Short drabbles on what the KHR characters would say if they got wind of the way the fandom thinks. Various pairings, all kinds of genres.

I remember reading something like this in the Hunter x Hunter fanfiction archive, but that was years and years ago... Thus, I can't remember who wrote it. Whoever had the original idea for this, forgive me! And readers, you have been informed - I didn't come up with this idea, okay? I just modified it a bit, because the original one was in pure dialogue form and it's not my style to write that way.

That goes for the KHR franchise as well. I don't own it. Your lawsuits won't work on me!


Gokudera x Tsuna

Things are unusually quiet today, mused Tsuna as he bent over his undone homework. For the past hour, he had been staring at it blankly, but he just couldn't concentrate - the house was empty, and while he should have taken the opportunity to do whatever he wanted, he was instead unnerved. Shrugging it off, however, as his hyper-intuition told him nothing, he lapsed back into daydreams of him and his beautiful...angel...

Kyoko-chan...

"Jyuudaime!"

Tsuna jolted up in surprise, and, being the unlucky good-for-nothing people always told him he was, banged his head on the desk lamp and proceeded to fall backwards from his chair and onto the floor. It was in this sad state that Gokudera found his beloved boss as he slammed the door to the Decimo's room open.

"Ah, Jyuudaime! Are you alright?"

Rubbing his head gingerly and waving away Gokudera's help, Tsuna nodded once before picking himself up. Cringing, he turned to the silver-haired teen, failing to notice the dusting of red his self-proclaimed right hand man had on his cheeks. "What is it?"

"I've just received great news! Fans have been pairing us up a lot, and the 5927 ship is one of the most popular and supported ships there is!"

The poor confused Vongola 10th tilted his head cutely to one side, and Gokudera turned sharply away as his blush turned a shade darker at the action. "What? 5927 ship? I don't understaaand..."

Gokudera cleared his throat nervously and fidgeted with the rings on his hand, pointedly avoiding Tsuna's eyes. "Well... I'm 59, right? And you're 27... And, well, people have been putting us together... As a c-c-coup...coup..."

Tsuna leaned forward slightly. "coup-?"

"AHH, it's too embarrassing! I'm sorry, Jyuudaime!" And with that, the teenage mafioso was gone, whirling out of his room and running onto the late-afternoon quiet of the streets, leaving the still-confused Tsuna sitting on his floor.

"What... what was that about?"


Yamamoto x Gokudera

Gokudera sat hunched over at his desk and leaned closer to the computer screen, the harsh glow the only source of light in the otherwise entirely dark room. He had his glasses on and his hair tied back, his brows furrowed in utter concentration. Fangirls all over the world swooned at the picture, but he remained oblivious as he continued reading whatever it was he was reading, his frown growing more prominent all the while.

Suddenly, it seemed, he snapped.

"WHAT? HOW COULD THIS BE? WHYYY?"

He jumped up, upsetting his chair as he did so. In a fit of rage, he kicked it across the room. "Stupid... mumblemumble nut..." He paced around the room, hands stuffed into his pockets and muttering darkly. Unable to take anymore, he walked out, kicking at the random objects littered on the floor and slamming his door.

Outside wasn't any better, at least in Gokudera's opinion. It was nearing sunset and the streets were bathed in a warm, orangey glow and birds chirped happily at each other from the trees. A small group of children ran past, giggling and laughing as they played a game with rules nobody but themselves could understand. A slight breeze ruffled through his hair and shouts of glee could be heard from a nearby baseball pitch. Everything just glowed of optimism and happiness and... and...

"Argh, why does even the weather remind me of him?"

"Ahaha, remind you of who?"

Gokudera spun around quickly, his face pale and mouth wide in a comical picture of surprise and horror.

"Gah! Baseball nut!"

Yamamoto merely grinned, tapping his baseball bat against his right shoulder. "Yo!"

Gokudera looked away, his face starting to heat up as he remembered the reports he had read through a few minutes ago. Number 1 KHR pairing... 59...80...

"Ah, have you received any reports concerning our fanbase lately? Ahaha, I didn't even know they existed! There was one about different pairings -"

Before Yamamoto could finish, however, Gokudera had already dashed off, his face an interesting shade of puce and steam coming out his ears. "That.. that report was pure trash, you idiot!" he shouted as he sped away.

Behind him, Yamamoto scratched his head. "Really? I thought it was a pretty good list..."


Gokudera x Haru

Still fuming over his encounter with the Rain Guardian, Gokudera walked down the streets, his rage (embarrassment, the deepest parts of his brain whispered) blinding him to his surroundings. It wasn't until he collided into something that he was dragged out of his unpleasant reverie into something he deemed just as bad.

