don't know why. Perhaps because I was a guy. There's that. But Ray was also like a younger brother to me, and I usually supported him and spent way too many times telling him that this or that was NOT his fault, no matter how much he insisted.
Then there was Egon. Over the years when an emotional outburst of my caliber was warranted, it was Egon's arms that I ended up in. We'd damn near cried our way through every one of life's toughest moments. When he'd lost his first love, when I'd lost my mom, when things looked hopeless. We had always turned to each other for support when disaster struck. This was one of those moments. He was my best friend, brother, father when needed, a soul mate. And I'd pushed him away.
Egon stood on the far side of the door, something in both hands I couldn't quite make out.
"Ray. You forgot your cocoa. I didn't want it to get cold." His eyes focused on Ray's sweatshirt then jumped across to my face. "This one is for you Peter. It's yours, if you want it." He emphasized the last words. If you want it. The cocoa. The job. The team. The life. My life.
I nodded tentatively, then took another swipe at my eyes. "How long…" I croaked at Ray.
"You heard?" Ray asked, looking up.
"I apologize. Yes." Kneeling down, Egon placed a hand on my shoulder and looked me with serious baby blues. "Do not worry Peter. We will never let you be such a self serving uhh… asshole again."
Huh? I blinked at Ray, then back to Egon.
"Spengler? Did you say…? You just… you just called me an asshole."
I said it like he was a baby saying his first word. Ray was grinning ear to ear. Egon only cocked his head, pretending to look perplexed.
"Well, you're not the only one who holds the rights to abuse the English language, Doctor Venkman."
I stared at him like a deer in high beams.
Egon rolled his eyes in a very un-Egon like manner and shook his head in fond exasperation.
"Come here Peter," he grabbed me fully and squeezed so hard I thought I felt another rib crack, but I was more than glad to endure it. And naturally Ray felt the compulsion to wrap his arms around both of us. You just can't keep that kid out of a group hug if you tried.
"Peter, you mean the world to us. You're family. And families look out for each other. The entity's attack on you and the events that followed were not your fault. If anybody is negligent, I was. I could see something was wrong, but I wasn't astute enough to discern the consequences in time. For that I sincerely apologize Peter. I hope you can forgive me.
"E-gon," I began in the tones of someone who has just reached the limits of listening to the ridiculous.
Enter Winston.
"You too?" I moaned.
He p'shawed and waved a hand down at me. "Of course homeboy. You didn't think you actually had any privacy around here did you?"
….
P We ended up staying outside for several hours, stretched out on lawn chairs, the guys making sure to plant me securely in the middle, and enjoyed was really was a beautiful night.
….
E We talked about everything from Peter's first encounter with the fog entity…
….
P …to Egon's tests and theories
….
E …to the final battle
….
P and my return home. Just got it all out there. Even the drama with Janine.
….
E Hmmph. Yes. At any rate, it was a relief for all of us. But it wasn't a happy ending.
….
P No.
….
E If anything…
….
P …it was a rebirth.
-The End -