Disclaimer: I own neither Suits nor The Matrix trilogy.

Putain, pourqoui est-ce que je travaille pour vous encore?

or

Whore, why do I work for you again?

It had been one hellish and horrible day. Louis had taken his sabotage a step too far, leading Mike astray, and ultimately causing Harvey to rearrange his entire afternoon schedule to clean up the mess. Donna, mistress of wonders that she is, had managed to rework things flawlessly, but not without drawing on several (some not so pleasant) contacts she had in law offices around the city. However, not even she could return the hours in the day (and, unfortunately his workweek) that had been lost to Louis' shenanigans.

"Did puppy head home to his doghouse for the night?" Harvey asked her as he walked out of his office for the evening, much later than originally intended.

"Don't be too hard on the kid, Harvey. There's no way he could have known the briefs Louis had him delivering to Ian McDermot would be a confidentiality breach if Louis had presented them as otherwise." Donna sighed before adding with a frown, "I can't even imagine the effort it took to bail him out of that one."

"Let's just say it wasn't pretty," Harvey replied running a hand over his face.

"What would you say to a drinking and movie night? I doubt you're up to your usual Friday evening antics - you look like crap."

Harvey merely smirked in reply. After all, it was a significant reason why he kept Donna around: he could always count on her to tell it like it is. "Okay, but I reserve the right to veto whatever bad movie choices you're planning on proposing."

"Oh come on, admit it, you thoroughly enjoyed Le Hussard sur Le Toit last time," she threw one of his own damn smirks at him as she powered down her computer and gathered her things.

"What? It was worthwhile just to see La Binoche get that naked rub down at the end," Harvey defended.

"Mhmm, it had nothing at all to do with those tears you shed when you thought she was dead from cholera."

"Of course not, seeing as how said tears never existed," Harvey quickly drew his assistant away from the topic as they waited for the elevator. "Regardless of any enjoyment I experienced while watching The Horseman on the Roof, no subtitled foreign flicks tonight, please."

"It's hardly my fault that your understanding of the French language doesn't extend beyond the menu at La Grenouille, Harvey."

"Yeah, well we can't all grow up with French grandmothers either, Donna."

"Putain, pourquoi est-ce que je travaille pour vous encore?" She muttered just loud enough for him to hear, and released a dramatic sigh as she joined him in the elevator.

"I love it when you seduce me in French," he said cheekily as the elevator doors closed, earning a facepalm from Donna.


"You realize that after the favor I called in today I owe Ellie Niall a date with her brother - the electrical engineer." The two were sprawled on Harvey's floor, drinks spread out before them on Harvey's coffee table along with a bowl of popcorn, though their movie had long been forgotten. Their decision to have a Matrix movie marathon had an additional benefit beyond the general epic-ness of the movies: they had both seen them so many times that there was no need to pay attention to keep up with the storyline. Whether it was intentional or not, the selection allowed ample time for catching up.

"From what I've heard of him, the man's more successful than most and he fancies himself quite the womanizer," Harvey retorted. "You say it like you've been rendered a death sentence."

"I see you keep tabs on your competition. Fortunately for you, Daniel only fancies himself a womanizer; he's far from actually being one. Last time he attempted asking me out he had the gall to call me 'baby'. He's lucky I didn't massacre him on the spot."

"What if I see if I can get Ellie to settle for a date with me instead?" Harvey offered as he swirled his scotch. "I doubt she'd refuse, it's certainly a better deal on her end."

"With an ego like that, I can't imagine why she'd ever turn you down." Harvey didn't even have to look at Donna's face to see her eye roll.

"Hey, confidence is part of my charm, it is precisely the reason she never would turn me down."

"The sad part is that's actually the truth. But regardless of whether she'd go, would you really be willing to sit through an evening with Ellie Niall? She's certainly not your type." Donna had known Ellie for years, since around the time she and Harvey started at Pearson Hardman. A legal secretary at Tate & Stone, Ellie came off in essence as a dimwitted gossip that was virtually delusional in her self-centeredness.

"She's no less my type than her brother is yours," Harvey countered, taking a glance at the redhead's face to try and identify what had flavored her tone alongside the obvious surprise. "Besides, I can't have word getting back to Jessica that I seemingly have you whoring yourself out for favors for me - even if she's well aware you wouldn't go if you didn't somehow see it as worth your while."

