[God's diary]

Ah yes. It always comes to this. The plot twist. The plan gone completely wrong. Then retrospective monologue detailing all the regrets and could-have-beens, all the future dangers and

WELL THERE GOES AGAIN. CHINA TRYING TO NUKE THE GATES OF PARADISE. HAS HE NOT FIGURED OUT YET THAT THEY WERE DESIGNED TO KEEP OUT SATAN.


To: Yao Wang
From: [Mesopotamia]

STOP THAT YOU $^%&*#! I STILL DON'T EVEN GET WHY THE HELL YOU CAN EVEN GET NUKES UP HERE BUT WILL YOU BLEEDING STOP IT I AM TRYING TO NOT BE AWAKE RIGHT NOW.

MESOPOTAMIA


To: [Mesopotamia]

From: Yao Wang

Well, baochien for not being appreciative of your beauty sleep, but I really would like to get back to my people, thank you!

China


To: Yao Wang

From: [Mesopotamia]

WELL YOU CAN DO IT IN THE MORNING. WHEN PEOPLE ARE NOT ASLEEP. EVEN ROME ISN'T AS LOUD AS YOU ARE.

Come to think of it, though, yeah, wait, why hasn't there been an insta-genocide of the Chinese people yet? Are all your people little mini-immortals, too? EUGHH.

Mesopotamia


Japan's new status message is: For some reason, I feel a minor disturbance somewhere… though I am still markedly absent….


To: [Everyone]

From: Ivan Braginski

Hello,

Has anyone seen China lately? I went over to see him this morning using Panda but he wasn't there. I didn't see him all five days earlier, either….

Russia


To: Ivan Braginski

From: Arthur Kirkland

Maybe that's a good thing….

- England


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Ivan Braginski

What did you say?

:)

Russia


To: Ivan Braginski

From: Arthur Kirkland

No, nothing at all! I was perfectly silent. In any case, no, I haven't seen him in a while. Maybe he went to eat wontons or fortune cookies or something and choked himself comatose. Perhaps you could go to his house and check again.

England


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Ivan Braginski

I think I will! Thanks, tiny insignificant creature :)

Russia


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: Arthur Kirkland

QUICK, AMERICA! HIT CHINA'S HOUSE WITH A HYDROGEN BOMB. That way we can get rid of both Russia and git China in one shot. Two birds with one stone!

- England


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Alfred F. Jones

Eh, what? Isn't China missing? Did I miss something?

- AMERICA THE CONFUSED HERO!


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: Arthur Kirkland

No, you nitwit, isn't it obvious? China's just hiding in hopes of luring us to his house so he can mug us or do something equally vile. Now just DO IT.

- England


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Alfred F. Jones

Oh! I get it now! Geez, why are there so many tricky old bastards around. Yeah, okay, lemme get Tony so we can go faster.

- AMERICA THE HERO!


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: Arthur Kirkland

The alien…. He's an odd one. Even Flying Mint Bunny thinks so.

- England


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Alfred F. Jones

WHA? EH WHAT? ALL OF MY NUKES ARE GONE.

THEY'RE ALL GONE.

NOOO! MY CHILDREEEENNNNNN!

- AMERICA THE SAD HERO!


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: Arthur Kirkland

What?

You'd better not be joking again. Or is this that bloody alien talking?

- England

P.S.: And children?


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Alfred F. Jones

NUUHH NO THEY'RE REALLY ALL GONE OH MY GOD HOW

- AMERICA THE SAD HERO!


ERROR's new status message is: Oddly enough, though, those glitches in reality seemed to have stopped.


To: Yao Wang

From: Grandpa Rome

Ooh wait, ARE YOU GETTING YOUR NUCLEAR MISSILES FROM EARTH BY SUMMONING THEM THROUGH SOME HEATHEN POWER OR SOMETHING?

YOU HAVE TO TEACH ME.

MAYBE THEN I CAN SUMMON MY CUTE LITTLE ITALIES UP TO SEE ME!

Rome ~


To: Grandpa Rome

From: Yao Wang

Actually, I have no idea how I'm doing it, either. I just think, I need something to blast this door to infinitesimal particles, and a nuke pops up and I toss it. Then I run away very fast.

This is all very interesting.

BUT IT'S STILL NOT OPENING.

China


To: Yao Wang

From: Grandpa Rome

Did you ever try pushing it?

Rome ~


To: Grandpa Rome

From: Yao Wang

It worked?! How did you know?

China


To: Yao Wang

From: Grandpa Rome

It worked?! I don't know, I just guessed! Isn't paradise the land of the free or something? Or is that somewhere else? I don't know!

Rome ~


ERROR's new status message is: What now?!


To: [Everyone]

From: Yao Wang

AH, IT APPEARS AS IF I'M BACK.

China


To: Yao Wang

From: Arthur Kirkland

What?

- England


To: Yao Wang

From: ERROR

This isn't possible. How did you leave? How did you leave? It's impossible for anyone who has passed into this world to return to the earth! If it were possible, the earth would have collapsed of overpopulation ages ago! How could you have possible gone back to the world of the living?

Unless,

oh no.

Dear me.

What have I done.


GOD XX:X. A being neither dead nor fully alive. A mistake of the Supreme Command. An abomination, capable of traveling between the earth and heaven and thus also hell. A creature with no limits, a -

-lsdgh

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To: [Everyone]

From: *** YAO WANG ***

GOD!

AHAHAHAHA! WITH THE MISTAKE OF THE ACTUAL GOD, OF NOT KILLING ME DIRECTLY AND YET ALLOWING ME ACCESS TO PARADISE, THAT PLACE THAT GRANTS ALL WISHES, I HAVE GAINED NIGH-IRRESISTIBLE POWERS! COMPOUNDED BY MY EXTREME ABILITIES OF IMITATION AND PLAGIARISM, I HAVE HEREUPON GAINED THE EMINENCE OF A GOD!

NOW, YOU LITTLE CHILDREN,

KOWTOW BEFORE ME, AND TREMBLE!

AHAHAHAHA!

CHINA


[God's diary]

Why couldn't I have just plainly killed him instead of "taking him to heaven." Why. That's what you get for listening to that little voice in your head. Morality.


To: *** YAO WANG ***

From: Alfred F. Jones

Wait, could you give me the parameters of your godly destructive powers again? Because I need to design a suitable hero to match your villaininess and make epic battle scenes. Oh, and, could you make a cool second-tier form, too? And an awesome transformation sequence? Final battles are really boring without those. Don't worry, I'll make the hero have those too!

- AMERICA THE HERO!


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: *** YAO WANG ***

DIE SCUM.

CHINA


To: Arthur Kirkland

From: Alfred F. Jones

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE BLASTED OFF TEXAS! I CAN'T SEE ANYMORE! I'M BLIND! HOW AM I GOING TO BE A HERO NOW ? ? ? ? ! HELP!

- AMERICA THE HELPNEEDING HERO!


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: Arthur Kirkland

How many fingers am I holding up?

- England


To: Arthur Kirkand

From: Alfred F. Jones

I DON'T KNOW! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? I CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU! TWO? FIVE? FORTY NINE?

- AMERICA THE HELPNEEDING HERO!


To: Alfred F. Jones

From: Athur Kirkland

One, as in go away and let me HIDE.

- England


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A/N:…. EHEHEHEHA.


To: ERROR

From: The Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt

I never did get my 1 free pass!

ICH BIEN GENIAL!

PRUSSIA