2Relationship Status: "I Don't Know"
BY: YUKI SCHIFFER
~an Orihime & Ulquiorra fic~
I sat silently and listened to the creaky floorboards of my small dead apartment along with my shallow breathing due to our second breakup. Instead of saying he wanted a "break" like the breakup before; he said he wasn't ready for a "real relationship". Whatever that means. Anyway, like a good girlfriend or friend I understood, or tried to understand, why he made the decision to leave me once again. I understand he doesn't know how to express his feelings very well and has a difficult time doing so but, why leave me again? If he loves me as much as he says he does, why does he leave? I cannot help but think: "I am the problem." I sit on my now dull messy bed with tears slowly streaming down my face; remembering him leaving the apartment with a look of sadness in his abysmal stare. The tears now flow freely and with much more intensity than before. I ask myself: "Why does love hurt?" "Why must you leave me again?" "Why do I love you?" "Is leaving going to make anything better?" Naïve and completely stupid questions; after all I am only fifteen. What kind of questions can you expect from a love struck teenager? I sit there on my bed, not expecting anything else to happen but more tears to fall. The sounds of the early morning begin to be heard by me. I begin to remember how cold and unfeeling I once was. I was so cold and heartless before I met Ulquiorra. Regardless of his "cool" and "indifferent" personality, I found him to be rather sweet and gentleman-like. His eyes also captivated me; the arousing color of green. Anyway, I used to be an unfeeling heartless girl. Nothing affected me emotionally; I thought it was strength and so I trained myself to never show the emotion: sadness. I clearly remember how we met. It is a laughable thing actually. We met on a social network and were just cyber buddies. We asked each other questions like: "What's your favorite color?" or "What's your favorite time of day?" Simple questions like that, not really personal or anything. Then came the day where he messaged me that he wanted to meet me. I didn't think it was a bad idea and so I agreed to meet him in person the next day since all I had to do was say I was staying for school related activities. When we did meet, it was awkward and short. We later said goodbye, shook hands, and went home. The next day he messaged me saying: "Hey ummm do you want to meet up tomorrow I get out at 12:30 so you won't have to wait for me and yesterday didn't really count because we didn't talk much what do you say?" I smiled as I read the message but unfortunately I had actual school activities the next day so I replied with: "Um I can't tomorrow and Thursday :'( unless u want to wait til 4:00-5:30" He shortly replied with: "as long as I can see you tomorrow then yeah sure :)." I smiled at his cute response and so we met up the next day and that is when everything began. The month we met in was October. I remember that perfectly because we got together on November 1, 2011, a month later. I fell in love with him and now he leaves, again.
How could I seriously have fallen-in-love with him? The answer to that question, I don't know myself. The truth is: "You can't pick who you fall-in-love with, you just do." Today, school wasn't so great it was boring actually. Dealing with this heartbreak and school the entire day wasn't exactly cool. This day was almost torture, especially when couples walk all over school like Rukia and Ichigo. It was practically my own personal hell. Somehow, my friends made me somewhat happy for a while though, we began talking about watching scary movies at our houses and just having fun. Later on in the day, one of my underclassmen friends hung out with me. It was a nice quiet moment in which we talked about hanging out more often and my upperclassmen friend invited me to the movies with him. Besides oppressing the heartache, today was an okay day. As I arrive at home, I change out of my uniform and jump into an old tee-shirt and gym shorts, tie my hair up in a ponytail, and begin to eat some leftovers from yesterday. I sit on my couch and begin to watch a sappy "chick flick". The ending credits flashed before me and that's when I realized that the movie was over. I hadn't even seen the movie at all so there were no tears to wipe away in the end. What caught my attention was the song…it made me sad and begin to tear up in the end.
"I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin' on
With you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend im ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
It's hard to deal with the pain
Of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when I
See our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed
Livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words
That I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could've been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on
With you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again
I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could've been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do
What hurts the most
Was bein so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could've been
And not seein that lovin you
Is what I was tryin to do"
*song is "What Hurts the Most" by either Rascal Flats or Cascada*