Darling! On the desk, next to your books!

Hermione, dear-

I rearranged your books to make up for the fact that we'll be out of town on short notice. I hope you can fend for yourself- it'll only be three days!
Some owls came early this morning from school, and your friends. The ones with green ink are from your Professors, the one ripped by talons with mustard smears is Ron's, and Harry's is the one with a scarlet "Help!" on the front. I also believe the Grounds Keeper may have sent a package; be careful opening it. We don't want anymore bites, dear, do we?
If you want to contact us, mail to Corringham Dentistry, with our names. They'll find us.

Hoping to see you soon!
P.S. Your father reminds you to brush your teeth, three times a day!

Dear Mione,

You have a nice pile of books. And some jolly assignments. And a pretty fireplace. And some matches. Or better yet, a wand.

So... You're going to light that fireplace, nuzzle up on your faux-leather couch, and read about snake fangs and worm bellies, ink flowing profusely as you scribble passionately about a bubbling cauldron?

NO! YOU ARE FIFTEEN! You have the house to yourself... WHY AREN'T YOU PARTYING? We've begged you, several times, to use the brain you so proudly hold, AND ACT YOUR AGE! All we ask is that you stop being a bad influence on your "friends" and show some average, adolescent behavior.

Forget about the assignments. Forget about your teeth. Forget about the word adolescence. We actually prefer teen.

On Our Tight, White Washed Jean Bearing Knees,

The Association of Teenagers

Dear Daddy,

As I've been alive for a good fifteen years now, living in the same household (as far as I know!), I think I've picked up some hygiene habits. Brushing regularly is one of them.
And Mum,

THAT IS NOT HOW I ARRANGE MY BOOKS! Chronological publication is for pleasure reading, alphabetical authors is for when I'm traveling, and by subject is for school studies ONLY! Honestly, I think that should be inferable by the way they were scattered! It wouldn't matter, because I'll be packing my trunk soon, but with you two gone, I tend to use them a bit more for entertainment. I admire your attempts, but the telly just doesn't interest me. Perhaps if you found a better news channel?

Anyway, I'm sure I can fix it in no time, it's really nothing, just PLEASE don't do it again. Good luck with your client. I'm guessing, because you don't tend to take romantic spa trips to the dentists office. Oh, the luxurious moonlight bouncing off the toothpicks into your eyes!

With love, your dedicated, telly disliking offspring,

Dear Hermione,

I know your parents are dentists, not world renowned chefs, BUT I NEED SOME FOOD OTHER THAN GRAPEFRUIT! Dudley's on a horrid diet, and they think that if for some reason he eats more citrus than an elephant, he'll get "healthy." Maybe you have some edible toothpaste?

But other than that... hows your summer? I'm surprised, I haven't had a single letter yet from you... Perhaps you're back in cahoots with Dobby? Refusing to talk to me until I agree danger is at Hogwarts, and that elves deserve freedom? The latter is their decision, but I'm pretty convinced about the first, so tell him to lay off.

Also, I have a rule: Ron's already been a bit of a git, so I'm starting off blunt. I do not want to talk about Cedric. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, that it wasn't my fault, that you sure next year will be hard, but we'll make it, or that you weren't going to say anything about it. Other than sticking to it, I don't want you to give me any sign of acknowledgement. I just want to forget a little.

I will, however, listen obnoxiously to anything I can get on the news. WHAT IS GOING ON? I can't get the prophet, and Ron didn't mention a thing. Hagrid hasn't sent me a single letter, or horrid pastry, which I could use right now.

Anyway, I don't have much more to talk about, so give me a little something please... Counting the lack of owls flying to my window is getting boring.

Your tired, over-fruited friend,

Miss Granger,

You are about to write a letter to Harry. Who you were told, by a certain wise professor, to be careful with when speaking to. He is fragile. He is a ticking time bomb.
YOU WILL REVIEW YOUR LETTER THIRTEEN TIMES, just to be sure you haven't written something of importance. Keep conversation light, frothy, and sympathetic. Repeat useless things several times to draw out the conversation. Quote famous people, use your parents facts. Gush about how sorry you are that he only eats grapefruit. Oh, pretend you're Mrs. Weasley!

….You ARE going to be careful, right?

The Always Think Twice Before you Do Or Feel Anything At All Association

Dear Harry,

That's horrible, citrus is the worst thing to eat too much of, it will ruin your enamel, and it's not substantial at all! Luckily, I have the perfect paste for that, just make sure you use it nightly. Maybe I can have Mum make some scones, and I can send those... It's just about the only thing she can bake. Everything else comes out like something of Hagrid's.

Also, sorry that I haven't written, I've just been barren of time, or things to say. I just can't think of anything. My mind is... blank. My summer, though happy, has been a bit of a bore. The Prophet hasn't been helpful, there isn't anything to tell. Maybe something interesting will come up soon. In the meantime, we should talk to Ron about meeting at the Burrow.

Anyway, write back! I hope things get better. You know they will.

Love, your light, sympathetic, frothy friend,

Dear Hermione,

The words come across the page as easily as that knot in your stomach tightens. "There isn't anything to tell."
What a little liar. The Ministry is on his back, the Prophet's calling him crazy day after day, and that Skeeter woman hasn't rested her demon pen all month. Harry needs you! You have to tell him what's going on, so he can put up a bold front, and show the world what he's made of!
But noooo, Professor Dumbledore gave you instructions, you have your reputation at stake, you have to keep him safe...
We hate to tell you, but Mr. Potter has never been one for staying on the safe side. We suggest you follow your friends and hold their backs up down this slippery slope, or else they're going to fall far away from you.

The Best Friends Club


HOW DARE YOU SPEAK ABOUT VICTOR THAT WAY? We've already had this discussion too many times, and I can't believe how your maturity fails to rise above the desire to change his surname to a bit of flaky bread! And according to a letter I got, you're not being very cautious about what you say regarding Cedric anyway, so invalid suggestion, as I'm not surprised to hear. And who are you to yell at ME for speaking about Dumbledore, when YOU'RE the one shouting his name out in a letter? You gave the details!

You should listen to your sister every now and then!



P.S. I told Harry we could go to the Burrow. Tell your Mum, and figure things out for once!

P.P.S. Tell him to stop using Hedwig! It's not just Snuffles we're worried about... Never mind, I'll do it.

P.P.P.S. Tell your sister it's good advice to not use Irreversible Ink, and ask her to remind me sometime.