"Why Harvey, that almost sounds like you're attempting to protect my honor. And," she let out a slight gasp before continuing, "it almost sounds like you care." Seeing the look of mock disapproval he shot her, she laughed and let it go, reaching for her drink as an excuse to contemplate his suggestion. A moment later, she answered, "As chivalrous as your offer may be and as much as I may dislike him, I did have my reasons for agreeing to go out with Daniel."

"Hmm still trying to send signals to Sam that it's really over and he needs to move on?"

But before Donna could answer, the first movie's climax stole both of their attention, as Cypher revealed himself as a mole and killed off a third of the ship's crew, thus ending their conversation. Donna let out an aww at Neo and Trinity's kiss at the end, and Harvey got chills from the end voice-over and the music that played as the end credits rolled.

Taking that as a cue for a stretch break, Donna got up and walked into the kitchen and asked over her shoulder, "How do you feel about cake?"


Harvey only realized the extent of the alcohol's effect on him when he stood up to follow Donna into the kitchen and felt off kilter. As much as he often enjoyed the bachelor image he had built for himself, there was a significant line between bachelor and drunkard. Harvey rarely, if ever drank heavily. He did not appreciate the feeling of being out of control, and he especially did not like the way his carefully constructed guards inevitably crumbled when he was intoxicated.

However, seeing as how Donna saw through that façade anyhow, it seemed silly to overly focus on maintaining any image with her. No, he didn't get drunk around Donna for a set of reasons entirely different from his norm. Primarily that he didn't trust himself to be around her with inhibited reasoning skills. So, when he made it to the kitchen the first thing he went for was a glass of water.

"Water already, Harvey? We're only one movie in!" She let out a tsk and slid by him to reach for the flour from a cabinet above his head. However, without her heels, she was no match for Harvey's to-the-ceiling upper cabinets.

"And? You can't be questioning my judgment when it's going on midnight and you've decided to bake a cake," Harvey laughed as he moved her out of the way to grab the flour himself. But when he went to grab it, the bag was only pushed farther back on the shelf. The next attempt he made knocked the bag over, and with a slight poof a light layer of the white dust fell over the top of his head.

He had to admit; at least she had the decency to cover her mouth with her hand in attempt to stifle her giggle, turning her face away from him so she wouldn't completely burst with laughter at the image. Still, that did little to gain favor for her in his book. Looking back up, he smirked realizing how easy it would be to reach the bag now that it was overturned.

Reading his intentions straight from his face, Donna sobered. "Harvey, no." Bag now in his hand, she began to back away slowly, but to no avail. "Really Harvey, don't."

But the expression on her own face betrayed her, as the slight upturn of the corners of her mouth reassured Harvey that he wouldn't face Donna's true ire for his actions. Realizing he was feeling more confident in his steps towards her, Donna schooled her features and was about to lay down the law, but it was too late.

Donna actually shrieked when he dumped flour over her head, looking up at him incredulously. Harvey had only just begun to laugh in triumph when he recognized the mischievous look on Donna's face. Noting the eggs on the counter she was backed into, he quickly connected the dots and immediately began to shake his head in protest.

He frowned when he saw the menacing expression on her face, well aware that she was about to enjoy this. Even though he felt the delay in his reaction, Harvey was still able to dodge the first egg before it hit his head. But when Donna, always one to be prepared, rapid fired the second egg she had already in her hand, it hit him square in the forehead. As he felt the egg drip down his face, Harvey grimaced before realizing that he really should keep his mouth tightly closed.

In the mean time, Donna was completely doubled over in laughter at having hit her boss in the head with an egg. She could only imagine how many people would love to have such an opportunity without fear of serious retribution. Struggling to breathe with the contraction of her abdominal muscles, she just barely managed to get out, "you're covered … in egg!" before she literally had to lean over the counter just to keep herself from falling over.

Deciding to take advantage of this moment of weakness, Harvey advanced on her, coming up behind her and grabbing an egg out of the carton. Donna's laughter only halted when she heard him crack the egg against the counter right next to where her head was rested on her arm, and in response she turned her head towards the noise, only to immediately regret it when he promptly emptied the egg's contents right on her temple.

"Harvey, I'm going to give you three seconds to move, before I start launching all that's left of this carton of eggs at you. Don't say I was never merciful." He looked at her for a split second in hesitation, realizing she already had a strong grip on the carton, before flinging himself behind the island and scrambling around to the other side. He chanced a peek up above the counter to locate Donna, and only by chance happened to duck back down as an egg whooshed past his head. Beginning to move around the island to get opposite her, Harvey caught notice of the carton of milk sitting on the counter he was moving towards.

