So this is just a quick one-shot songfic with Psymon and Zoe. The song is Let Her Cry by Hootie and the Blowfish. Thanks for reading and please leave a review on your way out! :)
She sits alone by a lamppost,
Trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind.
She says Dad's the one I love the most,
But Stipe's not far behind
She's been drinking again. I can smell the alcohol on her breath through ragged cries. Her head is buried in my chest and I am at a loss for words. This woman was the definition of badassery in the public eye but here we sit on the porch of the home we bought together with her breaking down into hysteria.
How did we come to this? We were great and invincible. We were feared and we were… in love? I may have never said these words to her, but it doesn't mean that's not how I felt. Maybe all of my mixed signals dragged us down to this point… and maybe there's no fixing it this time.
She never lets me in,
Only tell me where's she's been,
When she's had too much to drink.
She keeps going on in a senseless tone of voice of everything that's been swimming through her mind. All these pent up emotions of being trapped and becoming a homebody. She said this wasn't her scene and her calling was elsewhere.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no stranger to danger and I'm not the type to settle down. But in order to make a living and keep a roof over our heads I had to work and couldn't give her that travel partner she longed for. Her freelance stunts only gave her so much adrenaline and money.
In her drunken stupor she keeps goin on and on about starting SSX back up after its long hiatus. I try to reason with her that it just won't happen, its members having been scattered, but she is relentless and driven. Her passion lies within the most extreme environments and here at home wasn't nearly enough to satisfy her.
I say that I don't care,
I just run my hands through her dark hair,
Then I pray to God you gotta help me fly away.
My reasoning falls on deaf ears and she continues to blabber on about how miserable she is here and all the great things she could accomplish out there. She doesn't realize what her words are doing to me. Am I the cause of this? Am I that bad to the point she needs to leave? Does she even know what she's talking about right now? Maybe she'll come too and be cured of this insanity she spewing all over me right now.
But I know I'm wrong. I've learned over the years and many bar hopping nights that her drunken words are her sober minds thoughts. And I hate to admit it but… I am scared she will leave for her own sake. All I can do right now is just….
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go, let her walk right out on me.
And if the sun comes up tomorrow...
Let her be, let her be.
I know in my heart she is dead set on taking off and it breaks me to know I can't do anything to stop her. My fear is her leaving and come the morn I'll be alone yet again. After having her presence here with me for so long I've grown used to coming home to see her beautiful face, listen to her, and to just be with her all night. And now it was all about to end in tragedy; the story of my life.
I asked her to come to bed with me one last time before she took off on her next adventure and she agreed. Maybe she felt like she owed it to me. I would have felt guilt any other time but if she's taking what she wants without a simple notice then I'll take what I want as well.
I lay her down begin my tyranny over her. I had to make her believe I was void of all emotion. I had to make her believe I didn't care when all along she was all I cared about. She is usually never submissive and now I know she feels guilt and lets me have my way. I don't know if this is the last time or my last resort to keep her here. I wanted the clock to stop so we would freeze here together but I knew our time was up.
At least she was nice enough to fall asleep with me one more time.
This morning I woke up alone,
Found a note standing by the phone
Saying baby, maybe I'll be back some day.
When I came to some hours later… she was gone. The bags she packed had disappeared and there was no trace of her ever being here. She left I let her go. I could have called her names or lay the blame solely on her, but I didn't. There was no point even though part of me wanted to attempt anything to keep her here. Plus I've learned to never bite the hand that feeds you.
If there's anything I've learned of her it's that she is one determined woman who doesn't take shit from anyone. If she had the will to do it she would find the way. If she did recollect the SSX All Stars then I knew she would be calling me again. I had what she wanted and all I needed was a snowboard to take me to wherever she may be. Sure, I would have to put faith in my vice to run the shop and leave for the tour but it would be worth it, specifically the money… or so I tell myself…
I know the night before would not be our last encounter, something told me our paths would cross again. But for now I'm alone again and the heat I tried to shelter through the night was beginning to rage.
I wanted to look for you.
You walked in I didn't know just what I should do,
So I sat back down had a beer and felt sorry for myself.
She left me no clues to her whereabouts and even left her cell phone on the kitchen counter; just a goodbye letter was left in her wake. She really didn't want me coming after her. I would have, I feel lost and empty. She was so much and she meant everything to me. And now I had nothing. Just me and the voices in my head.
I sat down in the living room, Yuengling in hand, mad as hell. I was mad at her for leaving, I was mad at myself for feeling, and I was mad at my beer because I don't even like Yeungling. She did; Yuengling was her favorite. In a burst of anger I wing the bottle as hard as I can against the wall watching the glass explode on impact. The glass shattered and splintered the wall while the beer stained it.
Last night I tried to leave
She cried so much I just could not believe
She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago
She went in the back to get high
I sat down on my couch and cried
Yelling oh mama please help me
Won't you hold my hand.
And for the first time in a long I cried… hard. The emotionless hardass Psymon fucking Stark was reduced to tears on the floor like a child. I had to get a hold of myself but then again it made me feel better because it made me feel. It forced me to feel emotion and desire and the want of her to just come home. Instead of hiding behind some frightening façade I let everything loose. All of a sudden memories of my horrible childhood, the painful years in highschool, my accident, the ridicule of millions of people through the media and finally the dirty feeling of secluding myself all came forth on one ugly emotion and took me for a ride.
And I felt better. I try and catch my breath and get a hold of myself.
Looking back… maybe we wouldn't have worked out after all. I didn't think even perfect could have kept that love alive. We wanted the same things but in different ways. Neither of us wanted marriage but only one of us wanted to travel the world and live everyday like we would die tomorrow. I'm all for living in the moment but even I know a home when I see it. We just weren't meant for do or die. She knew I loved her so I loved her enough to let her go.
So Zoe was gone…
Let her cry, if her tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go…
I just let her walk right out on me…
And if the sun comes up tomorrow…
I just have to let her be….
Let her be.