The stupid woman.

"Hahi, watch where you're going, Tako-head!"

He growled irritatedly. "What did you say, baka-onna?"

"Are you deaf? I said watch where you're going! Geez, what's the matter with you?"

His frown grew even more prominent (if that was even possible) and he clenched his fists. "It has nothing to do with you, stupid woman!" He shouted, even as the memory of the reports came floating back to him. There was a separate list for het pairings. And number 1 was him and...

"Is this about the list Yamamoto-san told Haru about?"

Bingo. He growled again, embarrassed. "You know what the list said about you? It said you were best suited for me. And that our fights are because of sexual tension. Who wouldn't get angry, huh?" Despite his outburst, his face began heating up again. Him...and Haru? His cheeks began to burn at the images that suddenly flooded his mind. Well, he was a teenage guy, after all.

"Hahi? But Gokudera-san, aren't you gay?"

He turned to the brunette angrily, leaning closer so that his face was but a few inches from hers. "Wh-what? Gay? ME? What are you talking about, stupid woman?"

Unfazed, she looked up at him curiously. "But you're always hanging around Tsuna-san. It's always Jyuudaime this, Jyuudaime that, and you're always trying to keep me away from him. And then there's your relationship with Yamamoto-san... you have my support, don't worry."

He straightened up and glared down at her, blushing furiously. "Th-that's just because it's my duty, you idiot! Besides, aren't you doing the same thing?"

"Hahi! But I'm a woman! That's not called gay!"

He snorted rudely. "Pfft. Woman? Who are you kidding?"

Of course, this led to another bout of name-callings and snappy comebacks until such time that Haru decided she had had enough. "Enough, Gokudera-san! What's the matter with you, anyway?"

It was only then that he remembered what had been keeping him on edge in the first place. The report. The stupid report. And this kind of tension the fans have dubbed as sexual.

"If it's still about that list, then don't worry! I mean yes, you can become kind if you want to, but to Haru, you're still an arrogant tako-head who can't compare to Tsuna-san!"

Gokudera merely looked away and took out a cigarette, lighting it despite Haru's protests. The fan theory of 86 - 27 = 59 came to mind and he let out an annoyed huff. But perhaps... Once stupid woman lets go of the Jyuudaime... He looked down at the still-fuming Haru and frowned once more. She can be pretty cool... when she's not being annoying, that is, which is roughly 97% of the time.

"Hey Gokudera-san, can I see that list?"

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples exasperatedly. First baseball idiot, now stupid woman... And as he was left questioning his sexuality, he began wishing he'd never even seen the stupid list.


Gokudera x Hibari

"Tch! Stop laughing, stupid woman!"

"I-I can't h-help it, tako-head! It's just too funny!"

Gokudera aimed a kick at a book that was lying on the Jyuudaime's bedroom floor in anger as Haru sat at Tsuna's desk, reading the statistics the fans have sent them. Seated beside her, Tsuna gave a small, nervous chuckle at the names that had come up.

"Look, Gokudera-kun, the 1859 fanbase is pretty large..."

Gokudera groaned. "But Jyuudaime, all that mindless demon wants to do is bite others to death! Violence is the only thing he's got in his otherwise empty mind!"

Suddenly, the temperature in the room dropped several degrees and they all froze as a doom-laden tenor sounded from the door.

"Empty mind, herbivore?"

Terror-stricken, the three turned stiffly towards the voice, hardly daring to breathe. There in the doorway stood the prefect, tonfas out and danger emanating from every pore in his body. Tsuna squeaked and started scrambling backwards even as Gokudera moved to protect him, dynamites already in hand.

"Hi-hi-hi-hibari-san! Wh-what are you doing here?"

The raven-haired man raised his tonfas higher as he glanced at the computer screen. "That list. It annoyed me. I'll bite you all to death."

There was no time for them to do anything else but scream.


So... I started with Gokudera. Poor kid.

Anyway, it doesn't end here. I'll be doing around 4-5 pairings per chapter. For now, I've got Muku/Chrome and Yamamoto/Hibari written down, but I'm still deciding on which pairing to write next. Suggestions, anyone?

Oh and constructive criticisms are badly needed. Did I write them objectively enough, without any of my personal biases leaking through? For example, are they acting the way they really would given such a situation, according to the way they already act in the manga? (I say manga, because I haven't watched a single episode of the anime.) How about my grammar? Usage of words, syntax, placement? I'm trying to improve, for all our sakes. XD

My creative writing professor once said that a piece is useless if it isn't shared with anybody. So, let me know if I've successfully shared this with you! Suggest pairings/review, okay? Reviews are to authors as sweets are to Byakuran, after all~