Making a quick decision that the likelihood of him taking a few eggs was worth the potential ammo of the milk, he reached out for the milk, though he had to stand up a bit to grab it. In doing so, he took 3 eggs to the back, one egg leaving a cold trail through his hair and down along his neck. His neck turned and his shoulders shrugged involuntarily at the sensation. "Damn you, woman!"

"You got egg in my hair, Harvey, I was only returning the favor," Donna said with one of her most saccharine smiles, which was intimidating in an almost Stepford Housewives way. He watched what he could of her from the sliver of sight he had beyond the counter of the island he was crouched behind. His brain quickly breezed through his potential options, though several were almost immediately removed from the list as they were deemed unacceptable. Realizing his two best plans of attack were either to wait out her ammo supplies or to catch her off-guard, he acknowledged that neither was ideal. Donna wasn't going to throw unless she knew she had a decent shot and even however tipsy she might be (he couldn't quite judge), it wouldn't be easy to catch her by surprise or avoid her wicked aim.

Unfortunately, while he was wavering between the two options, Donna caught him by surprise and nailed him with two more eggs. He scrambled away from her as quickly as he could manage without slipping on the floor that was now wet with eggy-goo, and tried his damndest to remember how many eggs he had already used out of that carton. He reasoned she must have somewhere between two to four eggs left.

And that was when the perfect plan of action hit him. He turned around in her direction and then promptly stood up. The action had its desired effect: whereas she was expecting to have only the slightest opportunity to hit him, the first egg swiftly cracked against his chest, but Donna wasn't prepared to have the opportunity to hit him with a second. Sensing that he was up to something, she hesitated at grabbing the next egg to pitch at him.

That was all it took for him to gain the upper hand and splash Donna with an arc of milk. Having distracted her with the shock of having the cold liquid drench her dress, Harvey quickly moved around the island advancing on her. Unfortunately, at that point moving quickly was about the worst decision he could have made as he slid in the mess of flour-milk-egg-goo, pulling both he and Donna to the floor.

Sitting up, he looked at Donna in alarm. "Are you okay? Shit, you didn't hit your head on the counter did you?"

All he got in response was an egg thwacked directly into the back of his head, and a laugh from Donna. In retaliation, he grabbed the last egg from the carton beside her and broke it right on top of her head, making sure it ran all through her hair. He didn't notice he was smiling until half the milk was dumped over his head and steadily streamed down into his mouth. Reflexively reaching out, he knocked the carton out of her hand, and grabbed it off the floor, using his other hand to hold her wrists as best he could. As Harvey emptied the rest of the container all over her head, Donna shook her head back and forth, trying to keep the milk off of her face as well as she could without use of her hands.

When the container ran out, all Donna could do was laugh. And without even realizing he was doing it, Harvey judged the threat as passed, let his guard down, and joined her in laughing. He collapsed onto his back to catch his breath, too unkempt to even worry over any further mess he could pick up off the floor. But not five seconds later he gravely regretted the action, as Donna shot up and grabbed the bag of flour that was sitting on the counter above them.

"Admit it Harvey, I won this battle," she said with a huge grin spreading across her face. He just stared evenly back at her, with only the slightest upturn of his lips. "Ahh, ahh, ahh, I wouldn't be smiling Harvey." Her expression turned deadly. "You think it's bad being sticky with egg and milk? Wait till you get a coating of flour."

Pushing up off his elbows, Harvey began to crawl slowly back away from her. "Harvey, all you have to do is admit defeat and this can all be behind us." She smiled even broader, and he just knew it was because she was aware that she would likely get to dump the flour all over him because of his stubborn pride. He could practically see the flash of recognition in her eyes that prompted her to add, "none of that one-upmanship nonsense, either. You admit defeat, you lost. No attempts at coming back from it. Give me your word."

Suddenly, the dangers of allowing someone to get to know him entirely too well and in too much depth were all too clear to him, and he just shook his head in resignation. As much as he hated to do so, he knew he couldn't give her the satisfaction of both knowing him entirely too well (if anything, he hated to be predictable) and getting to dump a bag of flour over his head. He had to admit, she was being more than fair. Sure, he abhorred admitting defeat, but better that than allow Donna that double dose of satisfaction. "Fine. Donna, I give you my word in an agreement of peace." His jaw jutted to the side as he braced himself for the disappointment of losing. "You have valiantly conquered me in this battle."

It was only when Donna practically did a victory dance that he realized he had underestimated how much she would enjoy hearing him say those words. He huffed, "Okay, okay, now help me clean up this mess."

The kitchen was an absolute disaster zone, with streams of egg running down both his refrigerator and a few of his cabinets, from where eggs had missed their targets and cracked noisily against their surfaces. The floor was slick as an ice rink, with the blended concoction of eggs, milk, and flour spread across its surface from their movements. There was a splash of milk across the countertop of the island from where Harvey had sprayed Donna with that arc of milk. And flour had combined with the milk and eggs in several spots, forming a thicker layer that was almost crusty from already having dried out some.

He was sure the kitchen was nothing in comparison to the two of them, as neither he nor Donna often missed their mark, placing the brunt of their mess on each other. He risked a look at Donna, and briefly felt guilty as unlike himself, she had not bothered to change out of her work clothes yet. And after examining his surroundings (and chancing a look down at his own clothes), he couldn't help but wonder how this had seemed like such a great idea. Yeah, it was fun, but now they were left with cleanup. And he didn't even get cake.

Yet, as Donna walked up to him, she looked as though she had none of the same problems with the present situation. In fact, she seemed very pleased with herself as she attempted to wipe some of the egg off the side of his face. "You, my friend, may be a terribly sore loser, but fortunately for you, I am a very merciful victor. Go get a shower and I'll start cleaning up around here."

He smiled at her, shaking his head without feeling the need to say anything, least of all thank her, and turned to head for the bathroom. "Oh, but Harvey?" He turned back around to face her. "Do say cheese!" And with that, the flash of her phone's camera went off, capturing another piece of blackmail for her ever-growing collection.

"Thanks Harvey, that was great. Now, really go shower. You've got something right here," she said tapping a finger against the side of her head.

"Yeah, well wait till you see yourself in the mirror, princess." And with that he whipped his phone out of his pocket and shot a picture of her for his own keep. Two could play at that game.


It wasn't until nearly one-thirty A.M. that they both had taken showers and his kitchen was back to some semblance of normalcy. They both were cozy on the couch, Donna in one of Harvey's long-sleeve Harvard shirts and a pair of shorts she had left over who knew when, and Harvey in a pullover and sweats. They had agreed that they were entirely too tired to watch two more movies, but that the Matrix Reloaded was too good to not make an attempt at watching it.

So they grabbed a blanket and pillows off his bed, and settled into the couch to watch at least some of the second movie. Harvey had popped up the footrest on the end couch seat and reclined back, and Donna had thrown her pillow onto his lap, stretching out along the couch's length.

"Harvey?" Donna's quiet voice startled him a bit, as both only had enough energy to half focus on the movie. She seemed uncertain that he was even still awake.

"Yeah, Donna?" He responded, trying to keep his own voice soft.

"Promise me, you won't be too harsh to the kid on Monday. I actually like this one," she admitted.

Be it the residual effects of the alcohol, the fact that only half his mind was probably awake, or the fact that he just couldn't bother to hide things from Donna in moments of complete honesty such as this, Harvey admitted right along with her, "Yeah, me too."

"What are you going to do about Louis?" she asked.

Her heart didn't really sound into hashing out any details at the moment, so, he merely responded with, "I was thinking I may leave that one up to you. You seem to be pretty good at showing us the errors of our ways."

At that she let out a soft chuckle, which only evoked a yawn. "Yeah, I'm sure I have a few choice pieces of information to make his life unpleasant for the immediate future. However, I think I'd enjoy some creativity on this one; he's certainly earned the extra effort after today… Yesterday."

"Fair enough," he said knowing she was aware he would leave it entirely to her discretion, likely she assumed as a gift of thanks for the extra hassles she had dealt with. They were both quiet for a moment, Harvey stroking a piece of her damp hair, before he added, "just no more food fights, please?"

A/N: I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write. Constructive criticism, as always, is welcome. The title of this fic was meant in irony, hopefully it pointed out several very compelling reasons for Donna to work for Harvey Specter. Also, I just love thinking that Donna could call Harvey a whore to his face and get away with it. Also, I realize that several lines in this could easily be construed as Harvey/Donna shipping, feel free to take it however you want. Finally, je suis desolée si mon français n'est pas parfait, j'étudie français seulement pour cinq ans, donc je fait des fautes.